Globe December 18, 2023

POTTY ANIMAL Saturday Night Live alum CHRIS KATTAN takes a wee break during the Hollywood Christmas Parade GLOVE AT FIRST SIGHT Can we talk? Former Fashion Police critic MELISSA RIVERS—daughter of the late caustic comic Joan Rivers—won’t top any best dressed lists! BLING IT ON! CHARO’s glory days have sailed—but the Love Boat firecracker still has plenty of sparkle SLEIGH SPREE Machete’s DANNY TREJO sneaks a taste while serving up holiday cheer at Los Angeles Mission THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK! SHOWING GUM-PTION Outspoken Oscar winner SUSAN SARANDON never gets tired of running her jaw! GAME OF THROWNS Wild-eyed TOM BRADY hogs attention with a weird pigskin toss. The retired football king looks anything but regal…

CATWALK legend Linda Evangelista’s troubled six-year marriage to former modeling bigwig Gérald Marie has so soured her on men, the still stunning 58-year-old insists she’s done with dating and even slipping between the sheets with a guy. “Not interested. I don’t want to sleep with anybody anymore. I don’t want to hear somebody breathing,” she says. The modeling legend revealed her tormented time from 1987 to 1993 with Marie, now 73, in the Apple TV+ documentary The Super Models, saying: “I married him when I was 22, and I got out when I was 27. “And he let me out as long as he got everything. But I was safe, and I got my freedom.” Evangelista charges Marie was clever about hitting her, noting he “knew not to touch my…

SCI-FI legend William Shatner is still in demand after 70 years in showbiz, but Star Trek’s randy Captain Kirk prefers to spend his days—and nights—spoiling his ladylove, Elizabeth, and keeping the sparks alive in their rekindled relationship, tipsters say. “He may be 92, but Bill is a diehard romantic whose pilot light never goes out!” spills a source. “Bill’s constantly getting work offers, and he’s happy to be getting them. But he’s using his free time to focus on sexy dates with Elizabeth. He’s all about treating her right these days—and having a grand time in the sheets is a very important part of it!” Shatner had divorced the now retired equestrian, 64, just one year before he became the oldest person ever to blast off into space in 2021.…

MORNING TV’s cheating lovebirds Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes are still going strong—they were spotted huggin’ and smoochin’—and boozing—during a lunch outing in Manhattan. The 50-year-old siren’s sizzling romance with T.J., 46, doomed their Good Morning America gigs a year ago, but they were still acting like honeymooners at a Mexican eatery just before the launch of their joint iHeartRadio podcast. A spy reports she downed two margaritas to his one and they giggled through lunch before hightailing it while holding hands to his nearby pad, where they holed up for two hours before splitting up for the afternoon. Insiders suggest the couple is still on the road to career recovery after divorcing their respective spouses, Melrose Place actor Andrew Shue and T.J.’s second wife, Marilee Fiebig. He’s yet to land…

NONSTOP Dolly Parton is busier than ever, but friends fear the 77-year-old is overdoing things and will end up in the hospital—like Madonna—if she doesn’t slow down! Despite enduring torturous back pain due to corsets she wears nonstop to support her mammoth 36DD breast implants, the country legend refuses to slow down—even after learning Madonna, who’s a dozen years younger, landed in intensive care in June for driving herself over the edge. “Everyone was hoping Dolly might smarten up after hearing about how Madonna nearly died from an infection, but she’s only been pushing herself harder,” dishes a source. “She won’t rest for a minute, even though her back’s given her a lot to worry about. She pushes through the pain because she doesn’t want to let anyone down.” With…

NEW DNA research indicates the Loch Ness Monster isn’t a prehistoric creature—it’s actually a giant blob of algae! That’s the latest bombshell finding after genetic tests conducted on water samples suggest Nessie, the famous critter in the Scottish lake, “is a giant algae blob monster,” proclaims cryptozoologist Ken Gerhard. Documentary filmmakers chronicling their hunt for the monster claim they saw, and videotaped, two humps and a third appendage—possibly a head—during an early morning expedition in the loch’s Borlam Bay, where the most famous sighting happened in 1934. Water samples were taken immediately and shipped to a Colorado lab specializing in environmental DNA. Producer Tim Whittard says new technology “may help us to find answers to some of the most puzzling mysteries of the natural world.”…