Table of contents for March 27, 2017 in Globe

Modern Family dad eating himself into the grave – Doc warns BRASSY Modern Family star Ed O’Neill has been packing on pounds and raising fears for his health — and his life! A leading diet doctor estimates O’Neill’s weight is approaching 300 pounds and warns the beloved actor, 70, might face an early final curtain if he doesn’t lose his layers of belly fat! “He must be at least 280 pounds, judging by the rolls of fat around his midsection,” observes diet and nutrition expert Dr. Stuart Fischer, who has not treated O’Neill. “His lower belly is lined with severe, visceral fat which, for someone of that age, guarantees there is fat inside his abdomen — which is unbelievably deadly,” says Dr. Fischer, who adds that Ed’s extra poundage is…

HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC! REBELLIOUS Prince Harry took beauty Meghan Markle as his date to a pal’s romantic wedding — effectively thumbing his nose at his father who ordered the royal redhead to dump the biracial American TV siren. Obviously smitten, Harry and Meghan, who stars on Suits, held hands in public — for the first time — and got all touchy-feely as Tom “Skippy” Inskip tied the knot in sunny Jamaica. “Harry was telling his father, Charles, to stay out of his life,” a palace insider says. “Harry loathes Charles and blames him for murdering his mother, Diana, in Paris. Harry doesn’t care what Charles thinks!” Meghan, 35, hooked up with Harry after flying into Montego Bay from Toronto for some heavy partying. Harry, 32, was helping his “wingman”…

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+ SOME surgeons are refusing to operate on cigarette puffers unless they kick the habit — because they want to avoid post-op complications, like infections! Smoking reduces blood flow, which interferes with healing — and doctors say kicking the habit is crucial to good health. Many patients “don’t take it well at first,” admits cigarette-banning orthopedic surgeon Dr. Bryan Edward. Adds spinal specialist Dr. Leo Spector: “A year from now, I’ll probably be at a point where I would require all my patients to stop smoking.”…

KOOKY Star Wars princess Carrie Fisher was such a druggie, she kept cocaine in a bowl at her house — and visiting actress Shirley MacLaine accidentally used the white powder to sweeten her coffee! “I didn’t even know what it was,” says Shirley, adding another visitor stopped her from drinking the dangerously spiked java. But that was just another day in the late Princess Leia’s bizarre house of horrors. Carrie’s hippy home in the Coldwater Canyon area of Beverly Hills remains untouched since her sudden death by a heart attack at age 60 on Dec. 27. A piano sits in one bathroom — because she claimed the toilet gave the instrument better acoustics. The living room boasts a mishmash of furniture styles and a stained-glass window. Her bedroom features a…

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY ARIES March 21 - April 20 Make decisions with your heart, not your head, while Jupiter and Pluto clash! And if you feel good about your next move, go for it! Put on a friendly face when talking with strangers. It could lead to love or a new business opportunity! A relative’s problems aren’t yours to worry about Saturday! TAURUS April 21 - May 21 The Pisces new moon on Monday helps you heal a rift with a loved one. An apology for your cross words is a must! Midweek brings a chance to learn something new, and signing up for a class leads some Bulls straight to romance! Indulge a desire this weekend if it fifits into the budget! GEMINI May 22 - June 21 Trust yourself…

GOOFY comic Pete Davidson has made a shocking confession — he’s only 23, but he’s been a heavy-duty boozer and junkie for eight years. The SNL star deleted all the past photos he’d posted on Instagram and admitted he’d taken a break from work and social media to get clean and sober for the first time since he was 15. “Just wanted to let you guys know I’m okay,” he pens. “I know I’ve kinda been missing on social media and on the show. “I quit drugs and am happy and sober for the first time in eight years.”…

She knows what happened to dead daughter Caylee – Shrinks MONSTER MOM Casey Anthony hoodwinked a Florida jury into believing she didn’t murder her innocent daughter Caylee — now she’s trying to fool America again with claims she doesn’t know what really happened to the toddler, top experts say. Anthony, who now works for a Florida detective connected to the O.J. Simpson murders, recently broke her silence in a chilling interview about the nine-year-old crime. Although she was convicted on four counts of lying to police about turning Caylee over to a babysitter, Anthony DID beat the murder rap after her two-year-old daughter disappeared under very bizarre circumstances. Now she’s claiming, “The last time I saw my daughter I believed she was alive and was going to be OK and…

WOMEN SEEKING MEN USA 016-155 SBF wants a blonde haired Whi te gentleman who’s willing to set tle down and start a family. No inmates or criminals. Serious replies only. NC. 016-159 DWF seeking countryman, 68 and up. Sense of humor, nonmaterialistic. Love cooking, honest, heart of love to give. From India or Native American Indian a plus. Photo. USA 016-160 Small, White, pretty, middle aged lady. Likes home life, cooking, sewing. Looking for older man that’s down-to-earth, affectionate for long term relationship. I can relocate. All answered with phone number. PHILIPPINES 016-161 Hi. My name is Maricar, from the orient, 5’2”, slim, dark hair, brown smiling eyes, brown complexion. Fun loving, likes cooking, outdoor life. Desires LTR wi th non-dr inker, nonsmoker Christian. NY. 016-162 WF. Tall/short, bald/fuzzy, rich/poor,…

KNEE JERKS DAYS FAVE AROUND! ALISON Sweeney (ex-Sami, Days of Our Lives) began 2017 with real-life drama of her own — recovering from torn ligaments in her knee while starring in her new Hallmark movie, Murder, She Baked: Just Desserts, which airs March 26. “Having to focus on my health was really frustrating at the same time as trying to do this movie,” she admits. The actress, who’s also an executive producer on the film, was forced to slow down behind the scenes. “I kind of wear a bunch of different hats on these projects,” she explains. “People tease me that I find myself helping out in the prop department or doing wardrobe, so that was curtailed.” During her recovery, Sweeney tuned in to her old soap. “It was sort of…

AFTER losing custody of her kids and blowing a chunk of the $1 billion fortune her dad Elvis left her, desperate pill-popping Lisa Marie Presley has crawled back to Scientology, where’s she’s being brainwashed and kept like a prisoner, sources say. “She realized it was the only way to turn her life around,” says a source. “Things had gotten so toxic and out of control, it was the only answer in terms of a solution to all her problems.” But as former member and King of Queens star Leah Remini has revealed on her explosive A&E series, Scientology and the Aftermath, the space-alien cult uses bullying and subversive tactics to keep control of members. A second source says cult bigwigs have taken advantage of messed-up Lisa Marie’s “vulnerable” state and…

WHEN Queen Elizabeth gets fed up with a tiresome windbag at a dinner party or public function, she doesn’t tell them: “You, sir, are insufferable. Bug off!” She’s too well-mannered for that! Instead, Her Highness uses sneaky signals to alert aides to rescue her from the bore. Using one of her 200 custom handbags from designer Sam Launer, she’ll shift the purse from one arm to the other and her aides dash over. “It would be very worrying if you were talking to the queen and saw the handbag move from one hand to the other,” notes royal historian Hugo Vickers. “Someone would come along and say, ‘Sir, the Archbishop of Canterbury would very much like to meet you.’ “Luckily, they’d let you down easy. It’s all very polite.” If…

LAID-BACK singer Jimmy Buffett is building retirement communities in Florida for “those looking to live the Margaritaville lifestyle as they grow older, but not up,” says John Cohlan, chief executive offificer of Margaritaville Latitude Margaritaville — named after Jimmy’s best-known tune — aims to create homes for Jimmy’s self-dubbed Parrothead fans, ages “55 and better,” and will be inspired by his escapist island music. “It’s going to be a very fun place,” says Bill Bullock of Minto Communities, Jimmy’s partners in the project, which has already received 10,000 applications.…

SLEEPLESS in Seattle beauty MEG RYAN and Indiana singer JOHN MELLENCAMP split more than two years ago, but he confesses it still hurts so bad as far as she’s concerned. “I loved Meg Ryan,” he says. “She hates me to death. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.” But as John admitted to radio shock jock HOWARD STERN, “I can’t blame her” because he’s a louse when it comes to gals. “Women hate me,” John reveals. “I think it’s because I’m a child. I throw fifits, I gripe, I complain. I’m moody. Every bad thing that a fella can be, that’s me.” In addition to Meg, the Wild Night singer’s galpals include supermodel CHRISTIE BRINKLEY and ex-wives PRISCILLA MELLENCAMP, VICTORIA GRANUCCI and ELAINE IRWIN. “I was married to Elaine…

THERE’S a whole lotta shakin’ going on at rock legend Jerry Lee Lewis’ place. He’s accusing daughter Phoebe Loftin in court of swiping $5 million by keeping him under a “heavy cocktail of psychotropic drugs!” The 81-year-old Great Balls of Fire singer claims Phoebe, who used to manage his career, made him live in a house so infected with mold, he had to wear an oxygen mask — and turned him into her cash cow by forcing him to work on long, gruelling tours. In a shocking lawsuit, Lewis is demanding Phoebe, 53, and her hubby Ezekiel return $5 million of HIS dough. He claims they blew the wad on exotic cars, real estate and plastic surgery. Meanwhile, as GLOBE reported, Ezekiel charged on a Facebook page the piano man…

CHRISTINE BARANSKI AFTER seven seasons playing hard-nosed attorney Diane Lockhart on the CBS political drama The Good Wife, Christine Baranski, 64, is taking her character to the next level in the hit show’s spin-off, The Good Fight, on CBS All Access. Christine’s lengthy career has ranged from television and film to theater. Here are 10 things you didn’t know about Christine. 1 She was born in Buffalo, N.Y., in 1952 and studied drama at Juilliard, where she was given a $1,000 stipend for living expenses — which she spent on a two-month trip to Europe! 2 Christine was married to All My Children soap star Matthew Cowles from 1983 until his death from congestive heart failure in 2014. 3 Before becoming a household name in 1995 with her role on…

CREEP'S A FOUL BALL! A SHAMELESS former radio host launched a charity drive for a dying woman — and then skimmed thousands of dollars and donated them to himself! Grabby gabman Joseph “J.G.” Spooner, an announcer for Cleveland’s 92.3 The Fan and a sports host, set up an online GoFundMe account for Allyson Thadeus-Zappe, a childhood pal whose cystic fifibrosis was slowly killing her. After using his celebrity to generate donations, Spooner, 36, changed the password account and siphoned off more than $7,700 in donations, putting it into his personal account! When Allyson and other family members demanded to know where the money went, he concocted a whopping lie — that GoFundMe had swiped the loot. He even fifired off emails threatening to sue the company! But the bunco artist’s…

CAREER-CURSED Katherine Heigl’s new TV series, Doubt, was canceled after only two episodes — and friends worry recent work woes could put her marriage on the chopping block! Katherine, who married musician Josh Kelley in 2007, “was banking on bouncing back big with Doubt,” says a source. And so was her hubby! “Josh was thrilled to play house husband and have Katherine working long hours again. Their marriage has always thrived when Katherine is busy and Josh is holding down the fort.” But Katherine, who gave birth to the couple’s third child, Josh Jr., just before Doubt aired in February, hasn’t had the career she envisioned. The beautiful blonde shot to fame starring as Dr. Izzie Stevens on Grey’s Anatomy. But she bolted after making outrageous money demands and butting…

A SCIENTIST responsible for creating Viagra has unveiled his latest creation — a spray that helps men suffering from premature ejaculation! Professor Mike Wyllie claims Fortacin helps men last up to 10 times longer, and could assist 90 percent of those suffering from the condition. He claims his spray “gives users more control without reducing pleasure.” At some point during their sex lives, premature ejaculation has affected up to 40 percent of all men. And for guys between the ages of 18 and 60, it’s more common than erectile dysfunction. Thanks to Fortacin, users are enjoying sex about five times longer than usual, boasts Wyllie. “A big part of this is because a man’s confidence increased and the whole experience became less stressful,” he explains. The spray takes about five…

FLIP or Flop is undergoing some major renovations — and insiders say the move may mean Tarek and Christina El Moussa have seen their last season on HGTV! The network is expanding the successful real estate reality show beyond Southern California, bringing it to five new cities — and none of the spin-offs will include the recently separated El Moussas, who have frequently bickered on their series. “Christina and Tarek have managed to work together despite their split and Tarek filing for divorce, but the network doesn’t want to take any chances,” spills a mole. “Everyone knows it could all go downhill fast, and no one wants their personal problems taking down what’s been a moneymaker for HGTV.” “The concept is what draws the audience — not the hosts,” adds…

A HEARTBROKEN couple is putting their wedding on hold — until their beloved runaway pup can attend their ceremony! Snaggletoothed cutie Theo was at James Galley’s side when he proposed to Trendee King, 34. And after Trendee said yes, the furry Brussels Griffon licked “the happy tears off both our faces,” says James. But while Trendee was off in L.A. choosing a bridal gown and James, 37, was away on business, the unthinkable happened! Theo sprinted away from his dog sitter as she answered the door — and bolted into traffic! The adorable mutt has been missing ever since. James and Trendee, who have been together for more than two years, have scoured their San Jose, Calif., neighborhood but have found no sign of their pooch. The couple is so…

A WOMAN who says music man Kenny Rogers once sexually assaulted her 25 years ago — and tried to manipulate her into kinky phone sex — is still haunted by her encounters with the notorious womanizer. Lisa Applewhite, who now goes by Kimbell, blames Rogers for destroying her and her dreams. “He ruined my life,” she insists. “He’s filthy scum.” Lisa visited Rogers at his New York hotel when she was 26 years old, and says she thought she was going to a movie audition. But randy Rogers had other things on his mind! “He grabbed me and tried to kiss me,” claims Kimbell. She refused his advances and says Rogers threatened to use his power to kill her career — and left her fearing for her very life! Even…

TODAY show co-host Matt Lauer has snatched up a large lot in New Zealand, becoming the latest rich American to go Down Under — a trend real estate agents claim is a reaction to fears of a global meltdown! Matt, 59, forked over nearly $13 million for 16,000 acres of lakefront land in the remote island nation. Though Matt hasn’t revealed the thinking that inspired his purchase, a source reveals wealthy Americans regard New Zealand as “a favored refuge in the event of a cataclysm.” Translation: It’s a great place to survive a nuclear war, economic disaster or other uncertainty. Lauer’s purchase follows on the heels of American billionaire Peter Thiel becoming a New Zealand citizen. “We’ve defifinitely had an increase in American inquiries,” says real estate agent Nick Horton.…

ENGLISH songbird ADELE has ended months of rumors, telling a concert audience, “I’m married now.” Her guy is longtime beau and baby daddy SIMON KONECKI. Congrats! Bickering marrieds TORI SPELLING and hubby DEAN McDERMOTT sure know how to make up. The lovebirds said hello to their fififth kid, son BEAU DEAN, on March 2. Oscar-winning actress NATALIE PORTMAN and her ballet-hoofer hubby, BENJAMIN MILLEPIED, welcomed a second child, daughter AMALIA. They also have a fifive-year-old son, ALEPH. Blue Bloods’ top cop TOM SELLECK is mourning the death of mom Martha. She died at age 96 on Feb. 19. DUGGAR daughter JOYANNA, 19, got engaged to AUSTIN FORSYTH. He asked for dad JIM BOB’s blessing on the family’s reality show, Counting On. Austin says he loves her for her religious beliefs,…

LATE-NIGHT talk host David Letterman was such a hypochondriac, he looked for diseases in a medical book! That’s one of the bizarre revelations in a new book, Letterman: The Last Giant of Late Night, which reports the funnyman was worried sick about his health. In one case, Letterman believed he was suffering from dizziness. He traveled to see specialists in Germany who convinced him he didn’t have the problem. Another time, Letterman thought he suffered from “heart tumors” — a condition that doesn’t exist!…

JUST when you thought The Real Housewives of New Jersey couldn’t get any trashier, series regular Jacqueline Laurita used her pseudo-celebrity status get her boobs redone — free! The 46-year-old grandmother felt out Ideal Implant, who agreed to cover the costs of the procedure — her fourth boob job! The generous folks even tossed in breast tissue reduction for the Bravo surgery queen, who ‘s been in major financial trouble in recent years with hubby Chris. Now Jacqueline has swapped her silicone D cups for safer saline-filled Cs — and no doubt she’s sleeping better. “I was always paranoid about popping silicone whenever I put any pressure on my chest,” says the breast-obsessed brunette. The quirky perk has another benefit, according to Jacqueline, Chris thinks her new boobs “feel great.”…

IN A “like mother, like daughter” heartbreak, Jane Fonda has revealed she was sexually molested — just like her mom! “I’ve been raped, I’ve been sexually abused as a child and I’ve been fired because I wouldn’t sleep with my boss,” the 79-year-old star confesses. “I always thought it was my fault; that I didn’t do or say the right thing.” After learning her mother — who committed suicide when Jane was 12 — was also sexually abused, Jane says: “Everything fell into place.”…

RxEXTRA + WEARING a bra to bed won’t keep breasts from the inevitable sagging that comes with age — and the harnessing habit may even harm women’s bodies! New research suggests a too-tight brassiere may interfere with the natural release of toxins! Dr. Seth Rankin of the London’s Doctors Clinic explains, “A tight bra may restrict the flflow of lymph to the many important lymph nodes around the breast and armpit, hindering the system’s vital function of flflushing toxic waste products from the body.”…

BATMAN Forever star Val Kilmer is undergoing speech therapy sessions to save his ravaged voice — and career. Now medical experts tell GLOBE the ailing actor CAN recover — if he adjusts the way he speaks. “Val’s vocal tract may have changed,” says Dr. Lillian Glass, a speech therapist and author of Talk to Win. “He has to work on articulation and changing his tongue muscle,” notes Dr. Glass, who has not treated Kilmer, but has worked with Dolly Parton, Julio Iglesias and Sean Connery. “He has to learn how to manipulate his oral cavity to adapt to the new changes that have taken place in his mouth.” Dr. Stuart Fischer, a New York internist, tells GLOBE, “His vocal cords may be inflamed due to the illness or treatment.” Dr.…

GWYNETH Paltrow, who believes women should steam clean their vaginas, has a new critic! Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester reeled in disbelief when asked about Paltrow’s “vaginal steaming” idea. “I personally don’t feel like you should be adding anything into your vagina — it’s self-cleaning,” says Meester. As GLOBE previously reported, gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter slammed both steaming and Jade Eggs — which Paltrow hawks for $66 on her Goop website, advocating women insert them into their lady parts to balance hormones. “Simply, biologically impossible,” says Gunter about the claims. Meester also doesn’t get the buzz around bee sting therapy, another practice Paltrow has extolled. “I don’t know what that is either,” she says. “That sounds like something from My Strange Addiction. It just doesn’t seem right.”…

COMEDIAN Amy Schumer admits, “I’m what Hollywood calls ‘very fat’” — but the funny lady doesn’t care because she loves her curves! Amy, 35, lost weight for her 2015 comedy Trainwreck, when insiders told her, “Amy, no pressure, but if you weigh over 140 pounds, it will hurt people’s eyes.” But the comic dismissed her new look as “not cute” and once again packed on the pounds. “I feel very good in my own skin,” says the star about her fuller fifigure. “I feel strong ... I feel sexy.”…

PHIL Collins’ actress daughter Lily wrote an open letter to her father in her new book, Unfiltered, saying she forgives him for being a lousy dad! The To the Bone beauty, 27, reveals the Genesis drummer was absent from her life after her parents divorced, which triggered emotional problems — and an eating disorder. “We all make choices and, although I don’t excuse some of yours, at the end of the day we can’t rewrite the past,” she admits. Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. — Plato…

FRIENDS alum Lisa Kudrow says a guest star on the hit NBC show told her she wasn’t sex-worthy until her hair and makeup were done! The shocking comment — “Oh wow ... now you’re f**kable!” — came when Lisa arrived on set done up after rehearsing all week without makeup. Lisa refuses to identify the crude celeb but confifirmed it wasn’t Charlie Sheen! The kooky blonde brushed off the remark, admitting, “It made me uncomfortable for three minutes and then we had a show to do.”…

THE Highest court in the land isn’t in Washington, D.C. — it’s on Comedy Central! Stoner comic Doug Benson literally tokes up for his latest gig, The High Court — and gets wasted before dispensing justice in small-claims cases! Filmed in California, which recently legalized marijuana, the show features “Judge Doug” and a guest bailiff — a fellow comedian — taking bong hits in chambers before Doug hands down rulings in TV’s latest take on court-based reality entertainment. However, Judge Doug admits he’s far from a legal expert: “There’s a lot of things I can’t really follow the lingo of, even if I’m not high. I’m trying to be fair and nice and keep it whimsical.” “With pot becoming more mainstream, this show isn’t as half-baked as it seems,” confides…

MINNEAPOLIS’ gorgeous and glassy U.S. Bank Stadium is a killing machine — for birds! The sleek, new home of the Minnesota Vikings confuses birds who slam straight into the mirror-like walls because they perceive its reflection as open sky before flying into it. An estimated 500 feathered creatures have died so far — with many more casualties to come. “We knew that the glass would be highly confusing to the birds,” explains volunteer Jim Sharpsteen, who helped collect 60 dead birds over 11 weeks. “They see reflections of trees; they think they can land in those reflections of trees. This confirmed what we already believed would be bad.” Now, members of three wildlife groups — including the National Audubon Society — are demanding stadium officials either replace the glass or…

HARD-BOILED star Lee Marvin wasn’t just a tough guy on screen. The macho actor and ex-Marine was awarded a Purple Heart after being wounded in World War II during action in the Pacifific. He tapped into his combat experience for 1967’s The Dirty Dozen, playing John Reisman, an Army major tasked with assembling a team of degenerate convicts for a secret suicide mission. His road to stardom was just as hard! Lee broke into Hollywood in 1951, scratching out a living with bit parts before breakthrough roles in Pete Kelly’s Blues, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and The Killers. In 1966, he won an Oscar for Cat Ballou!…