Globe August 22, 2016

ALIEN NATION Yikes! KRISTEN JOHNSON’s looking so ravaged and rough it’s like she crawled out from under the “3rd Rock from the Sun”! CARTED OFF After months of lurking around grocery store parking lots, Hollywood hobo NICK NOLTE finally draws notice from the cops — for hitting a woman’s car. ROBBINS THE CRADLE No, chubby schlub TIM ROBBINS isn’t kidnapping a young woman and her child! That’s ex-flame SUSAN SARANDON’s daughter, EVA AMURRI MARTINO, and granddaughter MARLOWE. WHAT A GAS! Think a disgustedlooking KATIE HOLMES and SURI CRUISE know the ageold rule of “she who smelt it dealt it”? FINGER OF FATE DARYL HANNAH’s decided to go without her prosthetic finger while out and about with musical main squeeze NEIL YOUNG. Things must be getting serious! AMERICAN IDLE RYAN SEACREST…

LONELY and tormented sex-swapper Caitlyn Jenner has been teetering on the brink of suicide since she decided to become a woman — and now friends fear the end is near! Once known as Bruce Jenner, the Olympic gold medal winner “sometimes feels like she should just end it all and put herself out of her misery,” an insider tells GLOBE. “Cait can’t help thinking she threw away everything to change from a man to a woman. And after such a huge, life-altering choice, she’s still miserable.” Cait, 66, recently opened up on HBO’s “Any Given Wednesday” about her “lowest” point — 2014 surgery to remove her Adam’s apple. She confesses she contemplated taking “the easy way out” — with a gun! Although Kris Jenner’s exhubby told the TV show she’s…

GLOBE WORLD EXCLUSIVE! AILING country legend Loretta Lynn has finally ended her decades-long estrangement from her secret granddaughter — and she’s stunned by the gorgeous gal’s family resemblance! Loretta and a host of Lynn kin recently welcomed home Alex Amaretto — the daughter of Loretta’s son, Ernest Ray Lynn — who met her huge country music clan for the first time! A source tells GLOBE that Alex, 30, is the product of a casual affair her mother had with Ernest Ray, now 63. Loretta kept her secret granddaughter — who was born in Sydney, Australia — at arm’s length after learning of her existence, because she’s never approved of Ernest Ray’s wild ways, explains the spy. “Ernest Ray has always been something of a ‘black sheep’ compared to Loretta’s other…

HOLIER-THAN-THOU Judge Judy is caught up in a shocking $290 million divorce scandal after her cross-dressing hubby was caught cheating! Famed for her impatient, biting remarks and intolerance for liars who appear before her on the top-rated syndicated show, the 73-year-old legal eagle has plenty of skeletons in her OWN closet — beginning with a shocking split from wayward hubby Jerry Sheindlin, who she married twice! Jerry’s mistress, Florida waitress Kary Farrell, has revealed the sordid details of her affair with Judy’s hubby, now 82, in a sizzling “sex diary” and steamy email exchanges. Coupled with the shocking revelation about Jerry’s kinky craving for scampering around in women’s panties, a source says the forbidden fling has made the Sheindlins’ marriage hell. Kary reveals details of her affair with Jerry in…

POWER-CRAZED Hillary Clinton has sparked a royal row by brazenly copying Queen Elizabeth’s personal style! “Being the first woman nominated by a major party as candidate for president has gone to Hillary’s head,” blasts a palace insider. “Her ego is out of control! “She clearly sees herself as more than the next commander in chief — she thinks she’s America’s queen! “And she’s dressing the part by stealing Her Majesty’s iconic coordinated style — using the same vibrant colors to jazz up her fuddy-duddy pantsuits! “Hillary seems desperate to worm her way into the hearts of Americans who view her as crooked and deceitful, and I guess she thinks if she looks regal, they’ll believe she is! “But Her Majesty is not amused!” Hillary, 68, and the queen, 90, have…

PRINCE Harry’s love life is heating up — fast! The 31-year-old royal hunk is secretly texting up a storm with “Suicide Squad” cutie Margot Robbie! And insiders say he’s head over heels for the 26-yearold Australian blonde. “He’s been captivated by her since they met at a party months ago — even though she mistook him for red-haired Brit singer Ed Sheeran!” says a royal insider. “Harry’s ego was crushed — but not for long! He says she’s one of the sexiest women he’s ever met. “He can’t wait to get her texts and responds immediately. She drives him crazy by taking days to write back! “Harry’s ready to settle down, but he hasn’t found the love he craves. “Margot could be The One he’s been looking for!”…