Table of contents for 20-Oct-2016 in Pick Me Up!

What A Devil! Are you clever? Do you have pale skin, hazel eyes and reddish pubic hair?! If so, you may be descended from Lucifer... Go to www.lifedeathprizes.com/fallen-angel 600 A 600-year-old joke: A bishop was worried his teeth were so loose they’d fall out. ‘They won’t,’ said a friend. ‘How can you tell?’ asked the bishop. His pal replied, ‘My testicles have been hanging loose for the last 40 years, and they haven’t fallen off yet!’ What A Downer! My friend downing his beer on a trip to a Bavarian-style beerhouse recently. Glug, glug, glug! What A Way To Lose Weight! Forget snacking on treats at the cinema – bring this special box of popcorn with you instead! You’ll never be peckish when you’ve got cuddles.…

‘It’s a condition often known as painful fat syndrome’ I know what you’re thinking... Look at the size of her legs! I’ve heard it all before. See, ever since I was a kid, my legs have been on the chunky side. My mum Jayne, now 53, just thought that’s the way I was built. Then, when I was 12, I started going through puberty. I started my periods, my body began to change... And my legs started growing even bigger! ‘My jeans don’t fit,’ I’d huff to Mum. ‘They do look a bit tight,’ she’d agree, seeing me struggle to squeeze my thighs into a pair. My legs seemed too big for my body. I envied my mates with their slim pins. ‘I hate my legs,’ I’d tell them. Mine…

‘Hallie knows her difference makes her unique’ After a gruelling 36-hour labour, I was excited to finally meet my new daughter Hallie. Wrapped in a blanket, she was placed on my chest, but I noticed something startling. ‘Where’s her hand?’ I said, panicking. It looked as if her left hand was missing. When I looked closer, it was there, just smaller than her right hand. Doctors diagnosed Hallie with symbrachydactyly, a rare congenital condition causing her to be born with a shortened left forearm, a partial palm, four little stumps instead of fingers and an undersized thumb. Though there was no known cause, I felt responsible. I’d been so nervous about being a mum, I felt I’d failed her. ‘It’s not your fault at all,’ my hubby Mike, 31, said.…

‘With psoriasis on my face, I was very selfconscious’ Another doctor, another treatment. I had no doubt that this cream wouldn’t do anything for my sore, itchy and red skin. Because none of the others had worked. Ever since I was scratched by a cat on holiday in Cyprus when I was 13, my arms, stomach and back had been painful, flaky and covered in silvery scales. At first, doctors put it down to stress, eczema or impetigo, but none of the creams they prescribed helped me. Eventually, I was referred to a dermatologist, who took one look and diagnosed me. Psoriasis. Doctors didn’t know if it was linked to the cat scratch. Having a diagnosis was a relief, but I was still in pain, still scratching my red skin.…

1 If it’s a Penalty Charge Notice (PCN), Excess Charge Notice or Fixed Penalty Notice (FPN) and includes the name of the issuing authority, it’s official. If not – and you parked on private land – it’s a private ticket. 2 For PCN Charge Notices, you have 28 days to appeal in writing or online from the date it was issued. 3 A FPN ticket is issued by the police and you have 28 days to appeal to the courts. 4 For a private parking fine you’ll have to challenge the issuing company directly. 5 If you’re going to appeal, gather evidence – take photos of unclear signs, bay markings or lines, the meter, the ticket, etc.…

1 Co-Op Ham & Mushroom Tagliatelle, 400g A rich carbonara with the addition of mushrooms for another level of flavour. Very rich, very indulgent – delicious. 2 Sainsbury’s Ham & Mushroom Tagliatelle, 430g Big lumps of shredded ham hock turn this simple dish into something really special. With a rich, creamy cheese sauce, this carbonara-style ready meal is the business! 3 Tesco Italian Kitchen Ham & Mushroom Tagliatelle, 450g Rich, cheesy and very creamy, with nice chunks of well-flavoured smoky ham, large, thin slices of perfectly cooked mushrooms and lots of pasta. Can’t fault it. Make it yourself... Serves: 4 Prep Time: 10 min Cook Time: 20 min 1 Cook pasta according to pack instructions. 2 Melt butter in a…

TRIED & TESTED This week: Spray-on moisturiser 1 Vitamin E 360° Spray-On All Over Body Ldotion, £2.99, Superdrug I was impressed with this, especially given the bargain price! It’s a great scentless, no-frills lotion and left my skin feeling like silk. 2 E45 Intense Recovery Fast Acting 24h Spray Moisturiser, £5.99, Boots Most intense moisturisers are thick and take ages to sink in. This felt light, but still soothed my dry, scaly skin! 3 Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Rapid Moisture Spray Lotion, £5.99, Boots This has the same delicious cocoa smell as the original lotion, and is perfect for busy days when you need to moisturise and get dressed in a hurry. ASK JESS Q I dye my hair blonde but it keeps becoming quite brassy after a few washes,…

AUSTRALIA: OUTBACK HORROR n July 2001, couple Peter Falconio and Joanne Lees were travelling through the Australian outback when the driver of a pick-up truck flagged them down. He told them that the VW van they were driving was having engine trouble. Peter went to investigate. It would be the last time that Joanne would see Peter alive. The next thing she heard was a gunshot. Having murdered Peter, the truck driver threatened Joanne with the gun, and tied her up. But Joanne managed to escape and she fled to hide in bushland. The stretch of outback, through which the couple had been travelling, was so remote, she was there for five hours before help arrived. Joanne’s terrifying account sparked one of the largest manhunts in Australian history. Finally, in…

At 14, suffering numbness in my legs, an X-ray revealed a grapefruit-sized tumour on my spine - it was cancerous neuroblastoma. An op removed most of the tumour, although I spent two years in hospital on high-dose chemo - but I survived. Mum Michelle, now 43, Dad Clinton, 45, and brother Max, 7, pulled me through. Then... ‘The cancer’s under control,’ the doctor said in August 2012. But, 18 months on, I needed more treatment. Thankfully, the cancer shrank. Now stable, I have scans every three months. And, since then, I’ve got involved with charities The Archie Foundation and Solving Kids’ Cancer. Last Easter, I arranged a supercar experience at Alford Race Track for around 35 kids. I’ve also organised a ball and a live Scottish dating show Tak’ Me…

ARIES 21 March–20 April With the placing of Mercury in your chart, you should finally be able to let go of the past events that were holding you back. You no longer feel as if the glass is half-empty, but it’s indeed half-full. Call: 09058 170 710* TAURUS 21 April–21 May Your Stars bring out the need for more security, and you start to work out what you need to feel happy and content in life. This is a great week to deal with property issues, and for buying and selling. Call: 09058 170 711* GEMINI 22 May–21 June You start to find common ground with those you didn’t previously get on with at work, and in turn you feel happier in your day-to-day life. It took a while, but…

‘We found him hiding in another room, shivering’ We all know that dogs will do anything for food. You only had to open a pack of crisps and our Jack Russell Buddy, 13, would appear, snout in the air. He wolfed down his dinner every night. Yet there was always room for a little more! But I never thought Buddy’s appetite could put his life on the line... Food everywhere Last December, I was at my teaching job while my hubby Steve, 48, was home with Buddy. But when I got in at 5pm that night, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing in the kitchen... ‘It looks like a murder scene!’ I gasped to Steve. He’d just got in himself moments earlier and filled me in. ‘I was making…

Weight-loss woes Q I don’t understand why I’m not losing weight when I walk several times a week. I eat pretty well, but my weight isn’t shifting. Should I walk for longer? Amanda, Carlisle A Walking is great for overall health, but evidence suggests it is the intensity, not time, that counts. Vary your speed to include more intense activity. Antibiotics or not? Q I get smelly wee without symptoms sometimes. Tests show bugs in it, but I don’t want antibiotics – I’m not unwell – but my husband thinks I should take them. Who’s correct? Sharon, Cardiff A You. Bacteria can colonise the urinary tract, so finding them in urine is normal. Antibiotics can replace good bugs with bad ones, increasing infection risk. Jab time Q I started uni…

‘I lived for each scan, willed my babies to get stronger’ The excitement I felt was truly overwhelming. ‘It’s twins!’ I told my mum, Rhonda, now 61. It was my first pregnancy and I was absolutely thrilled. So thrilled, I shopped for baby things straightaway. Matching prams, booties... I’d split from the twins’ dad, but I couldn’t wait to be a mum. Then in April 2014, at 26 weeks, I woke up in a puddle of blood. I phoned for an ambulance. By the time I got to hospital, I was having intense contractions. ‘We’ve got to deliver now!’ I heard a doctor say. Before I knew it, Desmond was born, weighing 2lb 2oz. He was still in his sac and doctors whisked him away. It was much too risky…

‘His head looked misshapen and he was covered in blood’ ‘We’ll have a day together,’ I told Louis, 5. ‘Just you and me.’ It was July this year, and we’d just dropped off his little sister Madeilynn-Grace, 2, at nursery. Then, when we’d arrived at Louis’ school, we’d learned his teachers were on strike and the kids had been sent home. So now we had a whole day of Mummy and Louis time. ‘Let’s go to the money tree,’ I suggested. Sickening thud We often went to Eastern Woods to shake the trees. When Louis wasn’t looking I’d drop small change for him to find, making out that it’d fallen from the branches. He loved it! I needed to do some tidying first, but Louis was keen to head off…

The Secret Of My Success NAME: Kelly Nichols, 30, from Basildon. VITAL STATISTICS: I’d always had a struggle with my weight, but after giving birth to my son Thomas – now 5 years old – I hit 19st and decided that I needed to make a change. MY MOTIVATION: I realised that I was beginning to avoid going out, as I felt embarrassed about the way I looked, and I also wanted to set a healthy example for Thomas. MY ACTION PLAN: So in September 2012, I joined Eversley Leisure Centre, which is operated by Everyone Active in partnership with Basildon Council. I started using the cardio machines in the gym four times a week, and a year later, amazingly, I’d lost over 8st! With my new-found confidence, I joined…

‘I didn’t know Derrick well, but he was friendly’ Growing up, I knew all the neighbours in our sleepy cul-de-sac. A close-knit community, we’d call into each other’s houses regularly. Derrick Evans lived five doors down with his wife. I’d greet them on Sundays at church with my mum Krys, then 41, dad Keith, 53, and my younger brother Paul. Then, when I was 13, I was hit by a serious mystery virus. I’d sores all over my stomach, zero energy. Hospitalised for several weeks, eventually, I was discharged. Still weak, I couldn’t walk to school like usual. Derrick, then 56, worked in a hardware store near school and offered to give me a lift. ‘How kind,’ Mum thanked him. I didn’t know Derrick well, but he was a friendly…

‘Dylan’s eyes rolled back and he started to spasm – a fit’ ‘We still don’t have a name for what’s wrong with him’ My newborn baby in my arms, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I scanned from his long eyelashes to his tiny fingers then his toes and back again. ‘He’s perfect,’ I said to my husband Richard, 41. Such a relief! See, when I was carrying Dylan, a scan at 20 weeks revealed that his organs were reversed. The doctor explained it was rare but not unheard of, and in many people it caused no symptoms at all. Still, it was hard not to worry. Especially as another scan at 27 weeks showed Dylan was still very small for this point in the pregnancy. ‘It’s likely…

1 This condition affects the eyes. 2 Endocarditis can be life-threatening. 3 It is caused by bacteria. 4 The only treatment is antibiotics. 1 FALSE Endocarditis is a serious infection of the inner lining of the heart. At first, symptoms are similar to flu, including fever, chills, headaches and muscle pain. 2 TRUE Without treatment, the infection can damage the heart valves and disrupt the normal flow of blood, which can trigger potentially fatal complications such as heart failure or stroke. 3 TRUE It’s caused by bacteria multiplying in the bloodstream and spreading across the inner lining of the heart. Bacteria can enter your blood via your mouth, a prior infection or needles. 4 FALSE Most cases are treated with antibiotics via a drip, but surgery to repair or replace…

Raspberry & Coconut Oat Bars Serves: 12 Prep Time: 15 min Cook Time: 20 min 1 Preheat oven to 180C/Gas 4 and line a 20cm square tin with parchment. 2 Mash banana in a mixing bowl, then stir in oats, desiccated coconut, cinnamon, ground almonds and sunflower seeds. 3 Put sugar, honey and oil in a small saucepan together, and heat over a low temperature until sugar has dissolved. 4 Pour into bowl and mix to combine ingredients, then gently stir in raspberries. 5 Tip mixture into tray and flatten and level using back of a spoon, then bake for 15-20 min until golden around edges. 6 Remove from oven and allow to cool for 5-10 min, before cutting into…

Brilliantly Bonkers For All Those Tasty Fellas! How about some bacon condoms?! Glow For It! These LED slippers are perfect for raiding the fridge in the middle of the night. Fancy A Mouldy Sarnie? Nor us! So these anti-theft lunch bags should work a treat! Name That 90s TV Show 1 Comedy-drama-horror series Count Duckula was a spin-off from which 80s kids’ TV show? 2 TV show Rugrats first aired in 1991. Name the Rugrats twins? 3 Who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch in the series which ran from 1996 to 2003? 4 Which Saturday morning show did Live & Kicking reaplace when it launched in 1993? 5 Who presented CITV’s Art Attack from…

Stabilo Multi-talented 3-in-1 Pencils, £6.09, Amazon Let littl’uns loose on your windows without worrying, as these pencils can be easily wiped off glass. They combine pencil, wax crayon and watercolour to create a bold colour. Verdict: GENIUS! Great for keeping them entertained at half-term. Skyn Iceland Plumping Lip Gels, £30 for five, Marks & Spencer Get the full, plump pout you’ve always dreamt of by putting a heart-shaped gel patch over your lips for 10 minutes. Instant results, so great for nights out! Verdict: GENIUS! Will save us plenty of time with the lip liner! Liquor Whipped Alcoholic Whipped Cream, £14.99, www.firebox.com Add a little something extra to your drinks and puddings with a squirt of this vodka-infused cream! It comes in a whopping seven flavours, including pina…

How Well Do You Know Madonna’s Sexiest Songs? 1. Where in Justify My Love does Madge say she’d like to kiss you? 2. In Did You Do It? , Madonna’s driving through Central Park with one hand on the steering wheel. Where’s her other hand? 3. During her rap in American Life, Madonna admits to doing what during yoga and pilates classes? 4. In Celebration , Madonna says that she doesn’t recognise you. Why? 5. In S.E.X. she says she likes doing it until when? Killer Women Joanna Dennehy In March 2013, Dennehy lured three men to their deaths ‘for fun’. She received a whole-life term, meaning she’ll never be released –…

‘I kidded myself I was healthy, but I was a size-22’ I always made sure my kids, James, now 25, and Josie-Anne, 23, ate their greens. But I shied away from fruit and veg, ate whatever I liked. Usually stodgy roast dinners and greasy fast food. Somehow, I managed to keep a size-16 figure. Until I fell pregnant with my youngest, Gracie-Mae, in June 2007... I didn’t drink or smoke, so kidded myself I was healthy. But when Gracie-Mae arrived, I’d ballooned to a size-22. It wasn’t until she was due to start school, in 2013, that I panicked. I can’t be the oldest and fattest on the school run, I thought. School waddle would be more accurate! It wasn’t vanity - I worried other kids might bully Gracie-Mae. I’d…

One April morning last year, I was enjoying a coffee outside a cafe in Granada, Spain, with my husband Stephen, 53. As we sat there, a stray dog came trotting over to our table. She looked a state, covered in fleas and ticks, and was so thin. My heart melted, so I went to a shop to buy her some ham. She’d scarpered by the time I returned, but I couldn’t get the poor dog out of my head. Later, I decided to go for a walk. ‘I know where you’re going,’ smiled Stephen. Desperate to see if the dog was OK, I stashed the ham in my bag and set out. Eventually, I found her. She was delighted with the ham! Though she was skin and bone, she was…

‘Motorists beeped, and people cheered and took photos’ The first message was just two words long. Beautiful smile. It was July 2013, and I’d just joined the Internet dating site Plenty Of Fish. I replied to Paul Fletcher, and we were soon chatting. Both from Birmingham, he was a binman and I was a pub manager. I often get into bed at 4am, I messaged. I’m just going to work then, he joked. Paul was twice-divorced, had three kids. I’d never made it down the aisle, had no children. But opposites attract. We started speaking on the phone, and then, one day, a bloke came in to my pub in a high-vis jacket. Paul! ‘I’ve come from work - sorry, I haven’t showered,’ he said. I didn’t care. My heart…