Esquire April/May 2022

IN NOVEMBER 1971, MY NEWLY MARRIED MOM AND dad flew from Chicago to Florida for their honeymoon. Halfway through the flight, the pilot pointed out a landmark below them, and the passengers on the left side of the plane, where my parents sat, rushed to the right side for a glimpse. My dad stayed in his seat, afraid the plane might tip over like a canoe. That was his first and last airplane ride. All of our family vacations were road trips. Each July, we’d drive an hour to a lake house in Wisconsin. Each August, we’d drive four hours to Iowa for a family reunion. Each March, we’d drive eighteen hours to Siesta Key, Florida, for spring break. My dad would pack the car like it was a game of Tetris.…

THERE’S A LINGUISTIC HABIT I’M HEARING a dozen times a day, and now so will you. Someone is telling a first-person story, talking about something that’s happened to them or they’ve witnessed. The action begins: I opened the door; I picked up the phone; I turned right. But then, when the story gets dramatic, the narrator is no longer the protagonist. You are. I opened the door, and you could see everyone running. I picked up the phone, and you could hear him laughing. I turned right, and you saw smoke in the distance. It is an unconscious sleight of hand, a conversational do-si-do we don’t do on purpose: We sprint away from first person and slide right into second. Survivors of school shootings tell their stories: “I ran out of the classroom,…

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THE CURVACEOUS, UNDULATING seating of the mod era could only be found in the most outré and louche cinematic interiors. Think Bond villains, Barbarella, A Clockwork Orange. These days, however, you can’t gawk at a high-end property without seeing it. These nonlinear scene-stealers have emerged in all the cutting-edge interiors that matter. Kanye West sold his Maybach to bankroll a Jean Royère polar bear sofa. “My favorite piece of furniture we own,” he tweeted. (A 1947 original sold for $1.1 million at Christie’s in November.) Supermodel Elsa Hosk perched on her bouclé circular sofa for 7.3 million Instagram followers. Mega designer Yves Béhar anchored his manse in San Francisco’s Cow Hollow with four Ubald Klug for de Sede couches contoured in cognac leather waves, plus a…

GENERALLY, WE ARE ON THE SIDE OF THE devolution of power. But a picnic needs a central showstopper around which everyone circumambulates in wonder and awe. Yea, from the darkness of the picnic basket emerges the Party Loaf, long-neglected American classic, the staple of ladies’ luncheons of yesteryear, now reborn for gonzo picnics. The Party Loaf—no two words work better both individually and in conjunction—consists of a loaf of sandwich bread sliced three times horizontally. On each level lives a different spread. It’s like an apartment building of sandwiches. The entire thing is ensconced in a cream-cheese frosting and finished with decorations according to one’s wont. It’s all very magisterial and mid-century, food from when the world seemed simpler. Though it will be the central element of your picnic spread, the Party…

1 Cut a Pullman loaf horizontally into four equal slices, with no crust. Milk bread would also be ideal. 2 Add a ¼-inch spread of your choice to each layer. (Pictured at left is mortadella mousse, pasta salad, and anchovy and egg salad, but you can do whatever you’re feeling.) 3 Stack the layers and refrigerate for an hour. 4 Remove from the fridge and spread cream cheese evenly over the loaf. Optional: Garnish with hard-boiled egg, anchovies, or some pickled zucchini. 5 Slice, serve, party. It’s probably easiest to eat with a fork and knife, but you do you.…

PIMENTO CHEESE SWEET GRASS DAIRY Georgia’s Sweet Grass Dairy substitutes its own Tomme for the more traditional cheddar, but with Sir Kensington’s mayo and piquillo peppers, the pimento holy trinity is all present and accounted for. $9; sweetgrassdairy.com SMOKED WHITEFISH SALAD RUSS & DAUGHTERS The OG smoked-fish merchants from the Lower East Side add a touch of kippered salmon to their wildly popular, nationally shippable spread. $26; russanddaughters.goldbelly.com ’NDUJA TEMPESTA ARTISAN SALUMI The Fiasche family has perfected its ’nduja—spicy spreadable salami—over five generations, first in Calabria and now in Chicago. $33; tempestaartisansalumi.com…