Table of contents for August 15, 2016 in Globe

CALIFORNIA STEAMIN’ Forget trying to “Hold On” to her grocery bags, CARNIE WILSON should let go of that hideous dad sweater! It’s SUMMER! TROUBLE IN PARADISE A romantic setting can’t hide that GEORGE CLOONEY looks bored with gorgeous wifey AMAL CLOONEY! Quick Amal, slip him some NoDoz! RUMER HAS IT “Ugly is to the bone,” declares RUMER WILLIS’ T-shirt, which is fitting — considering how uninspired and “over it” she looks! ON THE DOT Only BEYONCÉ could make a reversible shower curtain look fashionable — no wonder she’s queen of the Beyhive! ORAL REPORT We can all breathe easy knowing that flossing enthusiast MARK WAHLBERG takes his hygiene seriously! TOTALLY CHEESY Think actor-turned-schlubby pizza delivery boy DAVID ARQUETTE can get a leading role in 30 minutes or less?…

CUNNING killer O.J. Simpson used his sleazy charm and celebrity status to sweet-talk guards and gain their trust — as he was tunneling his way out of prison! That’s the shocking story leaked to GLOBE from inside the walls of Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center where the disgraced football star — who butchered ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman — is now serving 9 to 33 years for a 2007 Las Vegas kidnapping and armed robbery. A source tells GLOBE, Simpson began plotting his escape shortly after being caged eight years ago — and posed as a “model prisoner” with good behavior to con prison officials and guards! Amazingly, Simpson schmoozed his way into becoming a big shot with the prison’s softball team as a setup for his…

A SICKO doctor accused of sexual abuse is really getting out of hand with his excuses! Dr. David Newman, 44, heavily sedated a woman and then ejaculated on her face, say lawmen. But Newman claims he masturbated in a New York Hospital lounge and still had semen on his hands when he treated the woman! “Semen may have also transferred from my hand to her face,” says the dirty doc. But assistant district attorney Eun-Ha Kim says he’s lying! “Dr. Newman masturbated at her bedside and ejaculated on her face,” Kim insists.…

STEAMED stripper Willow Martin is a real hottie — the fuming 19-year-old torched a building housing two businesses worth $450,000 — just to get revenge on a deadbeat girlfriend who stiffed her for $400, say cops. But a potato foiled the sizzling sexpot’s half-baked scheme! Incredibly, Martin’s former pal Breonna Constantino had already repaid $800 of the $1,200 debt she owed when the combustible blonde set the Naugatuck, Conn., building aflame, say cops. The fire destroyed Golden Wok Chinese Restaurant along with Martin’s real target, MTM Masonry, owned by Breonna’s stepdad, say cops. Now the vengeful vixen is in the slammer on a $110,000 bond — charged with arson, burglary and criminal mischief. The blazing blonde, who became buds with Breonna when they revealed their charms at Hollywood Connecticut Strip…

FOLLOWING an explosive public meltdown, news that she’s pregnant and being dumped by her billionaire fiancé, Lindsay Lohan could relapse on drugs, pals fear — threatening her life! “If she falls back into her druggie lifestyle, it could very well kill her this time,” says an insider. “There’s only so much her battered body can take.” Lindsay’s delicate condition was revealed in a bombshell disclosure by her dad, Michael, who says: “She texted it to me — I don’t know (how far along.)” The news followed the “Mean Girls” star’s epic meltdown with her then-fiancé and presumed baby-daddy, Egor Tarabasov, 23. On July 23, Lindsay, 30 — who has been to rehab six times and was jailed for DWI, drugs, battery and shoplifting — rushed out on the balcony of…

She’s an actress — and a style maven, too! She’s also half of one of Hollywood’s hottest couples. Not bad for a girl whose career was started with gossip. Still stumped? Check page 51 for the answer WIN $75 TIC TAC TRUE PLUS! FIRST 3 RUNNERS-UP GET $25 EACH FAMOUS WOMEN 1. Suffragettes campaigned for women’s rights. 2. Betsy Ross made the first American flag. 3. Harriet Tubman led the Underground Airline. 4. “To Kill a Blackbird” was written by Harper Lee. 5. Vivien Leigh played Scarlett O’Hara. 6. Marie Curie won two Nobel prizes. 7. Louisa May Alcott wrote “Little Women.” 8. Sally Ride was the first American woman in space. 9. Margaret Thatcher was president of England. DIRECTIONS: For every true answer, place an X in the corresponding…

ACROSS 1 Sk ydiving gear 6 Plant-eating animal 11 He dueled Hamilton (2 wds.) 16 “Interstellar” director 18 “Star Trek” genre (hyph.) 19 Fail at school 20 Airport boarding areas 21 Football foursome 23 Justice Kagan 24 Yankee legend Gehrig 25 “Well, ___-di-dah” 26 Tehran citizen 27 Edison’s middle name 28 Alto or soprano, e.g. 30 Wish granter 33 Skimpy swimwear 35 “Do it or ___!” 36 Pedro’s pal 38 Surrender a coupon 40 Large snake 42 Nautical 44 Telethon caller-in 45 Capone nemesis Ness 46 Nobody special 48 Army grub 50 Madison Square ___ 52 CD-player button 54 Egged on 56 Spicy hot 58 Church spire 61 “Total” solar event 63 Casa room 65 Faucet annoyance 68 Airmen 70 Seafarer 72 Passing look 74 Mend shoes 75 Espionage org.…

A MYSTERIOUS blue light hovering above Miami International Airport in the night sky provoked fears of an alien attack! Terrified airport workers reached for their cameras after spotting what appeared to be a giant UFO in the sky. “Check that out. Whoa! It’s going to hit the plane!” a man shouts during footage of the strange whaleshaped plume looming in the sky. The footage, taken last September has provoked rampant speculation on the internet. “Invasion from space,” declares one worried watcher. “It’s a possible comet fragment with a high content of water and frozen gases,” says a theorist. Another says the plume “is from a hydrogen-powered rocket engine, water vapor condenses in the high altitude forming a cloud of ice crystals reflecting light from the sun, which, from this viewpoint,…

BRITAIN’S toddler Prince George is in the “terrible threes” but royal parents William and Kate are disciplining him so he doesn’t turn into a monster monarch. Kate gets her advice on child-rearing from books like “Positive Discipline: The First Three Years” and “The Happiest Toddler on the Block.” Here’s what she does to keep the tyke from becoming a tyrant: • Instead of “time out,” she says, “let’s take a break” when George is being super naughty – chasing pet pooch Lupo with a stick or pinching his sister, Charlotte. Kate stays while George goes to a corner of his room and plays with a special “calming” toy or fuzzy book. • When George is screaming or won’t listen, Kate sings his favorite songs or puts on his favorite African…

GLOBE’S NO-NONSENSE OPINION PAGE GLOBE columnist Jeff Rodack tells it like it is about celebrities — how they get under his skin with their stupid antics and the nonsense they try to put over on the public. Here is his unique take on Hollywood newsmakers and fakers. DO YOU need any more evidence that Mariah Carey is a boob? I sure don’t! The pop singer was spotted in a club dirty dancing with billionaire fiancé James Packer in Capri, Italy, when he clearly grabbed her breast in full view of those watching. Rather than admonish him or stop dancing, she continued to grind away with Packer as if nothing had happened. She didn’t seem to mind one bit! One report noted, “Draping an arm around James’ neck, Mariah displayed her…

MORE PUZZLES! MORE CASH! WIN $250! PLAY SPOT THE DIFFERENCES! $250 to the first correct entry out of the bag! $25 goes to the first five runners-up! HOW TO ENTER Spot 10 differences between our cartoons. Slight color differences DON’T COUNT. ENTRIES MUST BE RECEIVED BY Aug. 29, 2016 Spot the Differences #33 P.O. Box 7019, New York, NY 10008 Please print clearly. Name _______________________________________________________ Address _____________________________________________________ City_________________________________________________________ State/Zip ___________________________________________________ Daytime phone number_______________________________________ SEND QUIZ ENTRY ONLY. DO NOT INCLUDE MAIL TO OTHER DEPARTMENTS. Please print clearly. Winners will be notified by mail or phone. Allow 6-8 weeks to receive winnings. GLOBE assumes no responsibility for late, misdirected or lost mail. All entries become the property of GLOBE. This contest is void where prohibited by law. All federal, state and…

IN A bombshell disclosure, the longtime maid of beloved “Dirty Dancing” star Patrick Swayze says he was viciously battered and verbally abused by his hot-tempered, cheating wife, Lisa Niemi. The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, claims she was terrorized by Lisa’s Jekyll and Hyde behavior, too! “I was afraid of her,” says the former maid. “She would be normal one minute then the next she would be furious at something. “She was like an animal.” Tragically, the maid, who worked for the Swayzes for nearly three decades, supports GLOBE’s earlier report that Lisa victimized the weakened star during his battle with the pancreatic cancer that took his life at age 57 in September 2009. “I didn’t see a lot of the abuse but I heard it,” the maid says.…

DON’T MISS... “Chesapeake Shores” Sun., Aug. 14, Hallmark, 9 p.m. (Series Premiere) Divorcée Abby (Meghan Ory) returns to Chesapeake Shores, where she must face ex-boyfriend Trace (Jesse Metcalfe) and her uncompromising dad (Treat Williams). “Andrew Zimmern’s Driven by Food” Tues., Aug. 16, Travel, 9 p.m. (Series Premiere) Food writer and chef Andrew Zimmern turns to neighborhood drivers all over the world to steer him to the best local eats! “Tyrant” Wed., Aug. 17, FX, 10 p.m. The Caliphate ramps up plans to invade Abuddin as a haunted Barry (Adam Rayner) pushes away his closest allies. “Boston EMS” Sat., Aug. 20, ABC, 10 p.m. Ride along with the brave men and women of the Boston Emergency Medical Services as they answer calls and respond to trauma and mayhem. WITH hottie Shemar…

WIN $100 Tell us why these pix DON’T exactly match and win... There are three differences between these photos. If you spot them correctly — and your entry is the first chosen at random — GLOBE will send you $100. Simply identify the three differences between the photographs in a letter or postcard and send it to us at the address listed in the official rules on page 47. DID YOU GUESS? The actress on page 47 is “Gossip Girl” alum and fashion icon Blake Lively, wife of actor Ryan Reynolds and mother of 1-year-old daughter James. How did you do? GLOBE WINNERS MARTHA M. KASHTOCK of Phillipsburg, Pa., is our Spot the Differences winner for week 28! A retired factory worker, Martha keeps busy nowadays cleaning out her late…

SHOCKING documents reveal the CIA used mind-control experiments to create trained killers in real-life scenarios frighteningly similar to the plots powering Jason Bourne movies! A top-secret project, launched in 1953, was known as MKUltra and involved 149 experiments. One involved administering LSD to a mental patient every day for 179 days straight! Others involved trying to program assassins and use mind control on foreign leaders! As Jason Bourne, Matt Damon plays a secret agent who’s lost his identity after being subjected to mind-control experiments by the CIA. While the agency tried to destroy some of its sinister ‘50s studies, many experiments later came to light. In one, a hypnotized woman was ordered to “fly into a rage and shoot” another hypnotized woman if she did not wake up. Unable to…

9/10 CHRISTIE BRINKLEY Crisp, clean and confident! Christie gave us her besChristie best summer fashion in an all-white ensemble! 1/10 TRACEE ELLIS ROSS Earth to Tracee, what are you thinking?! No aliens allowed on this planet! 3/10 LAUREN COHAN Sure! Just sew a few pillowcases together and make yourself a dress. That totally works … NOT. 2/10 HEIDI KLUM Contrary to what your outfit tells you, the grass is DEFINITELY greener on the other side. We promise. 4/10 JOANNA LUMLEY Killer on the loose! Suspect was last seen covering weapons under a long trench coat. 3/10 TARA REID Sorry Tara, your days in “Josie and the Pussycats” are long over. It’s time to put some clothes on. 8/10 CELINE DION Go bold or go home! Celine looked stylishly cute in…

THE head-scratching decision to release killcrazy John Hinckley Jr. — who shot President Ronald Reagan to prove his love for actress Jodie Foster — was made by a stooge appointed when Bill and Hillary Clinton ran the White House! In a blockbuster special investigation, GLOBE has learned U.S. District Judge Paul L. Friedman, who put the psycho back on the streets, has a close connection to the Clintons and their moneymen. “Friedman’s lack of judgment — releasing a bloodthirsty mental patient — reflects on him AND the Clintons who gave him his job,” says a political insider. After 35 years of intense psychiatric treatment, 61-year-old Hinckley was unleashed by the senior judge on the District of Columbia’s federal court. He ordered the gunman, who blasted Reagan outside a D.C. hotel…

THE 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, are pitting a slew of athletes against each other in competition for gold, silver and bronze medals — and while some of the names may be new to viewers, the faces are definitely familiar! Check out these young and talented members of this year’s U.S. Olympic team and their celebrity twins — we’ll leave it up to GLOBE readers to decide who’s good and who’s bad!…

GLOBE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! THE new “Ghostbusters” movie is a laugh riot, but real-life ghostbusting sisters Maija Polsley and Amanda Villegas reveal coming face-to-face with a spinechilling spirit can be terrifying. In a world-first exclusive interview with GLOBE, stunning blond siblings Maija, 40, and Amanda, 35, who have been chasing spooks for five years with their Big Apple business, Paranormal Pursuit, drop the bombshell that ghosts are real — and can be really scary. Maija recalls blood-freezing encounters where demons have hissed at them and called them “bitches” and other nasty names. “In California I had a really dark experience,” she says. “It got really cold and I looked up at the ceiling and there was a red cloud there. Then I heard screeching, then felt something go over my leg.…