Globe May 30, 2016

GOLD DIGGER DAKOTA FANNING’s career isn’t so hot these days, but we’re glad she still can pick her rolls! KITTEN, GET A GRIP! Pop star KESHA licked STEVEN TYLER’s nose and explained the bizarre tongue bath with “I’m a cat.” We still don’t get it. BALD AIN’T BEAUTIFUL! Maybe KATHY GRIFFIN doesn’t have a receding hairline — her hair’s just running away from her scary, makeup-free face! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE Perhaps “The X-Files” agents Mulder and Scully can investigate why DAVID DUCHOVNY’s turned into a sweaty, kilt-wearing wannabe rocker? BIRD ON A WIRE Yikes! Pink polish on her talons only highlights GOLDIE HAWN’s horrormovie claws. TAKING IT ON THE CHIN Is that granite peak at the end of JAY LENO’s face his audition to be added to Mount…

SEETHING Kelly Ripa suffered a second humiliating betrayal from co-host Michael Strahan when, the night before their final show together, the party-mad former football star was seen painting the town with his waitress galpal! After first stabbing Kelly in the back by keeping mum about taking a new gig, the 44-year-old ex-NFL hulk was snapped leaving a Manhattan eatery with sexpot Kayla Quick, who was tackily clutching a bottle of whiskey! “To Kelly, this was the final insult,” says a source. “As far as Kelly was concerned, this showed a real lack of class on Michael’s part. She was deeply hurt.” Sources say that during their last week together, Kelly, 45, barely said a word to Michael off camera and kept her makeup room door shut to him. “She figured…

GLOBE EXCLUSIVE TANGLED in a shocking cheating scandal and given the boot by his longtime wife, Sharon, rocker Ozzy Osbourne’s pals fear the heartbroken wildman will plunge back into the nightmare world of drugs and braindazing pills. “Ozzy’s a complete mess by himself,” declares a source close to the Black Sabbath frontman. “He’s lost without Sharon — he knows it, his kids know it and she knows it. “Without her around to reign him in, Ozzy’s liable to do anything! “Pals are worried he could fall off the wagon — hard!” The 67-year-old bat-biter finds himself without his wife’s guiding hand after “The Talk” co-host kicked him out of their Beverly Hills mansion for frolicking with blond celebrity hairstylist Michelle Pugh, 45, of L.A.’s Mèche Salon. Ozzy crashed at The…

GLOBE WORLD EXCLUSIVE! PRINCE Charles’ secret gay life has been blown wide open by shocking photos of the love-sick royal in a sizzling lip-lock with his toy boy beau! Now palace insiders say the explosive pictures — snapped by a mole in the monarchy — dash any chance Charles had to sit on Britain’s throne! His mother, Queen Elizabeth, is stunned by the images and now more determined than ever to make her favorite grandchild, Prince William, her heir, sources say. GLOBE was given a glimpse at the blockbuster snapshots — and has faithfully re-created the images on these pages. “Charles is caught red-handed in the damning photographs,” a palace staffer says. “There is absolutely no wiggle room and no way to deny what’s right in front of your eyes.”…

A FORMER Hooters waitress has traded in her skimpy uniform for a gun and bulletproof vest — and now works tracking and trapping criminals as a bounty hunter! “I have been shot at, lunged at with a knife, attacked by pit bulls and even had drug dealers throw needles at me like darts,” says 35-year-old crime fighter Shanda Zapata. The Colorado-based blond beauty, who has four kids ranging in age from 5 to 17 years, ditched her waitress job three years ago so she could pay off $800K in medical bills from beating bowel cancer twice — once at 19 and then again at 31! Instead of toting burgers and fries for work, Shanda carries a large arsenal of weapons — including two assault rifles, a Smith & Wesson pistol…

PONSO — the loneliest chimpanzee on the planet — may finally have a reason to go bananas! The solitary primate, who is in his 40s, was one of 20 apes used in painful hepatitis research at a New York hospital. But the miserable monkey has been languishing alone on a tiny island off the West African coast since the death of his mate and two offspring. One villager socializes a little with Ponso by bringing him water and fruit, but he has no pals of his own kind. Now primate expert Estelle Raballand is trying to relocate Ponso to a simian sanctuary so he can interact with peers. “He is a gentle chimpanzee craving attention,” says Estelle. Last month, she tested Ponso for tuberculosis, anthrax and HIV, and if his…