Globe March 20, 2017

HIP HIP HOORAY! Mammoth MARIAH CAREY puts on a larger-than-life performance CHIN MUSIC Well-fed ED O’NEILL needs to sing a different tune — and get himself to the gym FORK THIS! Roly-poly VALERIE BERTINELLI ditches the diet — and dons a circus tent! SPOT OF TROUBLE Does “Baby” need a diaper change? JUSTIN BIEBER could use some new pants! GUPPY GIRL Floundering former Dallas star LINDA GRAY looks like a fish out of water! GRAY MATTER Big Lebowski dude JEFF BRIDGES is more of a dud these days!…

CONVICTED murderer O.J. Simpson is snickering over shocking stalker charges filed against former prosecutor Christopher Darden! “What goes around comes around,” Simpson quipped after hearing his old nemesis was hauled into court, says a jailhouse source. Darden — the loser prosecutor who charged Simpson with obsessively stalking and murdering his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman during the trial of the century — stalked his ex-galpal, say shocking court papers! Documents exclusively obtained by GLOBE reveal Celia Smith — a former porn star who gave birth to Darden’s daughter Chloe in 2012 — claims Darden, 60, and his current girlfriend have sent dozens of threatening emails and pornographic images to her and her family! In the petition filed on Feb. 2 in L.A. Superior Court, Smith, 31, requested a…

TALK star Ellen DeGeneres appears cheerful and friendly on-air, but Hollywood’s “Queen of Nice” is really a backstabbing witch who treats her staff like trash, say sources. “Ellen’s public image is a sweetie who’s nice to everyone and is a real pussycat,” a source tells GLOBE. “But off-camera, she’s an absolute ice queen. “She is phony to the core! No wonder so many celebrities secretly hate her.” The 59-year-old funnygal has “made enemies all over Tinseltown!” says the source. Liza Minnelli is still miffed at Ellen’s cruel swipe while hosting the 2015 Oscars, implying the ailing Cabaret icon is a drag queen. The Broadway legend said Ellen should have apologized, but instead, the venomous lesbian “poked fun at Liza behind her back,” says a source. Meanwhile, Paula Abdul is still…

The lovebirds may raise Lisa Marie’s eight-yearold twins GLOBE EXCLUSIVE LOVESTRUCK Priscilla Presley has run off to Mexico and tied the knot with superstar crooner Tom Jones — in the middle of her daughter’s hellish divorce and custody battle! That’s the shocking scoop on Elvis’ 71-year-old ex-wife and the 76-year-old What’s New Pussycat? singer, according to friends, who claim the couple eloped to a luxe resort in Cabo San Lucas for a quickie commitment ceremony! The marriage reports follow a string of cozy dates when the Welsh widower swept Priscilla off her feet. “I heard Priscilla and Tom got swept up in romance and decided to go for it,” spills a friend. GLOBE was first to break the news of their romance, reporting weeks ago Priscilla and the dashing ladies’…

GLOBE EXCLUSIVE TOM Cruise is so hot for sexy Swedish co-star Rebecca Ferguson, he’s cast her in a second Mission: Impossible flick — but she’s nixed any romance when the camera’s stop rolling. The 33-year-old bombshell, who played tough agent Ilsa Faust in 2015’s Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation, was cast in the upcoming M:I 6 — Mission Impossible. Sources say the move was a way for Tom, 54, to cozy up to her, but so far she’s rejected his advances. “Tom’s definitely been looking for a girlfriend,” notes a snitch. “He hasn’t been this single in a very long time. “He’s really into Rebecca and would do anything to date her! But she’s making him chase her.” While the beauty — who starred in the Starz series The White…

MEDIA mogul Oprah Winfrey, 63, has no regrets about not raising children of her own — because she would’ve been a lousy mom! “I didn’t want babies,” says the former talk show queen, who at age 14 delivered a boy that died shortly after birth. “They would have ended up on the equivalent of the Oprah show talking about me,” admits the busy businesswoman, “because something would have had to suffer, and it would’ve probably been them.” Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail. — Ralph Waldo Emerson…