Table of contents for May 15, 2023 in Globe

PUCKING AROUND Funnyman — and certified hockey nut — WILL FERRELL is a boldfaced supporter of the L.A. Kings CHEWING THE FAT This Is Us heavyweight CHRISSY METZ jaws onstage at a L.A. book festival BAG OF BONES Spice Girl MELANIE C is shockingly skinny in California as the recovering anorexic roars back into the spotlight as a DJ FOWL PLAY Dethroned talk show queen WENDY WILLIAMS heads home from a gym in NYC — but the old hen still has seriously scrawny chicken legs MOMENT OF TOOTH Scenery-chewing Shameless star WILLIAM H. MACY proves he’s a regular bigmouth! WHATTA BUTTHEAD! TV cop CHRIS MELONI gets a new perspective while on location for Law & Order: SVU…

BRUTALLY honest Sharon Osbourne admits she’s sworn off plastic surgery for good — after a “horrendous” fifth facelift left her looking like “a f**king cyclops!” The TV chatterbox, 70, says immediately after the 2021 procedure, “I looked like one of those f**king mummies that they wrap with bandages. It hurt like hell. You have no idea.” But once she saw the results, Ozzy Osbourne’s salty wife says she fumed at the doctor: “You’ve got to be f**king joking!” Sharon claims the nearly six-hour surgery wasn’t worth the time or the expense and caused one eye to be positioned lower than the other. Her monstrous appearance made her snarl, “All I need is a hunchback!” She reveals Ozzy, 74, agreed her mangled mug was freakish and says the rocker promised her,…

FOUL-mouthed reality babe Savannah Chrisley is raging at Southwest Airlines after she was booted from her flight for not checking a carry-on bag. The 25-year-old former Chrisley Knows Best star — whose father, Todd, and mother, Julie, are serving time for tax evasion — got into a heated row with an airline attendant when she insisted on carrying her bag onboard instead of checking it and admits she called the worker an “a**hole!” The attendant declared her “an unruly passenger” and tossed her from the flight. Now, she says: “I officially know why everyone hates Southwest so much.”…

LIEV SCHREIBER’s girlfriend of five years, TAYLOR NEISEN, 31, is expecting her first baby. The actor, 55, has two sons, SASHA, 16, and KAI, 15, with actress NAOMI WATTS, 54. The Bold and the Beautiful star JACQUELINE WOOD, 36, and talent agent husband ELAN RUSPOLI are joining the four kids under five club! The pregnant actress is mom to sons RISE, 4, LENIX, 2, and BRANDO, almost 1. SNL alum CHRIS KATTAN, 52, got engaged to MARIA LIBRI, a former journalist he met a year and a half ago when she interviewed him. The Big Bang Theory’s nerdy comic book store owner, KEVIN SUSSMAN, 52, wed ADDIE HALL in a small, romantic ceremony. Former child star DRAKE BELL was kicked to the curb by baby mom JANET VON SCHMELING, who’s…

FERTILE funnyman Nick Cannon — who’s fathered 12 children with six baby mamas — claims he must have “super sperm” because “I’ve practiced birth control, and people still got pregnant!” The Masked Singer host, 42, had previously popped off about not wanting to use condoms — but the straight shooter now swears “I’m trying to be as responsible as I possibly can.” Nick insists he’s “good” with his brood, but he’ll never say never to another kid because “it could happen at any time!”…

D-LIST actor Ray Buffer wasn’t laughing when he pleaded guilty to pinching $854 worth of comic books from a store that uploaded security footage of the funnies-filching Curb Your Enthusiasm entertainer for all to see! Buffer, 53, must now pay back Southern California Comics for the rare publications he can be seen on the video stuffing under his shirt in an Oct. 4, 2022, incident reported by GLOBE. The comics crook pleaded guilty in San Diego Superior Court to one count of misdemeanor petty theft, the city’s attorney said.…

SOAP icon Eric Braeden — who’s played Victor Newman on The Young and the Restless for four decades — reveals he’s battling bladder cancer but vows to beat the killer disease. The 82-year-old actor’s docs found the “high-grade” cancer cells while he was being treated for prostate issues and recovering from a knee injury. The gutsy thespian says he continued his role on Y&R during the six weeks he received immunotherapy. “I’m happy to be able to go to work,” he says. “That, I enjoy. It distracts me. I love acting. I love knowing that I entertain people.” He also promises fans that he “will lick this.” “This bastard ain’t going to get me. I’m going to get it,” he adds. “I’ll be in top form again soon.” As GLOBE…

Slim seniors in danger zone + HERE’S some heavy news — seniors who drop weight may be at greater risk of an early death! Researchers from Monash University in Australia tracked over 17,000 subjects and found folks who slimmed down after age 65 were nearly 30 percent more likely to die within four years than their more plump peers! Scientists warn weight loss may not be directly to blame and could be a symptom of life-limiting conditions such as dementia and cancer or other serious appetite-curbing illnesses. New pill cures hangovers! + BOOZERS may one day ward off hangovers by popping a probiotic pill before swilling the sauce! Researchers at the Chinese Academy of Science tested a genetically engineered supplement containing the enzyme ADH1B on mice. Their lab tests found…

A REAL-LIFE Coke Bear with a thirst for mischief broke into a car in British Columbia to swill 69 cans of soda! While the recent dark comedy Cocaine Bear told the tale of a bruin’s binge on blow, Sharon Rosel says her furry felon was riding a sugar high after guzzling nearly six dozen soft drinks! Rosel was alerted to the ursine interloper’s 3 a.m. raid by her barking dog and says, “I looked at my security cameras and saw him enter the yard and smash the window really quickly.” The confounded Canadian had stashed the beverages in her vehicle for a company bash — but her plans fizzled as the bold black bear had a party of one! As the horrified owner helplessly watched from inside her home, the…

DESPERATE to beat Father Time, 41-year-old pop tart Britney Spears is planning a massive nip-tuck spree in time for bikini season including an op on her famous puss, sources say. The selfie-crazy songbird wants to go way beyond her usual Botox and filler tuneups, tattles a spy, adding: “She’s worried about eye bags and her sagging neckline and sunspots that have surfaced since turning 40 “It’ll be a radical series of laser treatments if not a full-blown facelift. She wants to feel perfect so she’s looking into getting noninvasive lipo, skin tightening on her face and body and all her age spots gone. She wants to turn back the clock in time for summer.” The makeover’s partly aimed at runaway hubby Sam Asghari, 29, who’s now squatting in his own…

MCDONALD’S cheesy villain, The Hamburglar, is back in action after an eight-year stretch in the advertising clink! Word is new commercials will feature the fiend getting into pickles! KENTUCKY’S Mammoth Cave National Park is home to the world’s largest tunnel system! So far only about 412 miles of caverns — inhabited by rare bats and shrimp — have been explored, but scientists believe the system stretches 1,000 miles or more! HOLY crow! Corvids remember human faces, make friends — and hold lifelong grudges against certain people, according to a surprising study by Washington State University avian experts! COLIN Davis McCarthy, 38, caused chaos on Interstate 5 near Eugene, Ore., by tossing $200,000 out of a moving car’s windows! Incredibly, state police gave him a pass because he was spreading joy…

GYMNAST Simone Biles, who pulled out of the Tokyo Olympics for mental health issues, is head over heels in love after tying the knot with hunky NFLjock Jonathan Owens. The 26-year-old, 4-foot-8 bride and the 27-year-old 5-foot-11 Houston Texans safety got hitched after nearly three years of dating. “I do, officially Owens,” Simone texts along with newlywed photos. Her groom adds: “My person forever.” Best wishes flooded in on social media including from Olympic golden girl, skier Lindsey Vonn, who writes: “Congrats you two!!”…

ONE of the most famous movie costumes in Hollywood history, the white, vested suit John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever, has sold for a whopping $260,000. Travolta, now 69, appeared in the iconic outfit in film posters and in the 1977 flick when his character, Tony Manero, danced with Stephanie Mangano to the Bee Gees hit tune More Than a Woman. The suit, which originally cost a mere $146, was tabbed at $186,000 by Julien’s Auctions, but sold for $74,000 more.…

RACHEL’S ARMPIT HAIR DRAWS STARES RACHEL McADAMS, 44, is drawing bristly stares after growing out her armpit hair! “This is my body, and I think that’s so important to reflect back out to the world,” notes the Notebook star in a recent pit-flaunting layout. “It’s OK to look your best and work at it and be healthy, but that’s different for everyone.” While the shots of the Mean Girls actress are getting hair-raising mixed reactions, gotta say most folks didn’t seem to mind Italian sex goddess SOPHIA LOREN’s au naturel pits back in the day. TIGER’S GOLF DAYS STUCK IN DOWNSWING TIGER WOODS’ days as a pro could come to an abrupt end after new surgery on his shattered ankle. The legendary golf champ’s dreams turned nightmarish — again —…

MARRIED NBC news boss Jeff Shell was booted from his CEO gig after confessing to a sizzling 11-year affair with a female subordinate, say sources. Late last month Shell revealed he was abandoning his 20-year career due to “an inappropriate relationship” with a network staffer, who sources identified as 41-year-old CNBC news anchor Hadley Gamble, who filed a sexual harassment and sexual discrimination complaint against him. “I’m truly sorry I let my Comcast and NBCUniversal colleagues down,” he said while announcing his resignation. Gamble made headlines years ago when Russia’s state media accused the hottie of acting like a “sexual object” and using her charms to befuddle womanizing tyrant Vladimir Putin. Shell joins a long list of disgraced media bigwigs axed for being unable to keep their hands to themselves…

SITCOM star Richard Lewis reveals he was stricken with crippling Parkinson’s two years ago — but has finally decided to tell his fans. The 75-year-old funnyman, who just wrapped season 12 of TV’s offbeat comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm, says he got the diagnosis after “I started walking stiffly” following shoulder and hip replacement surgeries. “I went to a neurologist and they gave me a brain scan and I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease,” says Lewis, who insists “the good news is I got it late in life” and the nervous system-savaging disease progresses slowly.…

SITCOM icon Ray Romano’s heart surgery saved his life and now he’s looking to reboot his 35-year marriage to Anna, mom of his four adult kids, sources say. The unsuspecting 65-year-old Everybody Loves Raymond star was headed for a fatal heart attack until docs rescued him by unblocking his main artery, a condition so deadly it’s tabbed the “widowmaker.” “I got kinda lucky that we found it,” says Romano, now starring in the streaming movie Somewhere in Queens. “I had 90 percent blockage in the main artery. I had a stent put in.” Sources snitch the close call has given Ray a new lease on life and made him a die-hard romantic with Anna, 60. “Ray’s the first to admit he’s slacked off in the relationship and put his career…

TV’s Charmed witch Shannen Doherty is pulling the plug on her 11-year marriage to third hubby, cameraman Kurt Iswarienko, amid buzz another gal is involved. The 52-year-old former Beverly Hills, 90210 babe, who is battling stage 4 breast cancer after earlier beating the cruel disease, says she “had no other option” but to file for divorce and asks for support from her 48-year-old hubby. Her agent says divorce was “the last thing Shannen wanted,” adding Kurt’s agent Collier Grimm is “intimately involved” in the mess — but doesn’t explain more.…

NEW King Charles and Queen Camilla were barely crowned before another royal war exploded — between her kid Tom and his princely sons, William and Harry! “The coronation ripped the lid off simmering family hostilities that have been kept under wraps for years,” a senior palace courtier tattles. “The stepbrothers are like oil and water! “Charles’ boys were raised in the spotlight while Camilla’s kids, Tom and Laura, from her first marriage, to Andrew Parker Bowles, were never in the public eye. “The secret conflict was exposed when Tom furiously defended his mother against new scathing attacks by his royal stepbrothers. “I bet Camilla is crowing her son became her knight in shining armor!” Tom, 48, publicly fired back after learning the royal brothers begged their father never to marry…

MAY PANG, the other woman in John Lennon’s marriage, is finally revealing her bizarre final encounter with the slain Beatle’s widow, Yoko Ono! Pang, now 72, was at an Iceland airport stopover when she ran into Yoko 30 years after John was gunned down in 1980 by rabid fan Mark David Chapman — and things got awkward, fast. May says Yoko, now a 90-year-old recluse, gave her the cold shoulder at a breakfast buffet, but then abruptly made a big show of friendliness for the press! “She stands at the edge and she starts waving at me. So I waved back,” says Pang. “It was bizarre!” Although Yoko pushed her hubby into the 18-month affair with their 23-year-old assistant, she later panicked and lured him back, according to the new…

IS THAT the ghost of JACKIE O busing tables in Ojai, Calif.? Nope, it’s the famous former first lady’s granddaughter ROSE KENNEDY SCHLOSSBERG, a dead ringer for her late grandmother, JACQUELINE KENNEDY ONASSIS! The elite 34-year-old Harvard grad will do anything for love and proved it, by helping out at her bride RORY McAULIFFE’s eatery Rory’s Place — cleaning up dirty plates and serving guests coffee during a kids’ event. Rose, the eldest daughter of U.S. Ambassador to Australia CAROLINE KENNEDY, 65, and her husband, EDWIN SCHLOSSBERG, 77, married her longtime girlfriend Rory, a 32-year-old actress turned restaurateur, last year during a same-sex wedding at their $1.2 million home, just a hop, skip and a jump away from Rory’s cozy new farm-to-table restaurant. And when the sporty American princess isn’t…

MOVIE champ Sylvester Stallone, 76, has been a Hollywood heavyweight since punching his way to the top with Rocky in 1976. This month, the Academy Award nominee is diving into reality TV with wife Jennifer Flavin, 54, and starlet daughters Sophia, 26, Sistine, 24, and Scarlet, 20, in The Family Stallone. Here are ten things you don’t know about Sly. 1 Late mom Jackie wanted to call him Tyrone — in honor of The Mark of Zorro’s Tyrone Power. But dad Frank made sure his birth certificate read Sylvester. 2 By age 13, he’d been expelled from 14 schools for bad behavior. 3 After being evicted from his apartment in 1970, he slept in NYC’s Port Authority Bus Terminal for three weeks. 4 He once worked as a movie theater…

THE four sadistic sons of notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán have strengthened the family’s hold on their jailbird dad’s multibillion-dollar criminal empire — and proved their stripes as vicious thugs — by feeding enemies “dead or alive” to snarling pet tigers, lawmen say. After the kingpin was shipped off to rot in Colorado’s Supermax prison — where he’s serving a life sentence following his 2019 conviction for narcotics trafficking — his bloodthirsty boys turned the clan’s heavily armed Sinaloa Cartel into the “largest, most violent and most prolific fentanyl trafficking operation in the world,” the feds charge. According to a recently unsealed indictment, Iván Guzmán Salazar, 39, Alfredo Guzmán Salazar, 37, Joaquín Guzmán López, 36, and Ovidio Guzmán López, 33 — who call themselves Los Chapitos —…

MY PILLOW blowhard Mike Lindell had the stuffing knocked out of his credibility when he was ordered to pay $5 million to a computer wiz who debunked his false data related to the 2020 presidential election! The bedding baron, 61, promised the seven-figure sum to any cyber expert who could disprove his stats that suggested Donald Trump’s bid for a second White House term was derailed by voter fraud — even though widespread evidence has pegged the claim as a crackpot conspiracy theory! Robert Zeidman, who’s spent decades working in software development, entered the Prove Mike Wrong challenge two years ago and found the cited data wasn’t related to the 2020 election — but said Lindell’s business refused to cough up the cash! Zeidman, a conservative Republican who’d actually voted…

BILLIONAIRE cosmetics mogul Kylie Jenner has dropped a jaw-dropper — again — insisting she’s had almost no cosmetic surgery, but even her most devoted fans aren’t buying the tale. The 25-year-old reality star triggered a stinging backlash with her recent comment, “I think a big misconception about me is that I’ve had so much surgery on my face and that I was some insecure person, and I really wasn’t. “Yeah, I wanted full lips. I had my one lip insecurity thing, so I got lip filler, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret it. But I always thought I was cute.” So the only thing she’ll cop to is having lip fillers as a teen. But anyone with eyeballs can see the difference from when…

BRUCE WILLIS has retired from acting after a tragic dementia diagnosis — making it all the more timely to remember he was more than a typical action hero. In the first Die Hard movie, which kicked off the Moonlighting TV hunk’s stellar big-screen career in 1988 and was originally intended for Arnold Schwarzenegger as a sequel to Commando, Willis plays a New York City cop who cleverly stops a terrorist takeover of an L.A. skyscraper. It ushered in a refreshing new action genre, featuring an all too human hero and a confined setting. Yippee-ki-yay, Bruce!…