Globe September 12, 2022

GOING APE Former Grey’s Anatomy hunk ERIC DANE monkeys around in Saint-Tropez — and flaunts his flabby bod TUMMY TROUBLES Pudgy Monty Python legend JOHN CLEESE is now sporting a laughably large jelly belly LASHING OUT Reality TV teen HONEY BOO BOO’s spidery eyes are spooky and her fake fingernails are claws for alarm! HANDS-ON GAL American Sniper stunner SIENNA MILLER must not trust her itty-bitty bikini to cover her assets PARTY ENAMEL Retired hoopster LAMAR ODOM reveals his massive mouth makeover — after biting the bullet and overcoming his fear of the dentist SERIOUS FLEX Vanderpump Rules cutie CHARLI BURNETT bends over backwards to show off her limber figure in L.A.…

REBORN Dan Aykroyd is having a whale of a time as he plunges headfirst into the single life, according to pals. The Ghostbusters legend, 70, has been footloose and fancy free since separating from his wife of nearly 40 years, actress Donna Dixon, 65, last April. The pair confirmed they’re staying legally married despite parting ways, but insiders say they’re free to see others — and Dan is taking full advantage! “Dan is making up for lost time by reconnecting with a lot of his old Hollywood and social scene buddies, especially his longtime pal, hair products mogul John Paul DeJoria,” blabs an insider. “They both love a party and a good time.” Dan’s also on a high over the success of the Ghostbusters film Afterlife, which retooled the series by…

VENGEFUL Angelina Jolie sure knows how to hurt a guy — the movie witch is trashing ex Brad Pitt to anyone who’ll listen, insisting he’s a dud in the sack, tipsters say! The pillow-lipped, 47-year-old Maleficent sorceress and mom of six is tattling “of all the men she’s slept with, Brad was an incredibly selfish, boring, uninspired lover — and by far the laziest,” according to an insider. “Their romantic time became a serious chore and to make it even worse he reeked of body odor and kept his socks on in bed! “Angie pities any gal who gets hooked by Brad. It doesn’t surprise her at all that he’s struggled to turn his many flings into anything meaningful.” The surprising slam against Brad’s manliness is just one of her…

LONELY widower Pat Boone is being pushed by pals to try some April Love with old family friend Priscilla Presley, spies dish. The 88-year-old Love Letters crooner got close with the 77-year-old glamour gal through his friendship with her hubby, Elvis, and after the 2019 death of his wife, Shirley, pals think he and Priscilla would be a match made in rock ’n’ roll heaven. “They share a lot in common,” notes an insider. “He knew Elvis, they were pals, and Pat’s been making the trek to Graceland for years to celebrate The King of Rock. “Everyone says they’d make a perfect couple.” Pat and Priscilla have been teaming up to promote Elvis’s legacy in the wake of a recent biopic starring heartthrob Austin Butler. Sources believe the feisty seniors still…

A SHAMELESS thief whose geriatric band of bandits brazenly robbed Kim Kardashian at gunpoint in a $10 million Paris jewel heist says he doesn’t feel a grain of guilt over terrorizing the temptress — because she deserved it! “Since she was throwing money away, I was there to collect it,” boasts the bully, one of 12 elderly “grandpa robbers” in their 60s and 70s arrested for looting Kim’s luxury hotel suite. “Guilty? No. I don’t care!” Yunis Abbas, 67, admits he got the idea after seeing the bodacious billionaire brandish her baubles online. “I went on the internet, and it’s true, I saw her jewelry,” grunts the Gallic goon. “I saw one of her shows where she threw her diamond in the pool. She’s got a lot of money. This…

CAPTAIN America didn’t die a virgin, according to his Avengers buddy The Hulk. Mark Ruffalo, who plays the giant in Avengers films, spilled the beans on Cap, played by Chris Evans, in She-Hulk: Attorney at Law. “Steve Rogers [a.k.a. Captain America] is not a virgin,” tattles Ruffalo as The Hulk. “He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour.” Evans laughingly replied to the outing with a text containing an emoji with a zipper over its mouth!…