Table of contents for May 8, 2023 in Globe

LET’S WEIGHT AWHILE Looks like jumbo singer JANET JACKSON still isn’t controlling her appetite! OH SCHITT! CATHERINE O’HARA gets plenty of laughs as wig-wearing Moira Rose on Schitt’s Creek — but there’s nothing funny about her flabby chin! GETTING WIGGY WITH IT Moneyball’s JONAH HILL sports some superbad hair as alter ego Prophet Ezekiel Profit ROCK & ROLLING ALONG Red Hot Chili Peppers singer ANTHONY KIEDIS takes a new set of wheels for a spin in NYC after injuring his ankle THE BITE STUFF Abbott Elementary’s LISA ANN WALTER sinks her teeth into her duties as judge for a grilled cheese contest in Times Square GEEZY DOES IT Jaws hero RICHARD DREYFUSS doesn’t seem to have his sea legs in West Hollywood THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK!…

FREAKED-out Paris Jackson is so paranoid for her safety, she walks L.A.’s mean streets with a terrifying guard dog at her side while armed to the hilt with pepper spray, insiders say. Michael Jackson’s 25-year-old daughter was with a scary black Doberman wearing a “Do Not Pet” bandanna and carried what appeared to be a can of eye-stinging pepper spray on her keychain after lunch at Beachwood Cafe. “Paris may come across as eccentric, but she has to care for herself and learned the hard way she can’t take any chances with her personal safety,” spills an insider. “This dog is protecting her and no one would be surprised to see Paris carrying pepper spray. It’s what any red-blooded American girl in her position would do.” As GLOBE has reported,…

MIFFED Mo’Nique, 55, is hauling CBS/Paramount to court — claiming they owe her “tens of millions” of dollars for her role in the five-season TV show The Parkers! “I just want the contractual compensation I’ve earned,” the stand-up comic fumes. Her lawsuit claims the show’s profits were structured “to artificially depress its profitability and retain millions that would otherwise be contractually due and owing to” the Phat Girlz sensation.…

KATE CAPSHAW Steven Spielberg’s spouse is dressed for the Temple of Gloom in a boring black minidress! KELSEA BALLERINI The singer unlocks her sexy side with a keyhole bodice, but it’s overkill with such a high hemline TARAJI P. HENSON We can’t bear it! The Empire actress bombs in a terrible teddy ensemble and kooky platforms HEIDI KLUM The America’s Got Talent judge is a winner in a ruched jersey gown and glam opera gloves BROOKE SHIELDS The Pretty Baby is spot-on — and her bold clutch and lipstick add perfect pops of color…

COCKY Jenna Bush Hager is outta control — and her bosses at Today are desperately trying to make her get a grip before fedup fans totally turn on her, sources tell GLOBE! “Jenna’s only shooting herself in the foot by becoming the most unpopular person on the set and acting like Today’s mean girl,” spills an insider. “She wants to be the center of attention and goes off script whenever she feels like it.” Sources say the catty co-host, 41, has increasingly been sticking the shiv into 58-year-old colleague Hoda Kotb in particular! “Jenna likes to make Hoda the butt of jokes, and fans have noticed,” dishes an insider. “She embarrasses Hoda all the time too, and Hoda is annoyed with her! “People are wondering where nice Jenna went —…

THE troubled daughter of late soap stud Kristoff St. John, who drank himself into an early grave in 2019, was busted for meditating totally naked in a Boise supermarket — and later tried to bust out of the clink, lawmen say. Paris St. John, 31, was charged with indecent exposure after a store employee laid bare the naughty nude antics in a 911 call, according to an arrest affidavit. Investigators say by the time they arrived at the scene, the worker had convinced praying Paris to put her clothes back on. She was hauled off to Ada County Jail — but authorities charge the caged hellcat tried to make a break for it when a door opened for an entering cop! The model was tackled to the ground and hit…

A COURT has awarded Lisa Marie Presley’s ex-hubby Michael Lockwood full custody of their 14-year-old twins, Harper and Finley, despite his long bitter battle with Elvis’ daughter over her fortune and the kids before her tragic death earlier this year. The girls began living with their 61-year-old musician dad following Lisa Marie’s shocking cardiac arrest death at age 54 on Jan. 12. Up until then, Lockwood was locked in a nasty fight with recovering drug addict Lisa Marie over a prenup that left him nearly nothing when they divorced in 2016. Now, insiders say, Lockwood has another shot at getting his hands on some Presley family cash. As the teens’ guardian, he’ll manage their interest in Lisa Marie’s trust and Elvis’ Graceland mansion, which brought in a staggering $110 million…

ONE of infamous drug lord Pablo Escobar’s cocaine hippos has been smashed to death by a speeding car in the middle of a Colombia highway — just a few miles from the dead cartel czar’s 7,000-acre former estate! Officials in Puerto Triunfo say the king-sized creature met its maker on the Bogotá-Medellín highway and, fortunately, the driver was unharmed. But the massive mammal totaled his car beyond repair. Escobar’s original four colossal creatures — dubbed cocaine hippos because they were illegally imported using money from the Medellín menace’s brisk drug trade — have multiplied in the wild since his death. Now, 30 years since lawmen gunned down outlaw Escobar, the hippopotamus herd is up to about 150 bulky beasts and have been labeled the “world’s worst invasive species.” With no…

GO-GETTER Jamie Foxx works hard — and plays hard — but his frantic loved ones are begging the ailing Oscar winner to take it easy — before it’s too late after a medical emergency put him in the hospital for more than a week, tipsters tell GLOBE. “Jamie may look great physically. But it’s no secret he flogs himself like crazy in the gym, then he’s out partying with the cool kids at the pace of a twentysomething and heading back to work at 7 a.m. for long 14-hour days — often without a break,” spills an insider. The Ray sensation, 55, was rushed to an Atlanta hospital on April 11 after collapsing while filming Back in Action with Cameron Diaz. Fearing the worst, his family rushed to his bedside,…

MICHAEL J. FOX and CHRISTOPHER LLOYD whoosh Back to the Future in the rollicking 1985 sci-fi comedy about a time-traveling teenager who tries to set both past and future to rights. The original script called for the time-traveling machine to be a refrigerator instead of a DeLorean automobile — but the filmmakers wisely put THAT idea in the deep freeze, for fear kids would imitate it and find themselves trapped inside old-fashioned fridges with no release latch!…

RENÉE ZELLWEGER and her Brit TV host beau, Ant Anstead, have moved in together after two years of dating, but friends say the 54-year-old Oscar winner is sour on the notion of getting hitched! Her twice-divorced, 44-year-old lover is reportedly willing to take a third plunge with the Chicago cutie, but sources say Renée has turned a deaf ear to his proposals. “Renée feels her life is full and she loves what she and Ant have built together — but even though she agreed to live together, she just doesn’t feel she needs the pressure of a marriage, and tries to make Ant understand that,” a friend blabs. Renée’s checkered love life includes long-term romances with actor Bradley Cooper and musician Doyle Bramhall II, along with a busted engagement to…

CRUEL Queen Camilla left Prince William’s wife in tears — and twisted a dagger deep into Kate’s heart — by deliberately inviting her husband’s rumored former mistress Rose Hanbury to King Charles’ May 6 coronation, palace spies dish! Sources tell GLOBE the backstabbing new queen deliberately reopened old wounds in Kate’s marriage following a white-hot cat-fight with the young beauty after William complained about plans for Camilla’s grown children to have official roles in the royal ceremony while more deserving titled dukes and duchesses were left out. Gloating Camilla then gleefully told Kate, 41, that 39-year-old former model Rose was on the royal guest list — while also insisting William, 40, is still cheating with the willowy Marchioness of Cholmondeley, palace staffers whisper. “Cruel Camilla went for the jugular in…

CHICAGO FIRE hunk Taylor Kinney took a leave of absence for “a personal matter” back in January, but sources say the missing 41-year-old star actually broke down from his grueling work ways and flamed out! “He was pushing himself way too hard with dangerous stunts and 18-hour days on set,” spills a spy. On Jan. 20, a production source said Kinney, a mainstay of the NBC hit for a decade, was stepping away. Taylor “hit a wall,” shares the insider, who insists bosses were quick to give him time off with the hope of getting him back. “Taylor was killing himself making this show, staying incredibly fit and pushing himself to the limit with the stunts. He hit a breaking point and needed to step back. “Bosses at the network really…

ROBOTIC K9 cops are getting a new leash on life in the Big Apple — nearly three years after barking critics bashed the high-tech hounds as “creepy” and “dystopian!” The New York City Police Department showed off their two new mechanical mutts, which cost $750,000, at a Times Square press conference. Commissioner Keechant Sewell promises the crime-fighting pooches will be deployed in a “transparent” and “consistent” manner. Former Mayor Bill de Blasio had attempted to roll out rented robo Rovers in 2020 — but the city’s contract was cut short amid public outcry. However, current Hizzoner Eric Adams insists he won’t bow-wow to pressure and will put the remote-controlled canines — which weigh 70 pounds apiece — to work this summer. He explains, “If you have someone that’s inside a…

CANDID Matthew McConaughey admits his friendship with fellow Texan Woody Harrelson may be a family affair — because the True Detective co-stars could be real-life brothers! The Magic Mike hunk, 53, reveals his mother had a fling with Woody’s hitman dad, who had a fatal heart attack behind bars in 2007. “We’re sitting around talking about how close we are and our families, and my mom is there, and she says, ‘Woody, I knew your dad,’” says Matthew. “Everyone was aware of the ellipses my mom left after ‘knew.’ It was a loaded K-N-E-W.” The Natural Born Killers screen psycho, 61, has suggested taking DNA tests. But Oscar winner Matt says he hasn’t pulled the trigger yet — because he’s not sure he wants to learn his late father may…

KID ROCK’s hissy fit blasting Bud Light cans to bits with his AR-15 assault rifle because the beer company hired sex swapper Dylan Mulvaney as a spokesperson has opened a whole can of worms. As GLOBE reported last week, the right-wing self-styled macho man went on his shooting rampage bellowing “F**k Bud Light, and f**k Anheuser-Busch. Have a terrific day” as he fired away. A slew of other conservative celebs and politicians have jumped on his bandwagon, and calls for a boycott sent Anheuser-Busch stock plunging $5 BILLION — or 3 percent of its value. Obviously, Kid Rocks-in-the head felt his manhood insulted because a transsexual is hawking a manly drink like beer. What he can’t seem to get is Bud Light made its decision based on business — although…

MOST Americans didn’t start brushing their teeth on a daily basis until the 1940s! The practice really picked up steam when GIs returned from World War II — because the U.S. military required troops to brush every day. ICONIC American novelist Samuel “Mark Twain” Clemens was crazy about cats — and kept 19 as pets. He wrote, “If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” SO much for the vegan diet! Tel Aviv University scientists say plants actually scream when they’re hurt or stressed — and got very noisy when their stems were cut or they hadn’t had a drink for four days! SUPERSTAR Harrison Ford was cast as a mean school principal in the 1982 blockbuster E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial…

REALITY vixen Teresa Giudice and new hubby Luis Ruelas love bragging about their white-hot sex romps, but sources tattle she’s having a meltdown over her freaky breast implants and wants a new set! The 50-year-old Real Housewives of New Jersey star and Luis, 48, couldn’t keep their hands off each other during their loved-up vacation in St. Barts, but a source says she’s now flipping out over how “misshapen” her boobs look in snaps from their beach frolic. “She’s poring over all the videos and pictures and instead of being happy with how fit she is, she’s complaining about her boobs to everyone who will listen,” spills a spy. “They’re uneven and misshapen. She lost all this weight and now they look weird.” Teresa slimmed down since her honeymoon last…

HAUNTED JAMIE’S GRAVESIDE CHAT HAUNTED Mansion star JAMIE LEE CURTIS recently went graveside to reconnect with her spirited late mother, Psycho star JANET LEIGH. “Visited my mother yesterday. Long time gone,” laments the Oscar winner, 64. “Love and misses,” she adds, sharing a photo of the movie queen’s burial plaque at Westwood Village Memorial Park in Los Angeles. Jamie, whose next turn is playing psychic Madame Leota in Disney’s fantasy flick based on the ghoulish theme park ride, has a long family history of ghoulish behavior. Her dad, TONY CURTIS, died in 2010 and is buried in Las Vegas along with a weird laundry list of personal treasures his widow, fifth wife JILL VANDERBERG, threw into the casket to keep him comfy, including: a Stetson hat, photos and letters, a 25th-anniversary…

FILM femme fatale Monica Bellucci went from high fashion model to screen siren — and became the oldest Bond girl in history when at age 50 she was cast in 2015’s Spectre. The Italian bombshell’s latest flick is the recently released comedy Mafia Mamma, which sees her sharing the screen with Aussie actress Toni Collette. Here are ten things you don’t know about the brunette beauty. 1 She first hit the catwalk as a teen and used her modeling money to pay for classes at the University of Perugia. 2 She’d planned to become a lawyer but dropped out of school — and admits she found the profession “too boring.” 3 At age 20, she tied the knot with photographer Claudio Carlos Basso — but the marriage hit the rocks…

AGING recluse Jack Nicholson has turned into a sloppy, sorrowful shadow of his former leading-man self — triggering the fears of pals and a medical expert the 86-year-old Something’s Gotta Give star is spiraling into a dementia nightmare! Shocking April 13 photos — the first images of the beloved icon taken in nearly two years — show the three-time Oscar winner on a balcony looking a disheveled, unwashed mess while staring wildly into space. The Shining actor has spiraled from Hollywood’s most famous bachelor to an over-weight, out-of-shape hermit in recent years, and seemed to be twitching uncontrollably before using a handrail to lean on while standing up, according to witnesses. Sources confide there are growing fears the homebound, 5-foot-10 Chinatown actor, who at one point smashed the scales at…

CRUEL heartbreaker Armie Hammer is terrified he’ll be formally accused of raping a former lover after the Los Angeles district attorney’s office revealed it’s probing a sexual assault complaint. “I can confirm the LAPD has presented a case regarding Armie Hammer,” says the D.A. representative Tiffiny Blacknell. “The matter is currently under review.” The case involves a gal identified as “Effie,” who claims she “fell in love instantly” when she met the 6-foot-5 stud in 2016 when she was 20. Court papers say she told police Hammer, now 36, “became increasingly more violent and abused me” during a four-year relationship and “I thought he was going to kill me.” In 2017, she claims he raped her over four hours and beat her feet with a riding crop. Hammer, who was accused…

ARIES March 21 - April 20 The sun’s alignment with Saturn helps you overcome a negative mindset, shifting your mood from blue to blissful and opening the door to the success you seek. Pay attention to opportunities that suddenly appear midweek and you can’t lose. The weekend spotlights thrilling new love for singles. TAURUS April 21 - May 21 The tension you feel at home or work Monday for no apparent reason is not your fault. Mischief maker Mercury is still retrograde in your sign and muddying communications. Hang in until Sunday when the planet shifts direction. After Thursday, surprise cash news has you planning an adventure. GEMINI May 22 - June 21 Time to buckle down, Twin, and get that postponed project off the ground. Mars sends helpers from…

1 What color was Jeannie’s harem outfit in I Dream of Jeannie? 2 Who was the youngest person to host Saturday Night Live? 3 Who were the two regular cast members of M*A*S*H to serve in the Army in Korea? A: 1 Pink; 2 Drew Barrymore, age 7; 3 Jamie Farr and Alan Alda “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”—George Burns…