Table of contents for September 6, 2021 in Globe

THE CREPE ESCAPE Two and a Half Men’s HOLLAND TAYLOR gets out in Beverly Hills — and her skin is a wrinkly road map! WHATTA BOOB! Here’s The Thing — chubby MICHAEL CHIKLIS’ clingy shirt isn’t his breast move THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK! EEW GO, GIRL KALEY CUOCO films Meet Cute in NYC — but there’s nothing cute about her puffy eye bags ALL BARK & NO BITE MR. T keeps his motormouth masked as he sweeps up some sticks and twigs in L.A. FIELD DAY Bravo’s TERESA GIUDICE is game to play for charity — but her softball stance could use some divine intervention HOW BEASTLY! Rolling Stone RONNIE WOOD’s wild fashion choices are a clashing collection of animal prints…

BRAZEN Barack Obama’s scandalous 60th birthday bash is threatening to be a COVID superspreader event after 74 people tested positive following the Martha’s Vineyard gala. After hundreds of maskless A-list guests flocked to the expresident’s $12 million estate, there was an immediate increase in cases on the Massachusetts island — the highest number since April. The shameless event, which GLOBE reported was publicly snubbed by an outraged President Joe Biden, has been slammed a “superspreader” by critics, who note the epicenter of the new outbreaks was Edgartown, where many of Obama’s guests stayed. Local health spokesperson Maura Valley says “it’s impossible for us to know at this point” how many infections are linked to the event without “comprehensive contact tracing.” After being publicly shamed by Biden for violating his COVID…

ROCKER John Mellencamp must be hell to get along with or awful picky — the Hurts So Good singer is single again after breaking up with blond real estate broker Natasha Barrett following less than six months of dating, sources say. The 69-year-old I Need a Lover star hooked up with Natasha, 46, right after the crash of his eight-month romance with TV dermatologist Nurse Jamie Sue Sherrill. Before the skin specialist, the Jack & Diane hitmaker had an on-and-off love-in with Sleepless in Seattle beauty Meg Ryan. Sources say John, who’s prepping for his Farm Aid fest in Hartford, Conn., and Natasha are “still friendly and still speaking,” but their togetherness “didn’t work out.” As GLOBE previously reported, John and Meg, 59, were house hunting shortly before they broke…

SOME things from the ’80s are best left forgotten — like mile-high hair and neon fashion! But some of the biggest names from that decade of decadence have yet to fade from memory — and the spotlight. Here’s a glimpse at famous faces from the era and how they look now! VAL KILMER Handsome Val was a whiz kid in 1985’s Real Genius — but the once hunky star, now 61, was socked by throat cancer that left him breathing through a hole in his neck! DEMI MOORE Demi was the grande dame of the decade with her turns in Ghost and St. Elmo’s Fire, and the Striptease actress, 58, dished all about her life in the 2019 memoir Inside Out. RALPH MACCHIO The Karate Kid is now closer to…

REBECCA HALL The Christine star’s spaghetti-strap dress is an effortlessly cool summer look LILY ALLEN The bony Smile singer is swallowed up by her shapeless feathered frock ADDISON RAE The TikToker should’ve bounced this clingy rubber number from her closet! ZOSIA MAMET The Girls alum is gorgeous in green satin, but her dragging hem needs a lift MARY McCORMACK The West Wing actress is a bore in an outfit better suited for a business office…

ACCUSED sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell’s latest attempt to get out of jail — by using the bizarre Bill Cosby defense — has bombed! The 59-year-old British socialite requested her case be dropped, claiming she couldn’t be charged because her late boss, pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, made a 2007 immunity deal with federal lawyers that he and his co-conspirators wouldn’t be prosecuted after he pleaded guilty to paying a 14-year-old for sex. Judge Alison Nathan denied Ghislaine’s claim because she personally hadn’t made the deal. Currently awaiting trial in a Brooklyn, N.Y., slammer on charges she groomed underage girls for Epstein, Ghislaine was claiming the technicality that sprung disgraced funnyman Cosby. The comedy creep’s tenyear sentence for sexual assault was dismissed by a high court on the technicality that a prosecutor had promised him…

WIN $100 There are three differences between these photos. If you spot them correctly — and your entry is the first chosen at random — we will send you $100. Simply identify the three differences between the photographs in a letter or postcard and send it to us. Official FUNNY PHOTO QUIZ rules 1. The contest is open to all residents of the United States ages 18 and older. Employees of a360 Media, LLC, its corporate sponsors and advertisers are not eligible. 2. NO PURCHASE IS NECESSARY. 3. To enter the FUNNY PHOTO QUIZ contestants must identify the differences between the photographs in a letter or postcard addressed to FUNNY PHOTO #36 QUIZ, P.O. Box 7019 New York, NY 10008. For all contests, be sure to print your name, address…

NOT getting enough shut-eye for just three days in a row can “greatly deteriorate” your physical and mental well-being — and may even trigger feelings of loneliness and anger, according to a new study. Researchers at the University of South Florida’s School of Aging Studies in Tampa examined the consequences of getting fewer than six hours of sleep nightly in a study involving nearly 2,000 healthy, middle-aged adults over eight consecutive days. Experts consider six hours the bare minimum of sleep required for adults, with seven to nine hours being the recommended range. The scientists found subjects reported feeling irritable, frustrated, nervous and/or lonely after just one night of rotten rest. The study participants also claimed they experienced more aches and pains. The researchers say concerning effects progressively grew in…

AFTER having to drop out of some events at the Tokyo Olympics due to the “twisties” mental daze, gymnast Simone Biles has now suffered a physical injury — a dog bite. Biles revealed a mangled finger in a social media post, saying: “I went to the doctor to get a tetanus shot.” The pooch-loving pixie, 24, got bit at a farm in Houston while visiting family and beau Jonathan Owens, a safety for the NFL’s Texans. “I’ve grown up my whole life with German Shepherds and never got bit,” says the tumbler. “This dog at the farm said NOT TODAY.”…

PLANE crash survivor Travis Barker must really be crazy for galpal Kourtney Kardashian — she got the Blink-182 drummer to take his first flight in 13 years! Barker, 45, flew with Kourtney, 42, her mom, Kris Jenner, and her beau, Corey Gamble, on Kylie Jenner’s private jet from L.A. to to Cabo, Mexico, on Aug. 14. In 2008, Travis was one of two survivors out of six onboard a jet that crashed during takeoff in South Carolina. He suffered burns on over 65 percent of his body, resulting in 27 operations.…

LEA SNUB AIN’T FUNNY Don’t rain on Beanie’s parade! Social media maniacs went bats**t bonkers after learning BEANIE FELDSTEIN, and not LEA MICHELE, would headline the first Broadway revival of Funny Girl, the musical that launched BARBRA STREISAND into superstardom back in 1964! “How did Lea Michele NOT get this?” groans one of many flabbergasted fans. Well, JONAH HILL’s 28-year-old lil sis has been prepping for this role all her life. “The first time I played Fanny Brice was at my third birthday party, in a head-to-toe leopard print outfit my mom made for me,” boasts Beanie, now starring as MONICA LEWINSKY in FX’s limited series Impeachment: American Crime Story. “So, it’s safe to say that stepping into this iconic role, on Broadway and not in my family’s backyard, is…

WHO AM I? Answer the clues and place the initials to each answer into the appropriately numbered square to find our mystery celebrity. $100 PRIZE 9 & 3 Bald-headed star of The Magnificent Seven 6 Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s hit musical filmed with Madonna in the title role 1, 13-12 Oscar-winning star of My Left Foot and Lincoln 8 & 10 Federal agent who headed the Untouchables, portrayed by Kevin Costner in the 1987 film 5 & 4 Prolific movie composer who wrote White Christmas 2 & 7 Actor brother of Pretty Woman star Julia 11 & 14 Egyptian leading man in Hollywood MOVIE WATCH Bette Midler has appeared in all the movies below. See if you can unscramble them. 1. VET CURB SELFISH WIT ____________________________ 2. BEE…

ONCE an all-gal gabfest, The Talk is in danger of becoming an old boys’ club as insiders say Carrie Ann Inaba won’t be returning to the TV show and bigwigs are looking to replace her with a guy, weeks after Jerry O’Connell snatched up Sharon Osbourne’s empty seat at the table! Tipsters claim the Dancing with the Stars judge, 53, has choreographed her exit from the CBS show five months after announcing she was taking a leave of absence to focus on her “health and well-being.” Now, insiders dish producers want a man to take her place and are auditioning dudes to join co-hosts Jerry, Sheryl Underwood, Amanda Kloots and Elaine Welteroth! Fans pointed out the show’s Twitter account seemed to be courting retired NFL star Akbar Gbaja-Biamila by posting photos of…

Battered thief messed with wrong dude A WOULD-BE car thief is licking his wounds after trying to swipe the wheels of mixed martial arts pro Jordan Williams, who whacked the crook black and blue! The big beatdown came after the six-foot, 170 pounds of whoop-ass pulled into a Denver gas station and went inside to get a drink and some eats while leaving his motor running. When he came out, he saw a man climbing behind the wheel of his sedan. Security footage caught the carjacker starting to back the silver auto out of the parking slot as the 30-year-old fighter ran up and yanked the door open. “At first I couldn’t really believe it,” says the tattooed fighter. “And then I was like, ‘Holy s**t, there’s someone really in…

EXPLOSIVE information about Joe Biden’s business deals and secret life was stored on a laptop computer his scandal-tarred son Hunter admits fell into the hands of Russian spies! Now sources tell GLOBE that U.S. intelligence agencies fear the commander in chief could be the target of blackmail based on drug addict Hunter’s hacked emails and files! Reckless crack-hound Hunter says he blacked out while deep into a drug binge with a trio of mysterious Russians in Las Vegas. When he came around, Hunter claims he found his room cleared out and his laptop missing. The Yale law school grad shockingly admits one of his Russian pals, a drug dealer, had his security code to unlock the computer that was full of his homemade porn videos. Intelligence sources say ads written…

Preemies have autism risk + PREEMIES born even just a couple weeks early may have an increased risk of autism, new research suggests. A study of more than 4 million people found among those born full-term, 1.4 percent had been diagnosed with the developmental brain disorder. But that number jumped to 1.9 percent among those born “late” pre-term between weeks 34 and 36. Autism prevalence was highest at 6 percent among those born between weeks 22 and 27 of pregnancy. New dementia treatment + MAJOR progress has been made in a breakthrough stem cell-based treatment for dementia, say researchers. UCLA scientists claim they successfully grew restorative brain cells that were transplanted in mice in laboratory tests and will meet with the FDA to discuss clinical trial requirements. The team says…

CASH COW Caitlyn Jenner’s crushing need for attention is costing her big-time — sources say friends and hangers-on are sucking her dry! While the sex-swapping celebrity’s gubernatorial campaign is failing fast and reportedly drowning in debt, sources dish she’s footing the bill for moochers who are riding Cait’s coattails! “Cait is as generous a soul as anyone you could ever meet, and she picks up the tab as a point of principle,” spills an insider. “It gives her pleasure to reward friends and employees with bonuses, gifts and spontaneous perks — but there are some serious liberties being taken!” The 71-year-old I Am Cait alum’s Malibu house has “weirdos coming and going, sleeping in spare rooms and ordering whatever they want on Cait’s credit card,” the source adds. “They get food…

STAR TREK’S famed Lt. Uhura — 88-year-old Nichelle Nichols — remains trapped in a fierce conservatorship battle! The actress’ son, Kyle Johnson, her former manager Gilbert Bell and her friend, actress Angelique Fawcette, are locked in a brutal tug-ofwar over the dementia-addled star. As GLOBE has reported, Johnson filed an explosive lawsuit in 2018, charging his mom was being used as a cash cow by greedy hangerson preying on her diminished mental state. Bell fired back, claiming Kyle was trying to lock his mom away in a nursing home in a bid to control her $10 million fortune! Johnson eventually won control of his mother’s affairs, but since then he and Bell have repeatedly tangled in court over Nichols — who was TV’s first Black sex symbol as a mini-skirted…

PAWN Stars vet Rick Harrison secretly unloaded third wife Deanna Burditt a year ago — claiming in court papers their “mental dispositions” were worlds apart — but the divorce was just made public! In court papers, Rick, 56, says the couple’s “tastes, mental dispositions, views, likes and dislikes have become so divergent that they have become incompatible in marriage” and there was “no possibility” of a do-over for the seven-year union! Both Rick and Deanna, 45, were married twice before. He has three sons and she has three daughters — all from previous marriages. The two reached a settlement agreement in September 2020. Rick owns the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas, the setting for the popular History Channel reality show appraising artifacts and memorabilia.…

RENEGADE Prince Harry and his diva wife, Meghan, are being shunned by Hollywood A-listers, turning their California dream into a nightmare, insiders say. Just a year after the rogue royals moved into their $14 million mansion in celebrity-heavy Montecito, they’ve already worn out their welcome, dish Tinseltown insiders. “They’ve gone from mustsee novelties to must-beavoided egomaniacs!” sneers an entertainment industry bigwig. “The excitement of rubbing elbows with royalty has long evaporated for a who’s who of stars. “Harry and Meghan have been throwing their weight around like they’re the king and queen of Hollywood, using their royal status to pursue — and get — megadeal after megadeal. “And that’s left a bad taste in the mouths of stars who’ve worked their whole lives to get to the top. “The couple’s…

MUSIC icon Bob Dylan’s legacy is blowin’ in the wind now that the Nobel Peace Prize winner is tangled in a horrific child abuse scandal — with explosive claims he used drugs, booze and threats of violence to turn a 12-year-old girl into his sex toy! “This is devastating for Dylan at his age and especially during the #MeToo movement,” says music and media critic Bill Mann. “He has spent years cultivating an image as a symbol of positive social change, and these kinds of charges — whether they’re true or not — can tarnish that legacy forever!” In a shocking Aug. 13 Manhattan lawsuit, a gal identified as “J.C.” accuses the now 80-year-old Lay Lady Lay singer of assault, battery and false imprisonment, “leaving her emotionally scarred and psychologically…

ACROSS 1 One on stage 6 Plant scientists 11 Incognito 16 Spy org. 17 Similar word 18 Weeper of myth 19 Swarm over 20 Peacock network 21 “To a …” poem 22 Informer 23 Sweet-talk 25 Eggs 27 Instant 30 Gear tooth 32 Farmyard nanny (hyph.) 34 Scold 36 Scottish monster’s lake (2 wds.) 38 Pie-in-theface sound 41 Epoch 42 Pub seat 44 Footprint 47 Smell 48 Publish 49 Arkin or Sandler 51 Yom Kippur horn 53 Casket 55 Poet Teasdale 56 Cider mill machines 59 Harper in “Rhoda” 61 Vaulted arch 62 Oil cartel 63 Hawaiian dish 64 Bone-dry 66 Zodiac member 67 City near Phoenix 69 Peeled 72 ___ scallops 73 Ice-cream treat 76 Actress Thurman 77 Born 79 Mineral 80 Giants 83 Stick 85 Totally 86 Chock-full…

LADY GAGA’S traumatized dog walker moans he’s flat broke and is begging for money to fund a “healing” road trip. Ryan Fischer spent three weeks in the hospital and nearly died after being shot while walking the diva’s three French bulldogs in Hollywood in February. Gaga paid all his medical expenses, but Fischer claims he’s homeless and still battling “emotional and mental health” issues. He says the van he’s been traveling in for two months broke down and he’s set up a GoFundMe page to raise $40,000 for his “sabbatical” seeking “retreat centers, trauma programs, queer healers, creatives and spiritual leaders.” Fischer adds: “With no vehicle, apartment and having run out of savings and surviving on donations from generous loved ones, I am humbly asking for your help.”…

MANY rich people whine they should pay less taxes and keep more dough for themselves, but the latest craze rocking the wealthy — gigantic and costly New Age crystals — shows they’re spoiled fat cats who have no idea what to do with their excess moolah. According to believers in alternative pseudoscience, crystals like quartz, agate, amethyst and opals can ward off evil, boost energy and even heal. In the past, the stones came as tiny trinkets — costing less than $100 — set in pendants or pocket charms. But the new crystal trend triggered by moneybags constantly looking for ways to blow excess cash falling out of their pockets is huge boulders with price tags of more than $300,000! Tony boutiques are getting $125,000 for an amethyst coffee table,…

OFTEN called the worst movie of all time, 1959’s Plan 9 from Outer Space is so terrible it’s funny! The low-budget sci-fi horror dud — starring MAILA NURMI and TOR JOHNSON and made by cross-dressing director Ed Wood — used paper plates for flying saucers. It was the final appearance of horror legend Bela Lugosi, who died after shooting silent test footage. The rest of his role was played by the director’s wife’s chiropractor — who hid his face behind a cape because he looked and sounded nothing like the Dracula star!…