Globe September 18, 2017

FOOLISH FOX host Jesse Watters is all wet, having spread fake news about a shark swimming through the flooded roadways of Houston in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey! Now media insiders say the bone headed blunder could cost the clueless talking head his job! “I’ve seen some amazing things out there, just watching television,” witless Watters, co-host of The Five, babbled while covering the disaster. “Alligators on people’s backdoor steps. I saw a shark on a highway swimming in the water.” But the newsy numbskull had been taken in by an internet hoax! The fishy photo of the deadly predator, which was making the rounds on social media, was the product of a prankster. “We all see crazy things on social media, but as a professional journalist, Watters has a…

DESPERATE to boost her fading looks now that she’s manless after booting hubby Brad Pitt, aging Angelina Jolie is pumping her puss full of Botox at a whopping $1,500 a pop! “Angelina is freaking out because Brad cleaned up his act after their split and is looking better than ever,” says an insider. “His revenge body is downright hot! “Meanwhile, she’s looking scarecrow skinny — like she’s suffering from acute malnutrition. Her looks appear to be fading fast. “She’s getting desperate.” Adds another source: “She wants to dazzle everyone, so the idea of making appearances with obvious wrinkles is too hideous to contemplate.” After studying recent pictures of the bony, 42-yearold beauty, Boston cosmetic surgeon Dr. Dave David tells GLOBE the Tomb Raider star is likely getting regular shots of…

SORE loser Hillary Clinton is proving to be as big a liar as she is a crook, hurling tall tales and blame for her disastrous 2016 presidential bid in a crybaby tell-all book she was paid a whopping $25 million to pen. The shameful memoir of falsehoods — where she blames everyone but herself for her crushing defeat — is titled What Happened and is due to hit bookshelves this week. But GLOBE’s sources — who got a sneak peek at the fib-filled tome — say Clinton outrageously calls President Donald Trump a “creep” because he outwitted her in the second debate. Hillary whines Trump had unnerved her because he was “looming behind me ... followed me closely, staring at me, making faces,” adding that two days before, he was…

›› If you can’t convince them, confuse them. — Harry S. Truman DYING Queen Elizabeth survived a brazen assassination attempt at Buckingham Palace when guards captured a sword-swinging killer determined to end her historic reign BEFORE she abdicates at year’s end! Amazingly, the queen, 91 — Britain’s longest-ruling monarch — shrugged off the threat, though palace sources indicate the determined 26-year-old would-be murderer was “very close to carrying out his mission.” He was taken down after slashing two lawmen with his blade. Now sources in Britain’s intelligence services fear the failed assassin was dispatched by powerful forces who want to put Elizabeth’s son, Charles, on the throne sooner rather than later. As GLOBE recently reported, the monarch just named her oldest child king — after promising the crown to her grandson…

THE LEGENDS YOU LOVE EVERY WEEK! SOUL icon Aretha Franklin has gained a lot of R-E-S-P-E-C-T — and years to her life — by dropping a killer 120 pounds, says a medical expert. The 75-year-old songbird, who at 5-foot-5 appeared to be on her last legs after ballooning to a scale-shattering 285 pounds last summer, now seems to have won her battle with the bulge. “It’s absolutely shocking!” marvels New York internist Dr. Stuart Fischer. “Her weight loss is enormous. “I believe she lost more than 100 pounds — probably closer to 120, which is phenomenal. “But the truth is this kind of weight loss was critical for her to save her life!” The author of The Park Avenue Diet, who has not treated the singer, says her lower weight…

CHANNING’S DUMB MOVE! Screen heartthrob CHANNING TATUM reveals he almost blew it with nowwife JENNA DEWAN. Afraid she suspected he was about to pop the question, he admits he decided to “throw her off” by ranting, “I never wanted to get married.” He was so convincing that the beauty “broke down crying.” Realizing “this is not going well … I had to propose to her sooner rather than later!” SHANIA RIPS BRAD’S BITS! Country songbird SHANIA TWAIN reveals she put down movie hunk BRAD PITT in her 1997 tune That Don’t Impress Me Much after seeing nude shots of him in Playgirl magazine. The singer says she and a gal pal were baking Christmas cookies and talking about “all the rage” the pics were causing. “I’m like, ‘Well, that don’t…