Table of contents for 15-Sep-2016 in Chat

There was no first dance, the cake stayed uncut The car was filled to bursting as we drove to our wedding venue in Denbigh, North Wales. ‘The next time we go through these tunnels, you’ll be Mrs Hughes,’ my partner Brian, 74, chirped beside me. ‘I won’t carry you over the threshold as I’m too old, but I’ll carry your dress instead.’ After 25 years together, our big day had been a long time coming. We’d met when I was a pub landlady and Brian was one of my punters. He’d written love letters on five and ten pound notes, but it was months before I agreed to a date. Still, I quickly realised Brian was a keeper. He charmed my two kids, Kevin and Delyth, from a previous marriage,…

He's a local celeb, even went for last orders at the pub! As I called my kittens in for bed, one was nowhere to be found. ‘Parsley!’ I called. Nothing. It’s not like him, I worried. I’d got my kittens – Parsley, Purdie and Misha – within a month of each other, back in the autumn of 2014. Parsley, then 8 months old, was a friendly, nosy, ginger Maine Coon who liked napping on my bed at night. I had a sleepless night, and Parsley still wasn’t home the following morning. Panicking now, I called the vet’s and reported him missing. An hour later, they called me back. ‘We’ve got him,’ the vet told me. Phew! But Parsley had been found 2½ miles from home at a visitor viewpoint. A…

Co-op Loved by Us Brown Sauce, 465g, £1.49 The sweetest of our top three, but this is also good and spicy. Use instead of butter in a cheese sarnie to add tang. Daddies Favourite Brown Sauce, 400g, £1.45 The brand leader packs a good kick of peppery heat in this fairly sweet, punchy sauce. We'd slosh it on everything from a fry-up to steak and chips. Sainsbury's Brown Sauce, 450g, 85p While being tangy with a slightly hot, peppery finish, this is our favourite for its rounded, mellow flavour… perfect in a bacon sandwich. NEW   Princes Fruit Filling Red Cherry & Blueberry, With A Hint Of Elderflower, £1.19 This delicious filling is a limited edition - so pop it in a pie or top with crumble while you still…

Serves: 12 Prep: 20 min Cook: 20 min 200g plain flour 25g cocoa powder 1tbsp baking powder 115g soft light brown sugar 1 medium egg, beaten 115g unsalted butter, melted 150ml whole milk 150g pot Dr Oetker Easy Choc 150g white chocolate 1 Preheat oven to 190C/ Gas 5 and lightly grease a 12-cup muffin tin. 2 Sift flour, cocoa powder and baking powder into a bowl and stir in sugar. 3 In a jug, mix egg, butter and milk, then pour into centre of dry ingredients, stirring, until mixture forms a thick, smooth batter. 4 Divide between muffin tins - they will be quite full. Smooth tops and bake for 20 min until risen and firm to touch - a skewer inserted into the centre of each will come…

 ‘I ’m pregnant!’ I announced to my hubby Jack, 44. This type of carcinoma usually affects men in India aged 40 and over! With polycystic ovaries, I’d struggled conceiving again after our daughter, Sophie, 4. It was June 2011 and, visiting my GP, everything seemed fine. Then, at 11 weeks, I was brushing my teeth one morning, when I saw a pea-sized lump on the right side of my tongue, shaped like a tiny cauliflower. I’d had discomfort there for a few months, but no visible lump. Worried, I showed Jack. ‘It’ll be nothing, go to the doctor,’ he said to me. The next day, my GP had a look. ‘Probably an ulcer,’ she said, prescribing cream. But, two weeks on, the lump hadn’t changed. My GP referred me to…

Pure Gel Longwear Gel Polish in Dark Red, £3.99, New Look For a week of flawless nails, use a topcoat. Top tip: Take off with normal polish remover. Nailed London Gel Wear in Man Eater, £6.99, www. feelunique.com Works with the top and base coats in the range to give a glossy finish. Top tip: Base coat avoids nail staining. Sensationail Gel Colour in Miss Behave, £15, Boots This one lasts for a whole two weeks! Top tip: You'll need to use an LED lamp. Seventeen Gel Colour in Strawberry Rouge, £3.99, Boots This gives a fab gel effect and lasts for up to eight days. Top tip: A gel-effect polish is a great way to try the trend for less.…

I rested my hand on my baby's back and waited for her to cry... Today, she's a happy, alert little girl, with a fighting spirit! With only eight weeks of my pregnancy left, I couldn’t wait to meet my little girl. So much so, I decided to splash out £100 on a 4D scan. ‘She’s beautiful,’ I sobbed as I saw her face in incredible detail on the ultrasound screen. ‘You’ve got a healthy, happy baby in there,’ the sonographer told me. I’d had the name Isla floating around in my head since finding out I was expecting. Now I’d seen what she looked like, it fit perfectly. Afterwards, I hit the shops to buy her some pretty dresses and cosy onesies. She was already spoiled rotten! I was facing…

1 Visit Madame Tussauds Meet your favourite celebs, from Ed Sheeran to Alan Shearer. You can even have a swift half in the Rovers Return with the Barlows and Bet Lynch! 2 Blackpool Tower Begin with a 4D cinema experience, then head on up to the 380ft high glass skywalk at the top of the tower. On a clear day, you may be able to spot the Isle of Man. When you get your feet back on the ground, quickstep your way to the magnificent ballroom for a spot of afternoon tea! 3 Sea Life There might not be any chips here, but there's plenty of fish and marine wildlife to be seen along the stunning walk-through ocean tunnel. If you're feeling particularly brave, you can even snorkel with the…

Aries 21 March - 20 April You’re under pressure for something you said you’d do, and meant to, but didn’t. Don’t argue, though, as it’ll just raise the situation to the next level. Whatever it is, just do it, and the whole thing will fade away. Call 0905 817 0690* for more Taurus 21 April - 21 May An argument at work has reached the stage where you’re about to explode. But if you go nuclear, you’ll damage your own chances. The flow of events is moving in your favour anyway, so just wait and all will be well. Call 0905 817 0691* for more Gemini 22 May - 21 June Why didn’t they say so earlier? Because they didn’t think it mattered, or didn’t want to hurt your feelings,…

A STAR IS BUILT Hong Kong inventor Ricky Ma Wai-kay, 42, has built a lifelike female robot at a cost of £37,103. Silicone skin covers its 3D-printed frame, and it has realistic hair and eyes. Modelled on Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson, the bot beauty responds to vocal commands with a cheeky smile or wink. Bit creepy! PREGNANT PAUSE Gas and air? Not for expectant pole instructor Kat Bailey. Between contractions during early labour on 1 August, Kat, 30, from Nottingham, adopted a familiar pose on her pole - the ‘human flag'! See her feat - and meet her new baby - at facebook.com/  KatPoleKitty Wow! POKEMON NO! A daredevil skydiver known as Drasko P was determined to snag a Pokemon on his phone during a jump from 5,000ft. Unfortunately…

He was staring blankly at the ceiling and twitching At 18, with a summer of travelling ahead of me, I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. And I certainly wasn’t interested in Luke Honeychurch In 2013, he’d come to spend a few months in Newquay – my home town – with his sister, and we had mutual friends. But, despite initially thinking he was a bit gobby, he was actually funny and outgoing. ‘We’re going out if you want to come?’ he said one night. We started hanging out together, just having fun. Neither of us wanted anything serious… ‘I’m off in June,’ I told Luke, then 21, from the start. I’d booked to go to Thailand and Australia with mates. Couldn’t wait! Before long, Luke moved back to Plymouth and…

No smell Q After a bad cold, I've lost my sense of smell - so I can't taste properly either. Will it come back? Tricia, 44 A Colds and flu can sometimes leave you unable to smell. Usually, although not always, it improves within a year or so. Surgery to clear the blockage, or special smell training might help. Droopy lids Q My eyelids sag so much, sometimes I have to push them up just to see properly! What can I do? Olive, 76 A Usually this is due to loss of tone in the muscles that raise your lids as a result of age, but your GP might check for other causes, such as nerve or muscle damage. Special specs with arms to hold up your lids can help,…

Marvin Jnr's only solace was his remarkable voice Standing outside his son’s bedroom, a father jangled his belt. The boy was terrified, trembling. He regularly saw his mother Alberta being beaten at their home in Washington DC. But his father, a church bishop, reserved the worst of his hatred for the little boy. Marvin suffered night terrors and wet the bed, which made the beatings worse. Despite being a religious preacher, Marvin Penze Gay was a hard father. His own childhood had been traumatic. Born to poor farm workers, he was one of 13 children and had to work long hours in the tobacco fields. He often went hungry – and often saw his father beat his mother. Like his parents, Marvin Snr was a member of House of God…

1 Prepare barbecue or preheat moderate grill. In a bowl, mix 450g lean beef mince with a small, finely grated onion, a finely diced red pepper, a crushed clove of garlic, ½tsp dried mixed herbs, 2tbsp barbecue sauce, 50g fresh breadcrumbs, an egg and plenty of salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate for 30 min. 2 Using damp hands, shape mixture into 4 evenly sized burgers. 3 Brush burgers with a little oil and cook for 4-6 min on each side, until cooked through and any meat juices run clear. 4 Serve in rolls with salad leaves, with a large spoonful of relish. Serves: 4 Cost per head: £1.08 LIFE! DEATH! PRIZES! For more foodie bargains, visit www.lifedeathprizes.com and click on ‘best buys’…

Teaching troubles Half a million. That's how many days UK teachers didn't work last year. It doesn't surprise me. Teaching has become a very stressful profession. Large classes, unruly pupils and an ever-increasing mound of paperwork takes its toll. I'm a supply teacher in London and I used to struggle to find work. Now there's a job for me every day because there are so many teachers calling in sick... Rhiana Yardley, Ruthin Allergic attack I read with horror Margaret Wilson’s story about her son dying after he ate a takeaway (Killer Curry, 4 August issue). I have a friend who’s allergic to nuts and she relies on people being honest. The curry house owner deserved his jail sentence. Hannah Bryan, Merseyside Young at heart This is just wonderful! When…

We confessed all to our mums, swore them to secrecy My fella Chris and I agreed…after almost six years together and two beautiful kids, Gabriella, 3, and Marcus, 1, it was time we wed. But after that... ‘We should go away somewhere,’ said Chris, 35. ‘Keep it low key.’ He never was one for a fuss. But me, I fancied a big day with an even bigger dress! ‘And I couldn’t get married without all our friends and family,’ I told him. We um-ed and ah-ed and, in the meantime, got on with planning Marcus’ christening. Then I came across the perfect compromise. ‘Let’s plan the wedding in secret,’ I said. ‘Then we’ll surprise everyone by walking down the aisle at Marcus’ christening!’ Chris was tickled. ‘Let’s do it!' he…

They told me I had to lose weight Twirling around in my tutu, I noticed a few mums staring at me. I was only 13, but I knew what they were thinking. She’s too big to be a ballerina… It was true. I was taller, broader, heavier… But I’d been dancing since I was 3, and I was good at it. ‘It’s just other people’s silly attitudes,’ my mum Tracey assured me. But, the older I got, self-conscious I became. If my dance school put on a pantomime, I always played a man or a backing dancer – never Cinderella. So, when I was 15, I went on a diet, cut out carbs. But instead of losing weight, I just felt shattered. Then, a couple of months later, I was…

Luke had shouted and sworn at him before shaking him with force Shortly afterwards, Luke arrived and we called our families. ‘I can’t go to Bristol as I’ve got a Jobseeker’s appointment tomorrow,’ Luke said. ‘Fine,’ I muttered. All I cared about was Romeo. As Romeo was taken to Bristol, my brother Jamie, 24, drove me there. At the hospital, doctors confirmed the bleed on Romeo’s brain. ‘We don’t know how it’ll affect him,’ they said. I burst into tears. Already poor Romeo was having seizures and was on life-support. ‘It looks like shaken baby syndrome,’ I was told. ‘What?’ I gasped, horrified. I’d never hurt my precious boy. But would Luke? ‘What did you do?’ I snarled when he arrived later. ‘I didn’t do anything,’ he snapped. Thankfully, my…

GUILTY! Marzet Farris III was found guilty of first-degree murder, conspiracy to murder, tampering with evidence and concealing a dead body. On 8 April last year, the judge sentenced him to ‘natural life’, meaning he won’t have the possibility of parole. A month later, Laura Stelmasek was also found guilty of first-degree murder and conspiracy to murder, and was again told by the judge that she would spend the rest of her life in prison with no parole.…

I pressed the button and out came the chocolate shake I'd just eaten! Ten wide-eyed little faces gazed at me as I closed the story book. It wasn’t easy getting a bunch of toddlers to sit quietly. But I’d managed it. And now came the real challenge… Grabbing the table, I heaved my body up – my knees almost buckling under the strain. By the time I was up, I was pink with exhaustion and shame. How had I let things get so bad? I was 40, a nursery teacher and I’d always loved food. And I loved to bake. When friends popped round, I’d serve a cream sponge covered in icing. Once they went home, feeling lonely, I’d have one slice after another... I never had willpower to diet.…

I urgently needed a liver transplant It was January 2012, and I’d had three lots of antibiotics from my GP to try to clear up a bad chest infection. But none had worked so far. ‘Hopefully, I’ll feel better soon,’ I told my kids Edward, 20, Louis, 16 and Emerald 13. But, over the next few weeks, I noticed the whites of my eyes looked yellow. My skin had a yellow tinge, too. Eventually, I was referred to Royal United Hospital in Bath for a scan of my abdomen, but it didn’t reveal anything. Back home, I continued to feel unwell and my wee was orange. Days later, in March, I went back to the hospital and doctors whisked me away for blood tests. Then… ‘There’s a problem with your…

I bottled up my feelings, didn't want to burden my family She was named after DameKellyHolmes! Like many teenagers, I dreaded my school report. Lisa would do better if she listened, it read. I tried concentrating, but I often missed things teachers said. My mum had bilateral sensorineural hearing loss, affecting the nerves in both ears. She’d started life with reduced hearing, but it’d deteriorate and would one day leave her totally deaf. My grandma had it, too, and I suspected I’d inherited it. But, in denial, I never said a word, got on with my studies and did well. No-one knew until, following some tests in my late teens, I was officially diagnosed with the condition at 21. I was issued two large, beige hearing aids. ‘They’re hideous,’ I…

I could feel my excitement building… The memory is still so vivid in my mind. Splashed across the screen was my name and the word Congratulations in sparkles! And there was also an enormous number blinking out at me – it was a massive £32,130 – I was speechless! I nudged my hubby David, 71, and began pointing frantically at my account balance. It was 2012, and I’d been having a quick go on the Wonderland slot game on Chat Mag Bingo. The Chat Mag Bingo slots had always been my favourite. I usually had a few spins on Tiki Island, Double Bubble, or Winstones, only this time the Wonderland slot had caught my eye. I’d watched, fascinated, as the Mad Hatter, Cheshire Cat and Alice whizzed around with each…

Could the skulls have come from a family of vampires? Thousands of years ago, the dip in the land that’s now a peat fen was full of water. The former lake, which sat between the vast Lake Vattern and the Motala Strom River in central Sweden, is known as the Kanaljorden. It’s a calm place, an empty place. A place that was more or less forgotten. Until 2009… Local authorities planned to extend the rail network, with a line running through the Kanaljorden. But work was soon stopped. Because diggers had discovered buried stone tools, bones and artefacts – all signs of an ancient settlement. Archaeologists were called in, and they made an even more surprising discovery. They found an ancient burial site – and, inside it, 11 human skulls.…

Blood was pouring down my face, puddling on the floor The bell on the shop door tinkled as one of my regulars breezed in. ‘Morning, Julie, what’s happening in the world today, then?’ she asked. ‘The usual doom and gloom,’ I said, turning to the stack of newspapers on the counter. I’d been shopkeeper of a convenience store in Barnsley for 30 years. I lived upstairs with my mum Sallie, 76. I knew everybody in the neighbourhood and everybody knew me, often stopping for a chat. And we couldn’t help but notice that there’d been a rise in crime… A few times, I’d had beer stolen from the shop. I worked behind the till alone so I'd no choice but to let them get away with it. Days later, on…