Table of contents for February 2016 in FHM UK

WHO SHE? Age: 22 From: Florida Likes: Burgers, Instagram, Paul Rudd Dislikes: Cats, Mario Kart Instagram: @charlottemckinney Do us a favour. Find some paper and a pen and write down five billion numerically. That’s a five with nine zeroes, if you’re struggling. Now look at it. Say it out loud. Five billion. Five billion. Five BILLION. The enormity of that number sorta doesn’t register, does it? It feels like a made-up quantity, created by kids in a playground that like to hyper-exaggerate how many presents they got for Christmas. Not getting our head around it is no problem, though. In all honesty, billions are rarely reserved for us mere mortals. We’ll settle for the millions, thankyouverymuch. But five billion is a very real number for the girl on these pages.…

01 Huge star Make way for Big Narstie Big Narstie is a living, breathing, laughing Buddha. On our shoot, the grime kingpin is the picture of contented calm. It’s far more than you can say for the room around him. Music blares as slick agents pace around making panicked phone calls and pinching their brows in frustration. Why the hubbub? Big Narstie has forgotten his favourite trainers. And he wants them. Now. It’s a testament to how far Narstie has come that anybody gives a single, solitary shit about his size 12s – and it’s also proof that, in 2016, grime music has become Big Business. With the support of US hip-hop titans like Drake and Kanye West, the genre has outgrown its humble postcodes and set course for world…

The beta-blockers were not working. Bouncing from his chair in a New York TV studio, Rick Rosner let out a Neanderthal roar. He punched the air with such ferocity that adrenaline – usually suppressed by the pills – coursed through his bloodstream in rapid squirts. You could probably forgive the hyperbolic reaction. Rosner, a bona fide genius with a one-in-three-billion IQ, had made it his life’s goal to become the smartest individual on Earth. Now, 8,000 books, eight college majors and more than 20,000 hours spent cramming for quiz shows later, he had a chance to prove it. Rosner took his place in the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? hot seat – still feeling like he’d sunk a cocktail of Red Bull, espresso and cocaine – and began answering…

NADIA ALMADA (BB5): Transsexual bank clerk Nadia “I can’t have fun without my cigarettes” Almada roared to victory for her frankly terrifying skills in rows. Her subsequent pop career was perhaps not quite as fierce. MAKOSI MUSAMBASI (BB6): A pool scene with Anthony Hutton and a phantom pregnancy were followed by her being booed out of the house. Reportedly deported, the former nurse hosts a show in Zimbabwe. NIKKI GRAHAME (BB7): Surely the most commonly mimicked reality contestant of all time, Nikki’s “Who is she?” drama went viral before the term even existed. Scarily, from later evidence, it doesn’t even seem like it was an act.…

The world was a different place in 1995. The former Yugoslavia was aflame, the Gallagher brothers were on speaking terms and Nick Leeson was busted for his mischief at Barings Bank. But even more dramatic events were taking place at the FHM offices, as the inaugural poll took place to determine the world’s 100 sexiest women. The votes were counted and German model Claudia Schiffer came first. That said, it wasn’t just about the top spot. Looking through early polls, you can see Victoria before she was a Beckham and the varying fortunes of the Minogue sisters, while you’re transported to a time when the likes of Lisa Faulkner and Claire Goose (nope, us neither) captured our hearts. The winners themselves were incredibly varied, too. X-Files actress Gillian Anderson was…

FHM readers have incredible taste. While buyers of other magazines can barely tell the time without getting a stroke, FHM chaps spend their leisure time reciting poetry and eating pretentious food in restaurants named after French rivers. So who better to judge the best ever FHM cover? A few weeks back, we put a selection of our covers on the FHM Facebook page and asked you which was your favourite. You argued, you made jokes and you did that thing where you copy your mate’s name in but don’t say anything. But most of all, you voted – in your thousands. The runaway winner was the Britney Spears cover from July 1999, which got twice as many votes as its nearest rival, 2008’s Megan Fox cracker. In third place was…

DON’T GO OVERBOARD You don’t need a 20-inch logo to stand out. This Fred Perry jacket is simple, understated and looks damn smart. Swap the tee for a checked shirt and you’re sorted for Friday night. DO KEEP IT CLASSIC The iconic 501s are a fail-safe classic. You just can’t go wrong with Levi’s jeans – unless you’re putting them on backwards, that is. DON’T FORGET HERITAGE BRANDS Traditional brands such as Lyle & Scott make logo-wearing easy. Quality pieces like this grey polo shirt will still be going strong for years to come. DO GET YOUR KICKS The original tennis shoes are back: Adidas Stan Smiths are subtle yet recognisable and go with everything. Instant street-cred in a shoe.…

LEG RAISE Stand directly behind a chair with both your hands on the top of its back. Starting with your right leg, keep your leg straight and squeeze from the bum to lift and raise it backwards. After 12 reps, switch legs and repeat. Carry out three sets, alternating legs. PUSH-UP From the normal push-up position, place the top of each foot on a chair as if someone is holding you off the ground. Complete eight regular push-ups followed by eight slow ones – four counts down and four counts up. BICYCLE Lie down on your back with your knees bent and your hands behind your head. Bring your right elbow in towards your left knee as you straighten your right leg. Continue, alternating sides as if you’re pedalling. SUPERMAN…

If your watch can’t measure your heart rate, monitor your sleep and tell you what to have for tea, we don’t want to know. To right these wrongs, FHM’s sweaty, wheezing Upgrade editor Tom jumped on to the $1.3 billion fitness bandwagon in search of the ultimate smartwatch Garmin Vivoactive £199.99, garmin.com Looks: Like something James Bond would pack in the ’70s. Functions: There’s a lot going on here, with an ‘inactivity bar’ to encourage you to get off your flippin’ behind. With a few more features, it’d be all powerful. Overall: 4/5 Pebble Time Steel £230, pebble.com Looks: Like an Apple Watch bought down your local market. Functions: Focuses on easy-to-read notifications and music playback rather than fitness – great for blasting out Bieber’s latest banger. Overall: 2/5 Microsoft…

09 Any cult box set Did you have to take a few days’ compassionate leave from work after Breaking Bad ended? Sounds like you need help. We prescribe a hearty dose of Netflix and a special dispensation from Dr Oetker. 08 Your first love You’ve not even seen her since you were 14, but then... boom! There she is on LinkedIn’s ‘People you may know’ – and you’re endorsing her for skills such as ‘having an adorable laugh’ and ‘smelling like a spring meadow’. 07 Your childhood dog Mums: we know you mean well, but when you tag us in pictures of long-perished family pooches on Facebook, you might as well put shards of glass in our tea. That’s how much pain you’re causing. 06 Pubs being pubs Isn’t it…

AUDRINA PATRIDGE At the height of her fame in 2009, the star of US reality show The Hills crammed a Teriyaki burger into her mush while lolling on the beach in a golden bikini. EMILY RATAJKOWSKI The 2010 ad for the new Memphis BBQ burger proved no cookout is complete without tiny shorts, star-spangled bikinis and that girl from the Blurred Lines video. KIM KARDASHIAN The internet-breaking queen took her all-new Carl’s Jr salad into a bubble bath in 2009. Completely normal behaviour for anyone, of course. KATE UPTON An ad so sexy it was stripped from the airwaves, Kate Upton’s burger-pushing for the Southwest Patty Melt saw her enjoying it a little too much for TV.…

If there’s one thing Jon hates, it’s quickfire questions as if he were Siri. So we asked him some. And then put them to Siri… Q: Are you a real person? JON: A lot more real than Siri is. I can hug and kiss and warm up your feet in bed. Try doing that with your iPhone. SIRI: I’ll leave that for you to decide. Q: Will we die alone? JON: No, I’ll always be there with you… Whether you like it or not. Like fungus. SIRI: We come into existence alone, and we leave it alone, so you are not alone there. Q: Would you rather be a dog that could talk or a human that barks? JON: A talking dog, then I can win Britain’s Got Talent .…

Few women have contributed more to FHM than Rachel Stevens – pop siren, cover star and, as voted by you, Sexiest Woman Of All Time. Here, she waves her final goodbye… Hi Rachel! You were on the cover of FHM 11 times… How amazing is that? The moment FHM got in touch I was always like, “Oh hello again! Of course we can do a shoot!” Tell us about your first shoot in 2000. In S Club 7, we basically lived in shiny, baggy trousers and crop tops. FHM was a chance to show off and be an adult. It’s been a huge part of my life. So, what was so good about hanging around with us geeks? I loved that you let me do my shoots in a sensual,…

“When I was younger, I really wanted to be in FHM – so it was a dream come true when I was asked to do a cover shoot. Every cover star – whether they were an actress, a singer or a model – looked really beautiful and powerful. “When I started on Coronation Street , some of the girls there had done it already and it looked a laugh. The first one I did was just after I’d been on I’m A Celebrity… I loved it! “I’m really proud of those shoots and have saved lots of stuff for my little girl, though she’ll probably cringe when I show them to her a few years down the line. When she sees my little FHM award for Highest Placing Brit in…

Since 1994, we’ve done our best to keep our readers entertained, even – alright, especially – if it’s meant humiliation, professional suicide or personal injury on our part. Goodness knows we’ve deserved it. Of course, the upside to that is that in-between the hospital visits, arrests and threatening phone calls, we’ve also managed to meet some of the most beautiful women in the world – no small feat when you boast looks as ‘unusual’ as ours. So, in absolutely no special order – we’re not very good with counting and that – here’s a selection of our favourite moments from the FHM archive… WE WATCHED RON BURGUNDY FEED ICE CREAM TO HIS DOG BAXTER AND STUCK IT ON THE COVER Well, no one else was going to do it. WE…

ELLESSE Ellesse’s logo shows a half tennis ball, reflecting the brand’s heritage in the sports clubs of Italy. ADIDAS The trefoil represents the world’s three continental plates – and has been used since 1972. BEATS This brand’s logo is a stylised side-view of a person wearing headphones. Who knew? FRED PERRY The laurel wreath is not only a historic emblem of excellence, it’s also the old Wimbledon symbol. LEVI’S The logo shows a pair of horses trying to pull apart a pair of the infamous strong jeans.…

Daniel Negreanu is a Team PokerStars pro and twice World Poker Tour Championship winner who’s made over $30,000,000 by convincing people his cards are better than theirs. Here’s how you can do the same 01 WIN THE CHIPS “Texas hold ’em is the most common form of poker. The aim is to win your opponents’ chips by playing a better hand of cards than them. High number pairs and aces are ideal. The best position is sitting at the end of the table – as the last man you can get away with weaker hands.” 02 TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS “I learned poker by playing with friends. Afterwards, you can discuss the game and your mistakes. This opens your mind to different possibilities and rhythms you might not have come…

01 Skoda Superb The latest Superb is surprisingly, er, superb. It’s massive, and it features loads of cool tech. 02 Mercedes-Benz S-Class This beast features infotainment systems, massaging rear seats and an online concierge service . 03 Bentley Mulsanne Speed It may be the fastest big Bentley money can buy, but the personal touches haven’t been lost. 04 Rolls-Royce Phantom From interior champagne fridges to bespoke gun cabinets, there’s not much Rolls doesn’t offer.…

Our number-one reader When I featured in the world’s best magazine back in May 2012 in an article about the Falklands, I was over the moon. Hearing the news you guys are to stop printing was devastating – I fear there is going to be a huge gaping hole in my life and I’m not quite sure how to cope. I’m now living in the Falklands again and had all my copies shipped 8,000 miles down the Atlantic to join me, while each new issue was posted to me each month. You just can’t replace that simple pleasure of opening up a new copy of FHM each month and reading all the stuff you need to know. I don’t want to live life through a phone and I worry for…

IAN WRIGHT, 52, FORMER FOOTBALLER Nothing drives a man like the doubt of an idol. As a kid, my older brother Maurice was my hero. He could do everything better than me – and he let me know it, too. The more he teased me, the more I practised. I got run over by a car while trying to impress him. I wanted to prove how fast I was, so I shouted “Watch this!” and legged it across the road and into a big car. I was in hospital for three months with a broken leg, so he didn’t tease me quite so much after that. I’m pretty sure I had ADHD as a kid. Not that the term existed back then. I was forever being sent out of the…

DJ BBQ SAYS… “Dating in Britain is tricky. Fact is, American towns are specifically designed to encourage PDAs. From make-out creeks, to drive-in movies, to sexually charged line-dancing evenings – you name it, we’re sucking face because of it. But you guys? You have to make do with trolly-infested canals, squelchy cinemas and old-man pubs. Even if you do find a scenic spot outside, the weather will screw you over – because it doesn’t matter how fly you are, it’s damn near impossible to sweet-talk a sexy señorita with a frozen booger dangling from your nose. “Want my advice? Well, listen closely, because here’s DJ BBQ’s patented date-night nailer: invite your lady friend around to Casa Del You, stick your smoothest Spotify playlist on shuffle, and serve up this life-changin’,…

1994 GUITAR MUSIC RULED THE WORLD AGAIN Oasis’s Definitely Maybe launched the Gallaghers into the stratosphere and marked the start of Britpop. Q magazine’s Matt Mason talks us through what the album meant… “When Stone Roses disappeared to make Second Coming and Happy Mondays vanished in a puff of crack smoke, much of the swagger of British guitar music evaporated. By ’94, the depressed howl of grunge and The Levellers’ dog-on-a-string earnestness had prevailed. “If your ambitions stretched beyond feeling glum or living up a tree, Oasis were life affirming. The appeal was so broad because it preached escapism from frustrations we’d all felt: working shit jobs ( Live Forever ); looking for shit jobs ( Cigarettes & Alcohol ); and being stuck in shit relationships ( Married With Children…

If you’re trying to understand FHM’s phenomenal success, there are two phrases that underpin every issue: “Is it useful?” and “Is it funny?” Add in incredible journalism and pictures of the world’s most beautiful women and you’ve got a product that’s defined everything good about being a bloke over the past two decades. When a great cultural institution dies – remember how gutted you were when My Family ended? – its passing must be marked. And as it’s us that’s getting the bullet, we’re devoting the next 10 pages to FHM . So, whether you’re a new reader or a returning one (and, seriously, that paunch actually makes you look more dignified), here’s our tribute to the greatest magazine that ever walked the face of this Earth.…

Before High Street Honeys, normal women – as opposed to models – had never really been in men’s magazines. FHM changed that. From 2002, aspiring cover models submitted photos, readers voted for their favourite and a girl was crowned the winner in a glossy annual magazine. Natalie Pike, now 32, was victorious in 2004. Here, she tells us how High Street Honeys changed her life (and ours). “It was two minutes that changed everything. My then-boyfriend and me were both mad FHM readers. He said, ‘You should enter this,’ and took a picture of me on the bed. It was 2004, I was 21, and in those days you still had to wait to get photos developed, so I didn’t even know if they were good. “‘The only women who…

“I am a physically unappealing man. But during my time at FHM , I slept with about 30 beautiful women, all of them way out of my league, and most of them paid for on expenses. It was Hugh Grant’s fault. “In 1995, the star of Four Weddings And A Funeral was arrested by LA police for picking up a hooker. What made the incident even more shocking was that – without wishing to appear ungallant – the lady in question wasn’t exactly a looker. Yet Grant was dating Elizabeth Hurley, a sex symbol and cover star who was at the very height of her powers. What the hell was he thinking? “At our next features meeting, we decided to find out. One of us would have to sleep with…

WINTER STYLE THE JACKET OF A LIFETIME If you’re going to lay down some serious dosh for a winter jacket, it should be one you’ll be digging out year after year. This incredible coat from Stone Island is just that. What makes it so special? First, there’s the exterior, which is made from a colourless translucent water- and wind-resistant film. Underneath is a shearling inner-jacket that will keep you toasty no matter what the conditions, plus windproof flaps on the pockets and a fur-lined hood. If all that’s not enough – and quite frankly it should be – the outer shell has been dyed using a technique that allows the film to take on numerous shades without losing its transparency. The question is not can you afford to buy this…

Getting there 01 Discover The World offers three-night packages from £988 per person, including flights. discover-the-world.co.uk/icehotel 02 Return flights from Manchester to Kiruna start at £281. flysas.com Sleep on thin ice Icehotel’s igloo accommodation, from £140 per night, is handcrafted each winter from ice sourced fresh from the nearby Torne river. Local artists have carved mind-blowingly complex suites inside, each one unique. Scared you’ll shiver? There’s no need to worry. Though it’s -5°C inside, you’ll be given a mammoth sleeping bag tested to -25°C. Toasty. icehotel.com Bomb around on snowmobiles The zippiest way to get around Lapland is by ski-doo. Reaching speeds of up to 60mph, these machines are a white-knuckle adrenaline rush. PS: It hurts when you fall off, even at 3mph. Meet (and eat) Dasher, Donner and Blitzen…

01 ARNOLD ROTHSTEIN The New York gangster – famous for fixing the 1919 baseball World Series – was shot and killed while owing $320,000 following a three-day poker game. 02 WILD BILL HICKOK An Old West gunslinger and gambler, Wild Bill was shot in the head by ‘Crooked Nose’ Jack McCall while playing a game of poker in the town of Deadwood. 03 THE MARX BROTHERS Four out of the five Marx Brothers – Harpo, Groucho, Chico and Gummo – were given their nicknames during a poker match in 1915. 04 RICHARD NIXON The former US president financed his first political campaign with money earned playing poker in the navy during WWII. 05 CHRIS MONEYMAKER Moneymaker had never previously played in a live poker tournament when he won the 2003…