Innholdsfortegnelse for December 2015 i FHM UK

Becoming an expert takes a combination of talent, luck and practice. Whether you’re a world-renowned surgeon or a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, the only way to get to the top of your field is by hard work. Few have worked harder than Cristiano Ronaldo. His dedication to becoming the best footballer in the world is one of the reasons he graces our cover this month. Read our exclusive interview with him on p54. The Real Madrid No 7 isn’t the only extraordinary person we’ve talked to this issue. On p42 we visit Derren Brown at his (bizarre) home to talk all things magical and mysterious. Be careful when you read the story. This man can probably make you do anything – before you know it you’ll be on all fours barking…

WHO SHE? Age: 27 From: Iowa, US Likes: Rugby, clubbing, hiking Twitter: @katyjohnson1 Instagram: @katyevans11 American model Katy Johnson Evans may be making waves in LA right now, but she’s more than familiar with this side of the pond. She’s married to Scottish rugby player Max Evans, so you’re as likely to see her at Murrayfield as on the beaches of Malibu. Now, having slayed the modelling game, she’s preparing for her ground assault on the acting world… Hi Katy! Is it true you used to present on Celtic TV? Oh, yeah. Glasgow’s a cool city, but it took me a while to tune into the accent. My first day, I’d been out until 5am. I’d had two hours’ sleep and I was so worried I’d reek of booze. My…

There are a few things Pharrell Williams has done that, let’s face it, you’re unlikely to do yourself. Work with Snoop Dogg. Record with Britney Spears. Wear a massive hat. OK, so that one’s pretty achievable. But they’re not the only way you can take after the pint-sized super-producer. Pharrell has been recruited to customise a whole range of Adidas trainers for his Pharrell Superstar range and, here at FHM , we’ve always thought if something is good enough for one of the world’s coolest men, it’s good enough for us. “People throw shade at Pharrell, but you’ve got to admit the man has some one-off swag,” says FHM fashion editor Daisy. “We’d like to join his customised gang, please.” Customisation is hot right now, and we’re not talking getting…

IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE BEER COLLECTIVE 2ND Pressure Drop Pale Fire (4.8%) If, like us, you’re always the first to the bar, this is the beer you want to hand your mates. The flavour is familiar enough for them to enjoy, but contains the legendary Hop X, born from a science experiment that helps take it all the way to boss level. 1ST Siren Undercurrent (4.5%) We hung a ‘best newcomer’ medal around this bottleneck last year, and since then this has consistently been the beer we’ve reached for when booze o’clock swings around. No man-fridge is truly complete without a row of these chilling in the door. A wonderfully mysterious ale. 3RD BrewDog Five AM Red Ale (5.4%) Last year we’d have bolted for the door if handed a…

Slip past the door staff at Ramses – a restaurant and bar on Madrid’s manic Plaza de la Independencia – on a weekday afternoon, and you’ll immediately find yourself in an oasis of calm and measured luxury. So far, so tasteful. But if you look around for a while, your attention may be grabbed by the sight of one gentlemen who just happens to be one of the most famous faces in global sport. He doesn’t prop up the bar, but instead sits at a quiet table in the corner, people-watching, going through his emails, maybe having a business meeting. Cristiano Ronaldo – because that’s who we’re talking about – likes to hold court over the busy plaza below, furiously planning. These days, the 30-year-old has half an eye on…

NAME: SYNDICATE REAL NAME: Tom Cassell AGE: 22 FROM: Manchester SUBSCRIBERS: 9,203,457 CLAIM TO FAME: Syndicate came to prominence playing Call Of Duty and Minecraft, and now partakes in a variety of online gaming challenges. NAME: DANTDM REAL NAME: Daniel Middleton AGE: 23 FROM: Northamptonshire SUBSCRIBERS: 7,935,936 CLAIM TO FAME: The TDM is an abbreviation of ‘The Diamond Minecraft’, and Daniel’s channel is a one-stop shop for the blocky build-’emup. Watch him smash it, along with thousands of others. NAME: ALI-A REAL NAME: Alastair Aiken AGE: 21 FROM: London SUBSCRIBERS: 6,723,244 CLAIM TO FAME: The number-one Call Of Duty aficionado, Ali-A is an upbeat one to watch for fans of the hugely popular shooter. NAME: WROETOSHAW REAL NAME: Harry Lewis AGE: 18 FROM: Guernsey SUBSCRIBERS: 5,062,955 CLAIM TO FAME: Mainly…

Before you drink your way through your grandad’s ‘old-fashioned’ views on immigration on Christmas Day, you’ll probably have a whole month of boozy ‘training’ to get through, the highlight of which will no doubt be your annual office knees-up. Traditionally, this is the time to drunkenly come on to your hot colleague, tell the boss where to stick it and inform the slovenly intern what you think of them. This year, though, we suggest a different tactic; one that will not only help you avoid a dressing down and a walk of shame into the office the next day, but will put you on your way to becoming a wintery Adonis. Jo Travers, the dietician behind The London Nutritionist (theharleystreetnutritionist.co.uk), fills us in. THE CHEAP CHOICE “It’s important to remember…

01 Battenburg It turns out that the delicious marzipan-coated cake is so high in sugar, it could quite possibly give you diabetes. Especially if you eat a whole one at once, like us. 02 Pigs in blankets Pork sausages in bacon blankets are essentially piggy cannibalism. The fat content isn’t exactly on your side, either. 03 Sherry trifle Yes, your grandma loves sherry trifle, but she’s old enough to not give a flip about how good she looks in swim shorts, so we’ll let her off. Not only is it high in fat and sugar, it’s a bad combination with a stomach full of booze.…

Getting there 01 Easyjet flights to Reykjavik Keflavik take just under three hours. 02 Fly from Belfast, Bristol, Edinburgh, Manchester and all London airports except Heathrow. 03 Prices start at £35 one way. easyjet.com Make the big gesture To see the full effect of the Northern Lights, you’ll likely need to head out to the Icelandic countryside on a dark, cloudless evening between September and mid-April (although you can see them in the city on really clear nights, too). To avoid disappointing your better half, be sure to book the Warm Baths & Cool Lights tour, which includes a dip in the Laugarvatn Fontana thermal baths. If the aurora borealis isn’t on your side, the breath-taking candy-coloured sunset reflecting off the lake will still fuel the romance. £50, reykjavikexcursions.is Spot…

01 THE PLASTERER Limmy’s most popular Vine sees him play Scotland’s most annoying handyman, offering tips on everything from wallpapering to children’s puzzle manufacturers as he slowly slides into alcoholism. 02 MY PATTER Was Limmy the originator of the phrase, “I think you’re getting me confused with someone who gives a fuck”? Limmy says yes. 03 WHAT I THINK OF THE FRENCH Returning from “a wee trip to Paris”, Limmy answers the essential questions “Are they stinking?” and “Are they rude?” Turns out it’s all a lie. 04 FROSTY JACK’S One day you find a bottle of Frosty Jack’s in a bush, the next day you’re running around topless shouting at an A road. Man’s decline eloquently explained in a neat 62 seconds.…

I started water skiing when I was six months old. It’s crazy now I think about it. I performed in shows at a Florida resort called Cypress Gardens, and it earned me a Guinness World Record for the youngest water skier. Looking back, I peaked pretty damn early. By the time I was four, I was doing three shows a day. I was exhausted when I got to kindergarten. My parents were show skiers, and I knew from day one that I wanted to dedicate my life to the water. Sacrifice is important, but you’ve got to rebel sometimes. When I was 14, I’d sneak into clubs with a fake ID. Once, I burned the end of a cork and drew a goatee on myself. The bouncer ushered me in.…

“People don’t believe Cris has a great sense of humour, but he never took himself seriously. He’d be in front of the mirror telling everyone how beautiful he was. He probably meant it, but he was also laughing at himself. He liked to make people laugh and because of that he was extremely popular. “People forget he didn’t speak English when he arrived. He was determined to learn the language and he studied very hard. He was speaking English very quickly and with that came an appreciation for our humour. He’d put on a Manchester accent – ‘Ey up lad’, that kind of thing – when he could barely speak English. Confidence wasn't a problem. “In training, he’d do these flicks and tricks. He’d always be on the training field,…

Central to the yakuza are the incredible tattoos of its members. Even though the designs are distinctive enough on their own, gang members are even more marked out as very few Japanese people have tattoos. Ian Flower of New Skool Tattoos in Epsom has been creating Japanese tattoo artwork for more than 20 years. He says tattoo culture in Japan is unique. “If you’re tattooed in Japan everyone assumes you’re in a gang – it’s extremely frowned upon. I have a Japanese client who can’t go into the ordinary bath-houses because they think he’s gang-affiliated. He then has to go in a gang-friendly one – everyone there has a full tattoo bodysuit and stares at you as you come in. They will be looking at your tattoos to see what…

Wearing a suit doesn’t have to be super-formal. Team it with skate shoes and a casual tee for a street look Take a risk for your work Christmas do. Add a printed shirt or a felt cap for some serious street cred A formal occasion doesn’t always call for shirts. Just invest in a smart tee and an overcoat that oozes style Team a textured bomber with tapered joggers and you’re set to own the dance floor A sweat worn over a shirt is always a winner. Make an extra effort with a bow tie If you’ve got the balls, always choose patterned tailoring over plain colours A slick pair of white leather trainers will upgrade any day outfit to smart-casual…

Apparently, the average person puts on around half a stone during the festive period – usually beginning around 1 November and ending with a crushing hangover on New Year’s Day – with the extra pounds taking up to three gruelling months to finally shift. The British Dietetic Association suggests countering this on the big day itself by eating turkey without the skin and not putting butter on your vegetables, which leads us to believe that the BDA is made up of dead-eyed puritanical freaks that are allergic to fun. So, instead of becoming a Christmas bore, we’ve put together a handy eight-page guide to running, jumping, eating and drinking your way to festive fitness. By the time Christmas Day comes around, that family box of Roses will crumble against your…

01 Gin and tonic It’s a fact that gin increases digestive enzymes and helps to prevent cancer. Best of all, it comes in at 97 calories per 42 grams. Result! Pro order: With hints of ‘orange marmalade and lemon tart’, Sipsmith is the gin you’ll want in your stocking. Swap the lime for cucumber for a dose of vitamin K, potassium and vitamin B1. It’s basically one of your five-a-day. £29.50, 31dover.com 02 Vodka and lemonade “Spirits with diet mixers are best in terms of calories, but they’re really quick to drink – so they may lead to drunkenness early on,” Jo warns. Pro order: Two Birds is a light, British-made vodka produced in batches of 100 bottles at a time. Best of all, it’s made from barley,…

We roped in record label man James Endeacott – who signed The Strokes, The Libertines and Ruen Brothers – to give us the rundown on the high street’s most eye-catching record players… Lenco L-90 Walnut Veneer Turntable £230, urbanoutfitters.co.uk The lowdown: A semi-automatic turntable with inbuilt pre-amplifier. The verdict: “A good entry point but you’ll need an amp, speakers, leads and a solid needle. A decent set-up is £500 – but it’s worth it.” Overall: 4/5 Crosley Collegiate Three Speed Turntable £119.99, amazon.co.uk The lowdown: A lightweight, briefcase-bound record player with built-in speakers and a headphone jack. The verdict: “This is just a bit of fun. It’s got no bass, and I don’t know what that screeching noise is. Good for playing 45s, but that’s it.” Overall: 2/5 GPO Attache…

In early 1978, 26-year-old Yorkshireman Roger Sproston decided to leave the UK behind to travel around Europe and the Middle East with little more than a rucksack and a few travellers’ cheques. After spending eight months travelling through Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Turkey, Roger reached India before boarding a bus back to the UK. But this was only the prelude to the turbulent situation Roger stumbled into on the Afghanistan/ Iraq border, halfway through his return journey… I WAS TRAVELLING WITH ANOTHER GUY AROUND EUROPE AND THE MIDDLE EAST BY CAR. But, shortly into our trip, we hit a donkey and totalled our car, so we had to start using buses. After that, I went off alone and ended up making my way to Kabul, then up through the Khyber Pass,…

01 Soccerball Witness a football miracle This month’s release of I Believe In Miracles on DVD celebrates Nottingham Forest’s unexpected triumph in the European Cup in 1979. But do we still live in a world of against-all-odds football phenomena? Here are some modern-day miracles we’d love to happen (but probably won’t…) 01 IAN HOLLOWAY LEADS BARCELONA TO A HISTORIC QUINTUPLE Experiments with old legends and intellectual tiki-taka-ists behind them, the top brass at Barcelona make the only managerial decision left to make: they bring in Ian Holloway. It’s an immediate success – Ollie turns out to be ‘the Neymar whisperer’, leading the Brazilian superstar to a record 100-goal haul on the way to the quintuple. “I dunno where I am,” Holloway says, after his Champions League win. 02 CARL JENKINSON…

“People who walk and eat a Greggs at the same time. I hate Greggs. You can print that. I don’t even care.” “When people don’t pick up after their dogs. How would you feel if someone did a shit in your garden?” “The sentence ‘It’s just a dog.’ It’s annoying, and I’m known to get quite mouthy about it.” “People who eat while they talk. I can see all of the food in your mouth. Stop it. You’re gross.” “My mum calling me. The last time she called she said I should have a child instead of two dogs.” “Geriatrics who drive slowly when you’re trying to get anywhere. I wish I had a machine to destroy them.” “When people at work send bitchy emails about people stealing stuff from…

“These two ladies are in a posh part of Athens. Sometimes you feel conspicuous, even a bit pervy, taking pictures; here there were lots of bathers around and there was no way of hiding that I was photographing them. The more you try to hide it, the creepier you become. In the end I just crouched down behind them and took it.” “This was in Rome. I like strong lines and shapes, so when I saw a couple walking into such a compelling background, I ran after them and snapped a few shots without them seeing.” “I took this in the market streets of Athens. She was sat in a big open window and, of course, made a very striking image for a black and white photograph. I took it…

01 What’s your favourite smell? Bacon cooking in the morning. I’m a better cook than my wife. Bloke 02 Have you ever had sex in a public place? In the back of cars. This was in the late ’60s, so there was nowhere else to go. It wasn’t dogging. Bloke 03 What’s the most masculine thing you’ve ever done? Surfing in Jersey. I spent the summer of 1975 on the waves. I bought the wetsuit, the surfboard, the lot. Barry can’t even swim. Bloke 04 What’s the biggest thing you’ve set on fire? I’ve only lit bonfires before. I’m not some kind of pyromaniac. Not bloke 05 Do you own any coloured jeans? Black. Blue. That’s all. No white, red or orange ones – I leave that to Barry. Bloke…

Apart from being blessed with natural talent and an aptitude for hard work, Cristiano Ronaldo needed a plan for greatness when he arrived at Manchester United in 2003. The lad from Madeira was already on his way. The first Sporting Lisbon player ever to progress through the under-16s, under-17s, under-18s, reserves and first team within a single season, Ronaldo became Britain’s most expensive teenage footballer when he signed for United for £12.24 million in 2003. “Right from the moment he came in, Ronaldo had unbelievably strong, intrinsic motivation,” says René Meulensteen, coach at Manchester United throughout most of Ronaldo’s stay there. “You see that now when he scores five goals in a game – some players score two and ease off. Not Ronaldo. If you talked to him, even way…

Best CLASSIC FRAGRANCE 2015 WINNER Hugo Boss What would be the one grooming product you’d take to a desert island? An aphrodisiac-inspired aftershave of course. The only thing you’d really need would be a fragrance to entice the ladies from the other side of the isle so man could reproduce and keep the dream alive! Best ELECTRICAL PRODUCT 2015 WINNER Phillips Series 7000 Shaver NOMINATIONS Braun Series 3, Oral-B Pro 6500 SmartSeries No one likes a face that a) hasn’t found its facial hair identity and b) is all scabby from sub-standard razors. So when an electric shaver allows you to maintain your designer stubble or be as smooth as Kim K’s bum, and is for sensitive skin, it’d be rude not to invest, right? Right. Best RAZOR 2015 WINNER…

If you’re anything like us, your get-fit routine starts in early January and ends around mid-February. To make your return to the gym as painless as possible, we roped in Alex Davies, personal training specialist at Virgin Active, to talk us through a revolutionary idea: staying in shape for longer than one month of the year. Of course, to do that, we need a training regime that requires minimal effort and equipment. A training regime like this… MORNING “If you’re going to have a heavy workout first thing, eat a high-carb meal the night before. For a light workout, a banana and a black coffee half an hour before is fine. “The most important thing to do at this time of day is mobilise your joints as your tissue will…

If you’ve stuck to the plan so far, cutting loose on Christmas Day shouldn’t be a problem. But, if the odd chocolate log supper has made you fall off the wagon, Jo’s tips will help you reduce the damage come the 25th. 01 Turkey “This is a great source of lean protein. To get the most out of it, go for the dark meat, which is higher in iron than the lighter breast meat.” 02 Brussels sprouts “Full of phytonutrients that have an antioxidant effect, meaning they protect your DNA from damage from free radicals [molecules that can speed up the appearance of ageing]. Keep nutrients intact by steaming them until al dente.” 03 Parsnips “Parsnips can help lower blood pressure thanks to their potassium content. Instead of roasting them…

Making his name through Vines, Twitter and a brilliant BBC sketch show, Glaswegian comedian Limmy has long been an FHM favourite. With new book Daft Wee Stories out now, he talks us through discovering your inner funnyman… 01 EMBRACE YOUR POTENTIAL “I used to work in an office. I wasn’t the fucking pain-in-the-arse funny guy with the comedy tie or anything like that, but I did try to be funny. I wasn’t the court jester, but I definitely liked a laugh. Generally in an office you get quiet people, and I certainly wasn’t a quiet person.” 02 SPREAD THE WORD “I used to be a Flash developer, making websites for commercial clients. I wanted to make fun things for me as well, so I made limmy.com in 1999. In 2004,…