Globe April 4, 2022

HOW CAMPY! Colossal CHRISSY METZ goes for a bold red frock, but the ginormous gown could double as a tent MUTT-ERING AROUND Scruffy JON HAMM does chores outside his L.A. home — and gets upstaged by his dapper dog! SQUAWK THIS WAY With that gristly neck, big mouth ELLEN DeGENERES is looking like one tough old bird! BUGGING OUT Wide-eyed MICHAEL DOUGLAS hits the town in West Hollywood but looks like he might need directions home! BEST SQUISHES Weepy links legend TIGER WOODS takes a swing at composing himself as he’s inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in Florida A REAL SHOE-IN BROOKE SHIELDS gets a leg up on the competition as the pampered beauty primps backstage at Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live…

JUSTIN BIEBER’s model wife, Hailey Baldwin, narrowly cheated death after she developed a blood clot on her brain — and sources dish he’s taking it worse than her! The Biebs’ 25-year-old wife calls the medical emergency “one of the scariest moments I’ve ever been through. “I was sitting at breakfast with my husband when I started having stroke-like symptoms and was taken to the hospital,” she reveals. Docs found a “very small blood clot” had passed to her brain and was shutting off oxygen. She recovered in a few hours, but one expert believes she suffered a “mini-stroke.” “Can’t keep this one down,” praises Justin, who an insider says is “traumatized” and “panicked” by Hailey’s ordeal.…

COUGAR Khloé Kardashian is raring to sink her claws into someone new — while keeping horndog hoopster Tristan Thompson on the bench, sources squeal. “Khloé is getting back out there and ready to move on from Tristan,” an insider spills. “She seems open to dating and is interested in going out and having fun.” But in an episode of her family’s new Hulu show, The Kardashians, shrewd Khloé, 37, is shown telling her baby daddy, “Trust takes time.” The tempestuous pair’s on-again, off-again relationship hit the rocks early this year after two-timing Tristan, 31, finally admitted he’d fathered a love child with hottie Maralee Nichols! Before the personal trainer gave birth to son Theo in December, Tristan publicly denied being the dad. But a paternity test forced him to admit…

HAPPILY wed to his second wife for a decade, Dick Van Dyke confesses he feared hooking up with 46-yearsyounger Arlene Silver because he thought people would see her as a “gold digger!” Now 96, the Mary Poppins legend was 86 and Arlene was 40 when they tied the knot in 2012. But the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang star, who has four grown kids with Margie Willett, his wife from 1948 to 1984, feared getting serious with the pretty makeup artist because “I thought there would be an outcry about a gold digger marrying an old man — but no one ever took that attitude.” Van Dyke, who also lived with actress Michelle Triola Marvin for 30 years, credits Arlene with keeping him chipper, gushing: “She loves to sing and dance, which…

FOOTBALL billionaire Jerry Jones was sacked by a paternity lawsuit from a 25-year-old gal who claims the Dallas Cowboys owner is her dad! In court documents, Alexandra Davis charges Jones, 79, established a trust fund for her and paid her mother $375,000 in hush money to hide her father’s identity and the pair’s extramarital fling. She’s asking to be released from the confidentiality agreement her mom signed in the ’90s and be legally recognized as the NFL bigwig’s child.…

MOTORISTS in Wyoming aren’t stewing over dead deer and other deceased critters blocking their roads — they’re cooking ’em up thanks to a new roadkill app. The feature allows people to claim killed deer, elk, moose, wild bison or wild turkey for a mouth-watering din-din after registering the roadkill with state agencies. Recently, Marta Casey accidentally hit a mule deer doe while headed to a snowboarding adventure. She reported the severely injured critter to state troopers, who killed it, and then told her pal Jaden Bales, who used the app to claim the carcass and turn it into tasty steaks, sizzled in butter in an iron pan. Officials say 6,000 critters are killed annually on Wyoming roads and the app will help wildlife agents place animal crossing signs and reduce…