Tabla de contenidos para April 2025 en Viz

letters@viz.co.uk toptips@viz.co.uk Your correspondence to Viz editor HAMPTON DOUBLEDAY OBE Sign up to Hampton’s FREE five-weekly newsletter at: https://subscribe.viz.co.uk/sign-up STAR LETTER IN THEIR chart-topping hit I Get Around, The Beach Boys proclaimed that “My buddies and me are getting real well known, The bad guys know us and they leave us alone”. To be fair, I would have given them a wide berth too, given that they used to hang around with Charles fucking Manson. Kevin Caswell-Jones, Gresford IF YOU turn that picture of that bloke kissing that bird’s arse upside down, it looks like that bloke is kissing a big bell end. Phil, Warrington I RECENTLY fell over whilst wearing a loose-fitting dressing gown, and an aubergine somehow became lodged in my bottom. On my medical notes, the A&E nurse…

WHEN Tiptonroots are discovered, they may well replace potatoes as one of the two vegetable accompaniments to the meat in a traditional British meal. But what if they are eaten alongside potatoes? The tried and tested British meat and two veg staple dinner would become meat and three veg overnight. We asked some leading scientists what implications this would have on Britain and the British people. Dr Ben Goldacre, epidemiologist IT DEPENDS on the nutritional value of Tiptonroots. If they are high in fats and carbohydrates, which is likely if they are root storage organs, then they could lead to an obesity crisis. If they are high in protein like seeds and nuts, then they could be beneficial in a diet. And obviously the way they are prepared will affect…

FORGET mash, chips or gratin dauphinoise – BAKING is the nation’s favourite way of cooking spuds. No peeling, slicing or dicing – simply prick them with a fork and pop them in the oven, and you’re done. An hour later you are tucking into a delicious jacket potato. Yum! But what do you have on yours? With such a variety of tasty fillings available, there is something to suit everyone’s palate and we all have our favourite. But what you may not know is that the topping you pop on top of your potato says a lot about what you get up to between the sheets! Here, former ex-TV Psychiatrist Dr Raj Persaud explains what is happening deep down in your sexual psyche when you choose the filling for your…

ALMOST 98% of the people in the UK buy at least three Apounds of potatoes every day. We can’t be arsed to do the calculation, but that must be thousands, perhaps millions of tons of the knobbly tubers every year at a cost of thousands, if not millions of pounds to spud-loving Brits. But not many people know that instead of buying these versatile vegetables, you can actually grow them! Here, former Bank of England chief economist ANDY HALDANE explains the economics of growing your own spuds, and how you can save yourself a fortune. “I DID economics at the Bank of England for years, and believe you me, things never come down in price – and that includes spuds. A pound of ‘taters costing 70p today, will cost 75.74p next year,…

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A MORBIDLY obese Dudley man who has achieved absolutely nothing in almost six decades on the planet has vowed to conquer the world’s tallest mountain… in his slippers! 24-stone HUBERT SPARKLES, 58, is an unlikely candidate to take on the many challenges involved in scaling Everest’s 29,000 foot summit, but a recent health scare has motivated the man-mountain to get off the sofa and become a mountain-man. “It had been a normal evening in many ways, and that’s what made it so scary,” recalled the thrice-divorced father and step-father of nine or so. “I was snacking on a grab-bag of Cheesy Wotsits whilst watching The Masked Singer when I suddenly got this almighty pain in my chest. I thought ‘Here we go. It’s goodnight Vienna!’” It turned out that Hubert had…

HOLLYWOOD A-lister ROBERT DE NIRO has revealed for the first time how, back in 1980, he prepared for the role of up-and-coming middleweight boxer Jake LaMotta in the Martin Scorsese film Raging Bull… by living with a herd of cows! Raging Bull became a classic movie because of the Oscar-winner’s incredible performance. But as well as preparing for the role by gaining muscle, weight, and even competing in several boxing matches, the method-man actor also spent three months living in a field with a herd of around 80 Texas Longhorn cattle. “I really needed to understand how a bull, raging or not, lived his day-to-day life,” the Meet the Fockers legend told Empire magazine. “Yes, I could read about bulls, I could talk to farmers, I could even take a 10-week…

BRITISH potato advocates and Buckingham Palace are in late-stage talks with a view to appointing PRINCE ANDREW as a roving ambassador for the Potato Marketing Board. And the disgraced royal, who stepped back from official duties in November 2019 following a high profile scandal, is said to be ‘excited’ to once again be serving his country. Since retiring from the Royal Navy, big-boned Andrew has spend most of his time travelling the world in a private jet and playing golf to promote UK industry abroad. And his new role means he will once again be helping business, this time as the international face of British spuds. “Nothing is decided yet, and it’s all very hush-hush,” said director of the PMB Mavis Piper. “There are a lot of details to be sorted…

Nicholas Witchell Former BBC Royal Correspondent I’D HAVE to choose the KING EDWARD potato, simply roasted in goose fat. Just as the potato’s namesake King Edward VII was the centre of attention wherever he went, the roasted King Edward is the focal point of any roast dinner. Like his late majesty King ‘Bertie’, they are crispy on the outside, but once you penetrate that tough exterior, you’ll find a soft, yet starchy, interior. Paul Burrell Ex-Lady Di ‘Rock’ FOR ME, it’s got to be the BRITISH QUEEN potato, the wonderful, floury, early-flowering mid-season white. They remind me of the British Queen who never was Queen of Britain, yet was the British ‘Queen of Hearts’ – Lady Di. I served her faithfully and was her rock for many years, and I think…

AFTER taking office for the second time, US President Donald Trump blindsided everyone by announcing plans to invade Panama, Greenland and the Gaza Strip. And now it seems that the orange-hued leader of the free world has set his sights on yet another controversial land-grab… Scotland! Speaking to thousands of people wearing red hats on the White House lawn, the 47th President said that the country at the top of the British mainland was dear to his heart, and he would love to welcome it and its people to the Union. “I love all things Scotch. I love the Scotch people, the animals, the kangaroos and so forth,” he told the crowd. “And my mom was Scotch, which waist down, including my cock makes me Scotch from the and balls.” “That’s…

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CALL them what you will – spuds, tatties, ‘taters or another name for them (if you are French, you might even refer to them as ‘apples of the ground’!). But however you refer to them, one thing’s for certain – everybody loves ‘em! They’re POTATOES, and they’ve been our national food for hundreds of years. You can eat them boiled, roast or fried, you can peel them before you eat them, you can throw away the inside and eat the skins, or you can have them as chips or even mash. But despite us eating them in some form every day, how much do we know about these hard, roughly ovoid, earthy veg? Here are… 1 BOTANICALLY speaking, fruits are seed-bearing structures in plants formed from the ovary tissue of the…

AFTER record numbers of Britons embarked on a New Year health kick, manufacturers of white wellies have seen their profits plummet. The colourless rubberised footwear is traditionally worn only by chip-shop owners and surgeons, and in the first four weeks of the year both of these professions saw a reduction in customers coming through the door. Unsurprisingly, call for the practical yet unfashionable hue-free boots has dwindled as a result. “We always see sales go down a bit in January,” said Hector Dunlop, chairman of the White Wellington Boot Maker’s Guild. “It’s a vicious circle: people go on a healthy-eating kick and don’t buy chips, so they have fewer heart attacks needing emergency coronary surgery.” “We can usually ride it out,” he continued. “By February, the number of people who are…

SUBSCRIBERS SAVE 10% The ultimate collectors’ guide to one of Britain’s most groundbreaking rock acts, all the way from Go Now! through Days Of Future Passed to Seventh Sojourn and recent solo activities. We tell the full story of their metamorphosis from Birmingham R&B hopefuls to psychedelic pacesetters and global prog superstars, with a career-spanning interview with John Lodge and in-depth profiles of key members Justin Hayward, Mike Pinder, Ray Thomas and Graeme Edge. We tell the tales behind their 16 studio albums (including one that never saw the light of day) and take a closer look at their solo work, right up to John Lodge’s new EP, Love Conquers All and Justin Hayward’s upcoming tour. Plus, we find the most collectable Moodies’ recordings and memorabilia. Order one now for…

ASK anyone from Timbuktu O’Groats to Zanzibar’s End, every man’s biggest fear is the same – going bald. Like Samson in the Bible, men are PETRIFIED that losing their locks will result in them losing their physical strength, confidence and sexual prowess. And according to one specialist, they’re absolutely right. “Nobody likes a slaphead,” chuckles top hair transplant surgeon DR TERRY HANSAPLAST. “Which is a boon for yours truly, as I rake in the thick end of a hundred grand a month curing the shinydomed fuckers.” 63-year-old Hansaplast is one of the world’s leading trichologists, boasting more than FOUR DECADES of hands-on experience treating male pattern baldness. “Don’t bother googling about my four decades of experience, though”, he advises. “There’s a glitch on the internet that means when you search…