Table of contents for March 2016 in FourFourTwo UK

So Pep Guardiola’s coming to the Premier League. As we go to press, it’s still unclear where the Bayern Munich manager will rock up once this season is over. But it’s clear he created a stir by announcing he’s UK-bound. Fans pleaded with him to join their club, papers were full of frenzied speculation and the country’s most high-profile managers squirmed uncomfortably in their padded seats. A story of this magnitude breaking mid-season was a bit... well, strange. But then it’s been an unusual few months. With a number of the Premier League’s top sides struggling for consistency, Guardiola made his announcement at a time when his potential suitors were, at the very least, open to the idea of a new manager. And who better than Pep? Turn to page…

Some seriously varied celebrities have taken to disc-jockeying over the years: Idris Elba, Paris Hilton and, we learned in FFT 259, Pat Nevin. But now, behold the most baffling new DJ yet: a South American football legend. Possibly. “There were some jealous, delusional people in football crowds who would call me ‘talentless’ or ‘fat-bearded bunda’ [ass],” the mysterious Cesare tells FFT. “Nightclub crowds have been less nasty so far. But please stop telling me which songs to play, you drunk filhas da puta!” Which is a naughty word. According to the biography issued with his latest banger, Cesare was born in 1966 and “considered to be one of the greatest midfielders ever”. The music is certainly going well: he’s signed to supercool French label Kitsuné and…

“I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and my kids would say: ‘She was 65, she was a grandma – let’s have a quiet farewell with some nice hymns’,” says Annie Simmons, a Huddersfield Town fanatic since 1966. “Well, on your bike with that. When I die, I want to make a statement. And the Terriers are my life.” Annie is the first person in the UK to book a pre-paid, football club-endorsed funeral plan. For £4,195, she’ll get a coffin in Terriers colours, a blue and white floral bouquet and hire of a club function room for the wake. The club song, Smile Awhile, will be blasted out at the ceremony and her ashes scattered at the stadium. There will even be an announcement made at a home…

STYLE 1966 Gone was the post-war Brylcreem; it was all sharp jackets, gleaming cars, dates with models on the King’s Road and Bobby Moore meeting Sean Connery and Yul Brynner in a Savile Row suit before the World Cup. “They’ve haircuts like Perry Como and Jack Kennedy,” wrote Moynihan. All of which is just cool. 2016 Moynihan’s assertion that “footballers were as well groomed as male fashion models” still rings true. Just ask CR7 and his plethora of hair products, perfumes and branded underpants. And what of today’s England captain? Well, Wayne Rooney has a £60,000 hair weave and trades slaps with an oiled-up wrestler. TELEVISION 1966 In 1958, Moynihan found himself in Paris, desperate to watch the World Cup final between Brazil and Sweden, but with a lovesick girlfriend…

“It’s very weird. I’ve got an Argentine name but I’m Brazilian, and we’re… rivals, I would say.” It’s a concise description of a footballing enmity by our interviewee, one Diego Maradona. The Brazilian Diego Maradona. Who plays in England’s eighth tier. If you’re feeling as lost as he is, let’s backtrack a bit. A 12-year-old Diego Maradona Petriaggi was taken from Brazil to Italy by Brescia, then in Serie A. “As a ball boy I’d see Roberto Baggio and Pep Guardiola play,” Diego recalls to FFT. After six years in the Little Swallows’ academy, and seven elsewhere around Europe, he decided at 25 to come to England, cropping up at the bizarrely hyphened Corinthian-Casuals. It’s a match made in heaven – not least as the club approached Diego on his…

I’m glad Josh Blackman wrote in about Arsenal’s lack of ‘warriors’ [ FFT 259] and his memory of John Terry using his head to try and block a shot at the 2010 World Cup. It confirmed something I’ve thought for years: a symptom of being an English football fan is our love of ‘last-ditch’ defenders. But their sliding tackles are the product of poor positioning or a lack of pace. The greatest defenders don’t need to make such ridiculous challenges, because they anticipate. Think Franco Baresi or Paolo Maldini. I hope John Stones can aspire to being in that category; it’s probably not a surprise that he is being valued in the region of £40m. I doubt any of those in the ‘last-ditch’ category would have been…

BRIAN McBRIDE Columbus Crew No.1 pick in inaugural draft, 1996 McBride was the first name on the board at the maiden MLS draft, and as a first round pick earned a $10,000 bonus on his basic $27,000 salary. He would go on to play in three World Cups and in the Premier League with Fulham and Everton. FREDDY ADU D.C. United No.1 pick, 2004 Not the first or last to be the ‘future of US soccer’ but certainly the most infamous, Adu was 14 when he was drafted and 15 when he made his debut. At last count, ‘the next Pele’ had played for 13 teams in eight countries. MICHAEL BRADLEY MetroStars No.36 pick, 2004 The same year Adu was being hyped, a future US captain almost missed out on…

Victorian football was a tough game, played in hobnail boots on cabbage patch pitches with balls heavier than horses. There were plenty of tough characters – but the hardest was surely Nick Ross, the Preston North End defender known as the “demon back”, who intimidated opponents with his fearsome features, and then used his boots to kick them. “His teeth were discoloured, almost green near the gums, and he hissed through them as he played,” recalled pioneering reporter Jimmy Catton. When Aston Villa’s Denny Hodgetts had the audacity to challenge Ross for a 50-50 ball, Ross’s violent response made newspaper headlines. An “unseemly fracas” ended with the “pugnacious” Ross being dragged away by umpires while yelling “dire threats”. But Ross was not just a brute. He was a clever player,…

MARTIN FERGUSON MANAGED WATERFORD UNITED, EAST STIRLINGSHIRE, ALBION ROVERS Martin Ferguson’s philosophy was clear. “My ideas about football are a bit like Alex’s,” he once explained. “We are totally opposed to negative play. There was only once or twice last season that I asked my men to play defensively. On one of those occasions we lost 6-0.” The year was 1982 and Martin was in charge of East Stirlingshire, just as older brother Alex had been eight years earlier. For Alex, it was a springboard on to bigger things. The future knight of the realm was in charge of the Scottish minnows for just 117 days, but it was long enough to impose his will and hunger for success. Forward Bobby McCulley called him as “a frightening bastard from the…

Mention the name Shankly to supporters around the globe and thoughts will turn to the man who led Liverpool to success in the ’60s and early ’70s, outstretched arms saluting the Kop and his iconic “life and death” comment. But in the city of Dundee it’s a different story. For many Dundonians, the name Shankly will always be synonymous with Bob – Bill’s older brother by three years and the man who managed Dundee to their first and only Scottish Football League title in 1961-62. The next season, he took the Dee to the European Cup semi-finals, two years before Bill’s Liverpool reached the same stage. Bob was revered by Jock Stein, Celtic’s European Cup-winning manager, and according to former St Mirren and Aberdeen boss Alex Smith, who worked with…

Are you challenging for the Bundesliga title or is second place really the limit now? We try to be their main rival in the Bundesliga, but it’s very difficult to compete with Bayern Munich. They are one of the three best teams in the world, with Barcelona and Real Madrid. However, it’s not impossible. We have to play well and win our games – and then we’ll see whether we can gain any ground or not. Was last year’s collapse just psychological? I really don’t know, because during the second half of last season we proved we could still play well and win matches. It was the same group of players and the same coach who had won the league twice before. I guess it was just bad luck in…

Before the appointment of Jose Morais as Antalyaspor’s new coach in January, you were the caretaker boss. Do you have the taste for management now? The club asked me to train the team even though I don’t have any coaching badges, and it was an honour. I planned some training using my experience as a footballer and all the players seemed to like it. I liked it, too, and I’d accept an offer in management if I thought I’d do it right. My philosophy is to win by playing nice football. Just winning can’t satisfy me. I need to get the licence to work as a manager, but for now I’ll remain as a player and keep playing until I get tired! How have you found life in Turkey? The…

Why all the fuss? The Casablanca rivals are two of Morocco’s oldest clubs, doing battle in front of crowds of up to 80,000. Raja have won the CAF Champions League three times, while Wydad can boast a record 18 Moroccan league titles – the most recent coming last season under John Toshack. Reasons for aggro Traditionally, Wydad are the glamorous team of the middle class, while their city rivals represent the industrial grit and people power that helped gain independence. One of Wydad’s founders, Pere Jego, left them controversially in 1952 to join Raja after an internal dispute. Maddest moment Raja walked off in protest at a referee’s decision in a match against Wydad in the 1970s. In 2010, more than 100 people were arrested after a derby when violence…

Whenever he strides out to represent his country, Martin Braithwaite recalls his remarkable route to international football. Once, it was far from certain he’d even be able to walk, let alone become a successful footballer. “I’m grateful every day,” the 24-year-old tells FFT . Braithwaite was football-mad from the start. A picture of him kicking a ball was captured by his local newspaper when he was just two years old. But at five, everything changed. “I was told I had to go into a wheelchair,” the Dane explains. “I had something called Legg-Calve-Perthes disease, which means the rotation bone in the hip is soft. When the bone develops it can be deformed and you can have difficulties walking, so it cannot be put under any pressure by…

PRO TIPS Romelu Lukaku Powerful Everton and Belgium striker The Toffees’ tormentor-in-chief offers his top tips on how to brush off the centre-back who just won’t let go. PSYCHOLOGY Bradley Busch Elite mental skills coach Do you excel under pressure, or could your mindset be holding you back? Take Busch’s quick test and find out. MASTERCLASS Hulk Zenit’s kingpin of crash-bang-wallop Heed the Brazil striker’s advice to become a formidable force upfront and shoot with power and precision. NUTRITION Sharmain Davis Top-of-the-range sport dietitian Diet consultant Davis suggests the best ways to beat the bloat if you struggle with a food intolerance.…

1 Get your technique right Power will come with good body mechanics “Body position is crucial to a great strike. Keep your eyes on the ball and place your non-kicking foot alongside it, then get your head and chest over the ball and strike through it with your laces. This will give you power and precision. Try to hit in the middle of the ball. Do all these things and the keeper will be in trouble. He’ll see a cannonball coming! Remember: don’t lean back as you shoot, or your shot will fly over the bar.” 2 Work to develop accuracy Accuracy is just as important as brute force “I’m lucky to have natural power in my shots, but I do train a lot; I’m always working hard to improve…

1. You have a certain amount of footballing talent and can’t do much to change it. Agree? A) Disagree. I’m a student of football, and if I work hard and learn from my mistakes, I can improve my ability. B) Kind of. I can improve a bit but your natural ability is more important. C) Agree. I could work on my game 24/7 but my ability isn’t going to improve. 2. Do you set yourself both short- and long-term goals? A) Yes. I know exactly where and how I want to be playing in a year’s time as well as this time next week. B) Well, I’ve got a vague idea, but it’s not on a spreadsheet or anything… C) Disagree. I turn up, play football and don’t think too…

Nike MagistaX Proximo TF Designed for comfort, control... and catching the eye. But this MagistaX isn’t style over substance. Designed after Nike consulted with small-sided players over, - stunner meets the various demands of non-grass pitches. RRP £88 Adidas ACE 16+ TKRZ Another top-of-the-ranger big on touch and traction, the TKRZ also offers just the right amount of grip on artificial surfaces with its semi-studded sole, and control due to its compression tongue. Pink flashes suit the turf technician who doesn’t like to brag about it. Much. RRP £115 Puma evoSPEED Sala 3.4 Indoor This combines value for money with a lightweight design, maximum grip and colour scheme so bright you could play in the dark. A synthetic leather upper and mesh inserts let your feet breathe. Ideal for sweat-inducing…

“The Reebok and the Camp Nou are quite similar. 27,000 fans can give you the same sensation as 98,000” FACT FILE Full name Eidur Smari Gudjohnsen Date of birth 15/09/1978 Height 6ft 1in Position Forward Place of birth Reykjavik, Iceland Clubs 1994 Valur 17 games (7 goals); 1995-97 PSV 15 (3); 1998 KR Reykjavik 6 (0); 1998-2000 Bolton Wanderers 73 (26); 2000-06 Chelsea 261 (78); 2006-09 Barcelona 112 (18); 2009-10 Monaco 11 (0); 2010 Tottenham Hotspur (loan) 14 (2); 2010-11 Stoke City 5 (0); 2011 Fulham (loan) 10 (0); 2011-12 AEK Athens 14 (1); 2012-13 Cercle Brugge 14 (7); 2013-14 Club Brugge 49 (7); 2014-15 Bolton 24 (6); 2015 Shijiazhuang Ever Bright 14 (1) International 1996- Iceland 80 (25) Honours KNVB Cup 1995-96; Eredivisie 1996-97; Premier League 2004-05, 2005-06; League…

3.70 SECS Time he ran 30m while at Milan, faster than Usain Bolt covered the same distance in breaking the 100m world record KILMARNOCK Brother Willy played six games for them in 2011. He’s now also in Germany, with FC Kray DAD Father Pierre captained Gabon and now works as a scout for Milan THINGS AUBAMEYANG IS KNOWN FOR Superhero goal celebrations 30% Bromance with Marco Reus 30% Crazy hair 30% Football 10% He once moonwalked on French TV dressed as the King of Pop RONALDO His favourite player 4 years in a row Yaya Toure won African Player of the Year; he was 2015 runner-up to Aubameyang 3 Goals scored on his Bundesliga debut for Dortmund ‘CRESPO FOR LIFE’ Tattoo on his left arm – after his Spanish mum,…

1 Legacy Tim Cahill (Harper Sport, £18.99) Born into a cricket, rugby union and rugby league-mad Sydney family, Cahill should never have made it in football. He reveals how a bank loan got him his big break at Millwall, before Everton and the World Cup came knocking. It’s easy to see that he’s one of football’s nice guys. Best quote “Materazzi acts tougher than he is. I told him: ‘You need to get on the weights, mate, you’re a bit frail’.” 2 The Lost Boys Ed Hawkins (Bloomsbury, £18.99) Buoyed by promises of contracts that don’t exist, thousands of African kids are lured to Europe every year. Hawkins creates a fake company to infiltrate football’s trafficking problem, learning how rules can be bent and who does the bending. It’s genuinely…

1 In which country was Napoli’s former Real Madrid striker Gonzalo Higuain born? 2 Which Premier League midfielder’s name is an anagram of ‘Hazy Admirer’? 3 Which National League club play their home games at the Racecourse Ground? 4 Petr Cech recently overtook David James as the goalkeeper to have kept the most Premier League clean sheets. Who is currently third? 5 Which Serie A side are nicknamed Il Veltri, or the Greyhounds? 6 Which current League Two outfit run out for their home matches at Victoria Road? 7 Since the Football League’s first season in 1888, which club has boasted the top flight’s top scorer on the most occasions? 8 Who is the only Gambian to have played Premier League football? 9 Outside the ‘big three’ of Benfica, Porto…

Q: How many times have Sheffield United won the FA Cup? JC: I’ll go with three. I’m too young to have been at any of them! LR: I know it’s more once. I’ say we’ve won it twice. [Correct answer: Four] 0-0 Q: Which player scored Sheffield United’s first league goal this season? JC: I was on holiday! I’ll go for Billy Sharp but I’m not too sure. LR: Che Adams. It was against Chesterfield and I was on the bench. 1-0 Player Q: Who has made the most league outings in the Blades’ history? JC: It’s Joe Shaw, who made over 600. LR: It was probably someone from long before I was born. I’ll take a wild guess and say Chris Morgan. 1-1 Q: What was the score in…

I’ve never been able to work out one of your Spine Lines, but I’m pleased to say that after more than 10 years of buying FFT , I’ve broken my duck! ‘March 28, 1993’ is the date that cover star Francesco Totti made his Serie A debut and ‘May 13, 1993’ [FFT 260] is the date that Romelu Lukaku, who also graced your cover, was born! If Lukaku can achieve anything close to what Totti has during his Roma career, then he can count himself very happy. Forza Totti! Siobhan McEntee, via email Spot on, Siobhan. We hope your brand new Trusox prove as reliable as Totti and Lukaku.…

DOMENEC TORRENT Assistant coach At Guardiola’s side since 2007, Torrent has evolved from doing scouting for Barcelona B to becoming assistant coach at Bayern Munich. Torrent stayed in the Catalan capital a year longer than Guardiola, who eventually persuaded him to move to Germany as his second-in-command. Never without an iPad on the bench, Torrent is credited with convincing Guardiola to play erstwhile full-back Philipp Lahm as a central midfielder for the first time in an official game (the 2013 UEFA Super Cup against Chelsea). “All the pieces fell together with that decision,” Guardiola later said. “If we win anything, it’s because of that.” MANEL ESTIARTE Personal assistant One of the finest water polo players of all time (he’s known as the sport’s Maradona), Estiarte met Guardiola during the 1992…

How do you greet the opposition pre-match? A) A quick nod will suffice. We’re not here to make friends… or enemies. B) I make direct eye contact with their biggest central defender while wearing my game face. It helps gives us a psychological edge. C) I whisper “why did you call my mum a bike?” into their captain’s ear, and then make a swift throat-slashing gesture. What is your favourite tactic for making your mark on a game early doors? A) Generally I show off my skills with a crisp pass or two and some lively runs down the channels. B) I bundle over a few opponents with reducers, making sure I take just a little bit of the ball, too. C) I carve my initials in stud marks across…

STAN CULLIS The most successful of a glut of disciplinarian bosses to emerge in the 1940s, the Wolves man refused to take off a player who was passing blood, telling the club doctor: “Wait until it comes through his backside.” BRIAN CLOUGH Some managers have had fisticuffs with fans, others with their own players, but only Old Big ’Ed did both, clobbering three pitch-invaders in 1989 and once laying out Roy Keane. Very even-handed of him. ALAN BROWN Clough’s managerial mentor was a former policeman and self-proclaimed “bastard” who helped dig the foundations for Burnley’s new training ground – and insisted that his players helped him out. DIEGO SIMEONE Having played “as if holding a knife between his teeth”, he has no time for “weak” players and got an eight-game…

“If you lost, you had to report to the Rwandan generals. Fortunately, we didn’t lose often” Like older brother Guus, René Hiddink always seemed destined for the dugout, although the early stages of his coaching career were spent at amateur level rather than at the very top. He coached tiny Dutch sides AD’69, Sint Joris and VVG’25 – unlike Guus, who earned global recognition after leading the Netherlands and South Korea to the semi-finals of the 1998 and 2002 World Cups. Perhaps René wasn’t as ambitious as Guus, who has also managed European giants Real Madrid, Valencia, PSV and Chelsea (twice). In addition to his time at amateur clubs, René also worked as a coach at sometime Eredivisie yo-yo club De Graafschap and as assistant manager in the Eerste Divisie…

DARIUS VASSELL Ankaragucu Even Vassell must have been baffled when 3,000 hysterical fans greeted him with banners that read: ‘Hands in the air, Vassell is here!’ They presumably hadn’t seen him bench-warming in England. A mere four goals followed. KEVIN CAMPBELL Trabzonspor Campbell’s sale ultimately made Pierre van Hooijdonk go on strike at Nottingham Forest and it didn’t turn out well for the Englishman, either: Trabzonspor’s chairman labelled him “a cannibal who calls himself a striker”. Cue exit. ROYSTON DRENTHE Kayseri Erciyesspor Once a star for Real Madrid and the Dutch under-21s, Drenthe spent four months in Turkey last year but moved on to Baniyas in Abu Dhabi after relegation. Still only 28, he remains a cautionary example for any ‘next big thing’. FREDDY ADU Caykur Rizespor Drenthe’s career glitters…

“We first noticed when we went to get on the team bus the morning after the game,” Eritrea striker Sirak Beyene tells FFT . “We looked around and there didn’t seem to be the right number of players. Half the team was missing.” The previous afternoon, they’d been playing an away match against Botswana; less than 24 hours later, Eritrea were looking for a new team. Again. The Red Sea Boys’ patchwork side had been torn apart for the fifth time since 2009. First, some 12 players went missing after a fixture in Kenya. Then 13 more disappeared in Tanzania. Another 17 sought asylum after a game in Uganda, before nine more of the squad didn’t return from a second match in Kenya. This time, 10 players…

THE GENIUS Andres Iniesta studied at a high level and went to university when he was a B team player at Barça. He is intelligent on and off the pitch and a good captain for us. THE SPEEDSTER The fastest is Jordi Alba. I don’t know his times, but he’s the quickest in training and on the pitch. Not only that, he can do it again and again. That’s why he plays on the wing. THE PRANKSTER Gerard Pique is constantly joking around, in training in the morning and on trips. You have to be careful with him nearby. I probably can’t tell you about most of the tricks he does! GAMES MASTER We usually travel on the day of matches so there’s not much time to play games, but…

It has often been said that if any football club truly symbolises the extravagance of the Middle East and the mysticism of the desert, it’s Partick Thistle. There was that time they signed Alex Raisbeck for £500 and, of course, the days of the hosepipe ban in 1976. So when Scot Archie Young (right) was setting up a team in the United Arab Emirates a decade ago, there was only one name he could possibly choose: Abu Dhabi Thistle. “I started a wee team and I wanted them to have a Scottish flavour,” Young explains. “One of the guys who started it with me was a Partick Thistle fan, so we chose their strip to play in.” The youth club have expanded rapidly, and now even Manchester City, whose owner…

30% FEWER GOALS One in three penalties are missed due to players ‘choosing’ the wrong psychological reaction to the high-pressure situation. Researchers found that players trained to take a positive approach were two-thirds more successful than those who ‘choked’ by displaying avoidance behaviour at shootouts. BORN IDENTITY Footballers born January-April are strongly over-represented in 30 top divisions in Europe – but not England. With age brackets beginning on September 1, 40 per cent of England’s Premier League pros were born in the last four months of the year. THIGH-POWERED THINKERS Strength drills such as squats and leg presses, which develop power, can also make players smarter. Researchers from King’s College London found in subject cases that the stronger the leg muscles, the better and more long-lasting the grey matter. BACK…

“Sunday League pitches usually take a battering during the winter, leaving you with a congested fixture list. This can be a shock to the system after a string of weather-induced postponements. Unfit and out of shape, you’re going to struggle to meet the demands of the game for 90 minutes, but hopefully the rebounders running drill can help you get back in tune – and fast. All you need for it is a good work ethic and a marked-out football pitch. Start on the edge of the six-yard box, facing out towards the touchline. Run to the perimeter of the 18-yard box, turn sharply, and run back to the start position. Then walk across the width of the six-yard box and mirror the run on the opposite side. Repeat this…

GK NEVILLE SOUTHALL Big Nev’s an obvious choice for my No.1: he was the best goalkeeper I ever played with or against, without any doubt. He was a great servant to Wales and holds the record for most caps [92]. RB DENIS IRWIN He was a model of consistency with Manchester United and one of the first names on the team-sheet during their successes throughout the 1990s. Seven Premier League titles says it all. CB RIO FERDINAND Comfortable on the ball, he was a classic modern defender. There can’t have been many better defenders in the Premier League era; certainly not many who were such good all-round footballers. CB TONY ADAMS Tony is a leader of men, and what an incredible centre-half he was. Like all the players in my…

Hats off to West Ham. In their last year at Upton Park the Irons have, like Norwich, packed their ground 99.7 per cent full in 2015-16. Below the Premier League, things look less rosy – especially for teams who were once in it. Bolton, Blackburn and Cardiff (who built a new stand only to close it nine months later) are at half their capacity or less, and Wigan barely a third, as some fans turn away. But at 24 per cent full, Morecambe’s Globe Arena is the emptiest on a typical matchday.…

“I nearly decapitated Lee Dixon. He wouldn’t speak to me for ages. I had to beg” Hi Ian. Lee Dixon once told us that while the two of you were playing golf, you hit a shot so bad that you shouted “I need to self-harm!” and drove your buggy into a tree. How do you feel about this episode now? Ha! I can’t believe he’s brought that story to the world. I was having a bad time out there: I’d been playing well, then I started shanking it everywhere. Lee was sniggering. I went for the tree, but just before I hit it, I changed my mind about self-harming and jumped out. Lee took the brunt of it, and I nearly decapitated the man. He wouldn’t speak to me for…

ALL HAIL THE KING OF ROME I’ve been an avid reader of your fantastic magazine for 10 years and was delighted to read the issue on the under-appreciated super-talent that is Francesco Totti [FFT 260]. The cold, hard facts that you laid bare are proof he deserves his status among the greats of Italian and world football, and forget what Messrs Souness and Hoddle think. His loyalty to boyhood club Roma is admirable. Is he the last world-class player to remain at one club his entire career? Do even Giallorossi fans run around hoping to emulate Totti, or do they just dream of a couple of years of glory before chasing a fat contract elsewhere? I appreciate Totti as the last of a rare breed, and also the last link…

THE REAL PLAYERS Rio Ferdinand @rioferdy5 #GrantMitchell is back in #eastenders knee slide in the kitchen! Siem de Jong @siemdejong Poked in the eye during training, need to rest it for a couple of days. #nufc #strangeinjury Mikael Forssell @MikaelForssell As a Star Wars fan... this picture gives me the chills... my daughter feeling “The Dark Side of the Forss(ell)...” THE FAKES Arsene Wenger @wengerknowsbest Özil just had to miss out today with a small small not-risking-our-whole-season-playing-him-at-Stoke tactical foot niggle. Kevin Keegan @GalacticKeegan The FA Cup is the best David v Goliath story since the one in the Bible where the little lad fights the big thug. I forget what it’s called. YOU’RE TOO KIND... Dean Eddyshaw @godeangogogogo A big well done to @FourFourTwo on their Francesco Totti article. Such…

You’ve spent more time with Guardiola than anyone outside his closest circle. What’s he like? There’s very little that is special about him. He’s just very normal and unassuming. As a coach, he’s very famous, and some of what you see publically is to protect himself and his family. The perception is that because he’s such a great coach, there must be something different to him, but that’s not really the case. He’s very humble and always deals with problems personally. The special quality he has is in how he interprets football – he understands it like no one else. Does he ever stop thinking about the sport? He does, but the majority of his day-to-day life is dedicated to football. He’s obsessive in the sense that he constantly applies…

SMOOTHEN THE ROUGH EDGES “Stuart was a young man when he came to Forest, not long out of non-league football and having spent only a relatively short time at Coventry. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that Brian Clough had a little bit of work to do with him when he first arrived. Brian taught him a lot about his tackling and his approach to the game. When Stuart first came he was a little... unsophisticated, shall we say. He would fly into challenges without caring much about where the ball went. By the time I took over [in 1993] he was one of the best tacklers in English football. He would come away with the ball rather than seeing it fly into the stands.” MAKE USE OF THEIR…

QUARTER- FINALS SURVIVOR: BOLI HARALD SCHUMACHER VS BASILE BOLI Boli’s in control of the fight when Schumacher launches his trademark move, flying hip-first like a keeper-shaped missile – but then Basile juts out his famous forehead. KRUNCH! SURVIVOR: GENTILE CLAUDIO GENTILE VS ANTONIO RATTIN Gentile leads with the classic combo: sharpened fingernail digs and whispered sledging during the pre-bout handshake. Rattin does a runner, which is ironic – they couldn’t get him off in ’66. SURVIVOR: PEARCE STUART PEARCE VS CARLES PUYOL Horrified rhinos watch documentaries about these defenders charging each other. The wild-eyed Spaniard thunders in first; peeved, Pearce volleys his foe into Row Z. He’s outta there! SURVIVOR: SOUNESS EDGAR DAVIDS VS CRAEME SOUNESS A mismatch: the Pitbull is made to look like a poodle as Souey, casually…

Reports referred to Herbert as “the brother of Harry Chapman” Harry Chapman was a better footballer than older brother Herbert, and had his career not been cut tragically short, he may have become a better manager, too. Born in 1879 in the colliery village of Kiveton Park near Rotherham, Harry worked in the mine while Herbert was an office clerk. Both played for Kiveton Park and were two of 11 siblings, with his brothers Tom and Matt also footballers. Harry signed for Sheffield Wednesday, while Herbert joined Northampton before moving to Sheffield United. The brothers first faced each other in a Sheffield derby on Herbert’s Blades debut, in September 1902, with Harry’s Wednesday winning 3-2. The following month, they played alongside each other for a Sheffield team in an exhibition…

Have you been to Dubai before? Yes, two or three years ago a large group of players came here on holidays. I think we were four or five couples plus [former BVB midfielder] Kevin Grosskreutz. What’s it like working here instead of holidaying during the winter break? The training complex is a dream. That’s why we came here. It’s a long journey, compared to Europe, but we gladly accepted that because the training conditions are so good. A year ago, the mood was very different... Yes, but we knew that the winter break was a great chance to turn things around. It gives you time to clear your head and start all over again for the second half of the season. But wasn’t the pressure enormous last winter after your…

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again. Leonardo Blanchard has followed that philosophy closely in his rise to Serie A with Frosinone, so it was fitting that one of the most unusual goals of the season came from a similar strategy. Unable to establish himself with Siena, Blanchard had six loans with Poggibonsi, FeralpiSalo and others before joining Frosinone in 2012 and helping the minnows climb two divisions to Italy’s top tier. The centre-back scored a memorable injury-time equaliser at boyhood club Juventus in September and followed it up with some fine improvisation in a 2-2 draw with Genoa. “We won a free-kick near the halfway line,” recalls the 27-year-old to FFT. “The ball was bent in and Danilo Soddimo headed it to me. When I…

Why should I care? They’re back in Ligue 1 after 21 years and surprised everybody by climbing as high as second. Mid-January, they’re still there. Any big names? Only Billy Ketkeophomphone (right) – they don’t come much bigger than that. The French forward is of Laotian descent, and goes for the abbreviated ‘Ketkeo’ on the back of his shirt. What’s the SCO in the club’s name about? Why do they anger Scotland? Sorry to disappoint, but SCO doesn’t stand for Scotland – it’s Sporting Club de l’Ouest. They’ve had ex-Rangers hothead Bilel Mohsni in their squad, though, and he’s angered a few Scots in his time. He received a seven-match ban for punching and kicking a Motherwell player last season. He needed some Angers management… I see what you did…

FC SANTA CLAUS FINLAND Based in Rovaniemi, hometown of legendary gift-bestower Father Christmas, these third-tier Laplanders obviously play in red – and their emblem looks exactly like something you’d see on the wall of a bleak shopping-centre grotto, with the elf-enslaving festive overlord scrutinising a tedious list of requests for Nerf guns, Minion figurines and Lego. TOT SPORT CLUB THAILAND We’re not doubting for a moment that Bangkok-based outfit TOT are a fabulous telecommunications company, but perhaps they should have involved a few ‘creatives’ when it came to designing their associated football team’s badge. Instead, they scrawled a massive handset with ‘TELEPHONE’ plastered beneath it and ‘HELLO’ on top, then went for lunch. It’s to the point, at least.. NEWELL’S OLD BOYS ARGENTINA What’s that you say? One of Argentina’s…

It’s hard to feel sorry for professional footballers, but 20-odd years on a strict diet would test most of us. Pizza’s off the menu for a start. But not according to MuscleFood.com, whose specialist pizzas are proving popular with the pros. Simon Mignolet is a fan, his Liverpool team-mates Alberto Moreno and Jose Enrique having tucked in last season, and Connor Wickham and Jack Rodwell are also on the delivery list. You might think healthy pizzas involve no toppings and taste like cardboard. But you’d be wrong. “You can lower calories by leaving off the mozzarella, but then it wouldn’t taste great,” says MuscleFood’s Darren Beale. “Instead, we scrapped the traditional white-flour base, packed with additives, oil and sugar, for a rice-flour alternative fortified with pea protein. Our pizzas contain…

“I’m pretty stocky, but physical defenders who prefer to mark tightly tend to dominate me. How do you roll a player who is all over you?”Luke Clark, via Facebook “I don’t mind if a defender gets tight or gives me space because I am looking to become a complete player, and you need to know how to play against either style of defender. If they are coming tight to you, though, it’s all about doing your research on the player and trying to figure out their weaknesses. How are they positioning and shaping their body? How are they using their feet? Try to look at their footwork and see how they move. Are they right- or left-footed? If you know which one they use, try to take them on the…

LACTOSE What is it? A naturally-occurring carbohydrate found in dairy products. The lowdown One in five people – many footballers, then – suffer from an intolerance that’s due to a lack of, or deficiency in, the enzyme that digests lactose. What to do “Milk, especially, is very nutritious and often recommended to athletes to help them recover from exercise, due to its high-quality protein, sodium content and ability to help replenish energy stores,” says sports and clinical dietitian Davis, who has previously worked with Bath Rugby and Harlequins. “So I always recommend that affected individuals try lactose-free dairy options first, rather than nut or soya milk, in order to maintain their intake of calcium, dairy proteins and other micronutrients.” FRUCTOSE What is it? Fruit sugar, basically – the carb found…