Tabla de contenidos para December/January 2026 en Viz

letters@viz.co.uk toptips@viz.co.uk “POWER from the needle to the plastic” sang Cliff Richard in his hit Wired for Sound. But if anything it’s the other way round – the friction of the plastic grooves makes the needle vibrate, sending a tiny amount of energy into the amplifier where the real ‘power’ is generated. I realise the song came out back in 1981 and I’m a bit late to the party on this one, but vinyl seems to be making a comeback so I thought the time was right to point this out. Topo Gigio, London WHY DO critics rave about the improvisational genius of jazz legends such as Charlie ‘Bird’ Parker? Making stuff up as you go along is easy. I do it all the time when I’m lying to my…

Steven Coyle, Irvine; Luis Vasquez, Bromley; Lis Dimond-Jones, Bristol; John Kirkpatrick, Wylam; Mike Leonard, Barnoldswick; Stephen Whittaker, Tunbridge Wells; Dave Roche, Dublin; Phil Gaskell, Lowton; Kim Humphriss, Wolverhampton; S. Burden, Braintree; Neil Firth, Lancaster; Ian Hynd, Rosyth; Rob Palin, Lightmoor; Christine Evans, Newcastle; Stephen Parkin, Ossett; Bill Thackray, Croydon; Marcus Evans, Portishead; Jean Gordon, Eastleigh; Chris Tyler, Skye; Geno Crowley, Liverpool; Ed Chambers, Ipswich; Robert Blatchford, Bristol; R. Willis, Bromley; Calum Gibson, Dunfermline; James Vickers, Urmston; Andrew Nesbitt, Warrington; Daniel Manning, London; Jonathan Smith, Halifax; Roger Swindon, Carbis Bay; David Godbear, Shipley.…

IF we were asked to name the cleverest person alive, most of us would probably name a high-profile intellectual such as Elon Musk, Jacob Rees-Mogg or Richard Littlejohn. And whilst those three men are all astonishingly brilliant thinkers, we’d ultimately be wrong. Because according to MENSA, the brainiest person on the planet is unemployed Saltcoats father-of-eight PEVERSLEY MENTHOL! “I’ve got a big old brain on me and no mistake,” chuckles the 46-year-old quadruple divorcee. “Last time I checked, my IQ was round about the 420 mark, roughly double what Albert Einstein’s was.” “But don’t bother checking that,” he warns. “There’s a glitch on the internet which means that when you Google ‘Peversley Menthol’ it throws up a load of spurious local news stories about one of the many other Peversley…

The first 6 correct competition entries tugged out of Roger’s email sack will win a Viz Craptic Crossword mug. Please email a photo of your entry to letters@viz.co.uk with ‘Craptic Crossword’ as the subject. The first correct entry out of Roger’s electronic sack on FRIDAY 12TH DECEMBER will win a CHEQUE for £50.00, a CRAPTIC CROSSWORD MUG and a VIZ CHEAP PEN. The next 5 entries win a mug and pen, but not the money. NOTE: We are no longer accepting crossword entries by post. RUNNERS UP: Marc Burgess, Croydon; Glyn Selway, Thirsk; Neil Foster, N. Yorks; Dougie Shearer, Lerwick; Jim Mason, Loughborough.…

HAS ANYONE made any serious effort to identify that bloke out of That Picture of That Bloke Kissing That Bird’s Arse? I reckon it could be a great spin-off for the makers of Who Do You Think You Are? He might be a descendant of Edward III, or Danny Dyer’s cousin or something. Bernard Hughes, London CAN I ask if you could print a festive version of that picture of that bloke kissing that bird’s arse, Santa’s hat and everything? Phil Saunders, Melksham WOULD it be possible to e photocopy my missus’ face onto the arse that bird in that picture of that bloke kissing that bird’s arse? No reason really, she has a cracking arse. Murr Depuddle, email *Of course, Phil and Murr. We have combined the two requests…

POLICE who raided several properties in the north west of England say they have uncovered an illegal Coronation Street bad-lad heart-throb production line. The illicit counterfeiting ring is thought to be part of an international pipeline that each year provides the fictional terraced community with dozens of bit-of-rough heartbreakers. And now red-faced Granada TV bigwigs are facing the possibility that they may have been paying the black market gang to supply the famous cobbles with knock-off rascals – including over a dozen ne’er-do-well brothers for Carla Connor – for over 25 years. “We have always hired louche lotharios in good faith and carried out checks to ensure they looked sexy with their tops off on the front of TV Quick,” confirmed one insider on the thrice-weekly soap. “It now seems we…

SAVE 20% USE CODE RCBOWIE20 AT CHECKOUT “I can’t give everything away…” Such was David Bowie’s assertion on the closing track of his final album. And yet, in a career that spanned more than half a century, this consummate artist gave us more than enough. In this second instalment of Record Collector Presents… Bowie, we look at the innovations that he made throughout the years 1981 to 2016 and challenge the notion that Bowie went from leader to follower in the latter part of his career. Through all-new interviews with key collaborators such as Carlos Alomar, Mike Garson, Gerry Leonard, Donny McCaslin, Henry Hey and Jonathan Barnbrook, plus in-depth reviews of every album that Bowie released during this period, explorations of his work as a painter and an actor, and an…

Dear Professor Fuck, IS THERE a word/phrase for that situation when a girl is sat in a car and the seat belt goes between her breasts, pulling the clothes tight? Me and my mates just call it ‘seat belt tits’ but there surely has to be a better name for it than that. Cobalt Jester, Email Referring to page 442 of Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited (in bookshops/skips behind the printers now), we find the following: “Moses effect n. What a seatbelt or bag strap does to a lady’s baps, ie. Causing them to part like the Red Sea.”…

IN the 1997 film Good Will Hunting, Matt Damon plays a quiet Massachusetts Institute of Technology janitor who lives an extraordinary double life. Unbeknown to everyone, he is a mathematical genius able to perform complex calculations that leave high-flying students – and even lecturers – scratching their heads. It’s a classic feelgood movie with its themes of overcoming adversity, self improvement and seizing opportunity. Now, almost three decades after its release, the star has revealed that during filming he sensationally performed all his own maths. Producers had originally wanted to hire a series of eggheads of the same height and build as the movie star to stand in for him and carry out the complicated calculations. But method actor Damon had other ideas. “I wanted people to see Will Hunting…

A BOLD plan to boost growth in Glossop by extending the Christmas shopping period has been pooh-poohed by penny-pinching council pen-pushers. The innovative proposal to utilise cutting edge science and technology would have seen the Derbyshire town’s once bustling main thoroughfare exploit gravitational time dilation to stretch its opening hours across the lucrative festive gift-buying season. The scheme, brainchild of Derby University physics boffin Professor Brian Childs, called for Glossop’s retail district to be lowered deep into the earth’s crust, nearer to the gravitating mass of the planet’s dense core where clocks have been scientifically proven to run more slowly. “The closer you are to a body, the stronger the gravitational force it will exert,” said Professor Childs. “And the stronger that force, the slower time goes.” “It doesn’t just seem…

FILL YOUR SACK WITH THE GOOD STUFF Choose either of the following festive offers: 1. A year’s print subscription to Viz and a Roger’s Honk My Horn board game or - for someone you really love - 2. A year’s bundle subscription to Viz, a Roger’s Honk My Horn board game, a signed picture from the Viz artists AND a year’s digital subscription to the comic. Phwoar! ORDER TODAY, QUOTING THE OFFER CODE VIZX25 shop.viz.co.uk/vizx25 hello@metropolis.co.uk 020 8752 8195 *Although customers taking out yearly Viz subscribtions in November should receive their free game (+ signed picture if offer 2 is chosen) well in time for festive family and friends japery, delivery can take up to 8 weeks and any subscriptions taken out later than this may not receive their game…

THE average number of sexual partners Britons have in a lifetime is four, with men putting it around a bit slightly more than their female counterparts, and fewer than one in three of us has bedded more than twenty paramours. But some randy shaggers in the world of entertainment laugh at such paltry totals. At least one is currently being investigated by the police, but we asked some of the others what was the greatest number of times they got their leg over in a day. Ben Dover Grumble auteur OVER my film career, I must of knobbed thousands of ladies, and in most of my hour-long movies, you’ll see me do about six of them. With a shoot lasting a couple of days, this averages about three ladies a…