LAIRD MK8 FIESTAS Nominative determinism is an interesting idea. It’s a very real thing, positing that certain people’s futures tend to be mapped out by the name that they’re born with. For instance, the poet William Wordsworth, the racing driver Scott Speed, the meteorologist Amy Freeze, the urologist Dr Dick Chopp (who specialises in vasectomies, and really does exist), the tennis player Anna Smashnova – it can’t be a coincidence that these people have pursued careers which fit their names.
It follows, logically, that while people’s future paths can be shaped by name, there may exist for creatures and objects a sort of ‘colouration determinism’; that destiny can be informed and coerced by hue and saturation. Peacocks, for example, strut about like they own the place because they’ve evolved feathers…
