Globe Feb-29-16

CALLING A TOW Hope that schlubby and tubby JAY LENO’s dialing 911, because he’s a fashion emergency! ROLLING OUT OF BED We can’t get no satisfaction from KEITH RICHARDS’ freaky case of bedhead! KNUCKLING UNDER KATIE HOLMES’ braided hair makes her look 12 — and her bony hand makes her look 80! BRITNEY REARS Looks like the pop diva’s pants have her living on the wedge! FUR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD! It’s not Halloween yet, so why is PATTI LABELLE dressed like the bear that attacked Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant?” WHOA, THERE! Check out SHARON STONE’s scar from a childhood riding accident. Wonder if she’s a little horse?…

PARTY GIRL Paula Barbieri’s wild ways landed her smack in the middle of the O.J. Simpson murder trial after she brought him his passport and a mountain of money he intended to use to cheat justice! But these days the sizzling former starlet and lingerie model leads a much quieter life on the other side of the law — as a Florida judge’s wife. In fact, her neighbors in Panama City were stunned to learn of her role in the case after she was played by leggy beauty Angie Patterson in the FX network’s docu-drama “American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson.” “I don’t think many people in the community have any idea she was O.J.’s girlfriend, and I don’t think she would want it known,” says a neighbor.…

FED-UP Bill Clinton is hammering out a secret divorce deal that officially ends his 40-year marriage to Hillary if her presidential dream finally crashes and burns. But, apparently, the end can’t happen soon enough for the 69-year-old former President, who let the cat out of the bag during a public appearance. “I wish that we weren’t married,” Bill told a stunned crowd at a rally stop for Hillary’s push to win the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination. He quickly caught himself and immediately tried to downplay his comments by saying: “I don’t mean that in a negative way. I am happy.” But the damage was already done. “Hillary is livid,” one insider says. “He was supposed to keep his mouth shut about their marriage problems and just campaign for her to…

‘Whenever the litigants are African-American, she’s really quick-tempered and mean’ JUDGE Judy’s courtroom reality show is a shameful hoax. The show is rigged so winners AND losers get paid, TV whistleblowers reveal! A special GLOBE investigation discovered the popular daytime legal drama is guilty of tricking viewers into believing acid-tongued 73-year-old Judge Judy — a.k.a. Judy Sheindlin — is making real decisions and blasting offenders as if she were in an actual courtroom. In a REAL small claims court, the winner gets paid whatever damages are owed, and the loser MUST also fork over legal fees. But in Judge Judy’s made-for-TV court, EVERYONE cashes in — as a shocking letter from producers reveals. In a pitch to get guests, the letter guarantees the show will pay any judgments that might…

HE MAY have won the battle for the Throne, but Prince William has lost the battle for the crown — his own! Now, dying Queen Elizabeth, 89, has ordered Britain’s next King to get hair transplants — at a whopping $30,000 cost — so he can have “a regal mane” and step out of his beautiful wife Kate’s shadow. “Her Majesty is well aware Kate has become the new Princess Diana, whose popularity eclipsed her husband Prince Charles,” says a palace insider. “She remembers Charles was driven to distraction by Diana’s fanatical following, and how it led to intense jealousy, affairs and, finally, divorce. “She wants to make sure that doesn’t happen to William and Kate! “Sadly, William often looks uninteresting compared to his wife — and much older than…

DESPERATE and terrified Princess Diana fled to America — with her young sons in tow — and took refuge with Hollywood A-Listers Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn as her marriage to Charles exploded! Now, more than 20 years after the bust-up that shocked the world, Russell is spilling the beans on the princess 10-days retreat to his remote Colorado ranch! While promoting his new movie “The Hateful Eight”, 64-year-old Russell revealed he first met Di in 1991 at the “Backdraft” premiere — when the Royal Couple was being torn apart by Charles’ affair with Camilla. “I met her with Prince Charles when they were doing a royal thing,” Kurt recalls. “I was in between the two, kind of interesting at the time! They weren’t getting along great.” Kurt says the…