Table of contents for January 16, 2023 in Globe

SHE’S A BIG STAR NOW AMY SCHUMER has gone overboard at the table — the funnylady’s swimsuit can’t hide her bulging belly TAT’S ENOUGH! Former Hollywood hunk MICKEY ROURKE flashes his ink — and a little too much flab DRUMMING UP INTEREST Bongo-playing Bravo babe LUANN DE LESSEPS takes her cabaret act to California TOOTING HIS OWN HORN Late-night host JIMMY KIMMEL showcases his bass clarinet skills at a college football game in L.A. FLEA CIRCUS Colorful bassist FLEA, founding member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, gets a kick out of the premiere of his film Babylon CLAWS FOR CONCERN NICOLE KIDMAN’s clothes are swimming on her, but the Oscar winner’s skeletal hand reveals how bony she’s become! THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK!…

POP Romeo John Mayer reveals the secret to his success with women is playing his guitar after making love — in the nude! The crooner’s seduction advice is: “You should never play guitar to have sex with someone, but a little naked guitar playing after is very memorable. “With a little gut hanging over, sitting Indian-style on the edge of the bed. It’s nice … and it’s cute!” Mayer’s exes include Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly and Jennifer Love Hewitt — but he says he’s quit dating since getting sober in 2016. Now John, 45, says he’s “glaringly honest” with gals. Before quitting he used “liquid courage” to “just walk over them.”…

TORI SPELLING shot to stardom on Beverly Hills, 90210 and now 32 years and five kids later, she confesses she wants to join The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The 49-year-old daughter of the late Charlie’s Angels producer Aaron Spelling, who’s survived a stormy 17-year marriage to Dean McDermott, 56, believes she was never asked on the bickering, backbiting reality show because she’s “too nice.” “I went ballistic when my friend Jennie Garth was asked to do the show. But they never asked me,” she reveals.…

CRANKY CAMERON FLIPS FANS THE BIRD! Titanic butthead JAMES CAMERON, 68, refused to sign autographs after an L.A screening of his new flick Avatar: The Way of Water, and triggered a backlash of embarrassing boos. The grumpy filmmaker then made a quick getaway, but not before flippantly flipping off miffed fans with a long middle finger! Ouch. BRAD’S STILL MAD ABOUT NEW FLAME Who said Tinseltown flings soon lose their zing? Several weeks after being spotted together at a BONO concert in L.A., BRAD PITT and his gorgeous new girlfriend INES DE RAMON, 30 — freshly split with Vampire Diaries hunk hubby of three years PAUL WESLEY, 40 — are turning on the Hollywood heat! The brunette jewelry biz exec happily helped her movie star beau celebrate the premiere of Babylon,…

WHO AM I? Answer the clues and place the initials to each answer into the appropriately numbered square to find our mystery celebrity. 7 & 5 Star of Desperately Seeking Susan who features in a smaller but integral role in Pulp Fiction and is the sister of fellow actress Patricia 2 Composer Stravinsky or Dr. Frankenstein’s misshapen helper 8 & 3 This actress has a beauty mark on her left cheek and appears opposite Will Smith in the rom-com Hitch 9 & 4 Steven Spielberg biopic that has Tom Hanks chasing Leonardo DiCaprio, Catch Me If __ 1 & 6 The Hurt Locker’s Oscar-nominated lead actor who plays Mayor Carmine Polito in 2013’s American Hustle MOVIE WATCH Teri Polo has appeared in all the movies below. See if you can unscramble them. CROSSWORD…

BULLY BOY conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is blubbering for mercy now that he owes the parents of kids massacred at Sandy Hook Elementary School $1.5 billion for telling twisted lies the bloodbath never happened! In his latest salvo, the sniveling blowhard begged a judge to restore his $1.3 million salary from the parent company of his bankrupt Infowars — because it’s just so HARD to live on the $40,000 a month he now receives! Amazingly, U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Christopher Lopez says he is “open to increasing” the 48-year-old creep’s bloated paycheck. For years, Jones spouted lies that the 2012 killing of 20 students and six school staff members in Newtown, Conn., was a hoax and that the grieving families were “actors.” After a jury slapped him with the judgment, he…

MANHATTAN’S three-star Japanese eatery Masa — with an average $400-a-person tab — is America’s most expensive restaurant. But, amazingly, under its omakase approach to cooking you don’t get to order your own meal. The chef decides — take it or leave it. ELEPHANTS are afraid of bees, not mice, and their tusks are giant incisor teeth, which first appear at age two and continue to grow throughout their lives. MONTANA is home to the world’s shortest river, the runty Roe, which runs for a mere 201 feet on the outskirts of Great Falls. The flow is about eight feet deep at its mouth and it’s known to house rainbow trout. ROCKER David Bowie was terrified of spooks and black magic. Ziggy Stardust’s ex-wife Angie says he believed he’d been cursed…

FUNNYMAN Jason Sudeikis still carries a torch for exfiancée Olivia Wilde and is trying to worm his way back into her arms following her November split from pop superstar Harry Styles, spies tattle. The 47-year-old Ted Lasso star got dumped by the 38-year-old hottie in 2020, ending a nine-year relationship that produced eight-year-old son Otis and six-year-old daughter Daisy. And while the pair have been locked in several tussles over the custody of their tykes, a source says Sudeikis, who dated Mad Men beauty January Jones before Wilde, still has the hots for the bombshell and longs for a romantic reunion. “Jason is trying to convince Olivia it would be a wonderful thing for their children if they were all a family again,” the source spills. A former nanny for…

POP tart Britney Spears is freaking out after learning baby daddy Kevin Federline is writing a tell-all book — and insiders dish she’s in a mad dash to get hers out before he steals her thunder! “Britney’s desperate to get her side of the story out there and panicking over what Kevin’s going to reveal about her,” dishes an insider. “They’re on very poor terms right now and she’s also very nervous about giving him ammo to come after her with when she does release her own life story.” The onetime rapper fathered Britney’s sons, Sean, 17, and Jayden, 16, and is ready to rip the lid off the custody wars with his troubled ex-wife, blab sources. Says the spy, K-Fed’s deep dish is “Britney’s worst nightmare” because her estranged…

AFTER winning his defamation suit against ex-wife Amber Heard, Johnny Depp is sailing into the sunset on a pirate ship poop deck reprising his iconic character Capt. Jack Sparrow with a whopping $50 million payday, sources say. The 59-year-old star was set to film his sixth installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise in 2018, but Disney deep-sixed the flick — and Depp — after bitter Amber branded him a wife-abusing monster. Ultimately, Depp beat the 36-year-old blonde in a Virginia court, where she was ordered to pay him $15 million in damages. However, they just settled for $1 million — and Pirates producer Jerry Bruckheimer went to bat for Depp at the House of Mouse. “A lot of people in the Disney company believed Johnny was such damaged…

NEWLY elected Republican congressman George Santos is caught in a massive scandal — accused of lying about his sexual orientation, his Jewish roots, his employment history, education, marriage and residency — triggering outraged charges he’s nothing but a cagey con man! New York State Attorney General Letitia James is probing Santos’ bizarre behavior — and has asked the feds to help — after the 34-year-old was apparently caught in a series of bald-faced lies that are wild even by Washington, D.C., standards! Here’s just some of the fake news he spread about himself: + Declared in October, “I am openly gay and have never had an issue with my sexual identity in the past decade,” claiming he married a male pharmacist in New York. However, there are no records to…

JUST when you thought it was safe to put BRANDI GLANVILLE, 50, and ex-hubby EDDIE CIBRIAN, 49, in the same room, their simmering war over cheating allegations has exploded again — bigger than ever! The former Real Housewife laced into PIPER PERABO, 46, claiming the actress “f**ked my husband” when the two made the 2005 action-horror movie The Cave. “And she was a horrible c**t to me and she was flirting with Eddie, like, right in front of me!” blasts Brandi. Eddie — married to LEANN RIMES since 2011 after they were caught cheating — hammered back at Brandi’s “unnecessary” salvo and accused her of grinding some very old axes! “This was untrue 19 years ago and it’s untrue now,” insists the Take Two actor. “Just because someone thinks something might…

DISGRACED lawyer and accused killer Alex Murdaugh has been indicted on nine counts of tax evasion after stealing $7 million from his South Carolina law firm, prosecutors say. Murdaugh, 54, avoided $487,000 in state income taxes and faces up to 45 years in prison on those charges, according to lawmen. But the once prominent lawyer could get life for the June 2021 shooting deaths of his wife, Maggie, and son Paul, who investigators insist were slaughtered to gain sympathy and distract attention from his unraveling swindles. Incredibly, Murdaugh has been slammed with more than 100 charges, most for stealing $8.8 million in settlements from clients, who were badly injured or involved in wrongful death cases. He also stands accused of master-minding drug and money-laundering operations. “Alex Murdaugh is definitely a one-man crime…

Hair products linked to cancer ✚ GALS who regularly use chemical hair straighteners are more than twice as likely to develop uterine cancer than women who don’t use the products, experts say. The widely available treatments have previously been linked to breast and ovarian cancers, but a recent study led by NIH investigator Dr. Alexandra White was the first to connect them to womb cancer. Scientists suspect substances such as parabens, bisphenol A, metals and formaldehyde may be to blame. Word puzzles slow memory loss ✚ COMPLETING crossword puzzles slows memory loss in older adults with mild cognitive impairment, a new study suggests. A team of American researchers assigned 107 folks aged 55 and older to brain-training exercises and found those who engaged in the low-tech pastime for three months…

JAMES Brolin’s plunge into a healthy lifestyle is driving wife Barbra Streisand batty because the Funny Girl likes to pamper herself with taboo treats and lounging, insiders chuckle. Sources snitch 82-year-old Brolin and 80-year-old Barbra’s different tastes have turned into a doozie of a food fight! “He’s pounding back the supplements, eating clean and green, and juicing, and he’s getting up at dawn to exercise, everything from doing laps and water calisthenics in the pool to yoga,” spills an insider. “That’s all fine by Barbra, but she likes to laze around and satisfy her cravings. They usually eat together, and he doesn’t like what’s cooking. He won’t eat most of what she serves and so he orders portioned, nutritious meals delivered.” The result is the superstar songbird is in a…

ROCK wildman Ozzy Osbourne can barely walk and is such a medical mess, insiders worry his fabulous stage career may be over. Notorious for his crazed antics, including biting the head off a bat during a show, the former Black Sabbath - underwent crucial neck and back surgery in June that will “determine the rest of his life,” a source says. Recent shocking photos reveal 74-year-old Ozzy needs a cane to hobble around at a snail’s pace and even then appears unsteady — and terrified — on his feet. Now, a music industry insider says, “Ozzy is literally on his last legs. He’s had trouble getting around for a while now and he admits that he can hardly walk.” Sources fear he may no longer have wife Sharon, 70, to…

DOG the Bounty Hunter could be chasing his own tail! The former fugitive-nabbing reality star, otherwise known as Duane Chapman, owes nearly $1.7 million in unpaid taxes! Chapman, 69, has been hit with a $72,229 lien in Hawaii related to “individual income” and liens of $799,995 and $800,087 filed in two counties in Colorado. “I’ve been working diligently to satisfy these outstanding debts,” says Dog, “and look forward to putting this behind us.”…

UNWED and pregnant actress RUMER WILLIS and pal DEREK RICHARD THOMAS will make her folks, BRUCE WILLIS and DEMI MOORE, first-time grandparents sometime this spring. Former Today host KATHIE LEE GIFFORD, 69, is gonna be a granny again! Actress-model daughter CASSIDY GIFFORD, 29, and husband of two years BEN WIERDA are expecting their first in June. Country singer DREW BALDRIDGE, 30, and wife KATHERINE welcomed their first baby, a son they’ve named LYRIC. Star Wars legend MARK HAMILL and wife MARILOU, a former dental hygienist, are celebrating 44 years of marriage. “Thank you for saying ‘yes,’” posts the 71-year-old actor, who has three adult children, ages 43, 39, and 34, with his bride, 67. Days of Our Lives hunk BRANDON BARASH, 43, married ISABELLA DEVITO, who taught at his eight-year-old daughter…

COOKING sensation Ree Drummond has turned her blogging success into a $50 million empire — which includes a restaurant, hotel, books, shops, kitchen goods and her popular Food Network show, The Pioneer Woman. For 33 seasons, the Oklahoma native, 54, has been dishing out down-home recipes and sharing snippets of her family’s life on their Pawhuska ranch. Here are ten things you don’t know about the TV chef. 1 While attending the University of Southern California, she joined the Pi Beta Phi sorority. 2 She was on the verge of going to law school in Chicago when she switched gears and settled down in the Sooner State with her sweetie — rancher Ladd Drummond. 3 She made her television debut on a 2010 episode of Throw-down! with Bobby Flay —…

CELEBRITY life is filled with more ups and downs than an amusement park — and the last 12 months proved the point in spades! In this special report, GLOBE recalls the raw emotional stew that was Hollywood last year — the pride of new parents, wedding bliss and ill-fated love stories that ended in a red-hot mess. They’re all remarkable milestones on the trip down memory lane! TURN PAGE…

THERE was no happy ending for a who’s who of celebrities in 2022. From NFL legend Tom Brady and superstar model Gisele Bündchen to Aquaman Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet to actor Dan Aykroyd and Latin sensation Shakira, see whose relationships crashed and burned: JANUARY Movie hunk JASON MOMOA, 43, and actress LISA BONET, 55, announced Jan. 12 they were splitting after 16 years together — married for four. They have two children, Lola, 15, and Nakoa-Wolf, 14. It was revealed Jan. 22 that American Horror Story actress EMMA ROBERTS, 31, and actor GARRETT HEDLUND, 38, split after three years and son Rhodes, 2. FEBRUARY Big Little Lies actress SHAILENE WOODLEY, 31, and Green Bay Packers QB AARON RODGERS, 39, ended up on separate sides when they split in February, a…

HOLY moly! Roger Stone — America’s most notorious political trickster and a convicted liar — is born again and now, he insists, is working for good! As GLOBE reported last week, Stone’s now preaching a “demonic portal,” or doorway to hell, opened up and has been hovering over the White House since President Joe Biden moved in. His proof? The reformed Republican operative proclaims of Democrat Joe: “I find his policies to be anti-God” with no further explanation. Roger claims his revelation came after being counseled by the late Rev. Billy Graham’s preacher son, Franklin, while he was battling federal charges of obstruction, false statements and witness tampering three years ago. He was convicted and sentenced to ten years in the slammer, but his good pal, then-President Donald Trump, who…