Table of contents for May 18, 2020 in Globe

POPE FRANCIS has confessed Scotch whisky is “the real holy water!” The 83-year-old Holy Father made the wisecrack when Scottish student priests presented him with a bottle of Oban 14-year-old single malt, which retails for about $80. But the Vatican sought to avoid a brew-haha by censoring the footage ahead of an upcoming documentary! The media office cut out the bit because “they didn’t want the pope to be seen to be endorsing” booze, says the film’s director, Tony Kearney.…

TIME ain’t on his side! Pals say Rolling Stone Mick Jagger is set to wed at the ripe old age of 76! The lucky lady is the rock god’s ballerina baby mama Melanie Hamrick, who is 43 years his junior and mother of his eighth child! “With the Stones’ tour postponed, Mick’s had nothing to do but bond with Melanie and it’s been enlightening,” spills an insider. “Proposing seems like the right thing to do and he wants to make things official while he still can. It will be a simple ceremony, as Mick never was the lavish type.” Sources say Melanie, 33, cemented their relationship by stepping up when Mick had surgery in April 2019 to replace a valve in his bum ticker. “Melanie quit the American Ballet Theatre…

GOOD news — the number of Americans with high cholesterol has dropped 30 percent! New data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) shows the percentage dropped from 18.3 percent in 1999 to 11.4 percent in 2018. Adults with high total cholesterol are at increased risk for heart disease and stroke, among other health problems. As part of its Healthy People 2020 initiative, the CDC set a goal of reducing the prevalence of high cholesterol to less than 13.5 percent — and that’s apparently being achieved. The latest figures from the CDC indicate the prevalence of high total cholesterol is basically the same among men, at 10.5 percent, and women, at 12.1 percent. Its prevalence was highest among adults between 40 and 59 years of age, at nearly 16…

FAMED TV fixer-uppers Chip and Joanna Gaines are in a lockdown meltdown as their billion-dollar Magnolia brand spirals down the drain, insiders dish! “Their businesses have been ‘temporarily’ closed for a month due to quarantine and they’re not sure when they’ll be up and running again,” spills a spy. While their rep insists talk of money trouble isn’t true, the source claims, “They’re getting really worried! They put all they had into their businesses and now they’re losing thousands a day with hardly any money coming in.” The wonder couple of Waco, Texas, own Magnolia Market at the Silos and other Magnolia retail ventures, but they’ve been shuttered since March 17. The couple, who have five children, also had to ditch their annual and highly profitable tourist-attracting Spring at the…

LAST week, GLOBE reported staffers at Ellen DeGeneres’ show slammed her as rude and mean — but now one has come forward saying it’s great working for the talk queen bee! Kalen Allen, who generates material for the show’s digital platforms, says “you definitely feel at home” there and describes co-workers as “the kindest, nicest people.” He also notes that there’s no big turnover, and “the majority of the people … have been there from the very beginning.” Kalen’s sunny report comes after sources called Ellen the queen of mean, who has employees walking on eggshells. She was also slammed for keeping staffers in the dark for a month about getting paid after she canceled her show in March due to the coronavirus. Recently, Ellen has been giving $250 to…

Daughter Shiloh’s fondness for Alia put fuel on fire-pal SEETHING Angelina Jolie wants ex Brad Pitt to keep new squeeze Alia Shawkat away from their kids, sources snitch. Photos showing the former Arrested Development actress visiting Brad, 56, at his Los Feliz mansion on her 31st birthday on April 18 drove Angie up the wall, according to insiders. “Angie claims she could not care less who Brad dates, but the fact he’s doing so while they’re all hunkered down in lockdown, while she is caring for ALL of their six kids, lit her fuse!” an insider dishes. Spies say the Maleficent movie witch, 44, was less than impressed to see her ex was entertaining another woman during a life-threatening pandemic! But the final insult was spotting Alia biking around Brad’s…

PIPSQUEAK pop star Prince has been dead for four years, but the fur is still flying between two of his former lovers amid charges of shamefully profiting off his name. Prince’s galpal Apollonia, who starred in his hit flick Purple Rain, accuses singer Sheila E., who was briefly engaged to the rocker in the ‘80s, of horning her way into moneymaking projects since the superstar’s fatal 2016 drug overdose at age 57. Recently, Sheila E. was musical director for CBS’ April 21 Let’s Go Crazy: The Grammy Salute to Prince and previously released Lemon, a tribute song. However, a source says furious Prince refused to speak to Sheila E. for the five years up to his passing for blabbing about him in a book. “And now she acts like she’s…

NOT wasting time, RICHARD GERE, 70, and Spanish wife ALEJANDRA SILVA, 37, popped out a second son — just over a year after welcoming their first baby, Alexander! Recently wed Dawson’s Creek star JOSHUA JACKSON, 41, and his actress wife, JODIE TURNER-SMITH, 33, welcomed their first baby, a daughter. Hallmark Channel star JILL WAGNER, 41, and husband DAVID LEMANOWICZ, 44, welcomed a daughter, Army. “She was conceived on July 4 so we wanted a patriotic name and my husband is in the military,” gushes the first-time mom. Also in the pink, Botched star Dr. PAUL NASSIF, 57, is finally getting a girl with pregnant second wife BRITTANY. The plastic surgeon has three teenage sons with ex-wife ADRIENNE MALOOF. Green Acres star TOM LESTER, who played farmhand Eb Dawson on EVA…

JENNIFER ANISTON has found a secret 1980s audition tape she made at 13 for a role on her dad’s soap opera — which she lost to 30 Rock star Jane Krakowski! “It was for Search for Tomorrow, which was a soap opera my dad was on,” the 51-year-old actress told late-night host Jimmy Kimmel. “Search for Tomorrow was shot in New York back then. And on the bulletin board was an audition for TR, a 13-year-old runaway, and I was like, ‘That’s me, without the runaway part!’” Without telling her father, John Aniston, she called his agent, Jennifer says. But she was beaten for the role of troubled teen Theresa Rebecca “TR” Kendall by Krakowski, who was four months older. “I thought I did great,” recalls Jen of her disappointing…

THE Today show’s sunny weather forecaster, Al Roker, has been a staple on the morning gabfest since 1996, entertaining viewers with his off-the-cuff audience interviews and down-to-earth demeanor. Here are ten things you don’t know about the 65-year-old TV personality. 1 He says the best home-cooked meal he’s ever eaten is his mother’s Thanksgiving feast: turkey, ham, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, sweet potato casserole, peas and rice, and salad. 2 After getting his first TV weather gig, he splurged on a new 1976 yellow VW Rabbit but adds, “I bought a standard [stick shift] because it was cheaper, even though I didn’t know how to drive a standard.” 3 Shortly after his college graduation, he penned the comic strip Salt and Pepper for the Syracuse New Times — but…

NEW JERSEY numbskull Ethan Palazzo broke into a funeral home, stripped off his clothes and left a cold beer in a casket, say police. Authorities allege the nutjob, who reeked of booze, busted into Thomas P. Kearney Funeral Home in Old Forge, got naked and rummaged through a closet containing the morgue’s chemicals. According to an arrest complaint, the 30-year-old initially said he did not have a reason for breaking in, then told cops he wanted to speak with his girlfriend. Police say they found a cold brewski in a display casket and claim another was found on the console of a broken-in car parked outside the business. Palazzo has been charged with burglary, criminal trespass and criminal mischief, and was released on $40,000 bond.…

ARIES March 21 - April 20 Time spent at home will not be wasted, Ram! Catch up on all those little tasks left undone, and end the week feeling satisfied! But take care to look through papers before tossing them in the trash. Saturn warns you could shred a check or cash! Your secret weapon against fatigue is more protein! GEMINI May 22 - June 21 It’s not a good time to make friends now, Twin. Be wary of new acquaintances, especially someone who comes on too strong! Instead, stand by old pals you’ve known for ages! Read the fine print on paperwork closely and ask for advice if something seems fishy! A dental emergency is easily resolved! LEO July 23 - Aug. 23 Monday finds you struggling with technology…

SUPERSTAR Jennifer Lopez and her baseball slugger fiancé, Alex Rodriguez, put on a happy front co-parenting his kids with ex-wife Cynthia Scurtis — but sources say the gals are far from pals! “There’s a lot of tension between the two women, with Alex constantly trying to soothe it,” spills an insider. The former New York Yankee and Cynthia, 47, divorced in 2008 after six years of marriage, but share two daughters — Natasha, 15, and Ella, 12. Jenny from the Block, 50, has been dating the retired jock since 2017, and the insider says, “Cynthia made a promise never to bad-mouth J.Lo and make an effort for the sake of the kids — but that doesn’t mean she finds it easy.” According to the source, the Shades of Blue beauty…

AT THE time of its release — 1991 — Terminator 2: Judgment Day was the most expensive film ever made! Starring ROBERT PATRICK as a more advanced Terminator, it also featured ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER as the original cyborg, as well as LINDA HAMILTON reprising her heroine role and EDWARD FURLONG as her young son. The action-packed flick came seven years after the series’ debut, due in part to legal issues and technical limits in computer-generated visual effects. The wait for the on-screen magic, however, was worthwhile — the film wowed audiences and helped make T2 the highest-grossing R-rated movie of all time, a record it held for 20 years!…

HOLLYWOOD diva Diane Keaton has turned into a lonely old maid who has gone without romance — and sex — for more than 35 years, sources tell GLOBE! Sadly, the 74-year-old Annie Hall star dropped out of the dating whirl after sizzling romances with a series of her leading men — Warren Beatty in Reds, Al Pacino in The Godfather and Woody Allen in Annie Hall — fizzled, leaving her alone and without a marriage proposal. “It’s not that Diane wouldn’t like to meet someone she could spend the rest of her life with, it’s that men just don’t ask her out anymore,” says a source. “Diane always thought she‘d marry and have kids, but by the time she reached 50, she realized that wasn’t going to happen.” Adds the…

ROCK icon David Bowie not only saved broke pal Peter Frampton’s career, he saved his life by carrying him out of a burning plane. The death-defying moment came during Bowie’s 1987 Glass Spider World Tour when the Lazarus crooner hired on his old, guitar-pickin’ school chum Frampton, who was broke and trying to launch a comeback. The private plane was ferrying across the airport tarmac when suddenly smoke began pouring into the cabin. Bowie, who died at 69 of liver cancer in 2016, leaped to his feet, yelling, “Smoke, smoke.” “The pilot stops and Dave literally lifts me out of my seat and carries me down the [escape] chute,” recalls the 70-year-old Baby, I Love Your Way rocker. “He coulda ran out but he wanted to make sure I was…

JAMIE WANTS NOTHING SHADY You’d probably have to tie up 50 Shades of Grey hunk JAMIE DORNAN to convince him to shoot another kinky bondage flick. “I’ve never done anything close to since and probably never will again,” declares the 38-year-old heartthrob. “It’s like we did it, it lived in its own world and it was a very big world and a lot of people cared about it,” he says of the time spent doing all kinds of on-screen nasty to leading lady DAKOTA JOHNSON. “But it’s kind of like, ‘That was it.’” Leaving behind the handcuffs, Jamie’s now starring with comedy heavyweight KRISTEN WIIG in Barb and Star this summer. ANSEL BARES: IT’S A GOOD THING! Baby Driver smarty-pants ANSEL ELGORT shared a shocking snap of himself stark naked…

FORGET wardrobe malfunctions — Kelly Ripa is in wardrobe crisis mode! The daytime diva has been raiding her 18-year-old daughter Lola’s closet for outfits to wear on the air! “I’m now in my daughter’s clothes. It’s gone there,” Kelly, 49, recently told the Live with Kelly and Ryan audience from her home. Kelly also revealed she’s resorted to coloring her own hair. “I’ve been spraying my roots,” she confessed. “At this point it’s all spray because my hair is all gray!”…

A PERVY Florida nanny — who’s a self-proclaimed porn star — was busted for performing sex acts on a three-year-old girl, authorities say. The toddler told detectives Nicole Lynn Walter, who was also a foster parent, took pictures of her and touched her inappropriately, says Escambia County Sheriff David Morgan. In addition, Walter, 27, recorded multiple videos of herself masturbating in front of young children, according to an arrest report. The sicko had previously worked as a nanny and was a licensed foster parent. Authorities executed a search warrant at Walter’s Pensacola home after receiving a tip about possible child abuse and say they found twisted images of a preteen girl posing in sexual positions on a micro-SD card. Investigators claim they also discovered disturbing videos on Walter’s laptop showing…

WACKY Oscar winner Joaquin Phoenix is poised to portray Captain Hook in a new remake of Peter Pan — and sources say he’s already studying sword-fighting to be a swashbuckling screen success! “This is classic Joaquin, Method acting, even before it’s official,” dishes an insider. “But he wants this to be his next Joker and is already tweaking his look, weight and diet — and his whole demeanor — to play the role. “He’s even learning sword-fighting, looping hours of YouTube videos on fencing and stage combat to take his skills to the next level. “He wants to be the most physically believable and intimidating Captain Hook ever, and he’s making real strides toward that goal! He’s a black belt in karate, so he’s already got some of the fancy…

POP diva Taylor Swift is tossing a hissy fit against the family of billionaire-investor George Soros for cashing in on an album of her songs! Last year, members of Soros’ family, other financiers and music mogul Scooter Braun bought Big Machine Records, which had the rights to Taylor’s first six albums, for a whopping $300 million. Now, she’s miffed because they just released Live From Clear Channel Stripped 2008, an album of her tunes from when she was 18. The 30-year-old songbird fumes: “Just another case of shameless greed in the time of the coronavirus. “So tasteless.”…

A BIGWIG priest in the Big Apple’s Catholic archdiocese is being accused of having a craving for hot gals and discriminating against older female staffers. In an explosive federal lawsuit, Alice Kenny, 63, charges New York Catholic Charities boss Msgr. Kevin Sullivan has a “penchant for attractive women,” kept a life-size cardboard cutout of Beyoncé in a skimpy outfit in his office and picked “younger and more attractive women” over her for work-related “events and travel.” The randy reverend “has made it clear that physical attributes and not accomplishments are what matter most when it comes to female staff,” says Gregory Mouton, attorney for Kenny, the charity’s former director of special projects. According to her lawsuit, Sullivan put “a life-size cutout of a scantily-clad Beyoncé for all of the employees…

FORMER Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman could have dodged disgrace and 11 days in the slammer if she’d just had faith in daughter Sophia’s brains! After the 19-year-old beauty’s dad, William H. Macy, and mom got snared in the Varsity Blues college-entrance scandal, she retook her SATs and proudly reveals she’s been accepted to the prestigious acting school at Pittsburgh’s Carnegie Mellon University. Sophia had been unaware that her mom paid $15,000 to rig the score of her first SAT. Felicity admitted her guilt and was jailed briefly. She told the judge that when Sophia found out, her daughter sobbed: “‘Why didn’t you believe in me? Why didn’t you think I could do it on my own?’ “I had no adequate answer for her.” Now, Sophia’s made it on her…

ROWDY rapper Kanye West is furious with Forbes magazine for saying he’s finally a “billionaire” — because he claims he’s worth a lot more. Forbes rated the 42-year-old’s Yeezy sportswear brand and real estate empire at $1.26 billion, but Kim Kardashian’s hubby insists it’s more than double that. “It’s $3.3 billion,” he texted the mag’s reporter, adding: “No one at Forbes knows how to count.” It’s no wonder he’s tossing a hissy fit. His 22-year-old sister-in-law, Kylie Jenner, made the list before him last year — and she’s half his age.…

A CALIFORNIA city official has quit after he appeared to throw his cat during a Zoom meeting! Planning Commissioner Chris Platzer was seen on video announcing, “I’d like to introduce my cat,” before he picked up the fluffball and threw it. He later resigned and apologized. OFFICIALS in Florida have warned of an upsurge in road rage — by the area’s alligators! The Manatee County Sheriff’s Office says the ongoing gator mating season makes the critters more ornery than usual, including a nine-foot-two male that had to be removed from a road for “being aggressive with traffic.” A DEMOCRATIC candidate for the governorship of Utah has chosen his dad as his running mate — who’s a Republican! In his video announcement, Nikki Ray Pino Jr. calls his pops “old” and…