Esquireの February 2016 の目次

Boatyard Brewing Co., Kalamazoo, Michigan: It was 4:45 p. m. on Friday, and everyone in the bar seemed to know one another. The Standard-Oilfuel-depot-turned-estimable-brewery on the shitty side of town was standing-room only in honor of the Dow Family, an earnest middle-aged man and four dour children playing fiddle, Irish bouzouki, harp, dulcimer. The crowd, drunk on Gaelic harmony and 9.8 percent ABV One Legged Pilot Russian Imperial Stout and seven different kinds of sloppy joes, knew all the words. Or slurred shouts that sounded as good as any chorus, to our ears at least. boatyardbrewing.com…

The Americano Combine in highball glass: x oz* sweet Italian vermouth, y oz* digestivo or aperitivo. Add 3 to 4 ice cubes, stir briefly, and top off with 2 oz seltzer. Add a straw. *The x and y are variable, between ½ and 2½; together they should add up to 3 oz. THE RITUAL is unvarying. You sit at the little round table. The white-coated waiter detaches himself from the ancient stone wall against which he has been leaning and saunters over. He takes your order. Then come the drinks, tall and violently red, and the tiny dishes of olives, potato chips, and pizza strips or some other savory. Time passes. You have another. The waiter refills the chips. Another? Why not? Eventually it will be time to change for…

In the four pages of this first installment of the monthly Esquire Guide, ideas for ambitious journeys, things to anticipate, and enterprises to start—with hope, pride, and air-conditioning. TO START, YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. . . 1. PORTLAND, OREGON South of the city, not far beyond Jawbone Flats, an old mining camp with defunct boilers and rusty cars, surrounded by 700-year-old Douglas firs, is Opal Pool, a waterfall and watering hole shimmering the color turquoise. 2. MALIBU, CALIFORNIA On the Pacific Coast Highway, an obscure sign reads EL MATADOR. It marks a beach with stairs down the 150-foot bluff, spectacular caves and sunsets, and very few parking spaces. 3. CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA In the winter, its beaches are chillier and yacht charters are cheaper. See the seal colony at…

The math is pretty simple: The more you exercise, the more calories you burn and the less you have to worry about eating whatever you damn well please. How our metabolism changes as we get older, though—that’s what makes things tricky. Most of us are born with a resting metabolic rate—the number of calories we burn just to stay alive—and that baseline dictates how often we have to exercise in our twenties to offset any benders, hangovers, et al. Some of us have a fast resting metabolic rate and therefore require little to no exercise (thanks, Mom and Dad!), while others of us have a slower one and therefore require more exercise and/or patronage of a local Big & Tall emporium (add it to the list of grievances). It’s the…

Tip If your stomach is growing, look sideways in a mirror to see if your pants dip in front. You want a straight line around your body. If they dip, find a pair with a higher rise (so, not low-rise), go up a size, and belt them higher. WE’RE GOING TO MAKE A GUESS: You wear three different kinds of pants to work. You wear suit pants. You wear tan chinos. You wear blue jeans. That is your range. And maybe that’s all you need. It does the trick for a lot of people, and if you’re one of them, stick to the left side of the chart below, with the neutral colors and vertical-slit pockets. But if you’ve grown tired of doing what’s good—what’s okay—there are as many great…

THE CYNIC HAS COME TO BELIEVE THAT IN A DEMOCRACY, AND particularly in the kind of money-sodden, exhausted democracy that is presently practiced in the United States of America, all opportunities are in some sense lost opportunities. The Cynic still believes that progress— even glorious revolutionary progress—remains possible, given the proper historical context leading to the proper historical moment. The Cynic is in no way a nihilist. The Cynic still believes in the power of potential, that the right mixture of common humanity, present in the right person, delivered honestly and with power, can create the proper historical context that leads to the proper historical moment. The Cynic is not a pessimist. The Cynic believes he is, as he said he was back in 2008, merely adequate to his times.…

SCREENWRITER, NOVELIST, AND PLAYWRIGHT, WINNER OF THE 2013 PULITZER PRIZE FOR HIS PLAY DISGRACED, 45, NEW YORK CITY “What I ’ve Learned” ON THE FRONT LINES The productive processing of rage is the central question of our time. It’s only going to get worse. There’s a rising tide of . . .Rushdie said an interesting thing. He said that “people seem to be finding meaning in their outrage.” And there is something at the heart of identity politics today that seems to regard anger as the expression of authenticity. It’s easy to say that that’s misguided, but it’s also a function of the increasing choke hold of global power on the individual. So everybody’s upset. And everybody’s expressing their rage in different ways, and some are playing for keeps. We’re…

SUMMERFIELD, 59, INDEPENDENT OIL PRODUCER, WHITEFISH, MONTANA: I like her brightness, her energy, her vitality. And I like her guts. But I think she’s a rank opportunist. JASON, 39, FILM PRODUCER, LOS ANGELES: I guess I like her. She’s a capable politician. TOM, 66, RETIRED, PITTSBURGH: I don’t think she can be trusted. I’m a retired Army Reserve officer. I could still be called to active duty tomorrow. But if this woman became commander in chief and I was asked to salute her, I would resign my commission. CAMERON, 21, MARKETING DIRECTOR, DES MOINES: She just hasn’t stopped. That’s amazing. BRAD, 51, AUTHOR, BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY:My first impression of her, back in the day, was that there was a toughness about her but that she was also kind of vulnerable.…

Donald Trump hasturned out to be a useful tool. He has stymied—at least for the early part of the Republican presidential sweepstakes—the effect of Citizens United, which flooded our politics with money from oligarchs eager to buy government leaders. But even more usefully, he has forced a wide range of political figures to admit that tolerance is a crucial part of our national makeup. “Trump! Fomenting Tolerance 2016!” That is quite the accomplishment at a time when one of our two political parties is pretty much bent on divisiveness and cultural warfare as its strategy for capturing the White House. I don’t think Donald has any real idea of the effect he’s having on the country beyond the cheering crowds and the newspaper headlines. But, for him, that’s plenty. He’s…

Date of birth: June 14, 1946 Which makes him: 69 Hometown: Queens, New York Net worth: $4.5 billion Homes owned: At least four: New York; Bedford, New York; Palm Beach, Florida; Beverly Hills Not including: Golf clubs, luxury hotels, a winery Childhood mantra: “Be a killer.” Instilled in him by: His father Childhood temperament: “Extremely rebellious” According to: His sister Which is why he was sent to: The New York Military Academy in eighth grade Where he was: “The best baseball player in New York” According to: Himself Signature attributes: Pronunciation of huge; “Blue Steel”–esque pout; constant use of superlatives; orange comb-over Claims a lifelong abstinence from: Alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes Despite which: He launched the “superpremium” Trump Vodka in 2006. Which ceased production in: 2010 Nickname: The Donald Given…

I OFTEN GET CALLS from chairpeople of major motion-picture studios when I’m taking a bath. I don’t know if this is a coincidence or because I take a lot of baths. Regardless, never are the calls jobrelated. Instead, I’m grilled on which camera they should buy their secretary or kid. I don’t mind. The definition of a film director is someone with opinions about everything. I tell people where to sit and stand, how fast to talk. At home, I tell Sweetie (the wife) what fridge drawer to put the butter in. (Her response: “Barry. Get a job.”) Because Sweetie and I were planning a road trip from Telluride, Colorado, where we live, to Marfa, Texas, I figured that at a time when every phone has a sophisticated camera (I…

In anticipation of what I hope is your best July yet, I’ve compiled a list of flying tips to help you stay sharp in today’s everdemoralizing air-travel scene. (Forewarning: They hardly do tablecloths for lunch anymore, and good luck finding a bud vase anywhere.) For $85, you can get TSA PreCheck-ed. Simply fill out the form, gather the documents, go to an interview to be fingerprinted and asked about your travel habits, pay the nonrefundable fee, wait a few weeks, and if you’re deemed a “lowrisk passenger,” you can go in a line where you don’t have to take off your shoes. It sounds like a lot because it is; only those with the patience and single-mindedness of high-risk criminals should consider trying to become low-risk passengers. The easiest way…

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW about what to wear today to wherever you work is in that shoe. Or, okay, sneaker—which you’ve probably seen more and more of recently, and not just on weekends. And yes, this particular sneaker is untraditional work footwear: suede instead of smooth leather, neither brown nor black. Yet it is also traditional: streamlined and simple, with an understated tone. What this means is that it is, in many ways, just like a suit, existing at the very nexus of the new workplace power structures: part Wall Street upstart, part dot-com tycoon. And any man working in 2016, no matter where he is, may need to impress both in a single day. Exciting times, right? Next slide, please . . .…

WE GET IT. SOMETHING “JUST CAME UP.” You “had no idea.” It is “totally out of the ordinary,” a “complete surprise.” There is no time to regret being unprepared by not owning a suit, if only as a backup plan. These things happen—a ceremony in a few months at which you might very well be honored for what you did, or a face-to-face meeting (finally) with the big prospective client in just a week, or an interview for “well, how about tomorrow?”—and you’ve got to scramble. Here are your options for what to do next.’ FK, I’VE GOT A COUPLE MONTHS TRY INTERNET BESPOKE. Several online services offer custom suiting. But be wary of any that require you to measure yourself. You likely don’t know how (especially shoulder measurements, the…

The shittiest cultural event of all time now has a definite date. On February 7, 2016, at approximately 5 P. M. pT, in Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California, the two shittiest things in American popular culture will coincide. Coldplay will perform at the Super Bowl halftime show. It will be a moment of supreme, almost inconceivable shittiness. Coldplay will have to dumb down, if that is even possible. Coldplay will have to make themselves sound more corporate, if there can be a sound more corporate than the one they already possess. Coldplay will have to be more banal, if, again, that is even possible. Coldplay will have to be, in a word, shittier, and the Super Bowl halftime show will then in turn have to become shittier to accommodate…

Esquire: You’ve never been to Cuba, right? Rubio: Nhm-mmm. Well, I’ve been to Guantánamo. Esquire: Right. But would you like to go to Cuba? Rubio: I would. But not until Cuba at least is either free or is making steps toward democracy. Esquire: Polls show that the grandchildren of exiles are not as rigid in their approach to the relationship between our countries. But you’re leading the opposition to normalization. Explain that. Rubio: Theoretically speaking, sure, I’d love to see the U. S. and Cuba have a better relationship. But it has to be premised on democratic progress in Cuba. I’m not saying it’s a perfect example, but if you look at what’s happened in Burma over the last four years is the U. S. opened up toward Burma. It…

PRESIDENT OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD, 58, NEW YORK CITY The same woman who is picketing your clinic one day finds out that she needs Planned Parenthood the very next day. We have moved into an era in the media in which no one waits for anything to be verified. I’ll let the congressmen speak for themselves. If I really thought they cared about women’s health, I’d care more about what they say. There are members of Congress who think that women are just not in their place anymore. Things were going pretty well for them the past several hundred years—it all started when we chose to be able to decide when and whether to have children. Even people who have mixed feelings about abortion hate it when women are harassed going…

Store Information For the items featured in Esquire, please consult the Web site or call the number provided. Style, P. 47: Tommy Hilfiger sneakers, tommy.com. AG chinos, agjeans.com. Richer Poorer socks, richer-poorer.com. p. 48: L.B.M. 1911 jacket, 901-761-3580. AG T-shirt, agjeans.com. MAC Jeans trousers, 516-802-5280. Aldo boots, aldoshoes.com. Ermenegildo Zegna belt, zegna.com. Ernest Alexander briefcase, ernestalexander.com. p. 49: Chinos: Gant Originals, gant.com. Gap, gap.com. Ted Baker, tedbaker.com. Trousers: MAC Jeans, 516-802-5280. Levi’s Vintage Clothing, unionmadegoods.com. Nautica, nautica.com. Baldwin, baldwin.co. Theory, theory.com. Freemans Sporting Club, freemanssportingclub.com. p. 50: J. Hilburn suit, jhilburn.com. Suitsupply suit, suitsupply.com. Joseph Abboud suit, menswearhouse.com. p. 51: Coach tote, coach.com. Piquadro backpack, piquadro.it. Filson briefcase, filson.com. Kind of Casual, P. 98: Polo Ralph Lauren jacket, ralphlauren.com. Boss sweater, hugoboss.com. Tod’s jacket, tods.com. Tomas Maier shirt, tomasmaier.com. p.…

FIRST TIME I SEE HIS face in real life, Trump’s on the move at his Trump Tower headquarters, heading down a hall of mirrors to get his Esquire photo taken. He stops to size me up from 10 or 15 feet away. “Nice-looking guy!” Thank you, sir. His press secretary tells him my name is Scott. “Hi, how are you?” Trump says. “Nice to see you.” And you. But he’s gone, down the hall. Me, I’m thinking about Larry David’s old standup bit: “You know, if he’d given me a compliment, Josef Mengele and I could have been friends—‘Larry, your hair looks very good today.’ Really? Thank you, Dr. Mengele!” UH-OH: I WENT FULL death-camp Nazi there. Why not? That very morning’s Times was shrieking about Trump’s “racist lies” and…

Four Things You Don’t Know About Emmy Rossum’s Dog Gleaned from her three appearances in Esquire (see left): 1. His name is Cinnamon. 2. He is a Yorkie. 3. A well-endowed Yorkie. 4. If you happen to find yourself dating Emmy Rossum and are “not into him, that relationship could not continue.” 1. Any name with more than eight letters is just a noose around our neckÑI know this because my real name is Emmanuelle. But before giving us a nickname, just ask, ÒCan I call you E Dawg?Ó 2. The answer is ÒNo.Ó 3. We’re interfering because we mean well. There’s an alley behind my gym, and I kept seeing these two cats there. I started leaving bowls of food with the idea that I would befriend the cats…

The Suffers at C Boys Heart & Soul, Austin The woman to my left shouted “Testify!” while the guy to my right attempted Drake’s “Hotline Bling” dance. Kam Franklin fronts the Houston-based soul band the Suffers, part James Brown, part Alabama Shakes’s Brittany Howard. She’s among the rare singers who thrive on the edge of total depletion—just when you wonder whether her lungs or her legs will give out first, she musters a third wind. Testify! thesuffers.com…

Totto Ramen, New York City: Like hamburgers, fried chicken, and most other simple culinary pleasures, ramen has become, if not overrated, then overconsidered as popularity gives rise to ubiquity, ubiquity gives rise to novelty, and novelty gives rise to the agonizing suspicion that somewhere out there exists a variant of ramen superior to the perfectly good ramen we have always loved. Nevertheless: the best ramen? The best ramen was the ramen I ate at Totto Ramen, late at night, after I stopped tasting the vodka in the dirty martinis I was drinking with a friend and started tasting only the dirty. It was the ramen that seemed to be waiting for us, that came to the table in five minutes despite the restaurant’s jostling crowd. It was the ramen that…

The Best Fourth of July Fireworks 1. South Lake Tahoe (from the beach, the mountains, or a boat) 2. Washington, D. C. (on the National Mall) 3. Whichever display is closest to where you live JULY’S BEST BEACH is not hot. It is 3,000 miles north of Mexico’s mosquitoes and the Caribbean’s downpours, deep into the western reaches of Canada, making it the last coastal destination on many people’s minds—which is exactly why you should seek it out. Tofino feels secret. To get to the village from Vancouver, you need to embark on a journey that is neither easy nor quick. It involves a two-hour ferry ride across the Salish Sea, then a three-hour (yet spectacular) drive through mountains and the Pacific Rim’s dense temperate rain forest. And there, tucked…

WHAT WE MEAN BY “FITNESS” It’s about strength, of course, and stamina and vitality and looking our very best with our clothes on and off. But fitness is also about protecting and enhancing the only body we’ve got. It’s about our health, and it’s why we’ve partnered with two world-beaters in the wellness business: Equinox, the luxury-gym heavyweight, whose vice-president of health and human performance, David Harris, will recommend new exercises every month to create a rock-solid foundation for a healthy future; and the Mayo Clinic, one of the world’s great hospitals, whose specialists will tackle a different medical topic every issue, giving advice on how we can age better through diet, lifestyle, and the wonders of modern (and ancient) science. This installment of the Esquire Fitness Challenge, the first…

THERE ONCE WAS A POWER-SUIT archetype that lasted too long. It had hard lines with rigid structure. The navy blues and grays shined, as did the silk ties. And since powerful men wore it, it became a symbol of power itself, even if the too-wide shoulders slouched. Today, circumstances may at times require a classic suit, but daily confidence doesn’t require those tired hallmarks. It demands instead an examination of how close you want to stand to tradition. The outfit to the right is an example of what can be done now. We’ll break it down. Two-button cotton-and-linen jacket ($1,150) by L.B.M. 1911; cotton T-shirt ($64) by AG; cotton trousers ($225) by MAC Jeans; suede boots ($150) by Aldo; leather belt ($360) by Ermenegildo Zegna; leather briefcase ($1,095) by Ernest…

Michael Williams Cofounder, Paul + Williams; proprietor, A Continuous Lean There’s no silver bullet, but a leather or canvas briefcase with a shoulder strap is maneuverable and gets better over time. Like my Filson: $265 for a bag that will easily last 30 years. In my bag: My Fujifilm X-E2 camera. Josh Peskowitz Men’s fashion direc -tor, Bloomingdale’s I don’t like to carry a bag. I’ve found that a leather portfolio is the most elegant way to carry around workplace essentials—I’m never going back. In my bag: A Smythson pocket-sized notebook. Morgan Collett Cofounder, Saturdays NYC I leave at 7:30 and get back at 7:30. Between, I’ve got meetings, appointments, boxing—so I like a roomy but sleek mix of a tote, duffel, and backpack, like the square-bottom one we just…

SE NATOR TED CRUZ Rationale: Most polished demagogue in America. Would not be outflanked on the right by anyone, and coalition of end-timers and old-timers would seal victory, if being Mr. Trump’s li’l buddy all those months not too undignified. Path to victory: Extensive ground game. Counting on fact that he’s loathed and unelectable to help him with Republican voters. Odds of being nominee: Not bad, for a Canadian Cruz greets Shalom International president Bob Kunst of Miami, who was holding an anti-Hillary sign outside Cruz’s headquarters in Manchester, August 31. AH, NEW HAMPSHIRE. That temple of democracy, that maker of presidents. Iowa, that fraud—anyone can bus old people to a school gymnasium to “caucus.” Flash ’em a nice box of crullers, they’ll follow you anywhere. President Santorum won Iowa.…

What I ’ve Learned ON THE FRONT LINES PARTI OKAY, MAYBE you’re not so excited that Hillary Clinton is running for president. After all, she’s been around for a long time, there’s always some kind of controversy swirling around her, she’s no spring chicken, she’s married to Bill, she wears those jackets, she’s got that midwestern accent, plus she’s so serious and wonky all the time. What’s left to be said? You’ve already made up your mind about her. She might not be as crazy as those guys on the other side—but that doesn’t mean that you have to be happy about the prospect of another President Clinton. But what if the story isn’t about what you know but rather about what you don’t? Politicians always say that “there’s never…

SHE hasn’t even ordered yet, but Birgitte Hjort Sørensen is already underwhelmed. “Apparently this restaurant is a Scandinavian thing?” the Danish actress says, looking around the room skeptically. “Is it a smorgasbord?” There is no buffet at Aquavit, a two-Michelin-star restaurant in midtown Manhattan. There are hand-strung shell chandeliers and fur-topped purse stools and myriad waiters bringing spoon after spoon and detailing the Byzantine ordering process for three tasting menus. “Lot of rules here,” Sørensen leans in to whisper. A peek at waiter number one, now across the room, confirms her suspicions: “We’re being watched.” This observation seems to only mildly disturb the actress, who avoids dramatics even onscreen. Her first major role was on the Danish Broadcasting Corporation’s drama Borgen, on which she played a news anchor vacillating between…

CHAMP Police dog, Bronx, New York His “informant” was just a hot-dog vendor. MARTHA Sheep-herding collie, Billings, Montana Once sheep are herded, still itching to teach those punks a lesson. BRIGID Prison puppy, Marion, Illinois Always happens to be somewhere else when the shit goes down. EDUARDO Emotional-assistance ferret, Sarasota, Florida Clock watcher. LADY B GOOD Companion parrot, Flagstaff, Arizona Nonstop platitudes meet the technical definition of abuse. BUDDY BOY Seeing-eye dog, Dublin, Ohio Pissed himself at a local production of Cats. LIL’ SUGAR Miniature guide horse, Nashville Stacks of children’s handwritten thank-you notes found in stall unopened. WINSTON Ratter, New Braunfels, Texas Believes rodent society in many ways superior to human. DAISY MAE Truffle pig, Mooresville, North Carolina Entire career built on a series of lucky accidents. MERCY Stunt…