OK EVERYONE, you’ve had your fun – but it’s time you all stopped using emoji. I mean: all of you, and all of them – and now. Emoji are facile, ugly, ineloquent and crass, cliché, saccharine, dishonest and babyish, and at some point over the last year their usage has become so oppressively widespread as to imbue them with a tyrannical quality. ‘It’s like, if I don’t respond to every last WhatsApp anyone ever sends me with a s***-ton of emoji – smiley face, kissy face, cartwheel lady, TWINS! – I’m being actively rude,’ said my friend Alex, who loathes emoji, despite being quite young.
Emoji are awful. Let me tell you why (using actual words, in a sequence, never once substituting any for a crude visual of an eggplant,…
