VizApril 2024的目錄

THEY’RE ancient, they’re venerated and they’re the actual cup that our Lord Jesus drank from at the Last Supper. They’re Holy Grails, and chances are there’s one in a church near you. But despite their ubiquity, how much do you actually know about these sacred objects? What are they made from? How much are they worth? And how would you work out the volume of wine they could hold? Here’s the answer to that last question and 9 others, as we bring you… 1 CARBON dating has shown that many Holy Grails were made in the 15th century – a millennium-and-a-half after the Last Supper took place. You might think this discrepancy would cast doubt on their authenticity, but there is a simple explanation. “Time and matter have no meaning to…

THE world today is a terrible place where the weak are exploited by the powerful, and only the strong survive. So possessing a tough, fearless demeanour and a non-on-sense attitude is a great advantage for anyone. And when it comes to being hard-as-nails, people called Batty are no exception. This prompts the obvious question – Who is the hardest Batty? Perhaps you think it’s former Blackburn Rovers and England midfielder DAVID BATTY, who regularly stopped opposing forwards in their tracks on the pitch. Alternatively, you might think the answer is renegade Nexus-6 replicant ROY BATTY, who gave Rick Deckard the runaround in sci-fi epic Blade Runner. Or maybe you think that the title belongs to brush-wielding fishwife NORA BATTY who spent decades striking fear into the hearts of Holmfirth’s pensioners…

No. 334 Across 7 A load one dumped on pussy, having joined a girl band (9) 8 Something comfortable in crevices of arses (4) 9 Totty in Central Bank viewed from behind (5) 10 Chocolate shaft (3) 11 Herb takes girl from the rear after little bit of bottery (5) 12 Flight where ignoranus originally sat between Taylor Swift and Sir Ben Kingsley, say? (6) 13 Beatified royal paedo Laurel sketched (2,6) 16 Nebraska city of many arseholes, humping arseholes, first of all (5) 18 Something precious about a long and hard item pulled on (3) 19 Girl, tasty thing fancied only after ten pints, by the sound of it? (5) 20 Sex, in penetrating horse after bird (8) 21 Experiencing erection, instant improvement (6) 24 Crabs-infested catty not giving…

OVER the years, Viz staff have become accustomed to readers asking for free plugs for their books, films or shows. Without exception, such begging letters are met with immediate rejection. And all the cheapskates and chancers who send them share one thing in common – they are ordinary people trying to drum up publicity for their products with limited financial resources. But last week, two wealthy members of BBC radio royalty approached Viz Comic looking for free publicity. Multi-millionaires MARK RADCLIFFE and MARC RILEY were hoping to keep their cash whilst blagging a complimentary plug for their upcoming tour Carry On! An Audience with Mark and Lard. But the well-heeled pair’s request did not go down well with Viz editor HAMPTON DOUBLEDAY. “It is common knowledge that the BBC pay…

THE Cathedral of Valencia in Spain has won its bid to be named as the keeper of the true and actual Holy Grail. RELICSCLUSIVE! The holy relic kept in the church’s reliquary is one of over 200 chalices worldwide from which Jesus actually drank at the Last Supper. But a conference of cardinals at the Vatican announced last week that it had been awarded the title Actual Actual Holy Grail to the agate drinking vessel housed in Valencia’s 13th century cathedral. “We are absolutely delighted that this honour has come to our cathedral,” said Bishop of Valencia Father Umberto Quixote. “Seeing off all the other chalices round the globe is no mean feat.” “And whilst all them other grails are still the actual goblet from which our Lord drank at…

AN EPISODE from season 8 of Game of Thrones is famous for having a Starbucks paper cup in shot on the table next to Daenerys Targaryen, played by EMILIA CLARKE. But this is not the first time a coffee cup mix-up has affected the actor. In the 2019 film Above Suspicion, Clarke plays drug addict Susan Smith who lives with her abusive boyfriend and two daughters in a trailer in Kentucky. In one scene, Smith goes into a branch of Costa and orders a take-out Americano. But when the assistant hands her drink across the counter, instead of being in a paper cup, it’s in a Holy Grail! IN THE 1976 film Camelot, RICHARD HARRIS plays the legendary King Arthur, who in one scene is seen seated at his round table…

WORD LADDER Turn the word HOLY into GRAIL by changing only one letter and making a new word each time. Can you do it in SEVEN steps? You’ll probably have to add another letter in somewhere along the way, by the looks of things. CRYPTIC GRAIL CROSSWORD Set by Arse Across 3. Final meal of Saturday, initially, on top of shoe (6) 4. One ‘L’ of a prickly bush. How sacred (4) Down 1. Mixed up salt in the end (4) 2. Drinking vessel found in a girl (5) Can YOU spot the Grail McCoy? HERE are four Holy Grails. But only three of them are the actual Holy Grail, and one of them is a fake. Can YOU spot the one that is not the cup from which Jesus drank…

LAST month, Britain watched as multi-millionaires Rishi Sunak and Piers Morgan shook hands on a £1000 wager about whether or not some other people without two ha’pennies to scratch their arses with would be forced against their will onto a plane and transported half way around the world. And your letters about it came flooding in. CUE THE moaning minnies saying it was tasteless for our PM to place a bet on when the deportation flights to Rwanda would start. For heaven’s sake, it was just a bit of fun. Honestly, if you can’t have a little flutter on somebody’s life-changing events, then it’s a poor tale. Frank Heartless, Derby WHEN MY father was run over and injured by a car last year, and the doctor in intensive care said his…

ALEICESTERSHIRE vicar got his knickers in a twist yesterday after a holy relic housed in his church’s reliquary was stolen… by a dog! The church of St Fiacra in the village of Ibstock was built as the final resting place for the leg bone of 7th century monk St Fiacra the Hermit. The femur is considered one of the most holy relics in the East Midlands, and for almost a thousand years it has been on view in an ornate cabinet behind the altar. “People flock from as far afield as Bagworth and Coalville just to see St Fiacra’s leg, so it’s very important to my parish,” said Father Onan Sock, vicar of the church, which was built in 1179. “But I have to admit it was comedy gold when…

HELLO. Claudia Winkleman here, host of hit BBC series Traitors. On the show, a handful of traitors are secretly embedded amongst a group of innocent contestants – the ‘faithfuls’. Over the course of the series, the fifth columnists plot and scheme to reach the final and steal the cash prize pot from their innocent victims. We – the viewers – know who the cheats and the liars are – they make themselves known to us, proudly boasting of their duplicitousness and treachery on screen. But traitors are not just confined to TV shows. Believe it or not, they are among us now, gathering information for foreign governments and passing on state secrets to our enemies. But could we spot one in real life? Can we identify them as they use their…

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SUBSCRIBERS SAVE 10% As The Beatles have again made headlines this festive season by scoring their first No 1 UK single in 54 years, RC shines its (Carnival Of) light on the group’s former bass player, spending 116 pages examining Paul McCartney’s illustrious solo career from McCartney to today, with help from Micky Dolenz, Mike McCartney, Youth, Nigel Godrich and many more. Pete Paphides examines his mellow philosophy in 10 records, there’s a brand-new 10-PAGE UK discography, as well as some of the best writing on all his studio albums, features on his classical work, musicianship, rarities, collaborations and much more. Available in all the usual places, or order from: shop.recordcollectormag.com…