Globe March 30, 2020

PLAID HATTER It’s a mystery — who knows why kooky Canadian songbird CELINE DION chose to channel Sherlock Holmes CHEAP SHOT Bottoms up — KALEY CUOCO knocks back a boozy bottle on the set of The Flight Attendant BRISTLY BUSINESS Scruffy DICK VAN DYKE, 94, appears razor-sharp as he speaks his mind in L.A. HANKIEPANKY Snot-slinger ANDREW GARFIELD, star of The Amazing Spider-Man, has a nose for trouble WHAT A SPECTACLE! GABRIELLE CARTERIS — who played Andrea Zuckerman on Beverly Hills, 90210 — has gone from adorable TV teen to unadorned frump FATHER TIME Silver-maned ALEC BALDWIN, who has five kids, looks worse for wear during daddy duty in NYC THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK!…

LORI LOUGHLIN and hubby Mossimo Giannulli are terrified at facing tough-asnails U.S. District Judge Nathaniel Gorton, who has a history of humiliating the rich and famous — and throwing the book at them! “He is their absolute worst nightmare!” spills a source close to the couple facing federal bribery charges in the Varsity Blues college admission scandal. “In Lori’s mind, this guy’s a hanging judge. “They’re quaking in their high-priced boots at the thought of standing before him in October!” Hard-nosed Gorton hasn’t spared the rod in sentencing three other uppity parents in the scandal. He ordered Hot Pockets heiress Michelle Janavs to serve five months in prison and blasted real estate executive Toby Mac-Farlane as a thief, then slapped him with six months behind bars. Financial big shot Douglas…

JUST weeks after whining that his divorce from Jennifer Garner was his “biggest regret,” fast-moving movie hunk Ben Affleck whisked his sexy new leading lady, Ana de Armas, off to her native Havana for a romantic smoochfest! The 47-year-old movie Batman and Cuban-Spaniard Ana, 31, who plays his wife in their just-wrapped thriller Deep Water, were spied kissing at the Havana airport before boarding a private jet March 7. “They are definitely dating,” a source spills. Days earlier, the lovebirds were seen touring the Cuban capital and at a swanky Italian eatery, La Corte del Principe, smiling and posing for pics with fans. Ironically, just weeks ago Ben spilled his guts in an interview about his regret over his marriage to Jennifer, 47, his Daredevil leading lady and mom of…

STEVEN SPIELBERG’s porn actress daughter has added a new role to her résumé — jailbird! Mikaela Spielberg, 24, was cuffed for domestic violence in Nashville after a scuffle with her pro darts-player fiancé, Chuck Pankow, and spent 11 hours in the clink, according to court records. The legendary filmmaker’s kid — who was adopted by Steven and wife Kate Capshaw as a baby — was charged with a misdemeanor and eventually freed on $1,000 bond. After her release, Pankow, 47, insisted “no one was hurt” and added: “We are both fine. It was a huge misunderstanding.” Her shocking arrest came days after Mikaela revealed her racy new career making solo adult videos, which she claims give her a way to “capitalize on her body” and a feeling of “empowerment and…

PRINCE WILLIAM and Duchess Kate’s three young children are being secretly quarantined due to exposure to the deadly coronavirus, GLOBE has learned. Six-year-old Prince George and Princess Charlotte, 4 — along with Prince Louis, who turns two next month — are being closely monitored after students at their ritzy private school developed symptoms of the global plague following a ski trip to virus-ravaged Italy. “The royals are in coronavirus hell!” a high-level palace insider reveals in a world exclusive. “William and Kate are devastated that their children are caught in this worldwide epidemic. “They’ve put on a brave face as they continue their royal engagements, but behind palace doors, they are panic-stricken and terrified.” Four students at George and Charlotte’s school, Thomas’s Battersea, were tested and sent home after showing…

SHARK TANK investing star Daymond John had some good news concerning the scary coronavirus — he predicts it will spawn a bunch of babies! The CEO of clothing giant FUBU says the scary bug will drive people to stay home — and that spells more sex! “We definitely will see a baby boom, 100 percent,” the 51-year-old New Yorker forecasts. “Yeah, we absolutely will. “It’s like when the blackout happened in New York and everybody stayed at home. It’s a whole bunch of babies nine months later.” He also believes the extra time at home could result in better health, with people exercising more and learning to improve their diets. People can “take advantage” of the time to see “how you can better your family or eat healthier or things…