Table of contents for Dec-28-15 in Globe

UMA GOD! Normally svelte actress UMA THURMAN steps out in the Big Apple with a happy smile — and three chins! THE LADY’S A VAMP! With those claw-like nails, KHLOÉ KARDASHIAN could rip you apart — and drink your blood! GOLDEN OLDIE Women’s panty target TOM JONES looks ALL of his 95 — oops, make that 75 — years at LAX airport! BRO-MANCE! Producer ANTHONY HEMINGWAY moves in for a friendly closeup with pal JOHN TRAVOLTA DERN KIDS! Looks like mad mom LAURA DERN needs a time out after a tantrum while on a shopping spree with her kids! KILLER CURVES! TV titan OPRAH WINFREY shows off her dangerous curves as she arrives at swanky Nobu Restaurant in Perth, Australia…

PRINCE William’s glamorous wife Kate has beaten evil Camilla in the vicious no-holdsbarred battle for the Crown, sources tell GLOBE! To ram home her victory, the 33-year-old mother of two recently wore the late Princess Diana’s favorite pearl and diamond tiara to the Diplomatic Reception at Buckingham Palace. “It’s really significant,” says an insider. “It’s called the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara and was a gift from Queen Elizabeth to Di on her wedding day to Charles in 1981. It’s the first time it’s been seen in public since the Princess’ death in 1997. “But more importantly, it sends the clear message that Her Majesty has reversed her decision to have Charles and Camilla inherit the Throne.” According to well-placed Palace sources, the Queen, 89, is enraged 68-year-old Camilla’s drinking is…

BLOATED, gasping for air and crushing the scales at 300 pounds, beloved “Cheers” star George Wendt has spywitnesses stunned by his deteriorating condition! The 5-foot-8 actor, who played beer-swilling Norm Peterson on the iconic sitcom set in a Boston bar, was sadly battling for air — WHILE IN A WHEELCHAIR — and being pushed between gates at L.A.’s airport on Dec. 3. “He was clearly in distress and too weak to get around on his own,” says an eyewitness. “He looked pale and flfleshy, his legs exposed in a pair of shorts and the loose skin jiggling from side to side. “Even though he was being wheeled about, he was still breathing heavily — at times gasping for air.” The roly-poly 67-year-old star, married to Bernadette Birkett, 69, the mother…

FORMER child actor John Cassisi morphed from a baby-faced star to a Scarface-like shakedown artist — and the career change has landed him in prison! Cassisi played gangland boss Fat Sam in the 1976 kid-actors-only flick “Bugsy Malone,” starring Scott Baio and Jodie Foster. He also had a recurring role on “Fish” and “Barney Miller.” But he traded life on the set for the often mob-friendly world of construction — where shady contracts are sometimes awarded in return for “kickback” bribes. The Brooklyn-bred native rose to a high-powered position at Citibank. As director of global construction for Citi Realty Services, he oversaw the division’s construction projects and was responsible for awarding lucrative contracts. Using his influential position, Cassisi, 52, took in more than $500,000 in payoffs from companies trying to…

This fashionista knows good sex. A star for the past five decades, she’s had a busy career in television and movies. Now she enjoys the occasional day off with her husband and their three children. Still stumped? Check page 51 for the answer WIN $75 TIC TAC TRUE PLUS! FIRST 3 RUNNERS-UP GET $25 EACH SIGNATURE SAYINGS 1. “In God We Trust” is found on U.S. coins. 2. The American Medical Association’s motto is “Live long and prosper.” 3. “Be all you can be” was a slogan for the U.S. Army. 4. Nathan Hale said, “Give me liberty or give me death.” 5. “Come up and see me sometime” was said by Mae West. 6. The Rodeo Riders of America’s credo is “Never squat with your spurs on.” 7. “Like…

WIN $100 Tell us why these pix DON’T exactly match and win... There are three differences between these photos. If you spot them correctly — and your entry is the first chosen at random — GLOBE will send you $100. Simply identify the three differences between the photographs in a letter or postcard and send it to us at the address listed in the official rules on page 47. DID YOU GUESS? The actress on page 47 is “Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker. Popular since the 80’s, she is still working, juggling fame while raising a family with her husband, “Ferris Bueller” star Matthew Broderick. How did you do? GLOBE WINNERS AN AIRPORT bag checker, Brent Brady is flying high as the winner of GLOBE’s $250 prize…

NEARLY 30 years after his tragic death, beloved Hollywood star Michael Landon is being cheated out of billions in shipwreck treasure, charge insiders. The Colombian government claims its navy has finally located the wreck of the San Jose, a Spanish galleon sunk in a battle with the British off the coast of Cartagena in 1708. But Michael and a group of U.S. investors had already found the lost ship in 1982 — and were banned from excavating the site! “They made it very clear to us, in writing, that if we tried to go back, they would meet us with military force,” says Ken Harbeston, now 83, of Sea Search Armada, which was financed by Michael. The group’s been fighting for their rights in court for decades. “The San Jose…

MORE PUZZLES! MORE CASH! WIN $250! PLAY SPOT THE DIFFERENCES! $250 to the first correct entry out of the bag! $25 goes to the first five runners-up! HOW TO ENTER Spot 10 differences between our cartoons. Slight color differences DON’T COUNT. ENTRIES MUST BE RECEIVED BY January 12, 2016 Spot the Differences #52 P.O. Box 7019, New York, NY 10008-7019 Please print clearly. Name _______________________________________________________ Address _____________________________________________________ City ________________________________________________________ State/Zip ___________________________________________________ Daytime phone number _______________________________________ SEND QUIZ ENTRY ONLY. DO NOT INCLUDE MAIL TO OTHER DEPARTMENTS. Please print clearly. Winners will be notified by mail or phone. Allow 6-8 weeks to receive winnings. GLOBE assumes no responsibility for late, misdirected or lost mail. All entries become the property of GLOBE. This contest is void where prohibited by law. All federal,…

WHAT’S with all the commotion at Kirk Douglas’ place? The driveway to the fabulous Tinseltown mansion thronged with guests and deliverymen on Dec. 9. It was his 99th birthday and flowers, food, drinks and party favors arrived along with some of Hollywood’s most famous faces. The most recognizable belonged to Kirk’s own kin. Screen siren Catherine Zeta-Jones came twice to shower her hardy father-in-law with love and affection. She showed up early that day and later turned up with movie-star hubby Michael, Kirk’s dead-ringer son. But living 99 years is no big deal to Kirk. The man who played the rugged gladiator Spartacus on the big screen — and battled back from a devastating stroke in 1996 — now vows to live to 100!  …

DON’T MISS... “Sunday Night Football” Sun., Dec. 27, NBC, 8:30 p.m. The Pittsburgh Steelers are hoping for a win in this rematch against the Baltimore Ravens — at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore — after a 23-20 loss in Pittsburgh in October. “Monday Night Football” Mon., Dec. 28, ESPN, 8:30 p.m. The top-rated Cincinnati Bengals face their fellow AFC juggernauts the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium in Denver. “The 38th Annual Kennedy Center Honors” Tues., Dec. 29, CBS, 9 p.m. Stephen Colbert hosts the star-studded bash as Carole King, George Lucas, Rita Moreno, Seiji Ozawa and Cicely Tyson are honored for their contributions to the arts. “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” Thurs., Dec. 31, ABC, 8 p.m. Ryan Seacrest hosts the annual multi-hour New…

CHASED BY A LOVE-SICK FAN One flamboyant guest “was this Jayne Mansfield-Eastern European type with a blonde wig and heavy makeup,” Jerry recalls. “This was about 15 years ago. She’d been on the show previously. This time, we had a potential suitor for her — a bright guy who could have been right out of ‘The Big Bang Theory.’ As it turns out, she wasn’t interested in him but confessed she had a crush on me! “The producers had a great time,” Jerry laughs. “And while there was a lot of running and chasing up and down the aisles, she never got a hold of me!” JERRY SPRINGER, the 71-year-old former mayor of Cincinnati and infamous tawdry talk show host, is celebrating 25 years on TV! Can you believe it?…

BINDI IRWIN hid a heartbreaking secret when she won “Dancing With the Stars” last month — she’s embroiled in a bitter feud that’s ripped her family apart! The 17-year-old daughter of the late “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin hasn’t spoken to her grandfather, Bob Irwin, for years, a source tells GLOBE. And there’s no chance of a reconciliation any time soon! “It’s a sad situation that’s torn apart a family already shattered by tragedy,” the source confides. “Steve must be rolling over in his grave.” The ugly war erupted after Steve was killed when a stringray barb pierced his heart in September 2006. His widow, Terri, and dad, Bob, clashed over how to continue to run the family business, the Australia Zoo, which Bob founded over 40 years ago. Insiders say…

A CONNECTICUT mom and her innocent daughters didn’t have to die — bungling cops cost them their lives! That’s the shocking conclusion of experts who examined new evidence in the horrific murders of Jennifer Hawke-Petit and her girls Hayley, 17, and Michaela, 11. Recently uncovered tapes show Cheshire, Conn., police had the opportunity to stop at least one of the family’s killers on the morning of July 23, 2007, but incredibly they let the monster go. And later, lawmen instructed the police department’s negotiator NOT to go to the home where the gals were being held hostage prior to the vicious slayings! Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela were killed by petty criminals Joshua Komisarjevsky and Steven Hayes — who followed the 48-year-old mother home from a supermarket on July 22. The…

IN AN ASTONISHING confession, Ron Howard, who starred as wholesome 1950s teen Richie Cunningham on “Happy Days,” admits he joined the sitcom to get out of serving his country in the Vietnam War! The once-adorable redheaded child star — and director of big-screen hits “A Beautiful Mind” and “Apollo 13” — admits using his star power as a “draft dodge”! Ron, 61, who first became a household name playing little Opie Taylor on “The Andy Griffith Show,” was studying at the University of Southern California when he was suddenly at risk of being shipped overseas, where other kids were dying. Ron reveals he bolted film school when the “Happy Days” offer arrived — hoping his star power would get him out of harm’s way. The draft lottery was in full…

JENNIFER Aniston is being accused of heartlessly betraying Courteney Cox during her best pal’s time of greatest need! The 46-year-old “Cake” beauty and her hubby, Justin Theroux, incensed Courteney by siding with rocker Johnny McDaid after he dumped the “Cougar Town” actress, sources say. And in a stunning double whammy, Jennifer and Justin, 44, told Courteney she only has herself to blame for the breakup by attempting to turn the 39-year-old hunk into a Hollywood trophy husband, say insiders. An insider reveals, “Courteney is beside herself and can’t believe Jen would betray her in such a humiliating fashion. But when Courteney called Jen she got the shock of her life instead of a shoulder to cry on. Things got pretty heated between the two women, and some pretty harsh things…

COUNTRY crooner Blake Shelton is so head-over-spurs in love with pop princess Gwen Stefani he can’t bear to be without her! Blake is completely torn up over Gwen’s decision to take a break from “the Voice,” the show that helped their torrid romance blossom. In fact, he’s already started singing the blues over her departure. “I don’t want Gwen to not be on the show,” says the glum 39-year-old, who is trying to arrange to have her return as a guest coach. That sweet talk from the lovesick cowboy is straight from the heart. “Now he’s in love with Gwen, and he’s going to do everything he can to win her over,” an insider says. Blake took Gwen home to Oklahoma to meet his parents recently, and a source says…

AMERICA’S BIGGEST CROSSWORD ACROSS 1 2016 U.S. presidential candidate (2 wds.) 6 Fishy pizza topping 11 Blend in 16 Singer Ronstadt 18 Netman Federer 19 1960s “V” sign 20 Taj Mahal’s land 21 Daytona driver 23 “Pet” annoyance 24 Easter symbol 25 Noah’s refuge 26 Zodiac sign 27 500 sheets of paper 28 Manicure focus 30 Typical 33 Quarter bird 35 St. Louis landmark 36 Cuban dance 38 Floating 40 Familiar with (2 wds.) 42 Furious 44 “Carmen” is one 45 Hamburger option 46 Lab monkey 48 Corned beef and ___ 50 Avoided capture 52 Antipasto 54 L.A. NHL team 56 “___ Built For Two” 58 Ping-Pong musts 61 F. Murray in “Homeland” 63 AMA members 65 “Winter” singer Tori 68 Baltimore NFL team 70 Chums 72 Left port 74…

THE 200,000-plus women in prisons across the U.S. live in a different world from the rest of us — a world that’s developed its own language completely foreign to law-abiding citizens. Millions of viewers have been given a taste of jailhouse slang on Netflix’s Emmy-winning hit about surviving life in the slammer, “Orange Is the New Black,” starring Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon, who play Piper Chapman and Alex Vause. Here’s the 411 on the ladies’ lockup lingo — essential for getting by behind bars: AG: Short for aggressor, AG refers to the butchest-looking lesbians, while Femmes is reserved for the prettier ones. BID: If someone’s said to be on her third bid, it means she’s been returned to the system on a new charge as opposed to a mere…