Tabla de contenidos para April 2023 en Viz

Your Correspondence with VIZ Editor Hampton Doubleday Viz Comic, P.O. Box 841 Whitley Bay, NE26 9EQ letters@viz.co.uk ◻ CONSERVATIVE party chairman Lee Anderson says he is in favour of the death penalty for the most heinous of crimes, but only in cases where there is 100% certainty about the guilt of the accused. I think this is a very sensible stance to take. In cases where the courts are not 100% convinced of their guilt, then the accused should simply spend the rest of their life behind bars. Hector House, Surrey ◻ TOHELP with the current cost of living crisis, I’m planning on faking my own death for the insurance money, but I don’t fancy getting caught like that canoe man fella. So, if anyone recognises me on the high…

THEY’RE the three pillars of our local communities, always there at our side when we need them. Vicars – officiating at ceremonies to mark the important milestones of our lives; Vets – taking care of the animals we cherish; and Vampires – promising us immortality in return for the blood they suck greedily from puncture wounds in our jugular veins. But which one of the three “V”s is the “V” best? It’s time to pit them against each other to discover, once and for all……

AFTER its fall, the Roman Empire left behind a wealth of material allowing excavators to piece together how life was lived in the greatest empire the world has ever seen. But the fuddy-duddy subject of archaeology has been turned on its head by the discovery of what one real life Tony Robinson believes is the location of a Roman roller-disco on the outskirts of Glossop in Derbyshire. And the find is all the more incredible since the man making it has no formal expertise in archaeology whatsoever. By his own admission, 52-year-old excarpet salesman Doug Upton is no Indiana Jones. But if authenticated, his unique find would not only require the history of the Romans in Britain to be rewritten, it could also see many other books torn from the…

BRITAIN has a rich history reaching back hundreds of years. And the stately homes dotted across our green and pleasant land tell the story of that history, documenting how our betters lived in the past. These palaces, halls and manor houses stand as stone, marble and slate monuments to our country’s cultural heritage, and – providing we don’t ask where the money to build them came from – they are a source of national pride. Thanks to charitable institutions, these buildings and the priceless treasures they hold are being preserved, held in trust so that future generations who can afford the extortionate entrance fees can see how life was lived, upstairs and downstairs. So let’s go for a day out to Fulchester Manor, home of the 18th Earl of Fulchester…

Cinema goer rescued from popcorn THE Fire Service was called to the UCI Cinema in North Shields yesterday after a woman fell headfirst into a large bucket of popcorn. 23-year-old Kelly Binlid was at the cinema to see Puss In Boots: The Last Wish with her boyfriend when the accident happened. According to witnesses, the couple were coming down the stairs of the auditorium looking for their seats when Kelly lost her footing and pitched forward into the popcorn bucket, which was on a cinemagoer’s lap at the end of a row. crevice “It all happened so quickly,” Kelly told the North Shields Aneurism and Infarction. “There was a car advert on the screen, and I was thinking that I might buy a car after the film. Then I stumbled…

aaaand action! exclam. Cecil B deMille-style announcement made before loudly breaking wind. Also and in local news; attention all shipping; let off some steam, Bennett; listen, I think I hear a horseshoe bat etc. acorn antique n. A small piece of knobbly woodwork that has seen better days and may no longer be of much practical use. May have a few age-related marks and show severe patination, worm damage, and foxing. bachelor’s bostik n. Organic adhesive used on magazine pages and computer keyboards. Also sement, jazz glue, Aphrodite’s evostick, prick stick, man mastic, glunk, grotspangle. bag of pennies euph. A faecal motion. ‘I’d give it a few minutes if I was you, love. I’ve just dropped a bag of pennies in there.’ ‘Right you are, Bamber.’ bingo baps n. Shrivelled, pendulous socktits that hang down to an…

COMMENDED MAGAZINE OF THE YEAR ~Take a Shit Magazine of the Year Awards WHETHER we‘re setting off on a long train journey, cosying up with a cuppa on the sofa, or simply voiding our bowels on the thunderbox, there‘s no better accompanying activity than READING A BOOK. Via the powerful imaginations of top authors like JK ROWLING, GEORGE RR MARTIN and JEFFREY ARCHER, we are whisked off on wondrous adventures in dazzling new worlds. The page-turning stories of these wordsmiths have enlightened and entertained us for decades, and these creative geniuses deserve every penny of their vast fortunes. Or do they? For according to one clinically obese Kippax sex offender, every bestseller in your local Waterstones or WH Smith is in fact written by someone else… HIM! “If you‘ve read…

A 54-YEAR-OLD midlander plans to roller-skate from Land’s End to John O’Groats to raise much needed funds for a local charity. And to make his venture more challenging, he’ll be skating all 874 miles of the journey over gravel! Roller-mad TOBY ‘ROLLER’ BATES got the idea to traverse the length of Britain in aid of charity whilst on his morning skate in the Beeston suburb of Nottingham, where he is a familiar face with locals. “I cover dozens of miles a week round Beeston on my wheels for my health,” the betting shop worker told the Beeston Cyst and Ganglion. “And it occurred to me that I might as well be doing these all miles for somebody else’s good as well as my own.” A marathon skate from Land’s End to John…