Globe February 20, 2017

WHAT A GAG! Modern Family hottie SOFIA VERGARA feeds her famous curves as she wolfs down a snack SEARCH & DESTROYED! A very thorough TSA agent grabs actress SALMA HAYEK’s attention in a VERY awkward airport moment! SPITTING IMAGE Gross! WOODY HARRELSON launches a loogie - a natural born appetite killer! GONE BANANAS! Back to the Future star CHRISTOPHER LLOYD monkeyed around with his time machine — and snagged a hairpiece! JABBA’S TWIN SISTER! Star Wars villain Jabba the Hutt’s chin-credible look-alike OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN appears to be prepping for a Return of the Jedi reboot! HOOK, LINE & SINKER Aquaman’s WILLEM DAFOE is acting pretty fishy - swallowing a sardine - as he casts the side-eye at a crowded eatery…

AGING Jane Fonda is in declining health and suffering a mental meltdown, says a concerned friend of the 79-year-old actress and activist. Sources claim the star’s weakened condition — not strep throat — is the real reason she bailed on her scheduled Screen Actors Guild Awards appearance to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to close pal Lily Tomlin. Her abrupt noshow forced country great Dolly Parton — Lily and Jane’s 9 to 5 co-star — to deliver the honor alone. Sources say Dolly “seemed miffed” at the Jan. 29 event, saying of her friend, “She must be really sick, because we’ve been talking to each other for weeks about getting to do this.” The shocking cancellation came a few weeks after GLOBE reported Jane had kicked boyfriend Richard Perry to…

ONLY IN GLOBE! WHEEL of Fortune bombshell Vanna White has canceled her wedding to dashing developer John Donaldson because of a secret vow to never marry again, pals say. Insiders say the blonde letterturner and her beefcake builder were “talking” tying the knot — but she finally nixed the idea! The 60-year-old TV cutie, mom of son Nikko, 22, and daughter Giovanna, 19, with ex-hubby George Santo Pietro, “doesn’t want to ruin what she has now — and she feels she will, if she marries again!” says a source. Vanna insists she’s “finally happy” just the way things are, says the source. As for John, she publicly says, “He is kind, understanding and lets me be me.” Her only marriage — to restaurateur Santo Pietro — crashed after 12 years…

Camilla’s drinking to drown her fears she’ll be murdered like Princess Diana GIN-GUZZLING, trainwreck Camilla has been forced into a hushhush, home-detox program after humiliating the royal family with her drunken antics — and detonating a horrifying booze-fueled confrontation where she shockingly slapped future queen Kate! On orders of her furious hubby Prince Charles — who fears her boozy bad behavior is destroying any chance he has of becoming king — the Duchess of Cornwall has been confined to her quarters in Highgrove House! There, a team of private detox experts is trying to secretly dry out the hateful royal with intensive emotional therapy and a 12-step program! But the 69-year-old souse, who fell off the wagon downing huge quantities of vodka and gin — even after repeated rehab stints…

HE’S armed and dangerous, all right — but a key member of President Trump’s Secret Service detail is an absolute faker — his hands aren’t real! The stern, bald bodyguard, whose name is being withheld by the government, uses phony hands outside his long dark overcoat while his REAL mitts grip a deadly Belgian-made FN-P90 automatic pistol cleverly hidden from view. To the casual observer, everything looks on the up-and-up. But a closer examination reveals the agent’s hands NEVER move as he guards the prez in public, unlike other guys assigned to the White House unit. Although the agent’s hands stay put, his eyes constantly scan the crowds looking for potential threats. The man’s distinctive pose — his prosthetic right hand splayed out and his left clenched in a fist…

GLOBE WORLD EXCLUSIVE! FADING cowboy legend Willie Nelson is so ill, he can’t muster the breath to sing — and his desperate battle for life has forced the Red Headed Stranger singer to cancel two shows at Las Vegas’ glitzy Venetian Resort, says a source. The 83-year-old pothead has been ravaged by emphysema and pneumonia in recent years, now sources say he’s weak as a baby. “Willie’s been so frail and gaunt… a pale shadow of the man he used to be,” a source tells GLOBE. “He’s never fully recovered from the last time when he was deathly ill, more than a year ago. It’s now come back to hit him like a ton of bricks. “If he can’t get a deep breath in and his voice is a croak…