Globe Feb-01-16

TUMMY TROUBLE We know JENNIFER GARNER’s split from hubby BEN AFFLECK took its toll on her — but don’t the worry wrinkles usually go on the forehead? Ewwww! OVER THE HUMP Suave crooner ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK, is a lo-o-o-ng way from his hottie heyday! He’s 79 and unrecognizable! WING-WOMAN Seems like CALISTA FLOCKHART’s last name isn’t the only thing for the birds, judging by that turkey neck! BACK TO HER ROOTS So much for fame! “Pitch Perfect” star REBEL WILSON’s schlubby outfit is completely off-key! RED ALERT Wow! We can see MARION ROSS’ face is having some “Happy Days,” but her throat sure didn’t get the memo! HOFF-KILTER There’s mugging for the camera, DAVID HASSELHOFF, then there’s THIS crazy look. What gives?…

MADONNA is living in absolute fear after her ex-hubby Sean Penn got them both marked for death — because the actor is being blamed for the capture of Mexico’s demonic drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán! Mexican authorities revealed Guzmán’s jungle meeting with the macho actor — who was playing reporter to interview the cocaine kingpin — was “essential” to the Jan. 8 arrest of the fugitive. Guzman escaped Mexico’s toughest maximum security prison via a sophisticated mile-long tunnel engineered by his gang. Now, former U.S. Customs Service agent John a. Carman tells GLOBE the murderous monster’s henchmen — notorious for chopping off rivals’ heads and sewing their faces on soccer balls — will surely seek bloody revenge against the “dead Man Walking” star and Madonna, believing she was also…

LEGENDARY R&B singer Patti LaBelle has a “New Attitude” thanks to her new, MUCH YOUNGER boyfriend — and it’s tearing her family apart! The 71-year-old “Lady Marmalade” singer has been secretly dating drummer Eric Seats, 41, for a year and a half, sending her son, Zuri Edwards — who’s a year older than Eric — through the roof! “He’s furious she’s fallen for Eric,” reveals an insider. “She’s spending all her time with him, not caring about the huge age difference or what people are whispering behind her back.” Zuri thinks Patti should be acting more matronly after becoming a grandmother for the first time last year. “But Patti isn’t listening!” dishes the source. “She doesn’t want her hot romance to rip the family apart, but if they don’t like…

BRASH “Rhoda” star Valerie Harper is dying and she has precious little time remaining! The actress, 76, appears thin and fragile, wearing no makeup in a world exclusive GLOBE photo! Making an appearance at a Los Angeles autograph convention on Jan. 10, the sitcom legend sported a green knit cap to hide her hair loss. “Valerie looked like she was dying,” a shocked eyewitness tells GLOBE. “She was frail and gaunt — a far cry from the vivacious woman she was just months ago.” The actress has been living on borrowed time since 2013 when she received her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. For more than three years now, she’s been defying doctors’ dire predictions that she would be dead within three months. She even competed on “Dancing With the…

MOVIE bad guy Alan Rickman made one agonizing mistake in his life — and revealed it on his deathbed! Alan, who portrayed the fiendish Hans Gruber in the 1988 thriller “Die Hard,” had a final regret before dying — waiting 40 years to marry his true love! “Alan went to his grave regretting that he didn’t tie the knot sooner with his wife, Rima Horton, his partner since he was just 19 years old,” a friend tells GLOBE. The “Harry Potter” actor died Jan. 14 from cancer at the age of 69. While waging his health battle, Alan finally wed Rima in a private New York ceremony, sealing the deal with a $200 wedding band. “He was so headstrong about putting his showbiz career first for so long that he…

KISS-UP Camilla’s latest scheme to get back into Queen Elizabeth’s good graces turned into a disaster when she urged Her Majesty to get Botox — and the treatments froze the monarch’s face! Now, the 89-year-old ruler’s face is wrinklefree, but practically paralyzed. Elizabeth is having a hard time eating, talking and smiling — and she’s livid with Camilla. “It’s an understatement to say the Queen is not amused,” says a royal insider. “Now on top of all her other ailments, she’s in torment from an immobile face. “All the servants feel bad for her. But at the same, they’re thrilled that the Queen is furious with Camilla. “They hate the backstabber so much. She’s rude, arrogant and a lush. Now that she’s in hot water with the Queen, palace servants…