Table of contents for August 2015 in FourFourTwo UK

Why does everyone love Andrea Pirlo? The air of arrogance, the can’t-be-arsed-to-close-down playing style and the overly manicured hair and beard would normally be enough to turn most fans off. For the uninitiated, he has all the hallmarks of a poseur. Until he kicks a ball, that is. Then it all makes sense: anyone who can do what he does on the pitch has every right to stroll around with a haughty air of superiority or wear a self-referential T-shirt with the words: ‘No Pirlo, No Party’. The Italian backs up the style with substance. More than that, he’s a throwback – a player who appeals to the purists that bemoan modern football’s obsession with pressing, fast transitions and the number of kilometres run in 90 minutes. Following a season…

1 Middlesbrough: not Tenerife, apparently He may have brought a splash of samba glamour to Middlesbrough, but it didn’t take long for Brazilian playmaker Emerson to reveal he had no time for the bracing North East climate. When he finally departed for La Liga side Tenerife in January 1998, wife Andrea described Middlesbrough as a “dark and terrible place”. She added: “I’m hoping that Tenerife will be more to my taste.” It’s certainly warmer. 2 Looking for Eric’s tactical mastermind One minute of first-team action was enough to convince Aston Villa manager Martin O’Neill that he didn’t much fancy Eric Djemba-Djemba after taking the reins from David O’Leary in August 2006. Loaned to Burnley the following January, the former Manchester United midfielder wasn’t happy either – but he blamed O’Leary,…

It’s been a busy couple of months for FIFA. Arrests, Interpol most-wanted lists and Sepp Blatter quitting have been front-page news – and the less said about whistleblower Chuck Blazer’s separate apartments for his cats and parrots, the better. So things could have slipped through the net at Geneva HQ – things such as Macclesfield Town’s bid to host the 2026 tournament. Yes, really. At the heart of the Silkmen’s impressively thorough manifesto is the Conference side’s 6,335-seater Moss Rose stadium, plus a few local playing fields and free Wi-Fi from a nearby library. “We’ve had calls from Northern Ireland to New Zealand,” Town’s media manager, James Beckett, tells FFT. “We did eight live radio interviews yesterday.” A first for Macclesfield, surely. One area in which the bid may fall…

How long have you been in the job and how did you get into it? I have been here for just over three years. I was an apprentice at the club when I was a youngster but didn’t make it, so I joined the police. After 30 years I found myself unemployed and was sitting at home in semi-retirement. My wife saw the job advert and I decided to go for it. Your title sounds as if it’s three roles in one. Do you enjoy the variety? Yeah, I love it. It’s great to interact with such a mix of different people. I could be working with vulnerable under-18s in the community as Head of Safeguarding in the morning, speaking with the Punjabi Wolves fan group at lunchtime, then organising…

THE GAME Matches are played by two teams of 11 men/man-beasts, all carrying clubs: this is known as ‘club football’. Club size is important. Players with bigger clubs will receive greater rewards and more favourable refereeing decisions. This is not a law – just natural selection. Get used to it. THE PITCH PHIFA-sanctioned playing surfaces must adhere to strict criteria: boiling sand and rock randomly littered with dinosaur bones, mammoth excrement, mantraps and rotten carcasses. Pitches will be deemed unplayable only in the event of a new Ice Age. MATCH INTERRUPTIONS  New guidelines for officials: if a meteor wipes out civilisation (again), postpone the match. In the event of a furious mammoth invading the field of play – oddly common since the recent change in matchball – remove casualties and…

An Evening With Gary Lineker (1991) Showing Italia 90’s ups and downs experienced through a pair of dysfunctional couples and a laddish berk in Ibiza, the TV adaptation was shown four years later – a stark reminder of what might have been. The Beautiful Game (2000) This Ben Elton and Andrew Lloyd Webber musical featured a Catholic boys’ team as a backdrop to the 1970s’ Troubles in Northern Ireland. The heavy subject matter didn’t appeal to West End audiences, but everyone liked the nice ballet bit. Brighton ’til I Die (2001) The Seagulls’ roller-coaster ride from cup finalists to groundless exiles, told through the eyes of the fans, was a sell-out success on the Sussex coast.…

REAL PLAYERS Neville Southall @NevilleSouthall Sorry no more retweets due to idiots Toni Kroos @ToniKroos Happy Birthday@ollyofficial ! Ryan Babel @Ryanbabel Benitez on his way to Real? He will make Ronaldo a great defender... THE FAKES Arsene Wenger @wengerknowsbest Do I like Vidal? Yes. I also like Pantene. But I don’t like to comment on individual hair products. Kevin Keegan @GalacticKeegan Blatter’s re-election was the worst let-down since that Age of Ultron film. Over 2 hours long and it didn’t even reveal how old Ultron was. YOU @FOURFOURTWO Alex D @BossBarkley @FourFourTwo can you send me the nextcopy of FourFourTwo early? I read themtoo quickly and have to wait for agesfor the next one Jayen Sherborne @Jayen31 @FourFourTwo Mario Boxatelli is up and running, tbf he’s probably a better player…

David Ginola After making a series of mandatory smooth and full-bodied gags about the French Adonis, we can move on to the fact that Ginsy is a serious wine buff, whose Coste Brulade establishment on the Cotes de Provence has already produced some prize-winning rosés. “This is not a gimmick; this is the real thing,” says the former FIFA presidential candidate, before brilliantly lapsing into post-match ‘110 per cent’ speak about his employees: “We work very hard and I’m proud for all the lads.” Andres Iniesta Iniesta has abstained from the grog during his impeccable career, but recently “fell hopelessly in love with wine” after expanding his dad’s small vineyard in Fuentealbilla, Albacete into the 100-acre, state-of-the-art behemoth Bodega Iniesta, producing Bobal, Macabeo, Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc. “My family has…

Qualifications needed GCSEs at Grade C or equivalent in Maths/English language and an approved Science/ technology-based subject OR SCE Standard Grade 2/Scottish National 5 in Maths, English and an approved Science/ technology-based subject. Qualifications gained Advanced Apprenticeship; BTEC Level 3 Diploma in ICT Systems and Principles; Diploma in Professional Competence for IT and Telecoms Professionals; Foundation Degree or BSc (Hons) in IT & Communications. Pay £17,485 after trade training; £24,666 on completion of apprenticeship; £2000 bonus on completion of trade training Visit WWW.RAF.MOD.UK/RECRUITMENT Phone 0345 605 5555…

GAZZA “Going into the match against Czechoslovakia, I was terrified I wouldn’t make the World Cup squad. We’d gone to Israel and Bobby Robson had said ‘this is your chance’, but I had a crap game. Plenty in the press were saying I wasn’t ready – I knew this was my last chance to prove them wrong. I just thought: ‘What have I got to lose?’ It was magic. Everything I did came off. I walked off the pitch pretty sure I’d be in the squad. To play a faultless game, to score, to set up two goals for Steve Bull and to get the press boys screaming for me to play made it a great night.” On the morning of April 25, 1990, with the World Cup only 45…

Fans of Salernitana haven’t had much to get their pecker up of late. Or ever, to be frank. But now they’ve won promotion to Serie B: cue flag-waving, horn-honking... and a breathless proposition from a smitten porn star. Priscilla Salerno, a local who earns her living in Miami, promised to perform a celebratory striptease for Salernitana’s players. But while the team were apparently pretty keen, she only got a rise out of local dignitaries, who worried about unwanted attention coming to the town and (figuratively) covered her up. “It wasn’t the club that said no; it was someone higher up,” fumed the adult film star. “There are elections coming up and my striptease could have changed somebody’s vote. Italians are getting worse, the poor devils. You don’t get this bigotry…

Why should I care? They have a nifty club crest, for a start. It depicts Colocolo, the Mapuche chief who led the Arauco War against the Spanish in the 16th century. I made a mural of him in GCSE art class. Who led what in the where now? Not an aficionado of Chilean history, then? His name means ‘mountain cat’, though that isn’t the club’s nickname, sadly. Have Colo-Colo won anything? Just 30 Chilean titles and the Libertadores – South America’s Champions League, if you require translation. Their winning 1991 team included Javier Margas, of West Ham and sex plane fame. So what should I say in the pub? “Jean Beausejour is revitalising his career at full-back in Colo-Colo’s 4-3-3, having previously played as a false nine for Marcelo Bielsa’s…

“Last season was quite simply the worst I can remember. It felt like a long, slow existence in Purgatory, with the club doing nothing but going through the motions. Attendances dipped and the atmosphere was distinctly toxic in the final games after the full-time whistle went.” The words, you won’t be surprised to hear, of a Newcastle fan. But Grant Furner’s concerns are not with United, but the Jets some 11,000 miles away. The 2008 A-League champions have just endured a campaign so dire that the Toon’s seems serene by comparison, while the Aussies’ owner makes Mike Ashley look positively popular. A disastrous season on the pitch – just three wins in 27 games and record defeats home and away – saw Emile Heskey’s former team propping up the table.…

TRAINING Gerrard Finlayson Fitness director Use Gerrard’s drills and dedicate the summer to your six-pack, to hone a beach body to rival CR7. MASTERCLASS Daley Blind Man United anchor The Dutch maestro explains how to enjoy the off-season, but stay fit and healthy for the next campaign. FITNESS Saul Isaksson-Hurst Personal trainer Ditch the gym membership and kit out your home with all the key equipment to stay trim. HEALTH Daniel Marti Top-flight physio Iron out the tension in your body with a Premier League Pilates workout from our expert.…

1 Enjoy your break Treat your body to a holiday “Once the season ends, the club gives me three weeks off. I’m cautious with what I eat and drink and, of course, I might put on some weight, but I make sure I’m responsible. For me, the summer holidays are about letting everything go and spending quality time with my family and friends. I like to relax on the beach, play some tennis or have a kickabout with my mates. My mindset changes so I that can recharge my body and mind after a long, hard season.” 2 Prepare for pre-season Get ready for the hard work “During the last week of my holiday, I’ll start running and stretching – nothing too intense, just light fitness work to get my…

Get the look... RAY-BAN SHADES Cristiano’s favoured frames to repel paparazzi glare are the classic Ray-Ban Keyhole sunglasses. £98, asos.com DECLEOR AROMA SUN EXPRESS HYDRATING SELF-TAN SPRAY You can’t catch the Madrid sun in Mansfield, so get a little help from this non-noxious, easy-to-apply, fine-looking spray. £20, decleor.com COLMAR ORIGINALS SWIM SHORTS Ronny wears very tight shorts over a classic Speedo. Colmar Originals do the job nicely. £49, luisaviaroma.com THE EXERCISES 1 PECS “Take a wire in each hand, keeping your elbows rigid,” says Gerrard Finlayson, director of GF Fitness, “and cross your hands over. Return to the start position.” 2 BICEPS Sun’s out: guns out. How? “Do a seated curl with a dumbbell. Rotate your palm up to face your shoulder and lift slowly. Whatever you do, don’t ‘heave-ho’.”…

EAT THIS... “You should enjoy yourself when you’re on holiday, but at the same time, if you order the right things you can have the best cuisine a country has to offer and still stay healthy” – ENGLAND CHEF TIM DE’ATH SPAIN PAELLA Calories 450Protein 38gCarbs 28g “A fantastic dish. Rice is slow-burn carbs, and you’ve got protein in the chicken and fish.” ITALY TRICOLORE SALAD Calories 300Protein 12gCarbs 11g “Pasta’s out of fashion. Mozzarella, tomatoes, salad, olives, prosciutto: healthy and delicious.” AMERICA NAKED BURGER Calories 400Protein 50gCarbs 5g “Get a quality burger without the bun and have corn, broccoli and coleslaw on the side.” FRANCE LAMB CHOPS Calories 400Protein 30gCarbs 0g “Great protein. Have asparagus and green beans on the side in a garlic sauce – tasty.” LISTEN TO…

GK GIANLUIGI BUFFON I came up against him as manager of the Netherlands. He has now played at the highest level for 20 years. He’s a big personality, a great goalkeeper and still makes a huge difference to his team. RB MAURO TASSOTTI Tassotti would be my right-back. He was a mean defender, but he was also quick. The good thing about this back four was that they all knew each other’s games so well – they were a special unit. CB FRANCO BARESI Baresi was a wonderful, elegant defender. He was very quick, very clever, and had immense knowledge of the game. He was very unlucky not to have won the Ballon d’Or in that era. CB ALESSANDRO COSTACURTA Costacurta was a good stopper. He was very quick, and…

It will come as no surprise when, during this summer’s transfer window, a whole host of exotic superstars from all corners of the globe descend on the Premier League. But when Brazilian international Juninho arrived at Middlesbrough in 1995, he really set tongues wagging. ‘The Little Fella’ quickly became a cult hero on Teesside – and beyond – and he fell so deeply in love with the North-east outfit that he joined them on a further two occasions later in his career. One of English football’s most popular imports is now president of his local club, Ituano FC – but, as he tells FourFourTwo, he’s still thinking of Boro… You’re known for being particularly small, but was your size a help or a hindrance to you as a footballer? Becky…

£120 His weekly wage for the first two years of his career, spent at Newcastle United In 2007 he was cast as a survivor of an alien invasion in a horror flick called Final Run. Within six months, the film had been canned G8 Name that he said he would now be known as in 2004 GAZZA’S BIGGEST CAREER REGRETS The booze 10% The chips 10% The Fog onthe Tyne rap 80% 57 England caps; he was on the losing side only four times Days spent as 39 manager of Kettering Town in 2005. In the six games he was in charge, they won two, drew two and lost two Spurs got his signature by buying his sister a sunbed – and his folks a house and car FAB He’s…

Hand of God Philip Kerr (Head of Zeus, £12.99) When London City’s star striker collapses on the pitch during a Champions League game in Athens, a murder investigation is soon underway. For local authorities to allow his side to leave Greece, manager Scott Manson has to work out whodunit. As football novels go, this is a good one. Best quote “After a week of combining football management with amateur detective work I was knackered.” Kickup King (iOS and Android app, £0.79) Once you get the hang of it, this is addictive fare from the makers of retro game site 8bit-football.com. Practise your keepy-uppy skills – the tougher the trick, the more points you win – as you climb the league table, complete challenges and unlock Zidane, Maradona and ‘King Drogba’…

HOME KIT 2008-09 Mixed memories. It was our first season back in the top flight for 24 years, which is good, but without proper stripes, which is bad. A proper Stoke kit should have stripes of equal width, not the red blob in the middle. It was baggy, too, and didn’t exactly cling to the players. STYLE RATING HOME KIT 2015-16 Now, this is smart: perfect geometric lines, and a nice white flourish to the collar. It’s also a nice fit, even for the more generously proportioned of the playing squad. Plus, a 6-1 home win in its first outing against Liverpool is quite the start. More of the same, please! STYLE RATING…

Immortal Iran , The Arian Band The Iranians had a lousy 2006 World Cup, finishing bottom of Group D and drawing with Angola, and this anthem was also an absolute rotter. A musical hate crime combining handclaps, ’80s drum machine, manic folk violin and pained caterwauling through a vocoder, Immortal Iran is enough to make you want to call Dignitas rather than live forever. Green & Gold , Freedom of Thought In 2006, the Aussies were so proud to qualify that they decided to run a seven-week, X Factor-meets-Eurovision style contest to produce an official anthem for their big trip to Germany. Chosen by public vote, the winner was the risible Green & Gold, which began with a didgeridoo before descending into sub-Limp Bizkit rap-metal. Lord knows what…

Hi Paulo. We’ve been told to be gentle with you, as your English isn’t great… Thank you. I don’t speak it very well. Didn’t you ever go round to John Terry’s to watch EastEnders and brush up? No, no. London is very international. You can always find Portuguese speakers. And I didn’t see EastEnders – I had Portuguese TV, so I would just look at that. Did you never go to the chippy with Deco? No. I didn’t do much like that. In London you can get food just like from home. I didn’t have many chips. We’ve yet to find an overseas Ask A Silly Question interviewee who has heard of the Scotch egg. Have you, Paulo? What? I don’t know…

GEORGE BEST There was something distinctly uncool about Best’s demise and passing as a result of alcoholism, but it wasn’t for nothing that he was known as O Quinto Beatle , a name given to him by the Portuguese press in 1966. The Belfast Boy was Britain’s first rock ’n’ roll footballer, combining “feet as sensitive as a pickpocket’s hands” (The Observer) with an unrivalled appetite for excess and variety. This was a man who, among other achievements, appeared on Top of the Pops, married models and dated Miss Worlds, owned nightclubs and fashion boutiques, went to prison, appeared drunk and lewd on the country’s most-watched chat show, had pop songs and films made in his honour, airports named after him and advertised sausages. All this, having…

Date: may2011 Location: Udine,north-east Italy Target: Alexis Sanchez 15:00 - Last player to exit the training ground. Subject leaves in a sports car (white Audi R8). Shares a joke with a staff member; appears to be in good spirits. 15:20 - After a few minutes at home, subject emerges with two dogs (both Labrador, white blond) and jogs through town. Still dressed in his training gear. 16:30 - Pays tennis with a trend. Wins with competent, if relaxed, performance mote: serve could do with a bit of work). 17:50 - Visits restaurant in city centre with his girlfriend. Orders langoustines followed by pasta salad (no dressing). Drinks mineral water from a glass. 19:25 Finishes with an espresso (no dessert). Pays bill in rash. Signs autograph and poses far picture with…

GAZZA “Despite what happened to me in the final, the whole cup run holds great memories for me. I was still buzzing after the World Cup – there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do. I scored loads of goals to get to us to Wembley and played the best football of my career along the way. Looking back, perhaps people expected too much from me, and that was tough, but I was fearless and didn’t give a s**t who I faced. The games against Oxford, Portsmouth and, of course, Arsenal were among my best. I didn’t sleep the night before the final and I was too hyped up, maybe. The rest is history.” Irving Scholar coveted Paul Gascoigne from the moment he saw him make his second Newcastle appearance a few…

This year you’ve been compared to Cristiano Ronaldo by Sampdoria coach Sinisa Mihajlovic and called a “phenomenon” by Gazzetta dello Sport . How does that feel? Cristiano Ronaldo? Oh God, keep those comparisons away from me [laughs]. There’s still a long way for me to go. This last season was very important. I struggled a little in my first season, as it’s not easy for someone of my age [then 20, now 22] to arrive in a new country, but it makes you stronger. I have to thank Coach [Stefano] Pioli for trusting me and finding a place for me in the team where I feel comfortable. You’ve spoken before of your good relationship with Miroslav Klose… He’s one reason I did so well last season. But…

Honest football, tough players, terrible pitches – no wonder Germans romanticise about the ‘Kreisliga’, the bottom rung of their football ladder. But not any more. Not in Essen, anyway. When the captain of BV Altenessen’s notorious second team beat up a referee at the end of February, it was the final straw for the league’s 14 other teams, who, out of fear for their own safety, declared that they would no longer compete against BVA. It was a campaign of violence that began in the very first game of the season. “We were on the verge of equalising,” recalls Hilmar Pracht, manager of BVA’s opponents that day, DJK Adler Frintrop II. “Then BVA’s fans and players got more and more aggressive and started to threaten our players.” SC Turkiyemspor were…

GET YOUR LEGGINGS READY FOR TAKE-OFF Leg compression garments may help players keep jumping up for headers longer than those who don’t wear them. Tests by Australian sports scientists found that tight-fitting trousers had little effect on running but did boost the leaping power and endurance of those who wore them. GOOD VIBRATIONS Vibration training can improve speed and power. Swedish researchers split 24 players into two groups, one doing drills on a gym floor, the other on a vibrating platform. The second group registered better sprint times and higher jumps. MORE BITE UPFRONT Players with poor oral health are more susceptible to muscle cramps and injury than those with great gnashers. Dutch and Belgian researchers found a link between unkempt teeth and injuries among 184 players from clubs in…

BREAKFAST Start your day the right way Scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, spinach “The off-season is a chance to indulge, but with a balanced, nutritional plan you can enjoy healthy food and avoid piling on the pounds. First, moderate your carb intake and consume more protein. This breakfast is a perfect start. Salmon is a nutritional powerhouse, and teamed with eggs it gives your body a truckload of muscle-repairing protein. Spinach won’t give you Popeye’s biceps, but it’ll stop a muffin top spilling over your Speedos. It’s full of natural compound ecdysteroids and boosts the body’s ability to break down glucose, so it doesn’t turn into fat.” LUNCH Enjoy what the ocean has to offer Tuna, spinach, watercress, quinoa, avocado, cherry tomatoes “Pre-season training is hard enough without having to lose…

Hip circles in supine Lie on your back and bring your right knee to your chest, creating a 90-degree angle. In one fluid movement, straighten your right leg and turn it out, so your groin is facing the ceiling and your knee the wall. Perform a circular motion, rotating your leg out and then back to the start position. SETS: 2 (change the direction of movement after each set; rest for 30 seconds between sets) REPS: 8-10 (each leg) Quadruped leg circles Get on all fours and fully extend your left leg behind you. Bring it out to the left, rotating the hip joint and bending at the knee. Once your knee is level with your hip, pull it in towards you until you’re back on all fours. Repeat the…

Bosu ball A balance trainer helps you to increase strength and fitness. “Trying to stabilise when using this kind of equipment is great for balance and agility on the pitch,” says Saul. Prices at bosu.com Core X System This favourite of Owen Hargreaves gives a full workout in mere minutes. “Working the core gives you major benefits as a player,” advises Saul. From £45, corexsystem.com Rotating push-up bars Do a ‘posh press-up’ with rotating bars; as Saul muses: “Upper body strength is vital in an increasingly physical modern game.” £11.99, blitzsport.com Gliding discs These are perfect for Pilates or resistance training. “Pilates is great – I recommend players try it as a great way to strengthen,” says Saul. £23.99, amazon.co.uk TRX This…

It had an Oscar-winning director in John Huston, a box-office sensation in Sylvester Stallone, two more Hollywood heavyweights in Michael Caine and Max von Sydow and some of the greatest footballers the world has ever seen. Plus a fella from Ipswich Town. Yet somehow Escape to Victory is remembered as a bit of a joke by football fans and film-goers alike. It’s not. This movie is pure, saccharine cinematic gold. Despite the umpteen continuity errors, questionable script and a plot containing more holes than a Swiss cheese shop, the flick portraying Allied POWs using a football match against their German captives to escape was well received on its release in July 1981. It nearly trebled its $10 million budget at the box office. The New York Times declared “the game…

It could be a scene from a bizarre remake of Casino Royale . Coveting a pot of cash on our table are three ex-footballers, several big-time businessmen and one secret agent (well, FFT , surreptitiously taking notes). But this isn’t high-stakes poker – or even real money. We’re playing Guy Butters’ board game. Fans of Spurs, Portsmouth and Brighton will remember Butters as a beefy centre-back, not a man clearly destined to worry Waddingtons. Yet this idea was hatched 20 years ago. “Me and my mates were watching a boring cup final,” he recalls, “and we thought: ‘How can we liven this up?’” A drinking game was born, which Butters and another pal, former Pompey youngster Mark Thompson, have turned into Who’s Got Ron?…

WHYONLY GA-LAD-TICOS? After I’d finished yet another superb issue, your recent article on the Women’s Super League game between Sunderland and Manchester City [FFT 252] inspired me to look at where the Spanish league ranked in Europe. I did some research and was shocked to discover that Real Madrid do not have a women’s team. A club that’s won 10 European Cups, been responsible for the last five world record transfer fees and housed Luis Figo, Zinedine Zidane and Cristiano Ronaldo have no female squad. Such a prestigious club as Los Blancos must branch out and challenge Barcelona, Atletico Madrid, Valencia and others in the Primera Division. It’s not as if money should be an issue. League One champions Bristol City (the men) have an established WSL team. Yet Florentino…

FRANZ BECKENBAUER Der Kaiser didn’t so much switch position as invent a new one: he was initially an outside left, then a central midfielder, before becoming an attacking sweeper in the late 1960s with West Germany and Bayern, starting out unmarked behind his defence and elegantly strolling upfield. With the libero position now redundant these days, he’d probably play as part of a defensive midfield two. JOHN CHARLES The Welshman’s height and strength meant he was a natural centre-back, and he spent three seasons bossing Leeds’ defence (after a game against Scotland, forward Billy Houliston said he was “the best centre-half I’ve played against”) before an injury crisis saw him help out upfront. The rest is history. He became Leeds’ second-highest all-time goalscorer, and later notched 93 Serie A strikes…

GAZZA “I still have great memories of that night, but I was lucky to be playing, let alone captaining the side. I’d been concentrating on Mars bars more than football for a while, but when Jack Charlton arrived at the club, he got me focused. Watford had drawn 0-0 at St James’ but we went down there without fear. I remember sitting in the bath and Elton John walking in to congratulate us. I was bollock naked singing, ‘Elton, Elton, give us a song’. Then Jack said he wanted me in the first team the next day. I froze when he asked. I travelled down to Norwich but didn’t play. I think the boss saw in my eyes I wasn’t ready.” It was a season that began with a warning…

When Roma revealed they’d soon be leaving the Stadio Olimpico for a new stadium after 60-plus years sharing with Lazio, many people suspected their city rivals would be resentful. If they are, they’re doing a decent job of hiding it. “I really don’t think us Laziali care about them abandoning the Olimpico,” says supporter Roberto Cavallaro of the Curva Nord. But what of the Curva Sud, for so long the Roma ultras’ stronghold? Mere semantics, insists Giorgia Baldinacci, journalist at Italian daily Il Tempo. “Lazio fans often congregate there during home games, only they call it the Curva Maestrelli, after the coach who won the club’s first league title,” she says. “They’ll be elated to reclaim it as their own. “There’s not much sadness among fans that Roma are moving…

Why all the fuss? El Clasico Paisa pitches Colombia’s oldest club against its most successful. Deportivo Independiente Medellin were formed in 1913; a century later and it’s their cross-town enemies, Atletico Nacional, who dominate the national league with 14 championship titles. Reasons for aggro Nacional’s ’90s and ’00s star Victor Aristizabal once claimed netting against El Decano was as good as winning a title. While the two share the Atanasio Girardot Stadium, it feels more like home to Los Verdolagas, who can boast 104 derby victories to Independiente’s 70. Maddest moment The notoriously aggressive derby has cleaned up its act in recent years, but hostilities were reignited in 2012 after a 2-1 Independiente victory. Police held more than 350 people and confiscated 450 knives as violence flared, leaving nine people…

SEX, THAIS AND VIDEOTAPES Leicester City took their “strategic, international partnership” with the Tourism Authority of Thailand too far recently when three players filmed themselves taking part in a deeply controversial sex act on what was supposed to be an end-of-season bonding exercise following their top-flight survival. AMATEUR HOUR Norwich should have smelled a rat last summer when they won 13-0 against a ‘professional Italian side’. After the Canaries’ game against Novara was cancelled, the stand-ins were a bunch of amateur locals, not Serie D outfit Vallee d’Aoste, as Norwich’s club website claimed. They apologised to the lower-league side. THE BLUNDER DOWN UNDER Manchester United’s tour of Australia in 1999 was meant to be a big-money brand-extender, but it turned ugly after Andy Cole (accidentally) busted the cruciate ligament of…

Nicklas Bendtner Wolfsburg’s Danish striker “I judge my own game a lot. If I don’t score or set up a goal, then in general I’m very upset. But by the time I’m back at training the next day or next week, I am motivated to do better. It is important not to dwell on the past. I have respect for all of the defenders I play against and accept that sometimes it’s not going to be my day, just like sometimes it won’t be their day. I try and get over things quickly – even if I get annoyed with myself. Confidence is a mindset. There will be people in your life who are jealous; who try to get you down. But you will find people who want to make…