Globe October 31, 2016

BARR FLY Yikes! ROSEANNE BARR’s bug-eye sunglasses can’t hide that she looks like a smashed grasshopper! DOG FACES! Star Wars legend CARRIE FISHER and spotlight-loving furry BFF GARY FISHER are becoming one of those couples who look like each other! FAULT! ELTON JOHN made quite a racket playing charity tennis in Las Vegas — but what’s up with his face?! NOTH GONE SOUTH Is this really Sereally Sex and the City hunk CHRIS NOTH? Carrie’s Mr. Big is now the Michelin Man! CAN YOU DIG IT? HELENA BONHAM CARTER did some picking and choosing while out shopping with director TIM BURTON and their kids. HAIR APPARENT Balding JUDE LAW’s attempt at a fauxhawk at the redcarpet premiere of The Young Pope made him look like a weird dope!…

PARTY-HEARTY Tanya Tucker has just three months to live, pals fear! Struggling to breathe before a scheduled Watertown, S.D., performance, the fiery 58-year-old Texas Tornado was airlifted to a Nashville hospital! Now her reps are saying Tanya suffers from an “upper respiratory infection,” not deadly pneumonia — but sources insist she’s barely clinging to life! “It’s much worse than her people are letting on!” says a country music insider. “She may not have much longer.” Her last wish before she dies is to be reunited with the love of her life, Glen Campbell, who is also on his last legs with Alzheimer’s, the insider says. “Glenn remains the great love of her life,” notes a source — despite a sea of booze, brawls, drugs and suicide attempts before their inevitable…

HEARTBROKEN widow Celine Dion is trapped in a romantic nightmare — she is still desperately in love with her late hubby-manager, René Angélil, and is haunted by him every waking moment! “I’m still in love with him,” the 48-year-old songbird says. “There’s a song from Sia, ‘I go to sleep and imagine that you’re there with me.’ “And I go to bed with him. And I come on stage with him. And so I’m still married to him.” René, father of her three sons, died at age 73 from throat cancer on Jan. 14. He began managing Celine when she was 12. He was 38 when they wed 14 years later in 1994. Now, in a bombshell admission, Celine confesses that René was the only man she’s ever made love…

JUNK FOOD junkie Hillary Clinton is hiding a shocking secret from America — she’s eating herself to death and could die at any moment! That is the chilling discovery made by two GLOBE reporters who collected the Democratic presidential candidate’s trash — right under the nose of her Secret Service detail — to uncover the unvarnished truth about her health and personal life! An examination of the massive, near-bursting trash bag taken from the sidewalk directly outside Clinton’s Washington, D.C., digs found: • Explosive evidence of Hillary’s hush-hush health crisis, including surgical gloves used to handle contaminated tissue samples and other medical implements! • Proof Clinton, who crushes the scales at 289 pounds, is addicted to deadly fast food — which caused her to pack on a staggering 103…

A MORBIDLY obese Nevada woman has lost an astonishing 273 lbs. — thanks to sexercise with her a muscular, younger boyfriend! At her heaviest, Patty Sanchez of Reno tipped the scales at a jaw-dropping 714 lbs. — and once wanted to top 840 lbs. and become the world’s heaviest woman! Now 52, she’s dropping the excess flab through exercise, nutritious meals — and boatloads of hot sex with 38-yearold stud Bryan! “We do yoga and weightlifting for 30 minutes every day,” explains Patty. “We also burn a lot of calories in the bedroom. We can’t keep our hands off each other!” She blames her ex-boyfriend for her obesity. He was turned on by her fleshy physique and encouraged her to pack on the pounds. “He had fantasies about making me…

POP sex kitten Rihanna has had a major crush on Brad Pitt since she was a schoolgirl in her native Barbados, and now that he’s single, the slinky songbird’s set to sink her claws into the movie hunk. “You look at Brad Pitt and it’s like, ‘Damn!’” she gushes to friends. The Grammy-winning 28-year-old’s so determined to land Brad, 52 — now locked in a nasty $480 million divorce war with estranged wife Angelina Jolie — she’s had a life-size portrait of the Fury star placed over her bed and tells pals, “There hangs my future husband.” Dishes an insider: “Now that Angelina Jolie’s kicked Brad to the curb and filed for divorce, RiRi’s romantic fantasies can finally become a reality. “She’s wanted to get it on with him for…