Globe December 12, 2016

THAT’S THE TICKET! JON LOVITZ made a whole lotta racket when the flabulous funnyman played in a Florida charity tennis match BELLY FLOP Blindingly pale DREW BARRYMORE could’ve blended right into a white sand beach when she displayed her tubby tummy and thighs in Mexico BEAUTY AND THE LEAST Mini-Me VERNE TROYER is still a major player with the ladies — after all, he does have his own set of wheels! TERMINATED! Forget Ah-nold’s cyborg, it’s a scary LINDA HAMILTON who’s heading to the future with a load of wrinkles! CLAW-SHANK REDEMPTION Looks like veteran actor MORGAN FREEMAN took his outing at L.A.’s trendy Catch seriously, judging by that glove! BUMP ‘N’ GRIND Mom-of-two BLAC CHYNA can shed her pregnancy weight in a blink, but there’s no losing that bubble…

FORMER guy Caitlyn Jenner hasn’t found happiness as a doll — and pals say the Olympic decathlon champ turned sex-swapper is boozing the blues away as she struggles with self-esteem issues! “She’s drinking a bottle of wine by herself every night, often more, because she’s so unhappy,” says an insider. The 67-year-old has turned to booze as a crutch after a rough year that’s seen her TV series canceled and her Kardashian clan leaving her out in the cold — which has left her feeling insecure and depressed, says the source. And worryingly, the twisted sister has mostly stopped seeing therapists, says the insider. “She’s self-medicating and bottling up her feelings, pretending everything’s okay when in fact it’s never been worse,” says the source. “Her local liquor store in Malibu…

GLADIATOR hunk Russell Crowe has finally convinced Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s widow to marry him! And Terri Irwin’s kids with TV’s late Animal Planet hero — Bindi, 18, and Bob, 13 — are all for it, sources say! “This has been long overdue,” says an insider. “Even Bindi’s been pushing for them to get together. He’s like a father figure to her. “Russell’s become a part of the family since Steve died.” A close pal of Steve, Aussie Russell became a rock for Terri and her kids after the TV legend’s tragic 2006 death off the Great Barrier Reef. As GLOBE recently reported, a new secret autopsy indicates Steve, 44, may have committed suicide! But since his death, devastated Terri said she’d never find a man to replace Steve in…

JOHN Lennon’s psycho killer Mark David Chapman insists he’s “possessed” by the former Beatle’s ghost — and has been forgiven for the music legend’s cold-blooded murder! On the eve of the 36th anniversary of Lennon’s Dec. 8, 1980, death, Chapman finally breaks his silence — in his first interview in 16 years — telling GLOBE his chilling murder motive and detailing his bizarre luxury life in New York’s maximum security Wende Correctional Facility. “I’m possessed by John’s ghost,” the now-gaunt 61-yearold tells GLOBE. Chapman says he talks “with John’s ghost” on a daily basis. “He visits me and we talk about music and stuff. He’s forgiven me.” But the New York State Parole Board isn’t ready to turn him loose — his life sentence is apparently for keeps. In…

PAMPERED and spoiled by her wealthy, showbiz parents, actress Gwyneth Paltrow is STILL clueless about why she’s become the most hated gal in Tinseltown! Gwyneth, who was once engaged to Brad Pitt and also founded her Goop lifestyle website, recently shared her confusion at a conference: “I had no idea how much I was in a career where everyone kissed my ass. Now people are like ‘F*** you!’” The Oscar-winner isn’t exaggerating — she’s being blasted as “an airhead,” “spoiled rich girl,” and “dumbest person on the internet.” And she is frequently mocked for the outrageously costly stuff Goop.com hawks to its readers that only she and her rich Hollywood pals can afford. The pricey goods include a $4,739 golden juicer, $114-a-tube toothpaste, a nine-month supply of fancy toilet paper…

PAWN Stars goofball Austin “Chumlee” Russell has ballooned back up to 260 pounds — and the shocking weight gain has doctors fearing for his life! The second-hand reality superstar who copped a plea on drug and weapons charges in May, is clean and sober but admits he needs to shed weight — telling insiders he wants to get back to 230 pounds! “My doctor says I need to just pick a weight I’m comfortable with and stay there,” Chumlee explains. But Dr. Stuart Fischer, author of “The Park Avenue Diet,” says Chumlee needs to get to 200 pounds! “For a person who is 5-foot-9, that is very bad. The health implications are severe to say the least,” says Dr. Fischer, who has not treated Chumlee. “Unless he loses weight…