Globe February 12, 2018

NOT SO THRILLING! Michael Jackson wannabe NEIL PATRICK HARRIS jumps for joy during a live lip sync number at Tinsel-town’s Dolby Theatre DRUNK DWARF! Game of Thrones’ littlest star PETER DINKLAGE looks like he’s gonna need a designated driver to get home safely GONE TO THE DOGS! Actress MARIA CONCHITA ALONSO sure looks ruff as she takes her snappy pooches on a Rodeo Drive shopping expedition LOUNGE LIZARD! Encased in a serpent-skin jacket and boots, s-s-scary JENNIFER LOPEZ uses a cane as she limps into L.A.’s Staples Center ROUGH PATCH! Former Batman sexpot Poison Ivy UMA THURMAN’s Big Apple outing is such an eyesore it could Kill Bill! GIANT BAG OF CHiPs! Yikes! ERIK ESTRADA sure has packed on the pounds since his legendary 1970s TV days as a California…

QUEEN Elizabeth cheated death — by a matter of inches — when an assassin’s bullet barely missed her head as she stepped out of a limo — and now, British lawmen fear the monarch is being targeted by terrorist gunmen! As the royal family gears up for Prince Harry’s May 19 wedding to American actress Meghan Markle in Windsor Castle’s St. George’s Chapel, authorities are frantically trying to prevent another attempt on Her Majesty’s life — or the murder of members of her immediate family. “Elizabeth, her children and grandchildren have all been marked for death by radical Muslim terror groups,” a Scotland Yard source tells GLOBE. “The queen already survived one assassination attempt and is lucky to be alive.” Bloodthirsty British citizen Christopher Lewis was arrested — and tried…

IT’S OFFICIAL! Prince Charles and Camilla have filed for divorce! “Charles couldn’t stand being in the marriage a minute longer — and he secretly pulled the plug,” a well-placed palace insider tells GLOBE. “He had lawyers draw up the papers, laying out his terms for a $10 million settlement. And when he had yet-another knock-down fight with his booze-addled wife just after the holidays, he filed the documents. The divorce is imminent. “Camilla was blindsided — but there’s not a thing she can do. “She is out!” Incredibly, the dying Duchess of Cornwall, who is battling liver cancer, only learned her 69-year-old husband had dumped her when she stumbled across an emailed list of guests for Prince Harry’s May 19 wedding to actress Meghan Markle — and realized her own…

A LOATHSOME Nazi’s burial in Arlington National Cemetery — where President John F. Kennedy and the nation’s brave war heroes are laid to rest — is a tragic betrayal of America, outraged critics charge! A GLOBE investigation shockingly discovered Willis A. Carto, one of America’s most vocal Nazi sympathizers, lies in Grave 321 of Section 76 — in the same hallowed ground reserved for U.S. veterans who sacrificed their lives to battle Adolf Hitler and his Nazi henchmen. Furious Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Center, calls Carto’s burial in Arlington a “national disgrace.” “For a person who supported a man responsible for the greatest mass murder in the history of mankind to be buried in the sacred ground where service members who fought to do everything to…

MELANIE GRIFFITH’S nose is being eaten by a ferocious cancer — and a medical expert warns surgeons may have to peel off her skin to stop it! Despite two previous procedures, the 60-year-old Working Girl star — mom of Fifty Shades of Grey hottie Dakota Johnson — was spotted with a large bandage on her schnozz, looking troubled and puffing a cigarette in L.A. on Jan. 15. Dr. Gabe Mirkin, who has not treated the star, says Melanie’s surgeon may not have gotten “all the affected tissue” during previous operations. He suspects “the cancerous tissue has spread” and is threatening to destroy her sniffer, which could require much of the skin to be removed. While the Body Double sexpot’s rep insists “basal cell skin cancer” on Melanie’s nose “is on…

ONCE one of the richest stars in showbiz, shamed perv Bill Cosby is so desperate for cash he’s back to doing stand-up comedy gigs. The disgraced funnyman did a live set at a Philly jazz club on Jan. 22 — his first since 2015, when dozens of gals began charging the creep with drugging and sexually attacking them. Now, the 80-year-old weasel is broke from civil suits and needs money for his April retrial for a sex attack on a 30-year-old gal more than a decade ago.…