Globe Mar-21-16

BOXED IN Guess being retired from television has REGIS PHILBIN back at square one! WATTS UP?! Whoa! Scary-skinny and haggard NAOMI WATTS is barely recognizable — unless she’s “boning up” for her best Angelina Jolie impression! HOLDING COURT Looks like basketball megafan REBEL WILSON has dreams of being a Laker Girl. Fat chance! TONGUE IN CHEEK We’re really not kidding when we say JESSICA SIMPSON and husband ERIC JOHNSON need to get a room pronto! OFF THE RACK Someone tell model KATE UPTON that the Golden Globes were in January. She can put hers away! WOOF! Looks like DUANE CHAPMAN is taking his “Dog the Bounty Hunter” shtick to the hilt — he’s turning into one meanlooking mutt!…

He’s come out swinging against the backstabbers RIDING a historic wave of support from American voters fedup with politics as usual, Donald Trump is planning revenge on the scheming Republican bigwigs desperately trying to stop him — and against his “criminal” Democratic rival Hillary Clinton. The courageous 69-yearold billionaire has come out swinging against the GOP backstabbers, who have been secretly plotting behind the scenes to block his anointment by voters as the Republican presidential candidate after sweeping wins in the primaries. He’s vowed to take down party traitors and conspirators, including fellow campaigners Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, along with former losercandidate Mitt Romney. “It’s outrageous, but they have been secretly meeting for weeks to come up with a fool-proof plan to deny him the nomination despite his incredible…

O.J. SIMPSON prosecutor Marcia Clark is blaming sidekick Christopher Darden for the stupid courtroom stunt that let the Butcher of Brentwood get away with murder! More than 20 years after O.J. was acquitted for knifing his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman to death, Clark insists her assistant D.A. overrode her objections and had The Juice put on the bloody gloves found at the crime scene — right in front of the jury. “I did not want O.J. to try on the evidence gloves. I never did,” Clark reveals as the FX mini-series “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” shines new light on the murder trial. “That was Darden’s call. “I was miserable from the moment Chris said, ‘No, I’m doing this.’ And I never…

THE Rev. Billy Graham’s furious preacher son Franklin has called for a boycott on Girl Scouts cookies because of the group’s backing for gay and transgender kids. “I don’t know about you, but I won’t be buying any Girl Scout cookies this year,” vows Franklin. The minister tweeted for the boycott in support of St. Louis Archbishop Robert Carlson, who also slammed the famed girl’s group. “He told church members and scout leaders that Girl Scouts is wrong in their support of transgender rights and homosexuality and is not aligned with the teachings of his church,” says Franklin. The Girl Scouts cookie crisis surfaced just as comic Chris Rock used his hosting gig at the Oscars to call his two daughters and a bunch of Girl Scouts onto the stage…

A LOT can change in a year, just ask astronaut Scott Kelly! The high-flying American, who spent an incredible 340 days in orbit, has missed some truly astounding events back on Earth since his wondrous trek began on March 27, 2015. “The journey isn’t over. Follow me as I rediscover Earth!” Scott, 52, tweeted the day after his Feb. 29 landing as he started getting used to being back on firm ground. Among the amazing events the brother-in-law of former U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords missed is the remarkable rise of businessman Donald Trump as the dominant Republican presidential candidate! Before Scott’s ascent into the heavens, Scott Walker, Chris Christie and Jeb Bush were the leading contenders for the Republican nomination. Trump hadn’t even thrown his hat into the presidential ring…

QUEEN Elizabeth has been rocked by a devastating new scandal — explosive evidence proves her Uncle Albert is the savage serial killer Jack the Ripper, who was driven into a murderous frenzy by an incurable sex disease! The damning proof — in newly discovered letters written by Prince Albert — comes as a shattering double blow to Her Highness. The 89-year-old monarch has also never recovered from the realization her oldest son, Prince Charles, was behind the plot that killed his ex-wife Diana. “The Queen is heartbroken and humiliated,” says a palace insider. “Now, she’s trying to cope with the shame she has two murderers in the family. “She’s even wondering if there’s a genetic defect in her family that could cause a murderous insanity in her heirs. “Her health…