Table of contents for August 7, 2023 in Globe

WHALE HO! Blubbery Oscar winner BRENDAN FRASER is in danger of losing his trunks — despite his protruding potbelly TWIST & SNOUT Pink-haired FLORENCE PUGH scratches her sniffer as the picky starlet walks the red carpet in her native England TALKING TURKEY FRAN DRESCHER sticks her neck out as president of the Screen Actors Guild — but The Nanny’s weird wattle is for the birds! OUTTA GAS JAY LENO — late-night legend and longtime car geek — looks like he’s running on empty in Burbank FORE-GET ABOUT IT Mafia Mamma’s TONI COLLETTE bares her bikini bod in Italy — but the 50-year-old’s wrinkled forehead keeps the cougar from being the cat’s meow ON BORED Hollywood hunk BRAD PITT catches a tennis match in London — but no amount of racket…

GRANNY GABBY HAS A THING FOR THONGS No ifs, ands but lotsa butt for gabby GABRIELLE UNION, 50, who’ll continue plugging shots of her assets ’til the sun don’t shine! “Somebody said, ‘You’re old enough to be somebody’s grandma, why are you still like, wearing swimsuits?’ ” shares the stunning Bring It On spitfire. “I’m like, ‘First of all, they’re not just swimsuits. They are thongs. And you’re gonna see these cheeks until my ass literally falls off, and I might just wear a bikini in the casket. It’s just gonna be like, me in a thong, like, ass-up in the casket.” Talk about making a lasting impression! LALA RUMP ROASTED FOR CHEEKY DISPLAY Speaking of thongs gone wrong… Vanderpump Rules spitfire LALA KENT sure got rump roasted after posting a…

TOUGH cookie Stana Katic fought crime as TV cop Kate Beckett on ABC’s Castle and FBI Agent Emily Byrne on Amazon’s Absentia. She’s also drawn a new career path voicing superheroine Wonder Woman in animated films for DC Comics’ Tomorrowverse franchise—including the new release Justice League: Warworld. Here are ten things you don’t know about the 45-year-old actress. 1 She was born in Ontario to Serbian parents, who originally hailed from the Dalmatia region of Croatia, and says, “I call us Dalmatian.” 2 She’s been a fan of Star Trek since childhood. 3 She has dual citizenship in Canada and the United States. 4 She’s a certified yoga instructor — but says, “I’m not going to teach in public, but I do teach dear family and friends occasionally.” 5 She…

SOURPUSS convenience store clerk Miles Taz Jenkins lost his temper with a customer at a St. Petersburg 7-Eleven, hurled a giant cup of lemonade at a female’s head — and got hauled off to the cooler for his troubles! A Florida police report says bitter Jenkins, 35, “got frustrated” over a payment transaction and threw one of the chain’s oversized Big Gulp beverages at Tina Warren. According to a Pinellas County arrest report, the pithy perpetrator’s attack was witnessed by three other patrons and Jenkins “made spontaneous statements admitting to striking” the gal with the drink. The coldhearted hothead, who gave his address as a Clearwater motel, was charged with battery and booked into jail. The incident isn’t the first time cops have put the squeeze on Jenkins, who previously served…

MORE than 30 years after Congress ordered the release of all records linked to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, current commander-in-chief Joe Biden is continuing to cover up the gruesome murder by refusing to release key secret records shedding light on the bloody demise of America’s 35th leader! Biden’s latest executive action has brought the long effort by the National Archives to identify and publicly release all JFK assassination records to a screeching halt, continuing the Deep State conspiracy that killed the president and hid the involvement of his vice president, Lyndon Baines Johnson, as well as CIA and FBI officials, critics charge. Sources insists hundreds — if not thousands — of these damning documents remain unreleased or partially blacked out by vast swaths of redaction burying the…

FLORIDA snake wrangler Jake Waleri made hiss-tory by bagging a 19-foot Burmese python — the longest invasive snake ever caught in the Sunshine State! Waleri, 22, snagged the renegade reptile — which was as long as an adult giraffe is tall — in Big Cypress National Preserve near his hometown of Naples and admits capturing the 125-pound menace was “insane” and “very chaotic!” He recalls, “At first I just held on to the tail for dear life. And then one of my friends took a net and tried to pin its head down, and we quickly realized that was not a winning strategy. “It’s the only snake that’s scared me so much that I didn’t know what to do.” The brave hunter ultimately won the battle, then he and buddy…

1. Which ’70s-era TV cop starred in a 1983 small-screen remake of Casablanca? 2. What NYC school was the setting of the ’80s sitcom Head of the Class? 3. The characters Blair, Jo, Natalie, Tootie and Mrs. Garrett were featured in what ’80s sitcom? A: 1. David Soul; 2. Millard Fillmore High School; 3. The Facts of Life “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”—J.R.R. Tolkien…

WILL FERRELL wears his shellacked hair just so to play a 1970s news telecaster in the 2004 satire Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. One scene that helped turn this silly movie into what many now consider a comedy classic shows Will tossing a burrito out his car window — straight into the face of an angry motorcyclist, played by JACK BLACK, who takes revenge by booting Burgundy’s beloved pooch off a bridge. But during one take, the sandwich wrap took an unplanned detour and burrito-bombed a sputtering pedestrian!…

GILGO Beach Serial Killer suspect Rex Heuermann is a twisted sadist, hooked on child and torture porn, who preyed on prostitutes the same age as his daughter and got more sick kicks by taunting heartbroken members of victims’ families, law enforcement sources say. Now an extensive GLOBE investigation takes you inside the fiendish mind of the 59-year-old architect and married dad of two who is charged with murdering Melissa Barthelemy, 24, Megan Waterman, 22, and Amber Costello, 27, and is the “prime suspect” in the death of Maureen Brainard-Barnes, 25, whose bodies were dumped on New York’s Long Island. In all, Heuermann is being probed for at least 11 slayings over a 15-year span while he hid in plain sight, conducting his design business as usual while prowling for fresh…

Talk about humiliating! Cake on the Beach teen idol JOE JONAS reveals he pooped his pants onstage — while wearing a skintight white suit! “I was able to work through it with a lot of therapy,” says the 33-year-old heartthrob, married to Game of Thrones star SOPHIE TURNER, 27. The Jonas Brothers pop star — whose exes include TAYLOR SWIFT, DEMI LOVATO, ASHLEY GREENE and GIGI HADID — claims he’s become “part of some secret club” of performers who’ve done the dirty deed. Joe’s crappy mishap happened about four years ago and he needed to rush backstage for a “mid-wardrobe sh*t change during the set!” He sheepishly confesses, “It might’ve been a little toot, might’ve been something else, something a little extra. Let’s just say it was a bad day…

AN explosive newly released coroner’s report reveals tragic rich girl Lisa Marie Presley died from bowel obstruction and with drugs in her system — just like her dad, Elvis, who passed away from a massively impacted colon while sitting on the toilet! The 54-year-old mom of four dropped dead Jan. 12 and the similarities between her death, her father’s 1977 passing and 27-year-old son Ben’s July 2020 suicide are shockingly eerie. “Lisa Marie collapsed in her bathroom, just like Elvis — and Ben shot himself in a bathroom, too,” notes a source. What’s more, Lisa Marie had bariatric surgery — limiting the quantity of food the intestines can hold — years ago, which left tissue damage. That caused the small bowel obstruction. Her condition, sequelae of small bowel obstruction, resulted…

FIRST LADY Jill Biden is breathing a sigh of relief because she didn’t have to meet Queen Camilla during hubby Joe’s recent trip to Europe because the top gals secretly despise each other, according to insiders who tattle a fart is behind the big stink! The first lady got a break when she didn’t accompany Joe to England for his first formal visit with the newly crowned King Charles to talk about climate-saving practices and initiatives at Windsor Castle some weeks back. “Jill was spared an unpleasant run-in with Camilla,” an insider says. And that’s fine with both iron-willed gals, say sources, who snitch that behind closed doors, Jill, 72, thinks Camilla, 76, is an “old cow” while the queen thinks the president’s wife is “snippy and unremarkable.” Incredibly, the…

Killer mites found in U.S. ✚ A DEADLY disease transmitted by mite bites, which kills up to 70 percent of those infected, was detected in the U.S. for the first time! The bacteria responsible for scrub typhus was discovered in mites living in half of the national parks in North Carolina surveyed by CDC researchers. The condition can cause rashes, scab-like skin wounds and impair the heart and lungs. The disturbing development comes as bug-borne pathogens — including malaria and Lyme disease — are on the rise in America. Wine makes gals horny! ✚ MODERATE consumption of red wine may help boozers unbottle their sexual potential! A study from scientists at Italy’s University of Catania found guys who drank one or two glasses daily have a lower risk of erectile…

ROBERT De Niro’s newest baby mama, Tiffany Chen, had a terrifying experience after recently giving birth to the Oddfather’s daughter Gia, his seventh child — her face froze and “I started to slur!” The 79-year-old acting icon’s 45-year-old galpal says she “lost all facial function” — including having difficulty speaking and keeping food in her mouth — and was diagnosed with postpartum Bell’s palsy! “My tongue felt strange, it felt a little tingly, it was starting to get a little bit numb,” says the martial arts instructor. “I realized, like, my face just felt weird. I didn’t know what the feeling was that I was having. It felt weird!” Bell’s palsy — whose symptoms can mirror those of a stroke — may result in permanent paralysis if left untreated, according…

BODY beautifuls Sofía Vergara and Joe Man-ganiello have split after seven years of marriage, no kids together and a beloved shared pooch named Bubbles! The 51-year-old Colombian sexpot, mom of son Manolo, 31, from her first marriage, and the 46-year-old Magic Mike hunk, who was not married before, tied the knot in 2015, but have recently “been spending time apart and focusing on themselves, their careers, and their loved ones,” an insider dishes. “Sofía has been giving her all to her new beauty brand and is very involved and excited about it. She hosted an event to celebrate the launch toward the end of June at her home in Los Angeles, and Joe was not there. “She did still have a framed photo of the two of them kissing set…

SPERM whales are the loudest creatures on the planet, issuing ear-shattering clicks and calls that measure 230 decibels! By comparison, America’s Saturn rockets max out at about 195 decibels! ABOUT half the zippers used in U.S. garments are marked YKK, which stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha, a 90-year-old Japanese company which dominates the fashion industry by making cheap but durable polyester and brass closers as well as zipper machines. UGH! Your heels are disgusting! They harbor more than 80 types of funky fungus — the most of any place on your body. Toenails are foul, too, hiding 60 different kinds of spores. SCIENTISTS say drinking beer is the biological equivalent of hanging out a welcome sign for bloodthirsty mosquitoes — but they don’t know why. Experts speculate the alcohol raises…

HOT-TO-TROT Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are spicing up their sex life by building a private playpen for sizzling romps out of the sight of their kids in their new L.A. mansion, spies squeal. The 50-year-old Batman beefcake and his 54-year-old Latina bride plunked down $60 million on a massive Beverly Hills mansion — with 12 bedrooms and two dozen bathrooms — in May and wasted no time adding a secret sex den that’s off-limits to their blended family, according to sources. Affleck shares Violet, 17, Seraphina, 14, and Samuel, 11, with his ex, Jennifer Garner, while Lopez is mom to 14-year-old twins Max and Emme by her ex Marc Anthony — “and with all these kids at the house, that can definitely get in the way of their adult…

It was a secret shotgun wedding for LIEV SCHREIBER, 55, and very pregnant TAYLOR NEISEN, 31, who tied the knot in the backyard of his Montauk, N.Y., home — just weeks after his ex-love NAOMI WATTS got hitched. It’s a boy for ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL, who became a first-time daddy at 55! The Breakfast Club nerd and wife LUCIA, 32, welcomed MICHAEL ANTHONY HALL II, same moniker his proud pop used before he had to switch his name order in 1976 due to another Screen Actors Guild member with the same handle. “I knew I did want to name him Michael and my wife also loved that name, even before she met me,” spills the actor. Olympic champ gymnast SHAWN JOHNSON and NFL pro husband ANDREW EAST, both 31, are making…

ANOTHER pillar of the Colombo crime family in New York crumbled when the syndicate’s “boss to be” pleaded guilty to trying to shake down a labor union! Theodore “Skinny Teddy” Persico Jr., the nephew of late crime boss Carmine “The Snake” Persico, was widely expected to take the reins of the vicious crew, whose leadership fell apart when the labor union extortion plot led the feds to bust them all in 2021. Now that Skinny Teddy, 59, copped a plea to racketeering in Brooklyn federal court, he faces what will likely be a six-year federal prison sentence. The once mighty Colombo crime clan has already lost boss Andrew “Mush” Russo, underboss Benjamin “Benji” Castellazzo, consigliere Ralph DiMatteo and capos Richard Ferrara and Vincent Ricciardo to the arms of the law. Skinny…

POLITICS is full of blowhards and windbags — and a recent fancy-schmancy dinner for Democratic presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was proof of the pudding when a spat between two guests was settled by a loud, trouser-tearing fanny gas explosion! According to a source, a political discussion over climate change between former gossip columnist Doug Dechert and British art critic Anthony Haden-Guest turned into a “foul bout” at the July 11 gathering. The war of words began when a furious, “apparently drunk” Dechert suddenly screamed “hoax” referring to climate change, says the source. Haden-Guest, 86, “who appeared to have been sleeping happily for most of the dinner,” says the source, suddenly woke and blasted Dechert as “f**king insane” and “insignificant” and told him to “shut up!” At this point,…

WHEN money talks, truth walks appears be the motto of a slew of teetotaler celebs who don’t drink but line their pockets making and plugging booze! The clean-living A-listers — who apparently have no qualms about urging fans to tipple — include Blake Lively, Jennifer Lopez, Cara Delevingne and Drew Barrymore. Blake is especially getting backlash after launching her Betty Booze cocktail line following her previous Betty Buzz, nonalcoholic mixers that can be downed without booze — or by adding it. Blake went down the hatch after hubby Ryan Reynolds struck gold by selling his Aviation Gin brand for $160 million in 2020. When Lively launched Betty Booze, she admitted “drinking isn’t my thing,” but said she wanted to serve something with flavor and hers had “homemade recipes. Real fruit.…

THE music has died for songbird Ariana Grande and hubby Dalton Gomez — the couple is divorcing after only two years of marriage! Songbird and heartbreaker Ariana, 30, has been spotted out and about with a naked ring finger as sources squeal she and Dalton, 28, quietly separated in January! “They came to the decision together,” spills an insider. “They were having problems before January, but they want to remain best friends.” The Voice coach and the luxury real estate agent tied the knot in a private ceremony at the Thank U, Next singer’s home in Montecito, Calif., in May 2021. Sources say the young couple has tried everything to make their puppy love last. Gomez even flew to London, where Ari was filming Wicked, to make a last-ditch effort…