Tabla de contenidos para May 2024 en Viz

SOME of those potholes on the moon are absolutely enormous, with many of them the size of a crater and visible from Earth. Honestly, it’s only a matter of time before a Lunar Rover or some other mobile landing craft loses a wheel, or worse, turns over and barrel rolls across the lunar surface after hitting one. Yet the council doesn’t seem to be doing a thing about it. I know there isn’t a council for the moon, but I would imagine earth councils are responsible for the bit of moon that lies directly above their borough, so they ought to get it sorted. E Musk, Bunny, U.S.A WITH reference to E Musk’s letter (above) I think a moon buggy or lunar rover hitting a pothole and barrel-rolling onto its roof…

PORN website designers. Create a nostalgic feel by putting the porn on the top part of the screen next to some pictures of motorcycle and car magazines. For extra authenticity add a few Pringles cans, some fizzy drinks, and a cardboard sign saying NO BROWSING. R. Desmond, London NEXT time the clocks go forward, avoid the discomfort of having to wake up an hour earlier by simply putting your clocks back 23 hours, thus moving one day forward and enjoying an extra 23 hours in bed. Phil Kitching, Isle of Jura CHEAPSKATE fiancés. A coarse sea-salt crystal makes an excellent substitute ‘diamond’ in an engagement ring. It can later be used to season food when your prospective spouse finds out and breaks off the betrothal. Prince Asbo, Folkestone HAD a…

At the height of the Napoleonic wars, Mr Midshipman Reeman’s first assignment after passing his Lieutenant’s exam is not what he had been dreaming of. The state of the art cutter Polaris is overmanned not only by a very top-heavy complement of prime officers and men, but a top-flight surgeon who is much more than meets the eye… and a warlock. On a quest for magnetic north no one ever dies, and Reeman can only wonder what they have become, though he knows this Navy isn’t the one he signed up for. As they sail ever closer and the true nature of the mission becomes apparent, Reeman can rely on nothing but the last belief he has, that he has always clung to… that a King’s officer always does the…

WE went on the streets and asked people walking their dogs if their animal did anything unusual when a rightwing politician came onto their TV screens… and we found that Jock is far from the only canine to endorse a political gobshite… “MY SAUSAGE dog Sugar runs round in little circles whenever JACOB REES-MOGG comes on the box. It really is funny. Round and round she goes, and she doesn’t stop until the backbench MP goes off the screen. I’ll never know whether I agree with any of the arsehole’s opinions, because Sugar’s yapping drowns out everything the lanky streak of piss says.” Ed Tobiomory, Luton “ME AND my wife can’t wait for NIGEL FARAGE to come on the telly, because when he does, our labrador Toby always squats down…

DISASTER on the International Space Station was narrowly averted last week after one of the astronauts ripped the trousers of his spacesuit. KECKSCLUSIVE! British astronaut Toby Mange was on a spacewalk to replace a damaged solenoid on one of the station’s communication antennae when he dropped his screwdriver. “I bent down to pick it up, and as I did so, I heard a massive tearing noise,” he told reporters. “I felt round the back of my spacesuit and discovered I’d got a massive rip in the arse.” “I’ve been on the ISS for three months and it’s a bit difficult to get any exercise, so I’ve put on a pound or two,” said Mange, speaking via the orbiting station’s Earth communication radio. “My spacesuit’s a bit snug round the back these…

“WHILST in the queue for the supermarket checkout, my 5-year old turned to me and said, proud as Punch, “Daddy, I done a shit in my trousers!” Blushingly, I admonished him in front of the customers and staff for using such coarse, inappropriate language in public. I had to stifle a laugh though, since five minutes earlier in the frozen vegetables aisle, I’d also done a shit in my trousers!” We love hearing readers’ tales of their little ones’ trouser howlers, so keep sending ‘em in!…

6-MONTH GET A FREE ISSUE! -OR- 12-MONTH GET A FREE VIZ MUG! GREAT REASONS TO SUBSCRIBE! • A FREE issue of Viz with 6-month subscription* • FREE Viz Superhero mug on 1-year subscription* • FREE delivery of every issue • SAVE on the cover price • Every issue delivered BEFORE it’s available in shops ORDER TODAY, QUOTING THE OFFER CODE VIZ335P shop.viz.co.uk/viz335p hello@metropolis.co.uk 020 8752 8195 *The offers are applicable to either a 6-month print subscription with direct debit payment or a 1-year print subscription payable by credit card/debit card or direct debit. If you wish to cancel the direct-debit offer, please contact us via phone or email. The offer is only valid for new UK customers, one per household, and while stocks last. Please allow 28 days for delivery…

Record Collector Presents Eagles. The ultimate collectors’ guide to a stadium-straddling country-rock phenomenon, from Take It Easy to The Long Goodbye Tour. As they prepare to touch down in the UK, possibly for the last time, we trace the six-decade career of a legendary force in American music. We tell the colourful tales behind each of their seven studio albums (and the odd record-breaking Greatest Hits compilation), trace their origins way back before the LA singer-songwriter and folk-rock scenes that first brought them together, and fast-forward to their unlikely 90s reunion and ongoing activity, including reports from the current tour. Plus, we find the most collectable Eagles’ recordings and memorabilia. Order your copy, one of these nights… On sale in all the usual places, or order from: shop.recordcollectormag.com…

GLAM rock is all about loud music, over-the-top costumes and big hair. But if there is one thing that makes glam rockers stand out from the pop crowd, it’s their tight trousers. When bands like Bon Jovi, Van Halen and Kiss take to the stage in their their skin-tight Spandex pants, we know we are in for a good show. But now a research chemist from Bolton reckons those shows could get a whole lot better thanks to a new discovery. Dr Emma Balustrade says a new synthetic polymer that has been developed in her laboratory is almost ten times tighter than Spandex, meaning that glam rockers will now be able to go way beyond the skin-tight look. “If you thought David Lee Roth’s trousers were tight before, you haven’t…

MEET Billy Tappit, a factory worker from Ashington in Northumberland. He’s your everyday man – he goes to work, he goes to the pub and he goes to the football on Saturday. But wherever he is, there’s one thing for certain… he’ll be wearing trousers! He told us: “I love trousers so much that I wear a pair every single day!” That’s because Billy, 54, is a pantolophile – a fancy word meaning someone obsessed with trousers. And the 54-year-old ex-schoolboy is so mad about these cloth leg coverings that he has now written a book, Trouser Bout That, Then! all about his love for trousers. In it, he tells the fascinating story of a life that has been spent completely and utterly obsessed with trousers. cerebellum Billy’s eccentric behaviour…

MARTYN Lewis here, the newsreader, not the money saving expert who’s quite litigious when it comes to people impersonating him online and in the media. As the Cost of Living crisis continues, it’s becoming harder and harder to keep our budgets in order. We’ve all cut back our gas and electricity usage as much as we can; our food bills have been pared to the bone, and the idea of splashing out and enjoying ourselves belongs to our lives ‘BC’ – Before the Crisis. But maybe there’s a way you could still save money if you clutch at some straws. Here are a few tips on how you might just… just… make yourself a bit of extra cash. DOWN the backs of settees and sofas is a famous place for…

MR Tinker is not the first inhabitant of Middlesbrough to block a toilet, and he is unlikely to be the last. We called up some famous sons and daughters of the north-east town to ask about times when they back-filled a chod-bin. Chris Kamara ’Boro born footballer “I remember when I was playing for Leeds in the 90/91 season, we were away at Aston Villa. I’d been out the night before and had a couple of chicken parmos, and I had to get rid of them before the match. So after I got my kit on, I nipped to the bog in our changing room and dropped the lot before running out onto the pitch for the first half. But when we came in at half time, the Villa ground…

THEY are never alone, because they are always in pairs. They can be baggy, straight, tailored or flared, and chances are you put them on every day. In fact, you could be wearing a pair right now! They’re TROUSERS, and they are the single most popular form of leg covering in the world. But despite their popularity, how much do we actually know about these double-barrelled items of clothing? Who invented them? How much did the first pair cost? And why do men’s and women’s have different sizings? Here are… 1 THE LONGEST pair of trousers ever produced was a bespoke pair made, unsurprisingly, for the world’s tallest man – ROBERT PERSHING WADLOW in 1938. The Giant of Illinois had an inside leg of 5’4”, but his thrifty mum Ada Wadlow…

A NOTTINGHAM man is celebrating tonight after saving £57 by wearing 27 pairs of trousers at the same time. 72-year-old Frank Bramblebee had booked a two week holiday in Lanzarote with his wife Edna, but refused to pay the extra money to take a cabin bag on the four-and-a-half hour flight. Instead, the bright spark electrician put on both his own and his wife’s wardrobe for the holiday before turning up at East Midlands airport. “I tried all the clobber on the night before, so I knew it could be done,” he told us. “I put all my wife’s clothes first because she’s a bit smaller than me – sixteen pairs of trousers and eighteen tops. Then I put my stuff over that – eleven pairs of trolleys and a dozen…

WE’VE all said the word trousers at some point in our lives. In fact, the average person uses the word around 4 times every day. But when saying it, have we ever stopped to think where the word comes from? We asked YouTube etymologist BOBBY WORDS to explain where the name for this particular item of clothing comes from. “THE ORIGIN of the word ‘trousers’ is a little obscure, and nobody knows for certain where and when it was first used. Perhaps it comes from a conjugation of the stem word ‘tro’ and the pronoun ‘users,’ ie. the users of a tro, whatever a tro happens to be. Or it could be from the French word ‘trusser’ meaning to bind in, if early trousers were bound to the legs with string…

AN UNEMPLOYED factory worker from Halifax claims he has been failed by the NHS and has been forced to seek alternative therapies privately to treat his medical condition. Last January, a week after his wife left him, 52-year-old Fenton Grange discovered a dark line running down the underside of his penis, and decided he needed to have it checked out. “It’s been there all my life, to be honest, and I just thought it was your bog standard Cornish pasty seam. But I thought I’d best have it looked at to rule anything out,” he said. However, Fenton had heard about how difficult it was currently to get an appointment with a GP, and so decided to go private. “There’s no point phoning the doctors because you can’t get to…