Inhaltsverzeichnis für November 2013 in Maxim

Riled Up for Ronda I am a huge Ronda Rousey fan, but I have to admit I am very upset with your cover. You guys airbrushed out the mole under her left eye. Would you airbrush Marilyn Monroe’s mole? I think not. —Mike Kleinstub, via e-mail Two things: (1) We haven’t “airbrushed” anything since the back of our jean jacket in 1987. (Man, that unicorn looked rad!) (2) You think we would risk our lives daring to alter a single hair on Ronda’s head? She would murder us! Get a new pair of glasses, Mike, and take a closer look. Ronda’s cute little beauty mark is very much present on the cover. Just don’t get too close—it throws a devastating upper cut. In your interview, Ronda states that she likes…

1 RYNO It’s everything you love about motorcycles, minus the speed (it tops out at 12.5 mph), engine-revving coolness (it operates on a lithium-ion phosphate battery), and the wheels (only has one, duh). It’s pricey, so start saving if you want to roll into 2014 on the sleekest dorkmobile on the planet. $TBD, rynomotors.com 2 SOLOWHEEL For people who love the pitying looks they get on Rollerblades but hate the physical exercise, this baby is for you. Lean to make it glide and use the built-in handle to carry it everywhere you go, which we’re guessing is back home to your mom’s basement. $1,795, solowheel.com 3 ELECTRIC UNICYCLE A cross between a Segway and a unicycle, this vehicle is like the unwanted child of embarrassing parents. An electric motor propels…

The crunchy shells, gooey cheese, and sweet meat from Taco Bell may not constitute a gourmet meal, but I’ll be damned if there’s anything I’d rather stuff in my fat face at 2 a.m. (sorry, White Castle). So you can only imagine my joy when I was dared to go to the fast-food giant’s corporate headquarters to create my own menu item. After arriving at the building—in a nondescript office park in Irvine, California—I met Liz Matthews, the company’s chief food innovation officer. She showed me to a classroom complete with stadium-style seating and the same exact kitchen as every Taco Bell the world over. I saw all the ingredients I had to work with, from the three kinds of Doritos-dusted taco shells to the many different types of meat…

CHERRY GOBBLER “Cherries, cinnamon, the vanilla of the Galliano, and, of course, a nice bourbon are flavors that come together and embody the spirit of the season,” says Fairweather. “Even if you don’t have a turkey spread in front of you, this drink will transport you to that state of mind.” • 13/4 oz.bourbon • 3/4 oz.cherry-cinnamon syrup* • 1/4 oz. Galliano L’Autentico liqueur Cherry-Cinnamon Syrup In a saucepan, combine two cups sugar, two cups water, and six cinnamon sticks. Bring to a boil until sugar is dissolved; remove from heat. Let steep for 20 minutes, then remove cinnamon. Add 15 pitted cherries, blend in a blender, fine-strain, and store.…

—Ryan Cox Physics professor Tom Troland at the University of Kentucky tells us that nearly all electronics today have magnets inside them, so the chances are slim that any device would be damaged by them. “But don’t turn this into a science fair project,” he warns. “If you bought the strongest magnet you could afford and put it next to your phone or magnetic-strip credit cards, they could get destroyed.” Sadly, that’s not the reason your card keeps getting declined. Why does the smell of poop linger for so long? —Eric D. ’Cause your nose is always looking for that sweet stink. Humans are programmed to recognize the smell of poo. “The ability to sense hydrogen sulfide, the gas produced in feces, is to encourage avoidance of waste, which may…

MAKE A MESS “The zombie look is great because even with all the layers of latex and prosthetics, you can get away with messing up. You’re supposed to look as nasty as possible anyway. And you don’t need tons of blood. Whenever they put a lot of blood on makeup, it’s usually to hide the flaws.” HANDLE THE DIVAS “I did a job with an actress for a magazine where they wanted to make her look as if she had aged. I’m 10 minutes into applying her makeup, and she starts saying, ‘I can’t do it.’ They ended up Photoshopping it and sent me home! Just make sure you don’t walk out without getting paid.” GET BLOODY ON A BUDGET “If you don’t have access to prosthetics to make a…

VICTORIA STILWELL of It’s Me or the Dog on dealing with someone’s overprotective best friend. Skip Surprise Visits “Most fatal dog bites occur on its owner’s property. If you show up unexpectedly, the dog may become very protective of its yard or its caregiver.” No Means No “When a dog is barking and retreating from you, it’s warning you that it’s scared. If you continue to go closer, you’re asking for trouble. But if you turn around and run away, the dog may become confident and decide to chase you.” Think Dinosaurs “If the dog is coming toward you, just stand completely still and don’t look or talk to it at all. If it continues to approach, roll up into a ball on the ground with your hands around your…

IN THE CITY Think New Yorkers are supercynical assholes? Well, they are, but not when it comes to a Lamborghini roaring down Park Ave nue. Grandmothers cheered, chil dren applauded, and con struction workers gave thumbs-ups. So this is what it’s like to be an attractive person! ON THE HIGHWAY Know what’s terrifying? People honking at you out of nowhere while you’re trying to handle an insane 550 hp beast. Know what’s fun? Getting to the speed limit in four seconds flat. IN THE PARKING LOT Wherever you go in a $250,000 Lambo, you are a VIP. Once you finally make it into the restaurant after giving everyone in the parking lot a photo op, you are immediately greeted by the owner. You’re annoyed he doesn’t give you free apps.…

She may be only 20 years old, but Taylor Momsen, the ridiculously hot front woman of the Pretty Reckless, has already accomplished more than most of us lazy bums could imagine. She starred as Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, enjoyed a four-season stint on Gossip Girl, toured the world with Marilyn Manson, and was selected as the face of Madonna’s fashion line. Now, with the release of her band’s second album, Going to Hell, and their current tour, she clearly has her sights set on becoming a bona fide music star. Gentlemen, prepare to get rocked. How was the shoot? It went great! We shot at the Ace Hotel in New York, and I brought in my guitars. It had a rock’n’roll vibe, which is a…

You’re a youngish dude from the South, but in Bad Grandpa you play an old Jewish man. Where the hell did your character, Irving Zisman, come from? The name comes from two guys who used to come to a restaurant I worked at. But the character is like a mixture of Mel Brooks, Walter Matthau, a more perverted version of myself, and my father. There were a lot of lines in the movie that come straight from him. He’s probably my biggest influence. He was a big prankster, right? Oh, yeah. When I was 17 or 18, I’d be passed out, and he’d take a hot dog and put it in the microwave for 20 seconds to get it lukewarm, then run it through my mouth. When I woke up,…

p.3: Ferrari Laferrari, courtesy Ferrari p.8: Money, © Joe Belanger/Alamy; beer, iStockphoto p.10: Arian Foster, Jared Wickerham/Getty p.14: Ryno, PR; Solowheel, PR; person Solowheel, PR; chihuahua, Alamy; turkey, Gaby Wojciech/Alamy; sneeze; Ulf Lundin/Rex USA p.16: Mask, © Chris Brignell/Alamy; mouth, Beyond Fotomedia GmbH/Alamy; Julian Assange, David K. Hoffman/Alamy; PlayStation controller, Art Directors & Trip/Alamy; Steubenville, Jason Cohn/Reuters; Tom Cruise, Aaron Harris/AP p.18: Rob Delaney, Kelly Swift/StarTraksPhoto; Rob Delaney book, courtesy Rob Delaney; The Wolf of Wall Street, courtesy Universal Studios p.22: Goblet, Peter Rees/Alamy; Scott Pilgrim, Universal/Everett Collection p.26: Plastic butt, courtesy Widmann SRL; crying baby, Ned Frisk/Corbis; turkey, Dan Saelinger/Corbis; toilet, Vasa/Alamy p.27: Seth MacFarlane, NBC/Getty; rolled dollar bill, GlowImages/Alamy; wallaby, Newspix/Getty; Peoples Daily, Sun Jun/Imagine-China p.32: Dog, iStockphoto; beware sign, Martin Diebel/Alamy; Scully, Everett Collection pp.64–69: Toe tag,…

Vote for your 2014 Hometown Hotties champion after checking out all their sexy photos. Same as you did for Anthony Weiner before the election. With The Wolf of Wall Street hitting theaters this month, read our roundup of the biggest Wall Street douchebags in cinematic history. Maxim on Tap Now it’s easier than ever to get your electronic Maxim fix. Unless you’re Amish. BlackBerry Watch exclusive Hometown Hotties videos by downloading the Maxim app for your BlackBerry 10. Beats using it to call your mom back. Instagram Follow @MaximMag to check out sexy behind-the-scenes shots from our Hometown Hotties finalist photo shoots. It’s like a totally legal peephole! Facebook Like us at Facebook.com/MaximMagazine to get the first look at our weekly NFL posts and let us know who sank your…

Some actual calls made to the Butterball and USDA Meat and Poultry hotlines.* Takeout tonight? “My chihuahua climbed inside our raw turkey. How can I get him out?” “I cut my turkey in half with a chain saw. Do you know if the oil from the chain will affect it?” “I washed my turkey with dish soap. How do I make it stop sudsing?” “I left my leftover turkey on my balcony to cool, and a raccoon got at it. I managed to rip it away from him, but can I still eat it?” “I’ve been thawing a turkey by running water over it in the shower for seven hours. That’s OK, right?” *USDA: 888-MPHotline; or 800-BUTTERBALL.…

THE ALBUM “They say that love is powerful as cough syrup and Styrofoam / All I know is I fell asleep and woke up in that Monte Carlo / With the ugly Kardashian / Lamar, oh sorry, yo we done both set the bar low.”—Eminem, from “Berzerk” on The Marshall Mathers LP 2 It’s great that the bratty old Em is back, but when it comes to Kardashians, Khloé is too easy a target. THE BOOK “I stopped wetting the bed while sober at the age of 12. I wet the bed while drunk until I was 25. I first got drunk at 12, though, so that tacked on another 13 years of waking up wrapped in piss-soaked sheets.”—Rob Delaney, from Mother. Wife. Sister. Human. Warrior. Falcon. Yardstick. Turban. Cabbage.…

PUMPKIN PIE Corsair Artisan Pumpkin Spice Moonshine A malted whiskey is infused with the flavors of your favorite Thanksgiving pie. (Sorry, pecan pie lovers.) $52, corsairartisan.com CRANBERRIES Boyden Valley Cranberry Wine This Vermont winery transforms cranberries into a tart vino. It’s like a boozy version of the cranberry sauce your mama makes—minus the can imprints. $16, boydenvalley.com SWEET POTATOES Corbin Sweet Potato Vodka Ten pounds of sweet potatoes are used in every bottle of this complex California vodka. Drink it straight or make it Thanksgiving-y with a stick of butter and marshmallows. $35, sweetpotatospirits.com…

A husband and wife are watching a TV program about psychology, explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions.” The husband turns to his wife and says, “Honey, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” She says, “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.”—JASON MORRIS Yesterday I walked into my son’s room and found him knuckle-deep in peanut butter. And that’s when it hit me: Peanut Butter is a stupid name for a dog!—PAUL H. DERIN “My boyfriend wanted to be a lawyer, but he could never pass the bar,” one blonde tells another. “I understand,” her friend replies. “I used to date an alcoholic, too.”—PATRICK WALKER Grandpa’s Dirty Joke Cue the…

LAYERS 1. Turkey 2. Turkey sausage mixture 3. Prosciutto 4. Chicken 5. Chicken sausage mixture 6. Prosciutto 7. Duck 8. Bratwurst 9. Pancetta INGREDIENTS • 1 Tbs. each sage and rosemary, chopped • 25 sage leaves • 1 bunch parsley • 1 tsp. garlic, chopped • 1 cup olive oil • Salt and pepper • 1 (25 lb.) turkey, partially deboned and open-faced • 2 lbs. turkey sausage, casings removed • 2 lbs. prosciutto di Parma, sliced thin di Parma, sliced thin • 1 (4 lb.) chicken, deboned and open-faced • 2 lbs. chicken sausage, casings removed • (9 oz.) smoked duck breast • 2 lbs. uncooked bratwurst, casings removed • 5 lbs. pancetta, sliced thin • 5 garlic cloves • Carrots, celery, and onion 1 Combine rosemary, sage, and…

Spec Check BASE PRICE $86,000 (est.) ENGINE 1.7-liter turbo 4 Spec Check HORSEPOWER 240 0–60 4.5 seconds TORQUE 258 lb.-ft. TOP SPEED 160 mph ALFA ROMEO 4C If you’re one of the most storied sports car makers in history, you don’t come half-assed when plotting a return of international proportion. Say buongiorno to the 4C, a mid-engined, rear-wheel-drive piece of rolling Italian art that will be Alfa Romeo’s first major U.S. rollout in almost 20 years. Founded way back in 1910, the legendary automaker comes from a racing tradition like no other. (Let’s put it this way: One of its top drivers from back in the day was a fellow named Enzo Ferrari, who went on to start a little car company of his own.) Fast-forward 103 years and Alfa’s…

1. Ernest Alexander Charles patch pocket blazer, $595, at Ernest Alexander SoHo store, N.Y.C. French Connection cotton shirt, $88, nordstrom.com Tommy Hilfiger knit tie, $65, macys.com 2. Tommy Hilfiger Flinn blazer, $449, tommy.com Mackage Elmo wool/cashmere scarf, $95, mackage.com 3. Tommy Hilfiger Sidney sweater, $199, tommy.com 4. Ernest Alexander Durham trousers, $225, at Ernest Alexander SoHo store, N.Y.C. 5. Coach 3-in-1 deerskin gloves, $198, coach.com 6. Mavi Zach slim straight corduroys, $98, mavi.com 7. Ben Sherman Scott boots, $255, nordstrom.com 8. Fossil Estate herringbone fabric duffel, $228, fossil.com…

If Brittany Binger looks familiar, it’s probably because you’ve caught a glimpse of her in a bunch of TV commercials or on her friend Kendra’s reality show. Now you’re about to see a lot more of her in the new comedy School Dance. Throw your hands in the air! Tell us about School Dance, your first movie. It’s a hilarious high school comedy directed by Nick Cannon about all this crazy stuff that happens leading up to the end-of-the-year dance. Looking at the cast, we see Amber Rose, Kevin Hart… The whole shoot was so much fun. It didn’t even feel like work. It felt like a big party. I actually looked forward to getting up at 4 A.M. every day. What was your own high school experience like? I…

THE RACE TO GROW THE MOST INSANELY HOT PEPPER IS ON. BUT THE ROAD TO FIERY FAME AND FORTUNE IS PAVED WITH TRASH TALK, DECEPTION, EVEN PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS! WE SENT OUR MAN INSIDE THE SUPERHEATED BATTLE FOR THE CHILIHEAD CROWN. By STEVEN LECKART photographs by MICHAEL NEMETH illustrations by WO ARMS INC. All hell just broke loose inside my mouth. My tongue is burning. My upper lip is stinging. My eyes are bloodshot. It’s like being face-fucked by Satan himself. “There’s no shame in throwing up, brother,” says Ed Currie, a soft-spoken 50-year-old who fed me a new variety of superhot chili pepper he’s developed called the Carolina Reaper. Three minutes ago I popped the brightred, gumball-size pepper into my mouth, chewed thoroughly, and swallowed. Without warning a numbness shoots…

Long before Twilight and True Blood, there was Buffy. From 1997 to 2003, the smart, sexy, and ass-kicking slayer played by Sarah Michelle Gellar put a stake through the hearts of fanboys everywhere. When she appeared on our cover in 2007, she was starring in the mind-bendy flick Southland Tales. Now she’s heading back to the small screen in the CBS sitcom The Crazy Ones, playing an advertising exec who works alongside her dad, Robin Williams. Buffy and Mork together? Let’s hope our DVR doesn’t explode.…

Hometown: Victorville, Calif. Job: Actress Astrological sign: Gemini Three things I can’t live without: 1. Your mom 2. My doggies 3. Tums I’d be embarrassed if you looked in my car and saw my huge pack of old people bed pads. (They´re cheaper than doggy wee pads). The last thing that made me LMAO was Jose Canseco´s Twitter feed. My hidden talent is attracting weirdos wherever I go. My spirit animal is Gary Busey. If I named a sandwich after myself, I would call it Just the Tip and it would be asparagus tips, eggplant, and goat cheese on toasted bread. The worst word in the universe is ..conversate... It´s CONVERSE! A guy is more likely to get lucky with me if he drives a Segway. My favorite way to…

1. Epilepsy Foundation Raid (2008) While trolling for lulz, the group allegedly infested forums on an Epilepsy Foun dation Web site with links to flashing, strobing images in an attempt to trigger seizures. Many lulz occurred that day, which is also the sound of someone choking on their own tongue. 2. HBGary and a Lesson on Hubris (2011) Aaron Barr, CEO of the HBGary Federal security firm, claimed he was going to give the FBI the IDs of top members of Anonymous. Anonymous members then hacked HBGary’s Web site, releasing the info they found and filling his Twitter account with racist tweets. Humiliated, he resigned. 3. Operation Avenge Assange (2010) When companies refused to accept donations for WikiLeaks, Anonymous, which supports free access to info, launched an attack campaign aimed…

What do you think of the Maxim mascot outfit? Well, half of it is goofy and the other half is sexy, so I think it definitely fits the brand! Do you think you had a positive effect on the guys in the office? Yeah, everything from the neck down may have been a little distracting for the employees, but it did cheer them up. And that’s the point of a mascot: to boost morale and get people amped. Apart from your mere presence, how did you accomplish that? Just cheering everybody on with pom-poms, throwing glitter and shooting T-shirts out to the staff, dancing like a fool—all the traditional mascot duties, I guess. Did any editors look particularly depressed before you got here? I don’t know how you could be…

How do you want to go? A kindly old lady shows up at my bedside and says, “It’s time to go, dear.” I take her hand, and we start walking across the Earth to get to the afterlife. When we arrive at the Himalayas, I suddenly shove her down the mountain while shouting, “San Dimas High School football rules!” Then, while running screaming and naked to the nearest Pizza Hut, I am suffocated by an avalanche of orgasms. Or something similar to that. Will you be going to heaven or hell, and why? Moments before I die, my consciousness will be uploaded to the Internet. So I guess the latter. @Midnight, your new show, is a comedic rapidfire game show inspired by social media. Do you think there’s Facebook in…

ENTER HERE! Maxim.com/contests* WIN THIS! The Singing Machine Home Bluetooth speaker and karaoke system. Find the results at Maxim.com or in the Jan/Feb issue! *NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Open only to legal U.S. residents, 18 years or older. Contest begins October 17, 2013 and ends November 7, 2013. Odds of winning depend on number of eligible entries received. For entry and official rules with complete entry, eligibility, prize, and other details, go to www.maxim.com. Sponsored by Alpha Media Group Inc. SEPTEMBER’S WINNER: Donald Trump has finally erected a building in his own likeness. —Jeff Skinner…

Supplies: • 1 empty soup can • 1 small glass jar with twist-off cap (marmalade works well) • Paper towels • Can opener • Hot-glue gun 1 Remove the bottom of a soup can. Empty or eat the contents; actually, eat the damn soup. Wash can out and let it dry. Don’t discard the bottom. 2 Make sure the marmalade jar fits inside the can. Empty or eat the contents (peanut butter and a fuckload of jelly, anyone?). Clean it. 3 Wrap a paper towel around the jar so it sits snugly inside the can. 4 Hot-glue the can bottom to the center of the jar lid. 5 Screw it so bottom of can returns to its original location. It’s complete! Nothing suspicious about a can of soup in your…

1 MOTHERS LEATHERTECH FOAMING WASH This leather and vinyl cleaning solution has the power to purge your seats of all the dirt, grime, and dried-up skinny vanilla latte residue they’ve accumulated. mothers.com 2 CHEMICAL GUYS NEW CAR SMELL Can’t lose the scent of “eau de White Castle”? New Car Smell Premium Air Freshener & Odor Eliminator will leave your ride smelling like you just pulled out of the dealer. chemicalguys.com 3 FLAMEBALL SHIFT KNOBS If you’re going to wrap your hand around a knob, make it a fun one. Flameball’s flame, skull, and 8-ball designs offer a one-way ticket to Cool Town. (Use Google Maps for the quickest route.) flameball.com 4 LOFTUS FUZZY DICE The only thing that could possibly be more ballin’ than sporting this classic piece of Americana…

FROM PARTY OF FIVE TO MEAN GIRLS, LACEY CHABERT HAS HAD US CRUSHING HARD FOR YEARS. NOW SHE’S GOT A SLEW OF PROJECTS UP HER SEXY SLEEVE, AND WE’RE SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR. Lingerie The Little Bra Company Earrings Ocnarf Sairutsa Bra Pleasure State (opening spread) Lingerie Bradelis New York Denim shirt Bella Dahl Necklace Melinda Maria Earrings Marcia Moran Should you ever be lucky enough to meet the sinfully cute Lacey Chabert in person, don’t ask her if she still plays the violin like Claudia, the tween orphan she portrayed on Party of Five, or if she’s still trying to make “fetch” happen like Gretchen, the high school hottie she played in Mean Girls. Fact is, she’s bombarded with these questions approximately one million times a day. (Thanks,…

1The Deadliest Bullet 9 MM JACKETED HOLLOW POINT There are bigger bullets. There are faster bullets. But if you live in America and you tangle with Army law enforcement, there’s a good chance that this is the bullet that will kill you. Designed to expand inside the victim’s body to cause more tissue damage, they’re said to reduce the chance of bullets passing through the intended targets and into nearby civilians. But why specifically mention America? Well, these babies are banned in international warfare under the Hague convention, but U.S. Army law enforcement pack them on home territory. So while it’s still illegal to shoot an overseas terrorist with these, if you’re dumb enough to break into a military installation on U.S. soil, you’ll probably experience a hollow point firsthand.…

When the work is done, we deserve to play. After 10 sweaty hours in the wood shop, when I’m covered in sawdust, that first Corona tastes like the jizz of the Lord (which has to be the most magnificent beverage, right?), and in my life one of my greatest leisure-time pleasures has been smoking a bong in the living room before settling down with the new episode of Twin Peaks. Heaven. Or some animation or claymation. Akira? Wallace & Gromit? Sublime. Therefore, if I had to choose one god to serve, I would choose…Dionysus. The Greek god of wine, song, and theater. I like to abide pleasure with my body, and one way that we funny monkeys have learned to know delight is through the consumption of intoxicants. All splendid…