Globe May 9, 2022

WILLKOMMEN WAGON Gleeful JOEL GREY, Cabaret’s impish emcee, celebrates his 90th birthday in NYC — but looks ready for his final bow CAKE WALK Melrose Place mess HEATHER LOCKLEAR better lay off the sweets — her weight is spinning out of control HOW BATTY! Funnyman BILLY CRYSTAL has a ball tossing out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium, but his chin is double trouble A REGULAR JEANIUS The Hills show-off HEIDI MONTAG dares to bare herself in L.A. as she ditches her denim on the street OH MY GOTH! Surprise! Rocker ALICE COOPER continues to tour, proving the spooky singer hasn’t given up the ghost just yet THAT BLOWS BETHENNY FRANKEL loses her battle with the breeze, which leaves the ruffled reality star’s ’do in disarray…

LONGTIME lovers Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn seem blissful in public, but behind closed doors they’re getting on each other’s nerves again, tattle sources. The 76-year-old former Laugh-In Sock It to Me gal and actionman Kurt, 71, “argue several times a day” over her “slobby habits” and his “nitpicking,” blabs an insider. But the bickering twosome, who fell for each other during the 1983 filming of Swing Shift and have broken up at least once, have a trick that prevents total catastrophe — separate living quarters so they’re not always annoying each other, sources spill. “They must have separate bathrooms and even separate wings of the house,” squeals the insider. “They often sleep in separate bedrooms because she’s a slob, and he snores loudly. It’s unconventional but it keeps them…

ACTRESS Cheryl Hines is moving to California to get away from antivaxxer hubby Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who she blasts as “reprehensible,” sources snitch. Amid a tense home life, Cheryl jumped at the chance to star in the reboot of TV’s Curb Your Enthusiasm because the project will be shot in L.A., 3,000 miles from the East Coast haunts of 68-year-old Kennedy and his kooky crusade against COVID shots, spies say. Bobby Jr., son of the assassinated U.S. Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, has become a leader of the crusade against COVID vaccines and other injections. He helped with a recent documentary, Medical Racism: The New Apartheid, which pushes the idea African-Americans were being used as guinea pigs with COVID shots by the government. He also endorses the theory that certain…

RUMPLED film icon Al Pacino, 82, has a new girlfriend who’s an old hand at bringing a smile to the faces of rich old codgers! Knockout Noor Alfallah, 28, a glam Kuwaiti-American Hollywood producer, is stepping out with Scent of a Woman octogenarian Al, who is 54 years her senior. But before that, she was romantically linked to wrinkly rocker Mick Jagger, 78, graying billionaire Nicolas Berggruen, 60, and was even photographed driving around with ancient Clint Eastwood, 91! “The heart doesn’t know what it sees, it only knows what it feels,” murmurs the L.A.-based beauty, who was raised in Beverly Hills and studied at the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television. Sources say lifetime bachelor Pacino started seeing Noor during the pandemic — and the lockdown brought them…

BOSSY Joy Behar wants to crown herself The View’s new queen bee amid Whoopi Goldberg’s most recent absence, but tipsters say the bigmouth’s brazen power grab has ticked off co-hosts Sara Haines and Sunny Hostin! “Joy’s taken it upon herself to moderate the topical discussions, but it doesn’t sit well with Sara or Sunny, who each think they’re more qualified,” dishes an insider. “They do their best not to show their annoyance on camera, but behind the scenes they’re complaining to anyone who’ll listen.” Sources snitch Whoopi, 66, was eager to break from the ABC gabfest to shoot the Amazon series Anansi Boys — and Joy was all too happy to trumpet her departure! Whoopi “will be back whenever she’s finished with whatever she’s doing. So, she’s gone for a…

ROCKER John Mellencamp refuses to quit smoking — and sources say his loved ones are terrified he’s headed for a cancer crisis as a doctor warns the butthead’s shortening his life by at least a dozen years! The 70-year-old Jack & Diane singer has been firing cigarettes up for decades and his voice has grown raspier and his breathing harder, spies snitch. “He’s been smoking so long he’s hoarse and his breathing sounds labored and heavy. He coughs a lot too,” dishes an insider. “There are legitimate fears he’ll get lung cancer, but he doesn’t seem too concerned. His loved ones are afraid he won’t be around to see his grandkids grow up.” Incredibly, the Hurts So Good bad boy recently boasted he digs his raspy singing voice and swore…