Table of contents for December 2015 in FourFourTwo UK

When we got the green light from Bayern Munich to put Robert Lewandowski on the cover, the Pole had just scored 12 goals in four games for the Bavarian giants. In terms of having the perfect player to grace the cover, the timing couldn’t have been better. Except for one catch: Lewandowski had to come through the upcoming Euro 2016 qualifiers against Scotland and the Republic of Ireland unscathed. If he got injured, the interview was off. Watching a match in the hope a player (in this case the star player and therefore a marked man) doesn’t get injured isn’t something I would recommend to anyone. Luckily he was fine, scoring another three goals in the process, taking his tally to 15 in six games. No wonder, then, he was…

Last season Johnny Ertl was running out at Fratton Park with the Pompey Chimes ringing in his ears. Now, the 32-year-old has swapped kit and boots for a suit and brogues, after being elected onto the board of English football’s largest supporters’ trust. It might not be your average career move, but then little that has happened at the south coast club in recent years could be described as normal. That said, the financial shenanigans which landed Pompey in water deeper than the Mariana Trench handed Ertl the perfect opportunity to hone his business acumen at football’s frontline of economic incompetence. “Promises were made on top of promises when I joined. I must have shared a pitch with over 100 players in my first season here – but no-one had…

It was while attending a Boston Red Sox baseball match in 2011 with his six-year-old son that Tom Skripps – a medical device executive with absolutely no experience in the toy industry – had his eureka moment. “We spent half our time assembling a big Lego starship together, and my son always played with the little figures,” he tells FourFourTwo. “But at Fenway Park we couldn’t find a toy for him. It got me wondering: why doesn’t anyone make these figures for sports teams? They are two things that kids love.” Working nights and weekends, Skripps began designing prototypes of his favourite players using computer software – and four years later, his company OYO is rampantly successful, with agreements in place for baseball, ice hockey, the NFL – and now…

“Sport was everything for my family. My mother and my sister were both volleyball players. My dad, Krzysztof, played a bit of football, but he was primarily a judoka. They were all very good and very successful. My mum, Iwona, won the Polish championship with her team and my dad took part in the world championships. Judo was the sport he loved most and was best at. “However, he didn’t want me to become a judoka. He knew it was a very difficult and taxing sport. He had some physical problems because of judo, especially with his heart. That’s why he didn’t want me to pursue a career in judo. He always told me: ‘You can do some judo, but I don’t want you to train to become a judoka.…

Keepers beware. If you hear this word, you’re not having Papere a good day. ‘Duck’ might be a term of affection in Stoke, but the Italian translation is used to describe a howler by a goalkeeper. Of course, we Brits also use an Italian expression for such an error – it’s called a ‘Massimo Taibi’. Finland The FC Ilves board weren’t impressed when coach Keith Armstrong missed a game so he could appear on TV as a Premier League pundit. He was sacked a day…

Archetypal Striker 0, Equine Beast 1. FourFourTwo didn’t expect to see Kevin Davies bitten by a horse when we went to his house in the hills above Bolton for a chat, but life doesn’t always unfold as you’d imagine. Now retired, Davies left his mark on a fair few centre-halves during his career, once holding the Premier League record for most yellow cards received. But the world of stallions and fillies is an altogether different animal. He admits he’s a little bit scared of horses (with good reason, as it turns out), while the donkeys he once owned have been passed on to a sanctuary in Cornwall after many a showdown. “I’d be stuck in the lane for an hour trying to move them with no…

Serie A goals in 370 156 appearances “BORN OFFSIDE” Fergie’s description of his uncanny there-at-the-right-time ability EGG Pippo’s idea of a special treat Italian for “enough”, BASTA spelled out by Milan fans as his time as boss at San Siro unravelled. INZAGHI’S BIGGEST REGRETS Shaun Ryder circa 1995 haircut 1% Trusting Berlusconi 1% Comparing scoring goals to drug addiction 1% Celebrating every goal like a World Cup winner 0% Signing Fernando Torres 97 % MUSHROOMING One of his hobbies is picking funghi 10 Serie A hat-tricks (one for Atalanta, four for Juve, and five for Milan). He’s also the first player to score two Champions League triples NUMBERS GAME He studied accountancy as a backup career to please his parents 70 BILLION Amount in lire paid to Juventus by Milan…

I Believe In Miracles (Universal, DVD/Blu-ray, from £9.99) A fantastically revealing account of how Brian Clough took Nottingham Forest from second-tier mid-tablers to European champions. Slick production, a rollicking soundtrack and unseen footage of Old Big ’Ead bring together one of football’s best tales. A must-see. Best quote Garry Birtles: “This has to go down as one of the greatest achievements in world football.” The Five-a-Side Bible Chris Bruce (BackPage, £14.99) Now more popular than the 11-a-side game at grassroots level, the weekly pilgrimage to the local Astroturf is an ingrained part of amateur football. This how-to guide explains when and what to eat and drink, and interviews the characters that make it happen. Best quote “Try and imagine driving while using an umbrella for the throttle because of torn…

LEGACY BY CRISTIANO RONALDO “I love the bottle. It’s reassuringly heavy and his name carries gravitas. It is lovely. There’s nothing daring about it, but it’s very warm, soft and masculine – and ’80s-inspired and glitzy. If Dynasty were still on, Ronaldo would be making a cameo. He’s unapologetic about being glamorous and wealthy, and I like that – he’s like Liz Taylor. The aftershave is like a lighter version of CK Obsession. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cristiano’s father used to wear that.” ZLATAN POUR HOMME “The bottle is nice and looks extremely niche. I had high expectations, but it’s a disappointment. It’s a designer-quality fragrance, but the packaging suggests something else is inside – a sheep in wolf’s clothing. It’s very ’90s. Back then we had Nirvana and…

HOME 2007-08 This classy kit with symmetrical trim underpinned the club’s run to fourth in the Championship, our best finish in a generation. Lee Trundle adorned the backpages after his play-off semi-final goal took City to Wembley, cementing this kit’s place in the club’s history. STYLE RATING HOME 2015-16 Manufactured in-house by Bristol Sport, the new kit has a distinctive Bristolian identity. Wearing this solid red shirt with minimalist white flashes, the boys look smart stepping out into a mid-redevelopment Ashton Gate. Such style is a sign of things to come. STYLE RATING…

THE REAL PLAYERS Mix Diskerud @MixDiskerud Pirlo & Lampard at the airport bar watching Chelsea game. Un-athletic American yells “Switch to nascar. Soccer isn’t a real sport” AWKWARD Curtis Davies @TheCurtisDavies Playing Quiz up and look what pops up. I luckily got it right Victor Anichebe @VictorAnichebe THE FAKES Sam Allardyce @TheBig_Sam The shrooms are starting to wear off. Why the f**k am I in Sunderland? Kevin Keegan @GalacticKeegan I once took Rob Lee to buy a new dog. “Shih Tzu,” he said, pointing. I said “it’s not a zoo, it’s a sanctuary. And don’t be so ungrateful.” YOU @FOURFOURTWO Dan Markham @dan__markham Great article in @FourFourTwo on ClubCall! Was an expensive but essential lifesaver on holidays abroad back in the day #hcafc Kieran Spratt @kieran_spratt Read the interview with…

MALCOLM MACDONALD ENGLAND 5-0 CYPRUS APRIL 16, 1975 Boss Don Revie told SuperMac he’d never play for England again unless he got himself on the scoresheet in a friendly against West Germany. His motivational tactic clearly did the trick: Macdonald scored the second in a 2-0 England win and followed up with all five in a 5-0 defeat of Cyprus. OLEG SALENKO RUSSIA 6-1 CAMEROON JUNE 28, 1994 Salenko still remains the only man to score five times in a World Cup finals match. His efforts against Cameroon propelled the 24-year-old to the top of the tournament’s scoring charts. Curiously, all of the former Rangers striker’s goals for his country came during USA ’94. FERNANDO MORIENTES REAL MADRID 7-0 LAS PALMAS FEBRUARY 10, 2002 Morientes deserves extra credit for the…

1976 NORWICH CITY vs MANCHESTER UNITED It’s the 1975-76 season. You’re newly-promoted Norwich City. You’ve somehow managed to secure the signing of Martin Peters, a man who, less than a decade previously, was strolling around the Wembley turf waiting to get a go at holding the World Cup once Nobby Stiles was finally done larking about with it. Just to make sure he doesn’t get too big for his boots, you insist he serves the drinks. Obviously. He does look a little like Rafael van der Vaart here, though, doesn’t he? 1977 ST MIRREN vs LIVERPOOL For all his talk of knocking them “off their f**king perch”, it turns out Alex Ferguson was once a pretty big fan of Liverpool, whom he described as “a side every football fan north…

You spent almost all of your first season at Barcelona sidelined with a hamstring injury. How difficult was that for you? It was hard, because I didn’t see it coming. When I got injured against Russia at the World Cup, it didn’t feel right, but the first scans didn’t show any major problems. However, after I came back from the World Cup and had a thorough check-up, I found out my hamstring had snapped. How did Barcelona react? After all, they had just signed you for £15m on a five-year contract? Everybody at the club has been great. When the players started warming up in shirts displaying a message to support me, after my surgery, I was flabbergasted. I knew nothing. Apparently it was Xavi’s idea. They had managed to…

Why all the fuss? The century-old derby between these two giants is so historic it has several names: Derbi Eterno, Derbi da Capital, Classico dos Classicos, Derbi dos Derbis or Derbi da Segunda Circular – the latter because the two clubs are only 1.7 miles apart along Lisbon’s Segunda Circular road. Reasons for aggro The bad feeling dates back to the very first derby in 1907. Before the game, eight Benfica players moved to Sporting, who won 2-1. One of the defectors, Candido Rodrigues, scored Sporting’s opener. Benfica have the edge overall when it comes to derby wins – 128 to 106. Maddest moments In 1996, Benfica ultras fired a flare at Sporting fans, killing 36-year-old Rui Mendes. Eagles supporters referenced the tragic incident on a banner earlier this year,…

Losing 8-2 at home to any team is embarrassing enough, but losing 8-2 against the self-proclaimed worst team in the world was just too much for one goalkeeper. Brazilian sixth-tier club Ibis had won only 133 matches in their entire 77-year history, but their 134th came in unexpected fashion – so unexpected, in fact, that scoreboard operators had to improvise a display of ‘6+2’, having no ‘8’ to hand. The defeat was so humiliating for Timbauba keeper Arlindo that he vanished afterwards without saying a word. “I have an image to uphold,” he said when FFT tracked him down, presumably before returning to a dark corner and resuming primal screams of anguish. Recife-based Ibis play in the second division of the Pernambuco State Championship and once went four years without…

We’re all familiar with the injury risks posed by the amateur game The dry summer pitch with bare, bone-bashing goalmouths; the uneven winter quagmire that’s perfect for some leg-breakers; the five-a-side sandpaper that opens up the same cut every single week. Fret no longer. US-based Italian Claudio Storelli – who played college football Stateside – has finally decided to do something about it. “I found it amazing that nobody had tried to develop any gear to help prevent this problem,” he tells FFT of his eureka moment. “All my team-mates would get annoying injuries. And when you’re hurt, you become more tentative. I wanted to create something new that allows everyone to play hard without worrying about the repercussions of getting hurt.” His solution was the Storelli range of ‘next-gen…

SAME REFS, DIFFERENT DECISIONS A UK review has found that referees adjust their style when officiating international competitions compared with matches in their homeland. “The pressure is on to make domestic games fast and entertaining, so refs let the games flow more freely,” concluded researcher Dr Tom Webb. ICE NOT SO NICE An Australian study suggests ice baths hinder the development of muscle by preventing the process in which they’re broken and strengthened. But it also found that players not looking to grow muscle will get relief from post-training soreness. HOP TO IT Incorporating hopping into your training drills can help reduce the risk of injury and improve bone strength. British exercise scientists discovered that an average of just two minutes of hopping a day can increase the hopper’s bone…

1 Find pockets of space Search for gaps in the opposition’s shape “If you want to play the free role behind the striker, you need to find space between the opposition’s midfield and defence. As the playmaker of the team, it’s your job to create chances for your team-mates and this is where you can do the most damage. You also need to be someone who is motivated by scoring goals. Creating opportunities is your primary objective, but you also have to be able to chip in with a few goals, too. Look to play off the frontman.” 2 Use brains over brawn Think quickly in order to cause chaos “Football is not all about speed, it’s about vision as well. A lot of playmakers are not the quickest, but…

1 Protect your feet against the perils of a poor pitch “The key to avoiding potholes, broken beer bottles and used condoms is staying on your feet,” says Ned Ozkasim, a boot guru at Pro Direct Soccer. “A pair of soft ground (SG) boots will give you your best chance. Go for an upper that offers protection around the toe and choose black to avoid the attentions of that 21-stone centre-back.” 2 Make your lower legs reducer-proof “Shinpads should be comfortable, secure and the appropriate size – sitting a couple of inches below the knee and just above the ankle,” says Dr Zafar Iqbal, a sports-injury specialist with puresportsmed.com. “Use light underwrap tape to secure the shinpads and wear socks over the top.” 3 Ignore the trash talk “Whatever the…

GK PETER SHILTON He was the complete goalkeeper. Shilts was super-solid and a very reassuring presence. He would fill the rest of the team with confidence because nothing easy was ever going to get past him. RB PAT RICE Pat was a fabulous player for Arsenal. He could bomb on and join the play going forward, but first and foremost he was a bloody good defender – as tough a right-back as I’ve ever seen. CB MICK LYONS Big Mick was everything that was good about Everton when I was there. His will to win was immense. Everyone knows how strong he was, but he was a better player than people give him credit for. CB COLIN TODD I was with Colin at Everton and also faced him on many…

NEXT STOP, FRANCE... As anyone who’s spent a Saturday night on Cardiff’s St Mary Street will know, the Welsh love a good party. After qualifying for Euro 2016 – the Dragons’ first major tournament finals appearance since the 1958 World Cup – that’s exactly what they got. Gareth, Aaron & Co. are on their way. “LOOK OUT FOR THE MIDFIELD TERRIER” Man’s best friend? Not always in Brazil, which is why the Choque-Rei derby between city rivals Sao Paulo and Palmeiras began with 11 dogs escorting the home side to the field, to encourage fans to adopt a stray pooch. The result? A 1-1 draw and no ‘accidents’ from the dogs. Woof. INCOMIIIIIIING!!!!!!! What’s it like to be jumped on by a flying 6ft ram, you say? Just ask Derby…

I knew I’d make it as a player when we played in a youth cup final for West Ham against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge and I was the best player on the pitch. It was an under-18s match and I must have been the youngest player out there. I thought: “I can handle it with these guys.” I’d been playing with a lot of them in training and with the first team, too. I felt more comfortable and like I belonged. I thought then that I was heading on the right road. I was happiest any time I was winning. Any time I was getting my hands on the biggest trophies in the game, such as the Champions League or Premier League, I was all over it. There’s no feeling…

Hi Muzzy. You were born on Halloween. Do skeleton-dressed kids coming to your door on your birthday ruin the occasion for you? Hi mate. No, I don’t mind it. I used to trick-or-treat as a kid on my birthday. I usually stuck a sheet over my head and went as a ghost – the lazy option, really. No thought went into that at all. I’d use the fact that it was my birthday to try to get extra cash and sweets, too. Did the candy-plus-birthday cake combination send you into a hyper sugar rush of destruction? I’d palm off most of the sweets to my little brother. I was just after the coins, building up a kitty. I was more of a chocolate fan than a sweets fan. I had…

Need to fund a new stadium? Barça are here to help. Since Arsenal first started planning their move away from Highbury, eight Gunners have moved to Catalonia. Vermaelen’s £15m transfer took the total money raised to £127m – covering nearly a third of the cost of the £390m Emirates Stadium. Handy. Marc Overmars (£25m) Barça spent big to lure the winger in 2000, but four years at Camp Nou were marred by injuries and a lack of trophies. Emmanuel Petit (£7m) Accompanied Overmars to Spain in a double deal but failed to settle, returning to London with Chelsea a year later. Giovanni van Bronckhorst (£1.5m) Couldn’t unseat Ashley Cole at left-back, so moved in 2003 and helped Barça beat Arsenal in the 2006 Champions League Final. Thierry Henry (£16m) Despite…

INSURANCE MANAGEMENT BEARS BAHAMAS Sounding like an ill-conceived cartoon in which a group of colourful ursine brokers teach children about corporate asset protection (scrapped after one season by CBeebies), Insurance Management Bears are in fact a Nassau XI playing in Paradise Island’s top flight, named after the club president’s company. Yawn. The grizzly on their badge does look trustworthy, mind. CAPE COAST MYSTERIOUS DWARFS GHANA Two things: firstly, dwarf football is very much a real sport (played seven-a-side using goals from five-a-side) and secondly, nicknames tend to be about braggadocio: Lions this, Giants that and so on. Why, then, did these Ghanaians elect to do the opposite of bigging themselves up? The answer lies in voodoo. The club’s name references the mmoatia: terrifying, mythical 1ft-tall forest dwellers. Well, yes, we’d…

Jorge Fucile Position Full-back Age 30 Nationality Uruguayan Club Nacional Nutter credentials To say Jorge Fucile is a bit of a livewire would be putting it mildly. Despite being forced out of Porto, returning home to Nacional via a short and unsuccessful spell at Santos, he has remained a prominent part of the Uruguayan national side. Very prominent. In his first – and as it turned out, only – game during this summer’s Copa America, Fucile was sent off for a scissor tackle on Chile’s Alexis Sanchez right in front of the dugouts, sparking a fracas. So mistimed was the tackle, it might not have been out of place in the ’80s. Maddest moment Derbies are always intense affairs, so they say. Fucile took that to a new level in…

Political correctness isn’t exactly all the rage in Ghana, it seems. When the president of the country’s FA was quizzed about dwindling crowds at matches, he offered a quick-fix solution: find lots of ‘sexy ladies’. Thankfully this kind of suggestion wouldn’t go down too well in England, meaning Greg Dyke is unlikely to be running the idea by a task force any time soon. But Kwesi Nyantakyi is happy enough to take his lead from Sepp Blatter and throw a bit of mild sexism into his strategy to save Ghanaian club football. “I have said this thing over and over again,” he explained. “We must let sexy ladies enter our stadia and the men will readily follow them into the stadia to watch games.” If you were thinking this is…

MASTERCLASS Samir Nasri Manchester City’s French playmaker The Citizens’ schemer on how to pop up between the lines and punish gaps in the opposition’s defence. TRAINING Nick Littlehales Sleep advisor to Real Madrid Boost your chances of success by reconfiguring your bedroom for the best possible night’s shut-eye. NUTRITION Matt Lovell Nutrition advisor to Tottenham Make sure your every supermarket purchase goes towards on-pitch gains with Lovell’s essential shopping list. PRO TIPS Mark Halsey Former Premier League referee Add a savvy side to your Sunday League tactics to help combat the enemy’s off-the-ball antics.…

“I’m lucky – it comes naturally to me. Even at school I was good at cross country. At Peterborough, when we didn’t have the Prozone stats, I was probably covering a lot of ground, but it wasn’t as magnified as it is nowadays. I might be naturally fit, but I work on it. At Burnley we do between eight and 13 box-to-box runs. It’s nothing different to any other club; as a pro footballer you do a lot of high-intensity training – 12 minutes is probably the longest you’ll run for. At the start of my career we used to run for miles, but that’s changed now – it’s just shorter and sharper stuff. Sports science has brought about this change. We train for 90 minutes and everything is done…

“Using your mind’s eye to create a clear picture of how you want to perform during a game will boost your confidence and focus. You’ll feel calm, concentrated and ready for kick-off. Why? Because the brain doesn’t know the difference between motor and cognitive activation. Visualisation is as powerful as performing the action for real. Your muscles become more receptive to the demands of the central nervous system, and improve connectivity between body and brain. As a result, your body produces faster, more efficient motor patterns – you’ll move more like an athlete than a donkey. This process will also make you feel more optimistic about the successful outcome you have just played out in your head. By visualising a match-winning display, you are more likely to feel energised, enthusiastic…

You won’t find any portly Razor Ruddocks trudging around the pitch in the modern game. Any player who makes the grade, from the no-nonsense centre-back to the hotshot striker, is a finely tuned machine. This shift isn’t the result of an evolutionary spike – it’s the dedicated work of highly skilled sports scientists. But how do they make footballers stronger, fitter, faster? FFT swung by University Campus Suffolk (UCS), which is working with Ipswich Town to prepare the next generation of fitness gurus, to find out. 1 MOVEMENT ANALYSIS “To improve the efficiency of a player’s movement we need to analyse the way they move,” explains Lee O’Neill, head of sports science for Ipswich Town Academy. “We can do this with the Qualisys motion capture technology.” First, think of Leo…