Table of contents for Live Yourself Happy in Live Yourself Happy

As the cost of living crisis spirals, our stress levels are following suit. One in five people in the UK say they feel stressed more than they don’t, and money worries are one of the primary causes*. But we shouldn’t be scared of stress. “It’s normal,” says psychotherapist Caron Barruw, co-founder of The Niche Group. “It’s how we manage it that makes the difference.” We can learn to turn stress into something more useful – helpful even, adds neuroscientist and author of Psycho-Logical, Dr Dean Burnett. Sound good? Here’s how to harness and not hate all stress. A helping hand “Stress is the brain’s threat detection system preparing us to deal with danger,” says Dr Burnett. It mostly feels unpleasant, but on a fundamental level it keeps us safe. “While…

Trust is a key part of good relationships and friendships, yet it doesn’t come as easily to some of us as it does to others. It’s hard to define what trust is. Sure, there is the dictionary definition – ‘a firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of someone or something’ – but real trust is far less tangible than that. Our ability to trust in the people around us is influenced by our experiences, our past, our instincts and our personality. Trust is something that is at the heart of our daily life in many ways. We have to put our trust in people at work, when commuting, for our medical health and so on. Every time you order a taxi, you’re putting your trust in the driver…

Life can feel like a game of chess – do we make this move or that one? Do we take a risk or play it safe? Sometimes we know what is holding us back from taking a step forward; sometimes we have no idea. Often it is something within us that we have the power to change. Performance psychologist Gerry Hussey gives us six tips for moving past those mental roadblocks. 1 LET GO OF FEAR Fear – of change, failure, rejection or the unknown – can really hold you back. Yet fear is just a thought, created in your mind. When faced with fear, you can easily overestimate the challenge ahead and underestimate your abilities. You unconsciously set limits to what is possible, which in turn perpetuates the fear.…

Few of us can resist sharing a bit of chit-chat about other people – according to the experts, 60% of adult conversations are about someone who isn’t there. But now we can enjoy this guilty pleasure, because science says that there are benefits to having a good blabber behind closed doors. Social super glue Gossiping is one of the easiest ways to connect with others, as confiding in someone provides the ultimate binding tool. “It’s a great way to demonstrate common values and sense of humour, as well as share worries and seek support,” says counsellor Chloe Ward. “And having a mutual dislike creates a stronger bond than sharing similar likes.” It can also help us build personal relationships. “Humans have an innate desire to know about other people’s lives,”…

Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded by negativity. Whether it be from a 24-hour news cycle, divisive politics, economic worries or the pressure to balance an increasing workload with a personal life, it comes as little surprise that depression and anxiety cases are growing at an alarming rate. No wonder then that people are more desperate than ever to escape in order to maintain their own sanity. This is not a new phenomenon either. Humans have immersed themselves in some form of escapist activity for thousands of years, whether it be through storytelling, song or live theatre. The only difference now is that technology provides us with a vast selection of choices to enjoy. Entire industries, such as Hollywood, are dedicated to catering to the public’s insatiable need for escapism.…

The word ‘love’ is often thrown around and associated with almost anything we feel drawn to. Whether it is a person, an object or an abstract idea, you can love them all. But what does it really mean to love? Films often feature romantic love as part of the main plot. Its unpredictability, intensity and power make for an exciting storyline – just as it does in reality. While fiction often plays with an overly simplified, romanticised view of it, love is more than a fairy-tale dream. Love experienced in real life is a complex affair. Where in the body do you feel love? It can feel like it is taking over your entire being, and most of your body does actually experience physical changes. Your heart is just one…

How do you get on with those around you – your partner, children, parents, siblings, even colleagues at work? Would you describe your relationships as good in the main or do things often feel strained with definite room for improvement? Although when we talk about relationships in general, romantic ones first tend to spring to mind, but our attachments and interactions with other people in our life can be similarly significant. “Relationships are key to our health and happiness and give meaning and purpose to our lives,” confirms chartered clinical psychologist and author Dr Jessamy Hibberd. “We’re highly social beings and early humans needed to live together and get on in a group to ensure survival. This means we have a deep need for social inclusion and research shows that…

Humans have always needed to connect with one another. Indeed, for most of our history, fitting in with the group has been essential to survival by greatly improving our chances against food shortage, predators and enemies through co-operating. A safety in numbers. But even today in our modern, sophisticated and technologically savvy world, that instinct remains strong. We’re still social animals. From the moment we’re born, we appeal to our parents for food, warmth, love and shelter. As babies we need our carers to respond to our every need to stay alive. We are vulnerable. We don’t pretend – we let others know what we need by crying and demanding attention. We’re real. Authentic to our feelings. But as we grow up, we become more aware of what others might…

The English word ‘meditation’ comes from the Latin meditari, which means to think or to ponder. But the practice has its roots much further east than Rome. It originated in India as early as 4,000 years ago, before spreading eastwards to China and Japan, and westwards along the Silk Roads into Europe. Now, as brain scans begin to pinpoint the neurophysiology of meditative experiences, and research trials explore the effects meditation practices can have on our wellbeing, what began as a step on a spiritual path towards enlightenment is fast gaining a reputation as a panacea. Neural rewiring for health and wellbeing There are hundreds of different ways to practice meditation, but at their core, most use a form of focused awareness to calm and balance the mind. Though research…

If you’ve ever fallen asleep to the sound of the sea or been brave enough to take an invigorating, wild skinny-dip, you can’t deny the positive effects of being in and around water. The ancient Greeks soaked in mineral-rich thermal springs to help them feel better, and seaside trips were often prescribed by doctors during Victorian times. And it seems they were on to something, because now there’s a body of science-led evidence to prove that water can indeed heal. Keen to learn more? Here’s how to ride the wave of ‘blue therapy’. Join the blue gym The great outdoors is a healthy place to relax and recharge, as many of us discovered when embracing the goodness of green spaces during the pandemic. But along with fields, forests and our…

Despite a staggering one in four people in the UK experiencing a mental health problem each year, the invisible nature of it means there’s often a tendency to ignore problems and just get on with it. But, as Stephen Buckley, head of information at mental health charity Mind, says, “Mental health is just like our physical health: everybody has it and we need to take care of it.” He adds, “Thankfully, we’ve seen the national conversation on mental health move forward, but those with mental health problems still face barriers.” The topic remains taboo, especially for older generations – a YouGov survey revealed 25% of over-55s think it’s more difficult for them to discuss mental health than younger people. Some 71% felt this was because, in the past, anxiety and…

A pounding heart, crushing chest pain and debilitating terror may sound like the signs of a heart attack, but for those who suffer from panic attacks, these scary symptoms are all too common. Sound familiar? You’re not alone – up to a third of people will experience at least one panic attack in their lifetime*, while others will have regular attacks or several in a short space of time. Whatever your experience, there are ways to bring a panic attack under control. Here, our experts explain what could help… What happens? “A panic attack is an intense emotional and physical response to a sense of dread or fear,” says psychologist Dr Alison McClymont. “It may have an obvious trigger (such as being under stress), but it may also come on…

From a very young age, we’re told to be kind, to share, to see things from other people’s viewpoints, to put others first and to be polite, amongst many other life lessons. And while these are important skills to learn – equipping us with qualities that turn us into decent human beings – taking these instructions to the extreme can actually be detrimental to our own mental health and wellbeing. As children, we probably remember our parents coming out with the following sorts of phrases (and as parents we’re probably guilty of repeating these to our own children): “Give Grandpa a kiss goodbye, go on, don’t be rude…” “PRIORITISING YOUR NEEDS CAN BENEFIT EVERYONE INVOLVED” “I know you don’t like mushrooms, but we’re guests, so eat up…” Telling kids to…

Sometimes life has a habit of getting you down. There’s no need to feel bad – it happens to us all from time to time. The everyday routine can become mundane, and we can feel so busy that time seems to fly by without anything really seeming to happen. It can be hard to look at the positives in your life, but there are real benefits, both physical and mental, if you take the time to harness the power of gratitude. Recognising things and people in your life that you’re grateful for can have a huge impact on your wellbeing. “Being grateful for people, things and situations in our lives can create a balanced view in our mindset and lead us to experience the abundance in our lives, rather than…

Ever wish you’d left the house earlier, reworded that email or stopped short of being cajoled into a full head of highlights? We all have regrets, big and small, and the good news is that we should be giving ourselves permission to have them. No more ruminating over what we did or didn’t do – the new goal is not to be a victim of the past, and to learn to accept ourselves just as we are. 1 ACKNOWLEDGE REGRETS Regrets are a common experience and it’s unrealistic to believe that life can, or should, be devoid of them. The sorrow over ‘fundamental regrets’ (relationships, work, health, life choices and so on) can “run deep and feel very intense,” says Karin Sieger. The key is to acknowledge their existence and…

Feel like you’re trying to keep pace with your more adventurous friends? Envious of the colleagues who can afford to retire early while you’re still slogging away? Comparing yourself to others is something that we all do – it’s human instinct. “Comparison has been hardwired into our DNA for thousands of years,” explains therapist Marisa Peer (marisapeer.com). “Previously, in order to stay alive, we learnt how to do things by watching others. It really was the survival of the fittest.” However, fast forward to the current day and pitting ourselves against our peers has become a measuring stick for material worth, personal success and life satisfaction, often breeding low self-esteem, jealousy and depression as a result. One study* found that we tend to overestimate the happiness and success of others,…

Have you ever felt that buzz of excitement when waiting eagerly for something to happen? That’s anticipation. It can make you feel jittery or nervous, excited or euphoric. You might feel it in the build-up to a big event – Christmas, a birthday, a special party. You may experience it waiting for a concert or film to start, before you enter a bar for a first date, or as you step on a plane to jet off somewhere exotic. Our lives are full of small moments of anticipation, and you probably don’t even pay much attention to your emotional response. But you should; anticipation can be one of the best feelings you experience. First, what is anticipation? It’s an emotion involved in awaiting an expected future event, and it can…

If you are a parent, building a healthy and trusting relationship with your child is probably one of the most important things you will ever do. You are effectively helping to shape another human being’s self-esteem, and providing them with a good grounding for later life. “When you communicate well with your child, it leads to a strong relationship, greater cooperation, and feelings of worth,” confirms therapist Zinny Perryman, who has specialised in working with children and family interventions. “If the opposite is the case, it can lead to your child switching off, conflict and feelings of worthlessness. They are far less likely to open up about any difficulties or worries and it can be easy to lose touch with what is going on for them.” She advises: Be as…

Meditation is nothing new. Humans have been paying attention to the breath and practising self-awareness for centuries, and for many years researchers have been exploring the benefits of meditation on both our physical wellbeing and our minds, with the body of scientific evidence steadily growing. The list of benefits is pretty impressive. Slowing down racing thoughts has been shown to slash the risk of depression (or help treat it if you’re already struggling with your mental health), by altering the release of mood-altering cytokines (inflammatory chemicals that are thought to lead to the development of chronic depression). It’s also been shown to improve focus and attention, and help to beat insomnia. “Meditation has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety, enhance self-awareness and increase the ability to self-regulate emotions. It…

Do you often have more confidence when wearing a certain shade, or feel more positive after walking in green spaces? It could be that colour is having a much bigger effect on your wellbeing then you realise. “Colour is a quintessential part of life,” says colour specialist Mark Wentworth (colourforlife.com). “Each colour creates a different physical and emotional response and, as we have evolved as a species, so has our understanding of the depths and intricacies of human emotion and behaviour.” But how we respond to the effects of certain hues, whether positively or negatively, can be very personal – there isn’t a one-colour-fits-all when it comes to colour therapy. “On one level, colour is instinctual, and on another it connects us to our own personal memories and experiences,” explains…

PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY Stemming from Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis, Freud believed that psychological problems are rooted in the unconscious mind, and experiences from a person’s past can influence their thoughts and behaviour in later life. Positive change is seen as happening as a result of uncovering repressed events and linking them to present difficulties. You might spend significant time discussing your childhood or recalling dreams, with your therapist suggesting connections. This approach also emphasises the idea and exploration of transference, where feelings you experienced in previous relationships may be projected onto your therapist – for example, you view them as a critical teacher or favourite uncle. Suitable for A wide range of issues, including depression and anxiety. Considerations Some people might prefer to focus on the present than revisit their childhood. Therapy…

Compassion is the willingness to help others, show kindness and caring when they are suffering, and try to help relieve their pain. ‘Self’-compassion is offering that kindness to yourself. We are our own worst enemy. Blaming and criticising ourselves, telling ourselves we should be better/do more/achieve more. If we don’t match up to our standards and rules of living, the self-bullying only gets worse. We understand that beating ourselves up is counterproductive. Yet we reserve our understanding for others. We consider self-nurturing as indulgent, and worry we may take our foot off the pedal and let ourselves go. No one can convince us that we too are worthy of love. No new job, another person, or attaining our ‘ideal’ weight is going to change how we feel about ourselves. Offering…

A 2020 study revealed that we humans have a staggering 6,200 thoughts per day*. But being able to let go of at least some of these helps us to reduce anxiety and stress, making our lives feel lighter and less complicated. 1 LISTEN TO YOUR INNER WISDOM Learning to listen to yourself, to your innate voice of inner wisdom or intuition, is a valuable life tool. Björn calls it “the intelligence of the moment” and describes it as a finely honed, quiet compass inside you. Other voices may get in the way of your inner wisdom, such as when you seek advice from others. Your ego has a voice too – “It often drowns out everything else with its noisy demands,” says Björn. These extra voices shut off access to…

Here’s how to prevent comparison and feelings of insecurity from sabotaging your wellbeing 1. STAY IN YOUR LANE Focus on your own goals and work on achieving them in your own time. “Put together a plan, map it out, set realistic timelines, and stay consistent,” says Marisa. “Avoid getting distracted by the ‘noise’ of what others are doing, as this can be demotivating and you’ll be less likely to achieve your targets.” 2. SPEAK YOUR FEELINGS After spending the evening with a loved-up couple, would you question whether your own relationship is on the rocks? If you notice negative spiralling thoughts such as these, say them out loud to yourself, suggests Dawn. “What we accept from our internal voice often sounds ridiculous when spoken.” This trick will help you to…

Daydreaming sometimes gets a bad reputation: students who don’t pay attention in class end up having trouble completing coursework, and workers who spend meetings thinking about winning the lottery are probably not the most productive. But research has shown that not all daydreaming is bad. “Daydreaming motivates people to work toward accomplishing their goals,” says Dr Matthew Lorber, acting director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. “For example, if a high school student daydreams about getting into a good college, such daydreaming may motivate him or her to actually study more during high school in order to get into a good college,” he adds. Here are a few other surprising facts about daydreaming. “RESEARCH HAS SUGGESTED THAT PEOPLE ZONE OUT ON PURPOSE” 1…

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” Those are the wise words of Muhammad Ali, who understood both the importance of friendship in our lives, as well as the difficulty of putting what ‘friendship’ means into words. It’s a mutual affection shared between two people who care for and respect one another. Your closest friends are those you can rely on in times of need, who you can laugh with, whose company you enjoy and who you communicate with on a regular basis. Our concept of friendship changes over time. As small children, it’s not uncommon to make friends with strangers in the park after just…

Lifestyle plays a huge role in the way that we feel – not just physically, but mentally too. What we eat and how much we move can impact positively or negatively on our mental wellbeing, which is why it’s so important to be mindful around diet and exercise. However, there is no one lifestyle template that suits everyone and has the same impact; there is an element of trial and error to learn what makes you feel happy. Food and mood There are two key ways in which our diet can make us feel happier: by eating nourishing foods that are packed with mood-boosting nutrients that directly impact on our brain chemistry; and by indulging in foods that we enjoy with people we feel connected to. Aiming to maintain a…

We know fresh air is good for us and natural surroundings are an obvious choice for getting that, but while the coast can be calming, it is a well-established fact that wooded areas and forests are the most powerful places when it comes to restorative effects. The idea of forest bathing, or Shinrin-yoku as it is known in Japan, where the idea first originated in the 1980s, has become increasingly popular and is supported by professionals in both medical and psychological fields. “With over half the world’s population now living in urban areas, we have become more removed from nature, but numerous studies show the mental health benefits of reconnecting, specifically by immersing yourself in a forest or woodland atmosphere,” confirms Professor Stephen Palmer, founder director of both the International…

February 2020 marked 16 years since Facebook was launched. Originally called TheFacebook, the service was designed to be used by Mark Zuckerberg and his fellow Harvard students. It then expanded to other colleges and universities, and eventually, in 2006, to everyone over the age of 13 with an email address. Today, there are around 2.5 billion monthly active users. Nearly 1.7 billion people log in to Facebook on a daily basis, and there’s a good chance that you’re one of them. Add to that Instagram and WhatsApp (also members of the Facebook family) and you’re giving over a lot of your time to the hugely influential conglomerate. There are many reasons why you may use social media: to catch up with friends, to read news from your favourite brands, to…