Table of contents for October 24, 2022 in Globe

WRINKLED Rolling Stones rocker Mick Jagger still has a lust for life, but he can’t keep up in the bedroom with demanding wife-in-waiting Melanie Hamrick, tipsters tell GLOBE. “Melanie’s a very physically passionate person who doesn’t want to be in a boring relationship, and she’s always looking to spice things up in an erotic way,” dishes an insider. The Satisfaction singer’s ballerina baby mama, 35, retired from the stage, but she’s not slowing down. Next year, the beautiful brunette, who shares son Deveraux, 5, with Mick, 79, is slated to release her debut novel, First Position. She’s described the steamy dance-world page-turner as “fun, seductive and a bit dark,” and sources snitch it’s not surprising sex would play into her writing! “Melanie’s all about passion in the bedroom, which is something…

WANNABE lawyer Kim Kardashian has been fined a whopping $1.26 million for her role in a pump and dump cryptocurrency scam — and experts say her legal blunder could torpedo the reality queen’s bid to become an attorney. In a shocking move, the Securities and Exchange Commission slapped the 42-year-old reality TV diva with civil charges accusing her of illegally hustling EthereumMax cryptocash on her Instagram page without revealing she’d scored $250,000 to push the product. Kim paid a whopping $1.26 million fine — without admitting guilt — and agreed to testify as a prosecution witness in the feds’ probe of the company’s bigwigs. In a separate class action lawsuit, The Kardashians star was accused of collaborating with the crypto creators to defraud potential investors about possible returns using “false…

FRAUDULENT fishermen Chase Cominsky and Jake Runyon got caught stuffing lead inside their catch to win a $5,000 tournament prize based on total weight! Competing in the Lake Erie Walleye Trail Championship, the duo triggered suspicions when the five biggest fish in their catch weighed in at 33 pounds, nearly double the total of their closest rivals. The huge gap in comparative weight led tournament director Jason Fischer to order Cominsky and Runyon’s fish gutted and inspected. Shockingly, the postmortem revealed lead balls added weight that enabled the anglers to win the cash and the tournament! “We got weights in fish!” Fischer announced to an outraged crowd. Besides the weights, chunks from other fish had also been crammed down the throats and into the guts of the catch. Fischer later posted…

It’s fresh PDA for TREVOR NOAH, 38, and DUA LIPA, 27, who were spotted dating in NYC! The Daily Show host, who’s leaving the gig, previously dated actress MINKA KELLY, 42. The Don’t Start Now hitmaker split from model ANWAR HADID, 23, last year. KENAN THOMPSON’s ex CHRISTINA EVANGELINE, 33, whom the comedian, 44, filed to divorce in May, is dating his former SNL castmate CHRIS REDD, 37. Reportedly, there’s no bad blood between the guys. It’ll be a boy for tennis ace RAFAEL NADAL, 36, and wife MERY PERELLO, 33, who are expecting their first baby. Chicago Med star MARLYNE BARRETT, 44, has been battling cancer since July, when docs discovered a tumor on her uterus and left ovary. Rapper COOLIO, known for his 1995 hit Gangsta’s Paradise, died…

TONGUE-TIED dad George Clooney, 61, admits he and wife Amal, 44, made a “terrible mistake” by allowing their chatty five-year-old twins, Ella and Alexander, to become fluent in Italian — because they don’t speak the language themselves! The Ocean’s Eleven hunk — who owns a lavish estate on Italy’s Lake Como — says he’s “armed” his cosmopolitan tots “with a language they can harm us with. And we both don’t really know what they’re saying.”…

HOUNDED by the law, a wanted ex-con was shot dead by Arizona officers when the dirty dog callously pointed a gun at the head of a K-9 police pooch! Francisco Javier Galarza, 49, was on the lam for bank robbery and burglary when lawmen tracked him down outside of a Tucson convenience store. Police bodycam footage recorded officers barking at the goon to get on the ground — and captured the spooked suspect attempting to flee with K-9 Kiro in hot pursuit! Galarza’s furry foe was soon nipping at his heels and quickly tackled him. But as Kiro stood over his conquered target, the coward aimed a Taurus 9mm semi-automatic at the mighty mutt! That’s when Officer Barrie Pedersen, the K-9’s human partner, and fellow cop Ernest Ortiz told Galarza…

PET-PAMPERING Dolly Parton is truly going to the dogs — she regularly visits the pet cemetery on her Tennessee farm to meditate and come up with song lyrics, according to insiders who say the burial ground gives the country queen more cheer than chills. Sources snitch Dolly, 76, has been spending quite a bit of time at the spooky site, where she talks to her dear departed dogs while accompanied by her current pooch, Billy the Kid, a French bulldog. “Dolly takes these trips to the graveyard to gather her thoughts,” says a snitch. “It’s peaceful and quiet and she can listen to the leaves rustling. “It’s been a huge inspiration for her songwriting and she’s come up with so many wonderful lyrics!” Others add the doggie boneyard is an…

GLOATING blowhard Tucker Carlson is loving Chris Wallace’s flop at CNN and can’t wait to stick it to him when he’s finally canned, sources blab. The anchors were never fans of each other and the feelings are even harder since Wallace quit his high-profile gig at FOX News following 18 years at the network to become the face of CNN’s streaming service. But CNN abruptly shut down the project just one month after launching Wallace’s new show, Who’s Talking to Chris Wallace? The program has moved to regular CNN and HBO Max and is tanking in the ratings. Tipsters say Wallace went from a highly regarded newsman to just another star-struck TV interviewer, and point to his chat with Shania Twain that left viewers cold. Sources say he’s making a…

ARIES March 21 - April 20 Asking for — and getting — a pay raise should be a cinch now, but with Jupiter retrograde in your sign until Friday, it’s better to wait until next week to get all that you deserve. Midweek, reach out to someone you have not heard from in weeks — they could use your help. Look for a romantic surprise Saturday. TAURUS April 21 - May 21 Inspiration sparked by the new moon in Scorpio Tuesday leads to Bulls finally finishing a project. This could put cash in your pocket. Midweek, it’s all treats and no tricks in romance when someone you meet at a pre-Halloween party could be your soulmate. Be wary of slippery sidewalks on Sunday. GEMINI May 22 - June 21 Get…

GROUCHY Whoopi Goldberg has been a lot cooler since her squabbling rival, right-winger Meghan McCain, quit The View. “It’s calmer because nobody wants to be that tired every day,” says 66-year-old Whoopi, who claims her grueling clashes with Meghan often left them both drained. The 38-year-old daughter of the late GOP Sen. John McCain left the ABC chat show following four years in August 2021. Meghan complained Whoopi showed “open disdain for me” and the comic would “cut me off, sometimes harshly.” It’s apparent Whoopi is glad she’s gone!…

LABRADOR retrievers are America’s most popular dog, holding the No. 1 spot for at least three decades. SOUR Apple execs gave vice president Tony Blevins the ax for joking on camera about how he earned a living, saying, “I have rich cars, play golf and fondle big-breasted women. But I take weekends and holidays off” to explain how he could afford his $400,000 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. Oops. ONLY 5 percent of American households have traditional landlines and don’t use cell phones. IN 1886 a massive earthquake killed more than 100 people and flattened Charleston, S.C. Tremors were felt as far away as Boston, Chicago and Cuba. There was even damage to buildings in Ohio and Alabama.…

FUMING Miley Cyrus refuses to talk with dad Billy Ray after he got secretly engaged to Aussie songbird Firerose, who’s young enough to be one of his daughters, spies spill. The 61-year-old Achy Breaky Heart singer put a bauble on the finger of the mid-20s beauty, whose real name is Rose Hodges. She is close to the same age as his kids with ex-wife Tish, who include Miley, 29, and Noah, 22. The cradle-robbing romance has reportedly grossed out the Wrecking Ball singer. “Miley was already shocked and appalled that Billy Ray and Firerose were hooking up, so now that he’s stuck a ring on this gal’s finger, it’s a step beyond and a real kick in the teeth,” dishes an insider. “Miley’s very protective of her mom, and the…

HAMM’S FREEBIE WIIG HOOKUP Talk about friends with benefits! Here’s the real deal on how JON HAMM stole the show playing KRISTEN WIIG’s obnoxious playboy boyfriend Ted in Bridesmaids! The Mad Men star agreed to appear in the hit 2011 comedy flick for zilch, as a favor to the SNL breakout actress. “I did that movie before there was a script, I said ‘yes’ to it,” he spills, squealing how his agents winced, whining: “‘Oh, well, sh*t. How do we, you know, ask for money?’” Valid point. “I was like, ‘Don’t worry about it, let me go have fun with friends,’” recalls Hamm, 51, who met Wiig, 49, in 2010. “We were in a couple sketches together and got along like a house on fire, and she said, ‘Please be…

GLAM couple Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen are headed for the end zone. Sources say the seven-time Super Bowl champ, 45, and the Brazilian supermodel, 42, have each hired a personal pitbull divorce lawyer and will divvy up their $700 million fortune while sharing custody of their two kids! “I don’t think there will be any coming back now,” spills a source. “They both have lawyers and are looking at what a split will entail, who gets what and what the finances will be.” As previously revealed, the two have been living separate lives for months after squabbling over Tom reneging on retirement after a mere 40 days! However, Gisele insists football did not play a part in their split. “I never actually thought this argument would be the end…

SEX crimes convict Ghislaine Maxwell — madam of dead pedophile Jeffrey Epstein — is sharing her Florida prison cell with drug-trafficking terrors who have more than 70 convictions between them! The socialite, 60, was sentenced to 20 years behind bars in June for luring underage girls into the clutches of her predator pal. She’s now doing time at FCI Tallahassee alongside bunkmates Shacara Bryant, 36, who lobbed a missile at a building, and Manda May Rowell, 30, who menaced a victim with a machete!…

SUPERSTAR Aretha Franklin got no respect from the FBI — the bureau hunted the Queen of Soul for 40 years trying to link her to political “extremists,” according to newly declassified government files! Incredibly, the agency’s dossier on Aretha, who died in 2018 of a cancerous pancreatic tumor, contained a whopping 270 pages tracking her life from 1967 to 2007 when the civil rights movement was at its zenith. While Aretha knew many political leaders and activists, her son Kecalf says, “I’m not really sure if my mother was aware she was being targeted by the FBI and followed. I do know she had absolutely nothing to hide though.” Born in Memphis and raised in Detroit, Aretha began as a gospel singer for her preacher dad, Clarence L. Franklin, who…

MICHELLE OBAMA was caught brazenly flirting with rock icon Bruce Springsteen even though The Boss is happily married — and his wife was watching! Acting free’n’ easy on tour for her latest book, The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times, the 58-year-old former first lady was spied being all over the 73-year-old Born to Run singer — right in front of his missus, Patti Scialfa, 69 — during din-din at New York City’s The Polo Bar late last month. The hard-charging politico was dressed to the nines in a very revealing outfit along with sexy slingback heels. A source says she “thinks the sun rises and sets with Bruce,” who is one of her hubby Barack’s best buddies. “It’s hard not to notice how taken she is by him…

AFTER taking a brief time-out on their romance, happy days are here again for Dallas stud Patrick Duffy and his sitcom queen Linda Purl — sources say they’re getting married! But their trip to the bridal path didn’t come easy, according to spies who tell GLOBE former Happy Days hottie Linda, 67, got a serious case of cold feet and widower Duffy, 73, demanded me time after they returned from touring Britain together in the play Catch Me If You Can. But now the lovebirds realize they can’t live without each other, say insiders. “Linda thought she was done with marriage until Patrick came into her life,” reveals a friend. “Patrick believes in marriage, and he told Linda he’s going to show her the fifth time down the aisle will…

DANISH QUEEN MARGRETHE’s grandchildren are reeling with an identity crisis after the no-nonsense monarch stripped them of their royal titles! The 82-year-old abruptly pulled the children’s rights to call themselves princes and princesses, crisply saying the move will “future-proof” the monarchy and the decision was “a long time coming.” She even claims demotion will be “good for them in the future!” But 53-year-old PRINCE JOACHIM — the queen’s younger son and father of the four crushed kids — says he received only five days’ notice and his children have been “harmed” and “don’t understand” their granny’s cruel move! PRINCES NIKOLAI, 23, and FELIX, 20 — who are both models — along with PRINCE HENRIK, 13, and PRINCESS ATHENA, 10, will lose their royal titles on Jan 1. Instead, they will…

FORMER sitcom star Danny Masterson tried using a bizarre Scientology defense while battling to get his rape trial postponed. The 46-year-old Scientologist, accused of sexually assaulting three female church members between 2001 and 2003 at his Hollywood Hills home, claims the current L.A. mayoral race is tainting his jury pool. An attorney for the That ’70s Show star argues candidates Karen Bass and Rick Caruso have “inundated” the public with TV ads bashing the space-alien religion, which just lost a U.S. Supreme Court appeal seeking to force Masterson’s accusers into arbitration with a church-controlled panel. But the campaign advertising “is a significant problem for Mr. Masterson,” insists lawyer Philip Cohen. Caruso has tried to tie Bass to the church, which has been accused of brainwashing followers and using them as…

SPELLBINDING Kathy Najimy has made a magical return as witchy Mary Sanderson in Hocus Pocus 2 — an amazing 29 years after the original’s theatrical debut! The follow-up to the Halloween cult classic also sees Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker reprising their roles as Mary’s supernatural siblings wreaking havoc in modern-day Salem. Here are ten things you don’t know about the 65-year-old San Diego native. 1 Before she was famous, Kathy competed on the TV game shows Family Feud in 1981 and $25,000 Pyramid in 1985. 2 She once worked at a singing telegram company in California — delivering musical greetings while dressed as a giant bunny. 3 She’s made four movies with Whoopi Goldberg: Soapdish, Sister Act 1 and 2, and Rat Race. 4 She appeared as her…

PUBLICITY hounds Prince Harry and Meghan have dumped their longtime PR firm after seeing their popularity plummet. The couple had relied on the U.S. firm Sunshine Sachs since quitting their royal duties and moving to America, where they launched a massive campaign to promote themselves as “woke” crusaders and signed deals worth $150 million to make media content. But sources say the Duke and Duchess of Sussex rained all over Sunshine and its senior partner Keleigh Thomas Morgan, a friend of Meghan’s, due to “plunging popularity.” Instead, PR will be handled by Christine Weil Schirmer, head of publicity for the couple’s Archewell charity. Meghan reportedly decided on the switch, feeling “she doesn’t need to pay an outside firm a lot of money to do PR for her and Harry anymore.”…

JERSEY girl Teresa Giudice’s tanning obsession has the reality diva looking like an orange Oompa Loompa outta Willy Wonka — and she stinks too, sources say. The smell from the 50-year-old TV Housewife’s bronzing spray is reportedly even a nose-wrecker for new groom Luis Ruelas, 47, who she wed in August. “She had nice olive skin, now she looks orange, and the stuff smells and rubs off on Luis,” laughs an insider. “He wouldn’t dare complain, but the look he gives…” Teresa is so hooked on bronzing, “everything must stop for her spray tanning session,” blabs the insider. The mom of four — who served 11 months in the slammer after she and ex-hubby Joe pleaded guilty to mail and bank fraud in 2013 — showed off her faux tan…

BITTER Britney Spears’ moaning mom, Lynne, publicly pleaded for forgiveness from the Toxic singer, who’s blasted relatives for leaving her locked in a 13-year conservatorship! Since the pop performer’s November release from the legal agreement that had her dad, Jamie, 70, in control of her life and finances, Britney, 40, has sharply criticized the arrangement — and recently announced a “genuine apology” could help end her feud with her family. Shortly afterward, Lynne, 67, bleated on Instagram, “I am soooo sorry for your pain! I have been sorry for years!” She also insisted, “Deep down you know how much I love and miss you!” — and begged her $70 million daughter to “unblock” her on social media! An insider dishes desperate Lynne has repeatedly tried — and failed — to…

THE year 2001 seemed so far off when filmmaker Stanley Kubrick made 2001: A Space Odyssey in 1968 — but the epic sci-fi classic still packs a futuristic punch despite being made way before the invention of computer-generated special effects! To make star KEIR DULLEA look like he’s floating weightlessly in space, they suspended him on unseen wires, and also built the spacecraft set as a rotating “centrifuge” with the camera strapped down, so the actors appear to be upside down!…